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First of all: Happy New Year! And speaking of the years flying by... Every so often a young mom will approach me. "How did you do it?" is the desperate question they ask. Their 3-year-old is driving them crazy. Their six-year-old was sent to the principle's office. Their ten-year-old is driving everyone nuts. "I drink," is my reply. Then we share a light, superficial laugh as I explain that one glass of white zin is my limit. How did I do it? How have we survived ADHD in the home? The question should be: How AM I doing it because we are still very much in the thick of raising our Gifted One. If I had a magic answer that would make everything all better, book publishers would be knocking my door down. Oprah's people would be calling my people. And I would have a personal trainer and a flat tummy. Living with ADHD through the years isn't easy. It requires a certain amount of effort and an even greater effort of releasing your child. What the heck does that mean- "releasing your child"? Has that Theresa been reading psycho-babble books again? I assure you, the answer is no. One of the most difficult things I've grappled with is having a kid who's "different." My expectations for parenting were greatly different from reality. For those of you who know me....you remember Daniel's utter fascination with toilets when he was two-years-old. Other little boys were playing with trucks---mine was staring down the toilet tank. Other's would sit and watch a nice video---mine wanted to take the TV apart. At first it was very painful giving Daniel the freedom to explore his eclectic interests. Because I was worried about my image. What would people think? And Lord knows, people would tell what they thought. (You need to discipline that child! You need to...blah,blah,blah....) There comes a point as parents where we point our foot down and say "PIFFLE!" on others' opinions. So if I were forced to give a magic answer...it would be this: Give your child the freedom to be who he is. This was underscored just the other day. I blogged about how Jay and Daniel go treasure hunting before trash pick up. It's part of how we accommodate Daniel's insatiable desire to learn how things work. An anonymous person commented something to the effect that if we're starting a business, this is NOT the image we want to project. And it certainly nothing I should publicize, the snarky comment read. Well, Dear Anonymous, I respectfully say "Piffle." There are some things in life more important than image. (There are exceptions of course. I'd never see a brain surgeon who has a plaque with "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" hanging in his office) How about Chris Davis---our friend who challenges men to grant their boys the freedom to be dancers? (The thought of my boys in leotards is indeed a disturbing thought.) Or---I'll step on some toes here--How about the Baptist preacher who has a kid that wants a nose ring? Kids with ADHD stand out; that's part of what's so wonderful about The Gift. They're leaders and they frequently bring a different perspective to things we see. Embracing their differences---even at the risk of sacrificing your image (for people you don't really even care about) is worth it. Besides---if they're anything like my boy, they may just end up inventing something brilliant and making you rich! Maybe then I can get my personal trainer. |
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