I've decided to take pity on y'all who have been eagerly awaiting this moment ...

So now I'll tell you a long and semi-rambling (fictionalized) story about how I was once attacked by Bigfoot's cousin - LaundryLint.  It's a harrowing tale of man vs fuzz - locked in near* mortal combat in the dark and shadowy depths of the basement. 

Yeah, I'm that cruel ... one of the perks of being firstborn**.

On to the real stuff then: the current love of my life has brownish hair, brown eyes, a very pink tongue, and four feet.  Yes, I refer to my hound, my beast, my fuzzy companion of youth***, my dog: Samwise.  Sorry to disappoint y'all who were hoping to for the gushy details of my life.  We'll see how much self-control I have for real when God decides to bless me with a girl.

For now, the fuzzy pooch is all you're gonna get.

Samwise (named for the hobbit, naturally) is so named because he's my faithful companion in this season of my journey through life.  He's a King Shepherd (http://www.kingshepherd.com/ - Sam's dad) and in Thor's rarely humble opinion: very cool.  I call him my "little dog" because even though he's about 75 lbs, he's a runt compared with the usual 120-150 lbs for his breed.  I figure he's a throwback to his German Shepherd ancestors ... who generally weigh this much.  I'm hopeful that he also has some filling in to do ...

Even though he can't bring down a moose single handed, I still love him.  

Quirks that make Sam himself:

Lessee, he'll only bark when he's tied up and sees something that he wants - otherwise, if he's off leash or I'm walking him, he's silent. 

Whenever he get's antsy, I tell him to "go get it" at which point he goes and grabs whatever toy he wants to play with and brings it over.  

Another (very cute) habit he has is that when someone whom he knows first comes near him, he'll go and grab whatever is nearby and bring it in his mouth to show them.  At this point his ears are laid back and he looks for all the world like a toddler bringing a special toy to show.  Often, he can't find anything that he likes fast enough, at which point he'll grab part of his leash and bring that over.  The thing is that if you try to take it from him, he'll walk away - he doesn't want to share - just to show that he has it.

He's a sorta picky eater.  Our old dogs would wolf down whatever they could get their hands on.  Sam often leaves his food untouched for the entire day - only eventually does he get around to munching on it.

Fetch is not really his strong suit.  We compensate for this by having two balls and throwing them, one after the other, in opposite directions.  He's learned to drop ball A on his way to get ball B.  This is generally in the vicinity of the thrower, who rethrows ball A.  Ball B is dropped on the way back to get ball A, and so forth.  Generally 5-15 minutes of this will leave him pretty thoroughly tired out.  At which point he starts leaving the ball where it lies.  Then the thrower (me) has to trudge all the way out to get it.

I'll say this much on the subject of love and the lessons learned from having a dog:

1) it's great - the good outweighs the bad

2) it's a lot of work - day in, and day out, every day without fail, you're responsible to care for and relate to this individual

3) it hurts - my hands were constantly getting cut up by his baby teeth; non-intentional injuries, but they still bled; my sleep was down to 2 hour segments during his initial weeks with us; I couldn't just pick up and go anymore

4) it makes you mad - I've grown enormously in self-control through this hound, when he doesn't understand, when he really wants something NOW, when he deliberately disobeys, when he damages something; all of these are times when I must respond with gentleness, not wrath

5) it matures you - I've grown in faithfulness: consistently disciplining, instructing, teaching, correcting, loving despite the current difficulty, etc

6) it builds patience - "Why doesn't this dog do his business NOW!?" is a question I've asked myself in the rain, the snow, the cold, the nights when I'm falling asleep standing up, the mornings when I'm late for work

7) it necessitates faith for the future - there were difficulties with each phase of his puppyhood: diarrhea, biting, inability to control bathroom urges until I could get him out the door, fighting the leash, not understanding any basic commands, whining through the night, playfulness (the destructive, bite-master-until-he-responds kind), etc. These went on for weeks and months in some cases, and I was often tempted to despair.  But with prayer and faith and persistence, each trial has been overcome.

