The Country Homemaker's Journal - Things on my heart today...

Dec. 20, 2005

Things on my heart today...

There is so much on my mind today... I have tested for two days and still am LH neg. So I have not ovulated, which is what I am waiting for so I can start using the progestrone cream...It is day 12 and I am already suffering, Headaches, B. tenderness, and the like. But more important then myself and my sufferings , on my heart is my Grandmother Martha Bradt. Pray for her ok.
She is 91 years old, I have been trying to tend to her while living here in Oswego Co, NY. She is forgetting things and she is not caring well for herself. I am fearing she is at the age that someone needs to care for her, yet she is so independent in her own mind that she is fighting it . Today she had my uncles wife call my mom, saying that she wanted me to come and help her with court paperwork , she wouldn't allow my uncle to do it, as he wants her to plead guilty to something she doesn't remember doing. ie. running a red light when driving...that is right, she still drives, but now says she doesn't want to anymore...Well that could be a blessing, but she would need someone to come care for her or for her to live with someone... My uncle is looking out for himself, that isn't new... He now owns her land and has a house on it. She is to have life use of it... Ya right... in a 44 year old mobile home that is rotting floor and wall wise and the roof leaks, but that has been home to her for 31 years on that land... and now she faces loosing that independence, untill she goes home to be with the Lord... In alot of ways I do not want to be the one to take that from her, but yet I want her to be safe and well cared for in her last days or years of life...

Oh, Lord please help me to know what is right and loving to do for her...    Unless you have been in the same place you cannot know the heartache that I am feeling, she has always been the woman of faith in my life...She is not easily angered, she was the wife who was quiet, for the most part and served her husband till he died...that was 31 years ago when my grandfather died from a heart attack, he had emphasema (spelling is off, but you get the idea) He was not an easy man to please, but she cooked , cleaned, worked, took care of her children and worked too.
She always listened to her local radio station, she attended church with us when younger and she always talked of the Lord... Now when she talks she talks of the past alot, she gets confused and she forgets things I thought she would never forget... But yet she remembers somethings like it was yesterday...   So where is my heart at ? Its stuck in I suppose the thought that I could loose her anyday... She has an anurism near her heart, she isn't eating well, nor is she drinking enough water. Sigh...
I live here for a short time longer till we move to our new home, which is an hour and a half from here. If she stays here, my uncle will not care for her properely, he works now and his wife is not into caring for grandmother...
My mother now works and my dad is retired but he is not in the greatest of health to care for her, he is diabetic and well there is a rift there, that I cannot repair between him and his family... Pray for my Dad to hear the Lord's heart on this and for him to turn his heart toward the Lord and love.
Sigh...

If I could get Grandma Meg as she likes to be called to agree to come live with me in the new house, I could care for her, but I know that has to be a large work of the Lord in her heart to choose to change so much in her final years, but it could mean her living longer and making a godly impact on the lives of my own children. You should see her read to my girl's...smile
She reads this phonics book to Faith 3 and Hope 2 ... all pictures with small words, but it goes something like this.... Oh, look girls, here is the PIE that Mom baked, oh and here is the PLATE we put it on.... Here is the TRUCK that Daddy drives, oh you can fit so much in the back of that truck...
All Mark and I could do is look at eachother and watch her with the girls, for only a few seconds before they were fighting over that book till she took it away and told them to get on the couch near her... Part of me sees all the beauty she brings into life as she touches it .... Yet I do not want to loose that. I don't want to let go I guess... Though I know someday the Lord will call her home and I will have no Grandmother to see and visit.   You know in my mind I remember all the things she did with my Sister Jeanette and I, all the places she took us. I remember her sitting next to me in church as a teen and her singing with me. She knitted our mittens and sweaters, she helped buy our winter coats when my parents couldn't. She bought my college books when I couldn't and asked for nothing back in return... She has always been the blessing in my life... Yet here she is saying " Don't make me the Baby ".
You are doing too much, you've done enough.... And my heart knows that I have done very little actually to repay her for all she has done for me , all she has shown me and taught me in life. I can remember her in my mind as back as 5 years old, but in photos I can see her there since a wee baby...   What I would give to care for her like she has me... She has given her all for everyone else in life... Yet so few have not the time to give to her... Well I do... Even if I am homeschooling my children, even if I am having more children (if the Lord so allows such to happen) What little it is to take her in, care for her and share daily life with her, untill the Lord says its time Martha to come home with me...

