I was completely caught off my guard as I began to write about my son.  In writing my 1st post about Aspergers I realized I had been holding my breath.  Even now to acknowledge this is as if a dam is ready to burst. I don't want that to happen, I don't know that I am ready - I can manage a trickle - not the dam.  So I stopped writing the other night. My emotions on this journey have run the gamut.  I have held most of them in check in.       

But God is showing me that there is a reason for the dam.  There is a legitmate time to pool up the water of my emotions - to protect those who are in the spillway. Like when I have been emotionally exhausted & frustrated with my lack of understanding about Aspergers or the people that were supposed to be helping me.  God is my Source.

The dam guards against an overflow that would only cause destruction.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed by all that having a child with Aspergers entails.  It  is hard to continue to hold on to the hope that tomorrow may bring a new lesson actually learned & a step closer to my son gaining some independence. God is my Comforter.

But a dam also can re-route the water which is very important to get water to places that otherwise would not have it.  I have had to reach out in other directions to get support & have found it in places I may not have looked had I just let it all go emotionally.  This has been where I learned to depend on God.  He directs the overflow.   I have come to appreciate this part of the process.  God is Faithful.

Sometimes when a dam has served it's full purpose - the water is released. It is released with purpose.  When the need to demolish the dam out weighs the need to keep it, then it is necessary to tear it down. ( I actually did some reading on dams as God gave me this image - they are very interesting structures.)  God is calling me to share our story. 

I sense Him urging me to continue to give Him ALL my emotions & He will perfectly orchestrate how they will best flow. He intends for me to reveal through writing publicly about Aspergers how He has journeyed with me.  He has directed my path & how He has helped me to raise up one pretty incredible young man despite the odds.

God did not make a mistake when He created my Aspergers son.  That truth alone has helped me be vigilant in looking for the good in even the most trying of circimstances.

May God be glorified in my sharing & in each life this story touches.