Never mind the conflict in the Middle East, the upcoming presidential election, and Donald Trump's plan to purchase planet Earth. The following breaking news may shock you, so you might want to sit down before reading further.
Yesterday, Cox News Service reported that "home use of paper napkins is down more than eight percent in three years."
I don't know about you, but my blood ran cold when I read that. I immediately had a mental image of millions of Americans with beef-a-roni dribbling off their chins and onto their "Git-R-Done!" t-shirts. Oh, the horror! No wonder the French don't like us!
But there's good news. It seems that 76% of consumers surveyed are using paper towels instead of napkins at the table. This really surprised me. No, not the number - the fact that so many people eat at a table and not behind the wheel of their car, while simultaneously talking on the phone, reading the Wall Street Journal, and shaving their legs. Hey, that's how folks do it in Dallas.
But, as a responsible journalist, I felt that I needed to do a little field research of my own, just to find out if the survey was accurate. I scouted out a couple of people who were willing to answer my questions, on the condition that their names not be used. So, to protect their indentity, they will be called Son #1 and Son #2. Here is the transcript of our interview.
TC: Do you use paper napkins or paper towels at the table? Son #1: Towels. Son #2: Napkins. Are we going to be graded on this?
TC: Who uses the most paper napkins in your house? Son #2: Mom. Son #1: My brother, because he's a messy eater. Look at him! He's Lipliner Boy.
TC: What else have you done with napkins? Son #1: I tried folding one up into an airplane. When I threw it, it unfolded and landed in my Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. Son #2: I've drawn farting dogs on them.
TC: Have you ever used paper napkins to make spit balls? Son #2: Yeah. Son #1: No. Regular paper works much better.
TC: Are those spit balls on the ceiling and walls of the upstairs hallway made from paper napkins? Son #2: No. They're made from notebook paper. Son #1: Notebook paper makes spit balls that will go further.
TC: Speaking of upstairs, have you brought your dirty socks and underwear down to the laundry room? Son #1: My socks don't get dirty, because I wear shoes. Can't I just spray 'em with Febreeze? Son #2: I lost all my underwear.
The interview got a little off track at that point. But never fear. I have a great idea on how to increase paper napkin sales.
I'm going to use them to make disposable boys' underpants.
um yeah lol....r fam uses paper towels for dinner so yeah....add that to le survey
rn
Hmm
7:56 AM, Mar. 5, 2007
.. Posted by busybusymomma
My MIL has always used paper towels but we use napkins. I've tried switching to cloth napkins (since we do plenty of laundry already it wouldn't be much more) but I haven't found any with the right texture.
It sounds like an adventure around your home!
I have to get the kids up and try to keep them quiet while MIL sleeps - she got here at 1:00 am last night.
Going to try and find time to post to my blog as well.....
Marie
Our house has been out of paper napkins for two weeks now.
Yes, I have been forced to use paper towels and will do so for another month now thanks to the dollar day sale at Ace Hardware. Yesterday after church we made an emergency stop in to get 8 rolls for five dollars! yoohooo! Thanks to you,
I am so informed on serious world issues. Have a great day!
I know there is a market for those Underware! We need to work up a proto type quick!
Great post! I spit out my coffee, hmmm idea forming...
Because of Jesus,Bobbie
Untitled Comment
11:23 AM, Mar. 5, 2007
.. Posted by learnmylingo
Well, we only use napkins because about four years ago we got a semi-truck load of them... okay, maybe not that many. But enough to last us this long... and counting...
Okay, then this is going to be a long comment. I could just tell you to google Nazarene Bible Quizzing, but I'll be nice and not do that.
Okay, so, this is a world wide thing. But, yeah. So, we're devided up into districts, and then quiz on a district level. And then it goes like anything else, and we can advance as individuals and teams to state-wide and nation-wide competition.
Anyhow. Every year we study a different book(s) of the Bible. This year it's Acts, last year it was Roman and James, the year before Matthew, etc.
Anyway, at a quiz they ask questions from what we've been studying and two teams go head-to-head. To earn the right to answer a question you have to be first to make it off this sensor that you're sitting on. And then oyu have 30 seconds to answer the question, and, yeah.
Basically, that's it. It's kinda hard to explain, though, so I've probably mainly managed to confuse you. xD
Imagine this:
husband and wife sit on the couch to watch tv. Wife gets on laptop and reads a few blogs. She notices that TC has written a new post. Husband, you gotta hear this. We are entertaining ourselves with your blog. Hope you don't mind, but we need a good laugh once in a while. Pretty soon we will be jumping off the couch yelling-SHE"S WRITTEN AGAIN!
Susan
I love it! Disposable underwear! Please tell me when the design is finished! :-) Thanks for keeping us up on all the important news.Yours is always my first stop of the day!
Thanks for commenting on my and Osprey's blogs! He signed up to blog just about the time HSB started changing things around. He got discouraged when we could rarely log on and he never returned, and I, the ever watchful mom, didn't try very hard to get him going again...Your comments have inspired him. Plus, I've tagged him today. We'll see how it goes.
If you begin to manufacure disposable boy's undies I am positive my mom would be first in line to buy. Sometimes my brother lets his boxers pile up so high we can't get in his room without using a dangerous tunnel system.
Why would my boys use napkins, when they have perfectly good shirt sleeves to use? No kidding. I just started buying napkins in the last year. I got tired of visitors asking where the napkins were.
Ha...
8:46 PM, Mar. 6, 2007
.. Posted by Seester
Ha ha... ha ha ha... ha ha ha ha... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!! The more I read, the more I laughed!
