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"Mom, guess what?!"
"Mmm."
"Mooommm, guess what happened?"
"MMMmmm."
"I lost my tooth! I was just taking a drink of my water and it popped out into my water bottle!"
"Neat. Did you throw it away?"
This is how I sounded when my darling daughter experienced one of the most exciting things that can happen to a 6 year old. She lost her tooth and I had been too distracted to pay much attention. I instantly was remorseful and she did forgive me. But I found it harder to forgive myself.
When I was a girl I bought my Daddy a little wooden plaque that said, "The best gift a dad can give his children is to love their mother." I thought that saying was so true then and now as a mother, I appreciate its truth even more. Another truth I have learned, as a mother is that one of the most precious gifts a mother can give to her children is to truly listen to them.
Now that I have a young adult and 3 teens, I believe it is even more vital that a parent really listen to their children and that if this is something that you train yourself to be in the habit of early on in their lives, it will stand you in good stead over the years. As they get older you might find that they talk less, at least about the things you really want to hear about, like what they think and feel in their hearts. Develop a habit of intent listening when your children are young and communication will be easier as they get older.
Here is what I wish I had done when my daughter was excited to tell me about her tooth. This is exactly what I believe careful listening looks like:
The first three follow the firemen's saying of "Stop, Drop, and Roll."
Stop whatever you are doing.
Drop, or set down, whatever you are holding.
Roll, your eyes and body toward the speaker to let them know that you want to hear what they have to say.
Read your child's nonverbal communication. Sometimes it will tell you things that they won't say out loud. Do they look angry, sad, apprehensive, or happy?
Don't talk but make listening noises. Don't say anything. Just try to look like you want to listen. Do use noises that show you are listening, "I see," "Oh," and "Uh Huh."
Encourage them to open up more by asking questions or giving simple commands like, "How did that make you feel?" and "What happened next?" And listen behind the words for feelings that might not even be identified by your child, "You seem very excited about that!" or "I bet that made you angry."
Help them solve their problems as you feel like they need it. Always direct them to pray first by asking, "Have you prayed about this?" Then help them think about future actions by asking things like, "What do you want to happen next?" or "What do you think she feels like?" or "Did you say you were sorry for your part in this?" Don't try to come up with a solution but encourage them to think it through on their own. Look for biblical or personal illustrations that might point out how to achieve a good outcome. Remember, listening is what this is all about.
To wrap it all up in a nutshell, open your ears and shut your mouth.'
Lorrie
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• Apr. 9, 2007 - So true
Kristy
I am from Kent, my hubby's from Renton. We now live in AZ. Stay dry!!
Edited by Kinley on Apr. 9, 2007 at 10:23 PM