God bless my husband. I love the man, but sometimes he drives me crazy. Well, crazier than I usually am.
Last night he had to take Sasquatch to hockey practice, which started at 7:00 pm at a rink one hour from our house. I did some quick mental math (homeschooling is good for parents, too!) and figured they needed to leave home around 5:30. This was the timeline of events as they actually happened.
4:30 - I start dinner preparations.
4:50 - I announce that dinner will be on the table in 10 minutes.
4:51 - Husband announces that he needs to "service the vehicles." In other words, he's going to change the oil and oil filter, check the tire pressure, & check other engine fluids, in not just one, but two cars. (NOTE: After 20 years of marriage, I know that "servicing" one car will take a minimum of 45 minutes and the assistance of both sons.)
4:51:30- My eyebrows begin to smoke.
5:00 - Dinner is served.
5:15 - Dinner is nearing room temperature.
5:16- My hair is smoldering.
5:20 - The first car is still up on lifts when I send my daughter out to tell Sasquatch he MUST come in to eat.
5:29 - My entire head is this close to bursting into flame.
5:35 - Husband comes in the house after finishing the first car. I ask, "Do you know what time it is?" and he says, "Time to leave."
5:36 - Husband leisurely strolls to the bathroom for a shower.
5:37 - I spontaneously combust.
Really, the guy has no sense of TIME. I, on the other hand, can pretty much plan any activity down to the minute, because I have a finely honed sense of how long everything takes.
For instance, when I enter the 20 Items or less check-out line at StuffMart with 4 things in my cart and only one woman ahead of me, I will spend 28 minutes in said line while waiting for the cashiers to change shifts and count the money in their drawers, the woman to sort her coupons, and another clerk to walk to the back of the store to the pet food aisle for a price check on Lizard Chow.
And if I have 57 items in my cart and desperately want to spend a few minutes in line reading that tabloid magazine article about Tom Cruise's mystery child who was actually conceived in an alien laboratory using the late L.Ron Hubbard's DNA, the checker will be ready for me in 3.2 seconds flat.
I know that there is no such thing as a "quick stop" in the post office. No matter when I get there, the guy from the Buster's Pool Supply and Winery will be there ahead of me with his weekly mass mailing that needs to be hand stamped. Twenty two minutes, at least.
Video store - I need 20 minutes just to look at all the new titles and complain that Hollywood isn't making good movies any more. Then I spend another ten minutes arguing with my son, Mr. Trigger Finger, about the moral value of video games that involve shooting other living beings, even if they do have 2 heads and spit fireballs. Twenty minutes later, I might end up with a movie, only to get home and find out my husband rented it the week before.
Today, in my doctor's office, I found out time actually stands still when I got hit with the one-two punch of "malignant" and "We probably got it early."
And a bit later, while wandering aimlessly through a craft store with the chilling words still ringing in my ears, I found out that it takes only two seconds for tears to start streaming down my face when I realize that I will never have enough time with my family, that this life is unbearably short, and that I'll absolutely never get those d*mn scrapbooks done.
Tick tock.
"But as for me, I trust in Thee, O Lord. I say, "Thou art my God. My times are in Thy hand." Ps. 31:14-15
OMGoodness, I can't stop laughing... Oh I wish I had more time to share my DH moment from this week.... Every time I think about it, more of my hair turns gray and I really can't stop scratching my head.... Hahahahahaha..... Love the read today, Thanks!
I feel your pain! My dh and I run on totally different time tables too! Drives me CRAZY!!! I don't know how he woulod survive in the world without me! LOL
I am praying and will continue to pray that they did catch it early and you will be all healed up SOON and here to give me my tri-weekly (or so) gut-busting belly laugh for ever-so-long.
By the way. . .Lizard chow is $8.97, just so ya know next time.
I am feeling a bunch of mushy stuff coming so I will sign out. OK, not with out saying that I love you, my totally unique and somewhat (well, mostly) weirdish blogging sistah.
