Fish in My Hair

Why You Should Buy Stock in Fruit of the Loom

After my last entry, with the mention of my bi-weekly run to StuffMart for milk and underwear, JenIg commented that she can't understand how my boys go through underwear faster than her dog produces yet another litter of ugly puppies.

Well, Jen, here's how it happens.

I start off with buying my boys enough underwear for each day of the week. By the end of the week,

• 2 pairs have been lost to what might be described as "wedgie wear & tear." Please, if anyone from Quality Assurance at Hanes is reading this, I'm begging you to start reinforcing your boys' underwear in certain, ah, stress areas. I know many moms would line up around the block to be able to buy underwear that was labeled as "Wedgie Tested!"
• 1 pair has been modified to fit the dog. When one is making basketball shorts, a fireman suit, or a Taco Bell uniform for the dog, one simply must cut a hole in the seat for the tail.
• 2 pair are added to the compost heap in the boys' room. I don't know what kind of nuclear material is percolating in there now; all I know is that boxer shorts are the key ingredient, with socks added frequently for enzymatic action.
• The remaining pairs are "lost." That's it, just "lost." This is one of the biggest mysteries of life, in my opinion. How do you "lose" your underwear? I mean, it's not like losing other clothing items. Take, for instance, a hat. With a hat, a guy might say, "Oh, gee, I think I left my hat hanging on the back of my chair at the restaurant." Now, if we replace the word "hat" with the word "underwear," it reads, "Oh, gee, I think I left my underwear hanging on the back of my chair at the restaurant." SAY WHAT? Or sunglasses. "Rats. I took off my sunglasses [underwear] when we went in Home Depot and I bet I left them in the plumbing department." How do you LOSE your underwear?!

And here's the final conundrum in the Great Underwear Disappearance Mystery: How can my boys lose their underwear, yet own eight year old t-shirts that should have disintegrated seven years ago from sweat, dog drool, and general boy-stink?

Too funny!

8:09 AM, Dec. 14, 2006 .. Posted by Momof5littlewomen

Thanks for giving me a insight of living with boys :-)

June

Speaking of underwear

8:38 AM, Dec. 14, 2006 .. Posted by matiesgirl

I have 2 girls and no, they aren't in the habit of losing underwear- our mystery is this- when I launder their clothing, DD5 most often has 3x as much underwear as DD7. Now follow my logic-oops, did I use the l-word in reference to children...shame on me- as I was saying- they both wear one pair of unmentionables a day and there are always the same number of days in a week- so why is one producing so much more laundry in that department???? Either she is using her laundry basket as target practice and her underwear doubles as throwing tool, or my firstborn is rewearing the same pair m-u-c-h longer than sanitary...what a subject to ponder before breakfast!

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7:55 PM, Dec. 14, 2006 .. Posted by grace4gayle

Just funnier than heck! But I do take issue with the "Wedgie Tested" underwear label cuz having three boys and washing their unders after they have been wedgie tested has given me all kinds of knowledge that I wish I never had about their wiping habits. So buying them after they have already been wedgie tested is a big Hunh-uh for me....unless of course they're on sale for like, 50 cents a package and then my inner tightwad might get the best of me.

Gayle

underwear

9:50 PM, Dec. 14, 2006 .. Posted by SurvivingTheTestosterone

At our house, we tend to keep underwear pretty handy......it's the socks that keep disappearing. DH and I have socks that are probably older than both of my children put together, but for some reason those smaller ones get eaten (or worse) in the laundry process. Even though I keep finding spare ones spread throughout the house, they never seem to find their mate.....sounds like some people I know. :)

Hugs,
Amanda

Simple solution

9:26 AM, Dec. 15, 2006 .. Posted by Underdog

Two words: Go commando.

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10:57 AM, Dec. 15, 2006 .. Posted by CommunicationFUNdamentals

My boy is only 7 y/o. When do they learn these unique talents? I will be on the look out!

I wanted to invite you out to the Merry CHRISTmas Carnival of FUNschooling on my blog today. Stop by when you have a chance.

JoJo

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8:10 AM, Dec. 16, 2006 .. Posted by Anonymous

Comm. Fund.,
You said "boy", singular. Sadly, he may never learn these skills without the aid of brothers. Unless he has a dad, like my 3 have, who has trained them in the boy arts.
Christy(Isaiah5513)

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3:33 PM, Jan. 1, 2007 .. Posted by JenIG

that is just plum funny. I appreciate the full disclosure.
Happy New Year,