Fish in My Hair

Consider me "de-puffed."

So I won a Blogs of Beauty award in the humor category, thanks to all of you voters who get a laugh out of giant uteruses (uteri?) and devious possums. Naturally, my first response was shock, with my second response being what we Texans call, "getting the Big head." I figured fame and fortune were mine at last! And both were going to start right here in my little town!

Of course, God has His ways of tenderly humbling the proud. Or, in my case, heaving a bucket of the ice cold water of reality in my face. Here's how He did it.

I had some errands to do around town, so I got my puffed-up self in the car and headed for stop #1, Starbucks. Now, if ever a famous writer or musician is going to be recognized, it's at Starbucks, right? Because all those Starbucks employees are young, hip, educated baristas - except in rural, smallville Texas. In my town, "hip" might be defined as having all your teeth, wearing deodorant, and owning a wardrobe that consists of something beyond overalls. Anyway, I blithely sashayed in the door, fully expecting that my newfound notoriety was going to garner me a free Humongo Super-dee-duper Quadruple Caffeinated Frappelatte (with sprinkles) and possibly even an eight thousand calorie brownie.

Employee: Good morning! What can I get for you?

Me, shining bright as the sun: Oh, let me think... [waiting for the "Hey, don't I know you?" comment to come any second....]

Employee: Okay, take your time.

Me, shining a little less brightly after a minute or two: Um, do you have any specials? [hint, hint]

Employee: Not today!

Me, now definitely downgraded to dull: Okay. Just gimme a small mocha latte. [Hold on, maybe he's going to offer me a free home cappaccino machine! Ooo boy, I can't wait!]

Employee: That'll be $5.25.

Me, grasping at the proverbial straw: Does that come with a complimentary mug?

Employee, looking confused: Uh, only the cardboard one it's in...

Whatever. You sure don't get much for $5.25 these days. Anyway, I figured that by the time I reached my next stop at the video rental store, my fame would have preceeded me.

As I browsed the shelves, I saw the clerk glancing at me furtively. I knew it!! Someone in Hollywood had read my blog and things were in the works for a major motion picture. Hmm, I wonder who would play me? Joan Cusak would look good in elbow-length gloves. I took my DVD selection to the counter.

Clerk: Oh, you'll like this movie. It's very humorous.

Me: Oh, really?!

Clerk: Joan Cusak's in it; she's hilarious.

Me: Oh, really?!

Clerk: Don't I know you?

Me, beaming: Maybe.

Clerk: I know!! You're that lady that drove her van into a sofa! I passed you the day that happened.

Me, dryly: Yep, that would be me.

My last stop was at the farm supply store. I knew better than to expect any recognition there. And if I came right out and mentioned my award-winning blog, the guys would probably be quick to recommend a good plunger. "Here ya go, lady, this'll fix ya right up. No more problems with this here model, Blog-Be-Gone."

Okay, okay. Truth is, God's the one who gets all the glory for anything funny I write here anyway. Through my junior high and high school years, I had a poster on my bedroom wall that pretty much summed up my outlook then. It was a picture of Lucy Van Pelt, of Peanuts fame, scowling and saying, "Smile and the world smiles with you. Crab and you break the monotony." I crabbed - a LOT. Just ask my mom. But God, in His infinite mercy and goodness and love, took me through a series of significant events that helped me to see the joy of daily life.

So, God - this blog's for you. Thanks for life and laughter and silliness and humility and even possums. Especially dead possums.

Untitled Comment

5:35 PM, Jul. 19, 2006 .. Posted by CommunicationFUNdamentals

At the risk of puffing you up any more, I must say that I enjoy your blog immensely! The Lord certainly gave you a talent for writing with a humorous flair and it is appreciated in a world of stress!

Congratulations from one Irma Bombeck wanna be to another!

JoJo

Untitled Comment

11:56 PM, Jul. 19, 2006 .. Posted by sagerats

I always knew you were the funniest TC. Congrats!

Keep Bloggin'!

Untitled Comment

1:04 AM, Jul. 20, 2006 .. Posted by wardssward

Congratulations! You are indeed very hilarious! BTW can I have your autograph? I've never known anyone who's ever run into a sofa before. :-)
~Connie

Fame

9:02 AM, Jul. 20, 2006 .. Posted by Marlain

Wow... I had no idea how famous you are. Next time the A/C is out at church I won't even complain if you sweat on me, I mean how cool would that be to have sweat from a famous person on me. I wouldn't take a bath for a week!

We love reading your blog... although sometimes I can't look your children in the eye anymore without laughing at them.

Untitled Comment

12:38 PM, Jul. 20, 2006 .. Posted by giggles3

congradulations! I really do enjoy reading your blog and hope you will be here for a long time making us laugh.
Have a wonderful Day in the Lord,
Christina

Congrats

5:23 PM, Jul. 20, 2006 .. Posted by Melkhi

I was too distracted to vote, but I'm sure glad that you won the funniest blog award! I'm glad that God blessed you with the gift of humor and that you have a forum in which to share it widely. Your blog is one of the few I've ever read out loud to my husband!

Congratulations!

10:09 PM, Jul. 20, 2006 .. Posted by mamaclsn

I'm so glad you won. And hey....as far as Starbucks goes you were treated like royalty! Did they actually look at you when you ordered and everything?!

Untitled Comment

11:44 PM, Jul. 20, 2006 .. Posted by GAhomeschoolmom

Untitled Comment

1:15 AM, Jul. 21, 2006 .. Posted by drewsfamilytx

Congrats, TC! And you are definitely one funny lady!!!

If you'd post a real pic of yourself and visit me here in Houston, I'd treat you to a VENTI Starbuck's frappuccino with sprinkles on top. :-) And maybe even a bzillion calorie brownie to boot!

Love,
Marsha

Untitled Comment

11:21 PM, Jul. 21, 2006 .. Posted by ihopeyoudance

My family and I look SO forward to your posts. I sometimes sit and read through your archives until I'm laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face (which draws a crowd) so I read your posts aloud to my family until all of us laugh so hard we almost can't breathe! Keep up the good work... laughter really is good medicine.

Thanks!

7:07 PM, Jul. 23, 2006 .. Posted by TeamNewman

Thanks for the laugh. I love reading your blog!

good humor, good heart

7:52 AM, Jul. 24, 2006 .. Posted by javamamma

Congratulations! I love your humor but most of all I love how you expressed your heart in this blog. Soli Deo Gloria!

Congratulations!

10:53 AM, Jul. 24, 2006 .. Posted by Shieryl

Congratulations! Your posts really are quite funny. I enjoy them immensely! :)

Untitled Comment

9:05 PM, Jul. 26, 2006 .. Posted by Jeana

Hi, I came over to check out the BOB winner. This was really fun--I especially liked the brisket story.

Thank You

6:32 PM, Jul. 27, 2006 .. Posted by coveredwifeoftim

I'm glad the Lord got you through and here you are today a new creature! Keep trusting Him!