Feb. 25, 2009 - I feel like multiple people in one body
One me wants to have my dh and dc around constantly--keeping them close, hugging them, playing games.
The other me wants everyone to go away and leave me alone.
One me wants to jump back into my routine--cooking, cleaning, taking care of things.
The other me wants to climb in bed and pull the covers over my head and never come out.
One me wishes it were 2 weeks from now, and I had my energy back and we were starting to figure out our new 'normal', and things weren't so raw.
Another me wishes it were 2 weeks ago, and I was still pregnant, and taking pics of my growing belly and thinking up names with dh and the dc.
Another me wants it to stay right now--where memories of our little one are still fresh and on everyone's mind.
One me wants to put it all in a box--the feelings, the memories, the hurt, the tears--and pretend it never happened.
The other me wants to replay it, think about every moment of the pregnancy, the loss, the days after, and never, ever forget.
One me is soooo tired of crying for no apparent reason (I really hate to cry).
The other me wants to just sob my heart out.
But all the me's just really want my baby back. I feel empty and alone, even when everyone is around me.