8) it opens your eyes to things you would never otherwise have seen - I've taken more walks, talked with more people, hiked in my woods more often, and spent more time at the park in the fresh air than I ever would have done otherwise.  My life is thus enriched by all these quiet moments of enjoying creation with Sam at my side.  Left to myself, I would have worked longer, slept later, played computer games, read books, and ignored most of my neighbors.  What I've missed doesn't even begin to compare to what I've gained.

Conclusion?  Love requires a LOT from you - even if it's in the form of a dog, which realistically speaking, you can tie to the back of your pickup truck and ignore for hours at a time****.  How much more work is a friend or a wife or a child?  Yet, if Sam's enriched my life this much, just by being his happy little self, how much more will I find joy in relating to someone created in the image of God?  This truth is one that I've know intellectually for years, but there is now a weight of heart's experience to back up that conviction.  In the kindness of God, Sam is the creature that I am most responsible to love on a daily, moment by moment basis. 

Thus, he's the current love of my life.

Thor

*Being human, and therefore mortal, any form of combat can be technically represented as near-mortal combat.  The distinction between near-mortal and mortal is the fact that neither of us died.  Although the lint was in point of fact already dead.  (I think)

**Firstborn kids often develop a finely honed benevolent cruelty. 
This is necessary.  We suffered at the hands of our inexperienced parents (Congratulations! Here's your kid, try not to drop him on his head too often) who were complete and utter amateurs when it comes to the 24-7 care that we so richly deserved.  So too, our younger siblings must suffer so that they can experience the full range of human emotion.  We wouldn't want to deprive them.  Also, there's the reality that these little puppies might grow up to be bigger than us someday, so we need to FIRMLY establish our dominance now.

***Some sort of reference to man's best friend was intended here, but what it came out as was boy's best friend, sorta ... this whole section was confusing, but I'll blame it on the fact that Sam wants to get going and is currently nibbling with quiet affection on my foot as a reminder of this fact

****This highly effective method has been downplayed and overlooked by the tender hearted among us for far too long.  How many kids do you know who would greatly benefit from being tied up to the back of a truck for a couple hours.  This gives them time to reflect on their past behavior and (if it's raining) also helps them to clean up their act.

Ok folks, here's what I've noticed about guys who start courting: y'never see them for approximately three weeks.  I've had two guys live in my house and begin courtships.  With both them, almost to the day and hour, it was 3 weeks (21 days) between when they began courting and the next time I saw their faces.

On the other hand, I saw plenty of the backs of their heads as they went wizzing out the door on the way to sweetie girlorum's house.

Am I bitter? Nope.  Do I plan to do the same? Not hardly.  I figure that the odds are pretty good that Rent Day will come during the 3 Week Bliss, and since I expect that plenty of dough will be flowing forth (as I'll finally add "date night" to my budget) I'll be waiting with my hand out for that helpful influx of cash.

Yet another example of how home ownership adds to the intrinsic value of our great nation.  Without it all social interaction outside of romantic relationships would be in danger of ceasing.  As it is, commerce and the necesssary social relationships continue unabated.

Thor

PS. Business As A Calling, by Michael Novak is an EXCELLENT and highly recommended book on Thor's shelf.  It is the best work on the subject of capitalism that I've ever read.

Football season is upon us.  Minimal blood and gore, but plenty of bone bruising violence for all!  This brings up an important question for the (current era of history*) man.  How does he reconcile his love for this quintessential masculine sport with the refined tastes necessary to enjoy selected Jane Austen works?

First, a few comments on Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice ROCKS.  Emma is very good.  All the rest are more or less indifferent (thus far to the mind of Thor).  How do we determine this?  Mainly by evaluating the guys in the book.  If they're up front, manly men (in a polite and civilized sort of way) then the book is good to read.  If they're kinda wishy-washy don't bother - leave it at the bookstore and bring home the latest issue of your favorite sports periodical.  This rule applies primarily for guys - girls can draw important lessons from the lesser Austen works.  But guys, insofar as we draw inspiriation from JA's efforts, trust me on this one.

