Jul. 18, 2008
The Double Chin Diet
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So I'm standing in a grocery store checkout when this headline caught my eye: "Blast Away Belly Fat! How Shannon went from fat to fabulous in 6 weeks! Being the hopeful skeptic I am, I picked it up. And it figures. Shannon is a 20-something new mommy. As far as I'm concerned....post partum pictures do NOT qualify for "before" pictures in weight loss ads. Especially in women who were still playing with barbies when I was bearing children. Since childbearing, weight management is my ever present battle. I've seen "The Amazing Squirrel Diet" which consisted of a vigorous tree climbing regime coupled with a diet heavy in raw nuts to the "Mayo Clinic Diet" which is used on patients needing to lose weight quickly before bunion surgery. The latter mentioned diet is not to be confused with The Mayo which includes copious amount of mayonaise served in combination with Oscar Meyer Weiners. It said the molecular structure of the food creates a unique synergy guaranteed to melt away the fat. Honey, the only way I know how to melt away fat is to put a stick of butter in the microwave. I flipped through the magazines headlines. There was the Calista Flockhart diet that seemed pretty easy: Don't eat. But then my heart leapt. "The Double Chin Diet! Get a chin like Leno's in 3 weeks or less!" I don't consider myself a vain person but there is one teensy little thing that if I could change about me it would be.....I'd like a nice chin. A gazelle neck. A sharp profile. A jaw that meshes nicely. Between Dad's lack of a sharp chin and mom's propensity to carry a little weight there....well, I'm doomed. And it ain't getting any easier as I get older. I flipped open the magazine. It showed before and after pictures of a women with more chins than a Chinese phonebook. Hmmmm. Maybe my profile wasn't so bad after all. The "after" picture was amazing, why it was miraculous! I had trouble believing it was the same woman. So I scrutinized it. Whoopsies. Who ever edited the photo failed to keep the same eye color. But then again, what does one expect from "World Weekly News" - those same clever folks who bring amazing stories like: Woman Gives Birth to Crocodile! Photo editing software is wonderful isn't it? I sighed and reached for a Snickers. My next stop would be Staples. They carry Photoshop. |
Comments
Jul. 21, 2008 - Untitled Comment
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Posted by Jul. 21, 2008 - okay....
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