I write this with tears running down my face..you are at the top of my prayer list, TC. I pray it has been caught in time. You have blessed us all with your humor and wit. Yes, how we take it all for granted...simply being able to shop without this heavy burden on our minds...how fortunate that is...and we don't even realize it. Thank you for making us stop in our tracks and THINK. It's time for me to get off the blog and go hug my children. May God grant you and your family strength, your body the power to fight off the disease, and your doctors wisdom. (((HUGS))))
Michelle
Untitled Comment
4:35 PM, Aug. 24, 2006
.. Posted by DavisDawn
I'm a new reader (and fan) of your blog. I am so, so sorry to hear this. I will pray for you Fish in My Hair.
I am a new reader (found you through the blogs of beauty awards), and I've been loving your writings. I am really moved that you have written about such a painful time with such humour. My prayers are with you and your family.
with love and prayers, in Christ,
Kate, in London, England
Untitled Comment
12:02 PM, Aug. 25, 2006
.. Posted by Shieryl
LOL! :)
I'm praying, TC
10:42 AM, Aug. 26, 2006
.. Posted by
Malignant is dang scary bad news, but "found it in time" is good news! Boy, am I glad you went to the doctor and had whatever it is checked out! A lot of people wait too long and then they get a double-dose of the bad news.
Hold on to the good news and we'll hold on to you in our prayers, and don't you cry alone ANY MORE.
Although, I guess the craft store---well, God is in the craft store, too.
So this is the female point of view. I seem to have a keen sense of the time it takes for my wife to spontaneously combust. I was tardy for my own birth, delaying the inevitable is a way of life. I must confess that I secretly enjoy the "hair on fire" phase of the whole meltdown.....
We're just not made for time
6:56 PM, Aug. 26, 2006
.. Posted by Stephanie10
Ah, then, so it's not just my husband who displays this flagrant disregard of all things time. How the man makes it to work every morning is a mystery to me. Love the servicing the vehicles and shower bit when he knows it's past time to leave. That is so Gary!
And check out lines! Somehow the "self-checkout" attracts techno-dunces who then must wait for assistance to finish their purchase. (I'm a techno-dunce, but hey, I bring my daughter. She does the whole scan thing for me. I'm not a total dummy.)
Don't let those old doctors scare you, girl. We're all holding you up before the Father's throne.
How are you doing, TC? Your ability to handle things with humor is admirable, but I know it's easy (sometimes) to say things in writing, but not in real life. I'm praying for you.
Ah, TC, I'm sorry. I suppose only you could write a blog with the word "malignancy" and get people to respond "LOL". I'm not laughing this time though, because I know you are worried. I pray that it'll all be okay and your humor will see you through this. Perhaps God thought you needed a few more blog topics and I'm sure that the medical field can provide that. Thinking about you often,
Cathy
what in the world happened in the doctors office?
i got to the end of your post and what stunned. i had a reduction of a certain part of my body recently(just trying not to say too many "no-no" words here). and after the tissue went to pathology they told me i had abnormal cells called something carcinoma insitu. or course all i hear is cancer. i think my world stopped as i drove around afterwards wanting to talk to someone but not knowing who. my hubbie was on a plane. i needed jesus in the seat beside me in person. but after researching lobular carcinoma insitu on the computer i know what i really already knew since my mom had breast cancer.....i'm at a higher risk than the average 6 foot 2 inch 40 year old woman walking around out there.
but the other night while doing my scar massage i think i found a lump of something....maybe scar tissue, maybe not, but i'm going to have it checked out on tuesday.
My vote? I want to raise all my kids in heaven with Jesus.
This world?.....NOT my home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
IN HIM,
Julie
TC...You have brought so much laughter into my life. I can't thank you enough for just being you (and being willing to share yourself with the rest of the world!). I will be praying for you, as "laughter may be the best medicine" but "prayer covers a multitude of sin" and "the effectual feverent prayer of the righteous availeth much". I'm sure I will not be alone in calling out your name before a Mighty and Merciful God. You brighten up so many lives in blogsphere! I'm also sure I'm not the only one who's saying...WE LOVE YOU, TC!
