I found the following quote on the Sonlight Message Boards and I found it very interesting, and thought would start a good discussion on an important topic:
Is friendship always hard?
Does anyone else ever feel awful after going to church? It's not the church's fault and it's not the people's fault, it's just how I feel anytime I'm around social stuff. I see so many people that I don't have time for, or they don't have time for me, or I'm just stupid and terrible with making conversation. The whole social thing wears me out, makes me feel like a loser, but I still long for it, I still try friendship and I'm not without friendship, but there's always such a longing in me. I was just reading LJ's thread on when friends dump us, and that need for and loss in friendship sounds common to all of us. In any relationship it always feel like it's a risk to either look needy and pathetic, or get stuck with someone needy and pathetic . In fact I'm beginning to hope that in addition to spending eternity with God, maybe in heaven there will finally be time to really know all the great people of the world that are too busy for me, or that I'm too busy for, or whatever else it is that gets in the way of relationships. I'm not sure what my subject really is, I guess it's just Sunday again and I'm feeling lonely again, (in spite of all the great people out there and even the great friendships I have) and I'm wondering if there's anyone else out there too.
I've given up a long time ago on meaningful church relationships. I've been going to the same church for almost 3 years and still don't have any female friendships there. I've never been good at small talk, and I've got four children to keep rounded up all the time. We live an hour from town and so we can't get very involved in outside activities. My dh makes friends easily, but I think he would also admit that they are superficial...How much deep relating can you do going in and out of a building, even if you do stop and drink a cup of coffee together. While he is relating to the men, I usually stand back and wait. I don't see many women around chatting anyway.
I am one of those people who find relating on a superficial level exhausting. I don't see a lot of point in it. I like to talk on the phone when I have time, but if we don't have anything to talk about, I'm ready to move on. I have a couple of blog friends I've made that we love to talk to each other on the phone. Every few months one of them will call me and we talk for an hour or two, and it goes so fast. I find them real blessings. Both are willing to call me too, although I can rarely call them for financial reasons.
In the past I felt like I was the one initiating all my relationships and if I wasn't doing the calling, it wasn't happening. That gets empty to me after a while. I am learning that having friends from any source is valuable, whether they are local or far away. I live in a community of lots of like-minded people, but I often get overlooked when it comes to social outings of the women. I'm the only one with young children. I've often been hurt by that, but it isn't new to me, and I've learned to live with it. Often my dh and I will invite anyone who wants to come over for a meal at our house. Usually only the singles come. I don't know what to do with that. I find that our best friends after living here almost 3 years are singles. I'm okay with that though.
I've often thought that a church like Antoinette's home church would be nice. They do a lot of eating together, worshipping together, sitting around and chatting after church, going out to coffee after church. It makes me wish we could live in Indiana near them!
My dd and I went for a nice walk today. I wanted to get some pics of the snow as we've gotten more since that last time it snowed! Ugh! Here is 1dd10:
This is the front of our house as seen from the road:
This is across the parking lot at the dining center. The playground has a treehouse - the snow reaches its deck! The baby swing is completely buried. You almost can't see out the windows anymore.
You can see that the snow bank is almost as tall as she is here.
This is the roof of the dining center. Crazy deep isn't it?
This is the path to the root cellar.
The front of the root cellar:
Around the corner is the "school room" that used to be used by a homeschooling family. Now it is for storage. The second picture is from the inside of the deck trying to look out.
Across from there was a big, pretty tree that dd stood under.
Then we walked over to the lecture hall. This is catecornered from our house. The sides of snow are so high now!
I think this is one of the deepest places. It is the bottom of the trail to the Martin's house.
This is the front of the Martin's house.
And finally a view from beside their house.
Would you like to hear the bad news now? They are predicting 2-3 more feet by Tuesday night! AAAAHHHH!
This week has been the snowiest that I can remember since moving here over 2 years ago. We already had about 4 feet on the ground, then it snowed and blew on Monday. Today it did it again.