Why PnP and Emma? 

     Lessee, PnP first (as is only right): Bingley is an example of cheerful friendliness, who makes everyone around him happy without being a flatterer or a dupe.  He does this by being genuinely interested in and fond of people - willing to take them as they are and be pleased by them.  Darcy is the man.  Rich, handsome, with a killer house - who can resist his charms?  Apparently Elizabeth can (sorry to ruin the ending for you fellas**).  Here's the thing, not only does he show Wickham who's boss ("that'll teach you to mess with my sister!"), but he also is wiling to change when corrected.  More than any other male Austen character I'm aware of, Darcy commands my respect for this reason - he's a proud idiot at the start and a humble(r) idiot at the end.  Plus he gets the girl**.  Collins is the repulsive slug you love to hate, yet despite that Austen is astute - he's a good man of respectable character and even though you'd NEVER want to spend more than ten seconds in the same room, he still deserves the happiness that he gets.  Just goes to show that being cool ain't everything.  Wickham is best summed up by Darcy I think: "Mr. Wickham has the happy talent of making friends, whether he is equally capable of keeping them is another matter."  The flaws of Wickham's character aren't apparent on the surface - it takes experience and discernment to discover them.  This discernment is a key task for us as men - "to understand the times (and the men of our times) and know what [we] should do." And finally, Mr. Bennet is a warning to any guy who'd like to marry only a pretty face or charming personality and then drift his way through life.  Go down that path and your wife is likely to be a fool and your children will suffer from both her lack of ability and your neglect.  Not pleasant - although the chances are that your regret "will pass soon enough".

     Emma: really Knightly is the only shining beacon in this tale.  But he really shines.  To me, he's an example of a man wisely pursuing his maiden, but not allowing himself to be blinded by her faults.  Rather, as a true friend he seeks to do her good by correcting her faithfully.  He is first her true friend and then she discovers that she also loves him.  Churchill is an example of a selfish man, and one who causes harm then says, 'I was only joking!' to paraphrase Proverbs.  The way he treats his girl and his father deserves a solid thrashing. 

Ok, as said before, there are other books, but to my mind they're not worth your time.

Football: I'll be up front with y'all.  I was born in New England, and I'm a Patriot's fan.  Have the past few years been pretty sweet.  You betcha!  Will this season be good?  I have no clue.  At this point I know where my team plays (Foxboro sp?) and who our QB is: Tom Brady.  I think our head coach is named Bill.  Everything else is pretty much irrelevent to me.  Either we win or we don't - not much else that I can know is going to help/hurt my team.  I do know most of the other teams and their home states - since I have to know who to cheer against.

     So what if my team loses this year?  Well, I'm a Red Sox fan by family heritage and tradition - so we know how to keep the faith.  Our day will come again if it doesn't this year.  We measure devotion in decades ...

How then does a man who reads JA retain control over the remote during this critical season?  He only reads her during the off season, of course ;)  During football season nothing distracts a true fan from cheering his team on to victory, or agonizing with them in defeat.

Post Super Bowl, say ... Feb 13th is an ideal time to watch a good romantical flick - that's where you get the smooth moves that the chicks love just in time for Valentine's Day. 

Thor

PS. A final note for Buckeye, A&E is the only possible answer - assuming you're watching for the story, not the cinematic artistry.  If you want artistry, go watch Raise the Red Lanterns.  After you recover from your suicide attempt (this movie induces a death wish) then you can rave about all the artistic stuff that goes on.  Short summary: the KK version feels like it's playing at 2x speed and the actors are already on a sugar/caffine high.  Liberties are taken that make it nearly pointless to watch (i.e. the ending).  The pig was a nice touch, however.

* Current era of history: Sco-pi, help me out here, you're the one who likes to define this stuff.  Are we in a late post-modern era?  The typical "modern man" comment, which is so pithy, is no longer viable.  I need something catchy to replace it ... and post-modern is apparently so last decade.

