When I was a year or two out of college, I went on a retreat that profoundly impacted my understanding of men.  The theme of the retreat was "Relationships," which as you can imagine was of great interest to a group of single young adults.

For the very first session, the retreat speaker divided the room in half and placed the men on one side, women on the other side.

"I'm going to ask you to choose between two bad things,"  he said. "If you had to choose, would you rather feel alone and unloved in the world OR would you rather feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?"

I remember thinking, What kind of choice is that?  Who would ever choose to feel unloved?

The speaker then turned to the men's side of the room.  "Okay, men.  Who here would rather feel alone and unloved?"

A sea of hands went up, and a giant gasp rippled across the women's side of the room.

He asked which men would rather feel disrespected, and we women watched in bemusement as only a few men lifted their hands.

Then it was our turn to answer and the men's turn to be shocked when most of the women indicated that they'd rather feel inadequate and disrespected than unloved.

More to come later

In Him

Cysco

BEFORE WE START:  GROUND RULES

Before you get to look inside the inner lives of men, here are some ground rules:

-  First, if you are looking for male-bashing or proof that your husband is indeed a cad, you won't find it here.  I honor the men who share their hearts with me, and I hope that by sharing their insight, more women might come to understand and appreciate the wonderful differences between us.

-  Second, this is not an equal treatment of male-female differences, nor do I deal at all with how your man can or should relate to you.  Yes, we women obviously also have needs, and many of the truths discussed in these pages apply to us too.  But since the theme is the inner lives of men and my space is limited, I'm focusing entirely on how we relate to men, not the other way around.  (That is also why the survey did not poll gay men.)

-  Third, recognize that there are always exceptions to every rule.  When I say that "most men" appear to think a certain way, realize that "most" means exactly that--most, not all.  I'm making generalizations out of necessity, and inevitably there will be exceptions.  One reason I did the professional survey was to dtermine what was an exception and what was normal.

-  Fourth, I'm addressing what is normal inside men, not necessarily what is right in their outward behaviour.  And since these pages are not the place for a lengthy exploration of any one issue, you can always go to www.4-womenonly.com to explore more resources, including the entire survey.

-  Fifth, I need to warn you that some of the enclosed insight may be distressing because it affects our view of the men in our lives and our view of ourselves.  It was tempting to exclude certain things, but I realized that I was hearing things men often weren't willing or able to say directly to their spouses or girlfriends.  So it was critical to include these comments.  But please realize that in most cases, these comments have little to do with us--they are hust the way men are wired.  And we should celebrate that fact.  After all, it is because he is wired as a man that you love him.

-  Finally, and most important, I hope that this book is not just about learning fascinating new secrets.  The more we understand the men in our lives, the better we can support and love them in the way they need to be loved.  In other words, this revelation is supposed to change and improve us.

So read on, ladies, and join me as we look into the inner lives of men.

More to Follow Tomorrow.

In Him

Cysco

DEFINITIONS:

Behavior:

    Manner of behaving, whether good or bad; conduct; manners; carriage of oneself, with respect to propriety, or morals; deportment.  It expresses external appearance or action; sometimes in a particular character; more generally in the common duties of life; as, our future destiny depends on our BEHAVIOR in this life.

DO MY ACTIONS CLEARLY DEMONSTRATE GODLY REVERENCE FOR MY HUSBAND?

"Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right."  Proverbs 20:11

"Honour all men.  Love the brotherhood.  Fear God.  Honour the king."  1 Peter 2:17

"Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them."  Matthew 7:20

IS MY HUSBAND MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN MY CHILDREN, MY FRIENDS, MY RELATIVES?

"And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."  Genesis 2:23-24

"And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh."  Mark 10:8

DO I PUT MY HUSBAND'S NEEDS, GOALS, AND WISHES BEFORE MY OWN?

"For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God:  but the woman is the glory of the man.  For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.  Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man."  1 Corinthians 11:7-9

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

"Let no man seek his own, but every man another's wealth."  1 Corinthians 10:24

"Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another."  Romans 12:10

"Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many."  Matthew 20:28

(I must confess, that I felt huge conviction typing this one out.)

More to Follow

In Him,

Cysco