Baby J has been sick since Saturday. Monday I considered taking him in to the doctor's but the weather was too bad. Yesterday he continued to run a fever off and on for the fourth day. I decided that if he was still sick today I would bring him in. Unfortunately he woke up a royal crab-baby, and I knew that I had to take him in - he just wasn't getting better. As soon as school was over with the girls, my dh and I loaded the van with the baby and we headed to town. The road had been plowed in the morning, so we thought it couldn't be too bad. Famous last thoughts.
The wind was blowing and the snow was falling and the visibility was horrible! We decided to go to urgent care instead of risking the usual 2 hour wait at his regular doctor's office. I'm glad we did. Once we got to the office, J was breaking out in a rash on his face and arms and back. Hmm. Probably roseola. I got a urine on him anyway, since he had a UTI last year. It had a bunch of blood in it. My nurse practitioner colleague called him in an antibiotic and we decided to forego shopping before the roads got any worse. By now it was snowing in town too. On the trip home the snow was so blinding and deep, I prayed all the way! We didn't get stuck, but many times I thought we could easily. God really helped us!
Thanks to those of you who have been praying for J. I hope that he will start recovering soon.
Here are some pics from the last snow that I took in the last week. The playground pics are from yesterday, and the others from about 10 days ago when we had friends over to sled.
HSB is sponsoring a great contest - don't go do it, cause if you do, it lessens my chances to win! (Just kidding!). The contest is for these books - they sound really great!
To enter you just need to copy the below paragraph and post it on your blog. Then leave a comment here with the blog or website URL where you posted it.
Enter to win the complete set of
Terrestria Chronicles
on the HSB Company Porch!
That's short and sweet don't you think? Better hurry. You only have until Sept. 26.
Yesterday was a big change for me. DH took the older two girls to their dentist appointments in the morning so that I didn't have to go into town twice in one day. He had to go do the base shopping anyway. I took advantage of the morning by cleaning house (vacuuming all the floors, doing the dishes, cleaning the girls' rooms, washing and folding laundry...etc). 3dd2 watched Dora while I cleaned. Then I made some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies - mmm!
Right after lunch (30 minutes after the girls got back), we loaded the van to go to town. We had to pick up checks from WIC, 3dd2 had a well-baby visit with the doctor, 2dd7 had an ear check (she was complaining of one being "clugged"). We went to Denny's for supper, but had to end up taking our food with us because we didn't have enough time to eat it. Finally we went to the girls' choir practice.
Needless to say, we didn't get much schoolwork done. I just have to breathe and tell myself that it is okay. My girls won't be academically stunted when days like this happen!
It started raining when we got to town, and continued to rain the whole time we were there. On our way home, halfway up the mountain, the rain turned to snow and started to accumulate a bit. It was getting dark, but we could still see it to enjoy the "first snow" of the year.
It is snowing again now. The girls love it. They've been hoping for snow ever since we got back from Guatemala! Now I've got to find some good used snowsuits since they both wore theirs out last year!
Went to see my midwife today. For those of you who don't know, we are going to have a hospital birth with a midwife. I've never done the homebirth thing, and I'm not really one for trying those things. Remember I am a medical professional myself, so I know intimately all the things that could go wrong...
Anyway, I had a great check-up. God is good and has heard my prayer. Although little boy was measuring 4 cm big a month ago, now he is only measuring 1 cm over dates! (What that means is that I am 33 weeks, and he is measuring 34 cm). After having a 12 lb, 3 oz baby, I was very concerned that this little guy might be big too. Hallelujah, I think he is going to be more toward the normal end of size! I only gained one pound this time around too. So far, I have gained 35 lbs or so, which is really good for me (I usually gain 60 lbs with each pregnancy!).
I am a bit on the anemic side. Time to start taking my prenatal vitamins again and eating foods high in iron. I will have to pick up some raisins next time I'm in town. Those and dried prunes were my favorite source of iron after 3dd2's birth. I do eat a fair amount of red meat and green leafy veggies (salads, etc). Those finger-stick hemoglobins aren't the most accurate anyway. I have been a bit short of breath now and then, and living at an altitude of 8600 feet, my hemoglobin should be a little on the high side.
P.S. They started working on our new living room addition. I will try to update with pictures now and then. We're very excited about this.
It is Sunday and I have a few thoughts I want to jot down.