** NEVER trust me when I give away the endings.  It is my stated goal to have my kids discovering "facts" are completely whacky when they're in their 30s. 

These past few days have been busy for probably just about everyone.  School is starting, work goes on, and Labor Day is over.  I have also experienced this rush of tasks during the changing of the seasons, which is the primary reason why I've not posted for a few days.

In the interest of saving myself time in the future, I've devoted this post to tickler topics, so that I won't have to do anything creative for the next couple years (or however long it takes me to get through all this).  See my future post on blogs about why this is a good system.

Also, I do not do picture posting.  Those are my favorite sites to visit, so I figured I'd be up-front with y'all and not waste your time.  If you're the visual novel format kinda person, take me off your favorites.  I recommend http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=merely_myself for that kind of reading.

(probable) Future post topics: not necessarily to be written in this order

Why is he called Thor, and how does he feel about that?

Teaching and hammers, a whole new approach to classroom discipline

The (current) love of my life: betcha this gets your attention

What makes a cool and nifty piece of technology? An in-depth interview with Thor

Manliness and Austen: how does a guy read JA and retain his claim to the remote control during a football game?

The joys of having techno-savvy relatives (and the dangers)

Hacking: the new battle ground for geeks vs jocks

How to have a good time beating each other up with nerf weapons

Girls vs Guys I: the greeting

Girls vs Guys II: social structure

Girls vs Guys III: dirt

Girls vs Guys IV: the color pink

Girls vs Guys V: advice - giving and getting

Observations on courtship: or how to not see your friend for 3 weeks

Work: what is it good for?

The joys of leadership

Kids I: a study in mob psychology

Kids II: the little things

Kids III: why you should scare the little people

Kids IV: how to win over a toddler - the story of Beeka and Nog

Kids V: naps, why adults love 'em and kids hate 'em

Kids VI: where is the nucky (pacifier) now?

Kids VII: the trials of being firstborn

When the phone rings ... analysis of your response

Driving I: what to teach

Driving II: what not to teach

Driving III: the 3rd most regular X experience for the average American

Driving IV: gas prices and complaining

Driving V: trucks - the glory and splendour

Driving VI: what is a Yugo?

Serving in the small stuff (a recap/revisitation of Kids II)

What to concentrate on for the first few years of homeschooling?

"What's with the chimp and the bug?"

Quotable movies - the ultimate smackdown

Humor and emails: what Thor loves about writing funny stuff ... will include a hard hitting commentary on PS's and *'s

Blogs: who really cares anyways? (stats provided by Sco-pi)

Punctuation in the late post-modern era: self expression or laziness or ... ?

Hopefully y'all are whetting your mental appetites and preparing witty comments for my future entries.  Now that you know what I'm going to be talking about, you can make an informed decision about whether or not to vote in the upcoming elections.  If these are gripping topics ... well, we're not electing a President anyways.  If they don't seize your attention -  go research your local dogcather's race.  After all, participation in the process of democracy is not only a privilege, but a civic duty!  Frankly, on a cosmic scale of usefulness, reading my blog is probably a procrastinating waste of your time. 

I'll be honest .. writing it sure is!