   You know the Bible says for he who knows to do right and doesn't do it, its sin... and As ye have done unto the least of these, so have ye done to me...
Facing loosing someone you love is never easy... But doing what is right in the sight of the Lord God is the only thing to do...

    I so love my Grandmother Martha, if only my family could live for the Lord and care for those who need the most caring for, without selfishness and with a heart for the Lord...Do so as unto him and him alone... Dispite the past and pressing on to the future... Making her the Grand Lady in our family...
But you would think that is too much to ask of some...

   I love you Grandmother, to me you will always be the Grandest Lady in our family...

Love
Linda

• Post A Comment! • Send to a Friend!

Comments

Dec. 21, 2005 - Prayers

Posted by Amber

My prayers are with you!

God Bless,
Amber

• Permanent Link

Jan. 2, 2006 - your dear sweet grandma

Posted by Anonymous

Dearest Linda,
While reading your blog entry, my own heart ached for it reminded me of my dear sweet grandma. She had always been a difficult person but when she had her stroke, she was completely different. She was so very sweet and loving. Like your grandma, we notice that she needed more care and could not live alone. She came to live with us. Yes she had a son and a daughter, whou both with their families lived in New Hampshire. The would come down to visit but usually only for a few days and they may take her out to lunch or out for a few hours. At one time, she wanted to live with her son and her daughter in NH but after a short 6 months, she called saying she wanted to come home. My anunt and uncle and their families could not handle the care that was required for her. Yet all these years we had been doing it lovingly and without complaint. She was family, no matter how difficult or time consuming it was and found her a blessing. She wanted her independence still and we tried to give her as much as possible. In those instances, we just watched from afar. Also my niece lived with us. She and my grandmother were 80 years apart. I will tell you, they were best girlfriends. I don't know who enjoyed each other more, my niece or my grandmother or us watching them together. There was that close bond between the two of them that was inseperable. The little time we had in the end with her was a joy and a blessing for us. Yes there were times that we had to rearrange our lives or sacrifice something for the sake of my grandmother, but we did not mind. It has been 2 1/2 years since she has gone to Heaven to be with our Lord and I miss her and miss taking care of her. It seemed as if she felt comportable with only me with washing and dressing her or taking her to the dr. or for blood work. I would take her out during the day to her favorite places to eat or I got her involved in the Senior citizens center for a little while until her health failed too much. I loved to spoil her. I would even clean her room and do her laundry, I loved decorating her room for Christmas. In the end, Linda, I think you gave yourself the answer. Yoiur dear sweet grandma needs and should come to live with you and your husband and children. She will be getting the care she needs and the love that she deserves. Yes, it will cause for some adjusting on your families part. Use your children as the way to get her to come live with you. Tell her how much you love her and how you and your husband want her with you. Tell her that your children love her so and were so excited to think that she may love with you and how much she is a blessing. Explain that she will still have independence but just someone there to make sure she has eaten well or with personal care. I believe she will come. Always remember how much of a blessing she is.

Blessings and prayers,
Sharon

• Permanent Link

Mar. 8, 2006 - Just saying "hello"

Posted by hallhaven

Hi, I'm Patty. I'm new to homeschoolblogger. I've enjoyed reading your posts.
I never had a grandmother close to me, the only one I knew was several hours away and we didn't see her often. Sounds like you have a lot on your heart lately. I'll say a prayer for you.
Patty

• Permanent Link