First of all, we, as I type, are having a terrific hail storm again. I think these hail stones are bigger than the last ones. It is really noisy too.
Anyway, today was the first day of Sunday School for the new year. 1dd8 is starting in Beginner's Bible Bowl. She is very excited about being able to take trips with the group in a bus for the competitions and staying in peoples' homes. They are studying First and Second Samuel. Since we are homeschooling, it will be easy for us to review the work. She will go on 4 trips over the school year, have a barbecue/pot luck to kick things off, and a big bash at the end including swimming at a hotel. I think she will do great learning the stuff, but I'm not so sure if she will be able to get the guts to compete. She isn't a very competitive person.
2dd7 is in a Bible Study class for first and second graders, and she has already made some new friends. I'm pleased about that, since she is also a shy one.
3dd2 is in her toddler class that she has been in since last December. She loves church and can't go wait to go each week. I noticed that this week they had a bunch of little babies and many of them were crying. It doesn't phase our dd, but I could see the teachers were a bit frazzled by the time we picked her up.
Today is the first day of our fall Discipleship Training School. It is a very small class, but we've heard very clearly to go on with the school, and I think the Lord hand-picked the class for His reasons.
Well, I've got some schedule prep to do, and 1dd8 is begging me to make her a daily chore chart , so I had better not disappoint her! (I think she is a lot like her mother, and likes her days to be scheduled and orderly and expected).
I'm still trying to catch my breath! Monday was a holiday so we had no "official" schoolwork. Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday we had staff meetings every morning. I really don't like my mornings to be waylaid by staff meetings when I could be doing school, because then the rest of the day I'm trying to play catch-up with school time. Tuesday's regular staff-meeting was pre-empted by a speaker here who worked on staff development. It was interesting. However, at the same time, I don't have child-care, so I'm trying to keep my three children otherwise occupied, and that is wearing. On Wednesday morning we had the same thing. On Thursday morning our usual prayer meeting was labled "staff meeting" on the schedule and so I went thinking it was the manditory meeting, and again I had to occupy my children and it can be a real hayday. Believe it or not, we got the mandatory 4 hours a day of school work in that is required of homeschoolers in Colorado in spite of the interruptions. I was pretty crabby Wednesday though.
On Wednesday we went early to the children's choir so that 1dd8 could have an eye check-up. Her glasses that she formally needed "for reading only" need to be a little stronger, and she needs to wear them full-time now. I sure am glad that Wal-Mart Vision Center has children's glasses on sale until October 31! I get to take 2dd7 into the eye doctor next Wednesday. Every Wednesday for the rest of the month I have one or two appointments a day for dental check-ups, a neurology appt for 2dd7, and a well-child-check for 3dd2! The problem is that two of the days have appointments also in the mornings. Ugh. Living 1 hour from town makes it difficult to do both because then I have to drive so much. I'm not sure what to do yet. Maybe I can just take the child who has the appointment in the morning, so everyone isn't worn out by afternoon from all the driving.
Last night our good friend on base here did a very sweet thing and watched our kids so that I could have so alone time and dh could go to a missions board meeting at our church, then we could go out for desert. MMM! We went to Applebees. Their brownie with hot fudge and ice cream is delicious!
Well, 3dd2 is waking up from a long nap and doesn't sound too happy. I'd better post this and go see how I can help her wake up. Have a good weekend.
One thing have I desired of the Lord that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. To behold the beauty, the beauty of the Lord. To inquire in His temple, the temple of the Lord.
This is my everyday thoughts about being a mother to three little ladies (12, 10 and 5) and a three year old son. We serve God full-time, and I am a physician assistant. I have the most awesome husband in the world. I am trying to seek and serve God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and all my strength.
. In fact I'm beginning to hope that in addition to spending eternity with God, maybe in heaven there will finally be time to really know all the great people of the world that are too busy for me, or that I'm too busy for, or whatever else it is that gets in the way of relationships. I'm not sure what my subject really is, I guess it's just Sunday again and I'm feeling lonely again, (in spite of all the great people out there and even the great friendships I have) and I'm wondering if there's anyone else out there too. 
, so I had better not disappoint her! (I think she is a lot like her mother, and likes her days to be scheduled and orderly and expected).