Thor

"Keep the home fires burning."   "Don't burn the house down!"   Talk about conflicting instructions.  These were the immortal words impressed upon our impressionable minds whenever our parental units (credit: the Bowdens) would depart and leave us (me) in charge of the biggest investment the average American family makes.   Now that I'm a homeowner, the trust and truth of those words has a much greater import and impact upon my thinking.  There's a necessary balance between keeping things warm and lively at home and also not tearing the place down with your own two hands.  [There are also the little things like not freezing to death or actually destroying said domicile with incendiary devices.]  Would I trust a 13 year old and his five younger siblings alone in a house for several unsupervised hours?   Not hardly.   This is one of those classic "growing up homeschooled" tales.  Once upon a time (1992-94) there lived in a rustic (ok, it had running water but only one bathroom for eight people) farmhouse a poor lawyer's family.  Sadly, the oil furnace of this stately ediface (original section of the house was preCivil War) had gone to meet its maker - leaving the family with a single wood-burning stove as it's only source of heat.  Huddled around this flickering beacon of hope, they yearned for the gentle warmth of spring. [Yells from the audience: Too mushy! Get to the good part!]     But first, a brief word from our sponsor: Bird's Eye Maple.      M'bro and I tried for an entire winter to split bird's eye maple for firewood (for the previously mentioned wood stove).  I'm here to tell you that this stuff is the best wood-splitting workout that you could ever want to have.  Think of the premire workout machine and imagine how much they'd charge Bill Gates for it - now you've got an idea of what this stuff was like.  It took two experienced boys with nothing else to do, two axes, a maul, three wedges, and a hatchet (and occasional cameo appearences by previously split pieces of wood playing the part of hammers) to get a single piece split off from the Mother Log.     Y'see, bird's eye maple consists of literally thousands of tiny (we're talking the size of a poppy seed) little knots that take the grain of the wood and make it one giant tangle.  So, unlike pine, where if you look at it hard enough it splits - b.e.m. requires you to force every 1/32nd of an inch apart with a keen application of the principles of physics.     Parents: teach a physics course and make your lab splitting a couple chunks of b.e.m. - your kids will know more about the correct application of force and the usefulness of wedges as a splitting device than most nobel prize winners (who in this pampered age, probably haven't split their fair share of wood - even pine wood).

Rejoining our story already in progress:

... So we spent the winter in a 10x20 foot room.  If the fire went out, it got cold.  REALLY cold.  And Mom doesn't like the cold.  But Dad burned the house down in his youth.  So you see the tension that was ever present in our household: warmth vs out-of-control light-up-the-countryside call-the-fire-department save-the-family-silver WARMTH. 

Lesson learned:

This is the kind of experience that helps you avoid extremes in other areas of life - such as: will I have brownies or ice cream at the party tonight?  The experienced among us know the answer to this one - both, but never mind the bread please! ~ Winnie the Pooh

Good question.  Go ponder it for a few minutes and let me know.

Seriously?  I'm responding to the pleas of a certain relative (who I suspect is lonely) to join him in his quest to take over the blogosphere.  Personally, I miss my goat (http://www.livejournal.com/site/goat.bml).

See, I'm originally a Live Journal man - simple, robust, with the clean air of the mountains in our lungs.  Our mascot is this little goat with a Swiss cross on his jersey.  Yep, we live the good life over there at LJ.  No worries about which font to choose, or whether to be bold or daring or understated.  I'm gonna miss him - sorta the way you miss that security guard at the parking lot.  You nod, he nods back - it's a working relationship that doesn't demand much from either of you.

One neat thing about this new format is that they've discovered time travel.  It's limited, but I can make an entry anytime from way back in 2000 up until 2020.  Kinda makes me wonder why I spent all that time and grief inventing a time machine to get me to the food store before it closes (I'm a single guy living on my own and supper is very important - albeit rarely planned ahead).  I should have known that some techno-geek out there had already done all the hard work for me.

I was going to devote this next section to smiley faces, but I've already had one post deleted because of unsafe experiments with that feature.  Sort of like when Doc Oc in Spiderman II loses control of the mini-sun (a really really bad idea in downtown NYC, by the way - South Dakota (assuming it actually exists) would have been a much more logical choice).  Blam!  No more post.  I'll be honest - it was kind of a bummer.

Still, you've profited by the experience.  I was experiencing delusions of grandeur and that's been avoided.  Properly humbled, I join the huddled masses of people unable to make a logical choice about smiley faces.

Ok, so I figured it out - this time.  Personal favorite has got to be the smiley face catching a chicken, but I'm saving that for a future post.

Well, it's unpleasantly early in the morning and I've still got work to do.  This little break from reality has been fun.  TTFN.

Thor