Jun. 6, 2006 - A bit of a scare

I woke this morning to find I'd started spotting a bit.  What a shock that was.  I tried to write it off as bad lighting in the bathroom (so I wasn't seeing the tp clearly), but there was more later.  I'm 12 weeks 4 days today, and 'thought' I was pretty well in the clear.  I've never had any spotting with any pregnancy so this was new for me.

I put in a call to my doc, and waited.  Was supposed to take the dc to play practice, but dh did it, and I stayed home and crashed on the couch with dd8 (who wasn't feeling well).  What a nice nap!

When 5 pm came and still no call, I called back, and discovered my doc had gone for the day.  Apparantly, no one had actually given her the message!  She called within 5 minutes, and pretty well set my mind at ease--lots of women have it, it's probably nothing, call back if I start cramping or have sharp abdominal pains, etc.  But, even knowing it happens to lots of women doesn't really help when you see it happening to YOU.

So, I spent an anxious day, praying for our baby, placing him or her firmly in his Father's hands, and *trying* not to worry.

It seems to be tapering off now.  So, I'm hoping this was a one time thing, and we'll be uneventful from here on out.

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Jun. 5, 2006 - Comparisons and Doubt

Ok, I'm cheating a bit.  But I posted this on a board I visit in response to a new mommy who was really questioning her decisions to attachment parent, co-sleep, and just in general, meet the needs of her baby.  Her baby is 8 months old and not sleeping 'through the night'.  I wanted to preserve it, so I'm posting it here.

***********

It seems to me that sleep issues (and to some extent potty training) become a barometer of our parenting in this society because we (not 'we' as in individuals on this board, but 'we' as in our society in general) are so focused on early independence for children.

I never put my dc in Mother's Day Out, they attended church with us rather than going to a nursery, and they didn't go to preschool (I'm NOT saying any of these things are BAD, just leading up to my point). And I was accused of making my dc too dependent on me. WHAT!? They were babies. Babies are SUPPOSED to be dependent on their parents. BUT--getting them to sleep on their own lessens that dependence. So does potty-training. Sending them to pre-school at age 3 helps to increase that separation even more.

And, if baby/child is independent of mom sooner, mom can have her own life back sooner.

And if you are an attachment-type parent, that actually LIKES having your child depend on you, and find fulfillment in being with that little tyke--making your life about taking care of him and his needs (at least for the season when he needs that sort of thing)--then you are an oddity to most people. (And quite possibly a threat, because your choices are not their choices).

I read a book once (can't remember the title) but it basically stated that any mom who claimed to be fulfilled by her role as a SAH wife/mom, was lying. And that's the message that's 'out there'. You need "you time", 'girl's night out', etc. And you can't have that if your baby is so dependent on you that he can't go to sleep without you. So, the message from society is that if they don't sleep through the night by x, you aren't doing the parenting thing right. But right by whose standards?

My first was a baby that sounds much like yours. He insisted from 3 months to 8 months that he would nurse in NO other position but lying down. I don't care what I tried, the only way he would nurse was if I lay down. Nursing was important enough to me, that I found a way to make it work (lying on the floor of dressing rooms, returning to the car, etc). He also was stubborn enough to cry for HOWEVER long I let him go. I only pushed it to 2 hours once, but it about killed me. We tried at 5 months and 8 months the CIO route. And then I decided he just needed me at night. And if I was there for him during the day, I'd be there for him at night too. Besides, I could nurse him back to sleep in 15 minutes, and everybody got more sleep.

At a year, we decided to try putting him down awake--without nursing to sleep. He fussed for 2 minutes and went to sleep. He was finally ready.

With my 2nd, he refused to go to sleep being held. He'd nurse, and then squirm and fuss. Once you put him down, he'd fall right to sleep. Sounds like heaven right? Except that he wouldn't go to sleep "in arms" ANYWHERE. Not church, not at a restaurant, etc.

With the 3rd, she needed to fuss just a bit before falling asleep. We'd put her down awake, and I discovered (through trial and error) that 7 minutes was my cutoff. She almost always fell asleep within 7 minutes. But if she was still fussing after that, or if it ever escalated to out and out crying, I went to her.

My point--all dc are different. And you actually DO know your baby better than anyone else. Examine WHY you want to resolve these sleep issues. Is it outside pressure about being a good parent? Not a good enough reason. If it's affecting your life, your marriage, or something else important to YOU, then it is worth looking for a solution.

One other thing I did differently with the 2nd and 3rd that I didn't with the first was to NOT go to them unless/until they were crying. With the first, I got him at the first squirm or peep. But later found that they might just fall back asleep after a few 'eh, eh's'.

(Just a note, we did not do family bed because it just didn't work for me. I found I actually got MORE sleep getting up to nurse and making sure they got a full feed, rather than just topping off the tank and both of us falling back asleep. They slept in a cradle right by my side of the bed, and I had a rocker right there as well. If it had worked, I'd have been all over it, LOL).

So, that was rambling and probably way more than anybody wants to read. But it is so easy to question your decisions with your first baby, and to do what you feel you are 'supposed' to, rather than going with your gut/instincts and doing what you know in your heart to be 'best'. Not best for your best friend, or mom, or sister, or neighbor, or LLL group--but best for you, your baby and your family.

*****

So, that was a little trip down memory lane for me, and a good reminder with a new baby on the way as well.

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Jun. 2, 2006 - A beautiful day

Well, after the heat wave of the past couple of weeks, cooler drier air has descended, and it is just beautiful here today.  We can actually stand to have the windows open, so I'm feeling a lovely breeze, and listening to a Bob White call outside the window.

Dh is cutting the last of the early hay, the dc are reading, and I should be fixing dinner, but it'll keep till I'm finished here.  Oh, I also need to give haircuts tonight. 

We put up the dc's pool today.  They probably won't actually get in it for a few days to give the sun some time to warm it up, but they played in the water while it was filling.

I'm 12 weeks today!  I can't believe the first trimester is almost over.  And while I do NOT want to wish this pregnancy away, I will be glad to see the queasies  and tiredness subside.  Yesterday and today were a bit more 'green' than they had been for a few days. 

I think the most exciting thing though, is that I'm pretty sure I felt the baby yesterday!  I know it's really early, but I felt the same sort of taps several different times during the day, and in the same spot.  It really felt like baby, and not muscle twinges or gas bubbles.  Since we didn't get to hear a heartbeat last appt, and I don't go again until June 15, I felt like this was just a little, "Hi Mommy!" moment.  I haven't felt it again today, however.

I did some sewing today and got the zipper put in the dress I'm making for DD8.  I really dislike zippers!  I had to rip out the basting once and redo it, but finally got it in looking good.  She wants me to try to finish it so she can wear it to church on Sunday.  I need to trim the bottom (it's way long) and hem it and it'll be done.  So, it is a possiblity she might get her wish.  Then I'm going to start on a couple of maternity dresses for myself.  I've got a couple of higher-waisted, full skirt dresses that still work for now, but as fast as I'm growing, those won't hold out long, LOL.

I love summer break when I have more time for projects I just can't get to when schooling. 

I also need to get busy going through my Tapestry Year 2 book lists, and checking off the resources I already own.  Our homeschool convention is coming up at the end of the month, and I like to buy most of what I need there.

Well, need to go check on a cow that's due to calve any day, and then get to supper. 

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May. 26, 2006 - Much ado about nothing

It's pretty bad when you blog so infrequently that just to get to your blog, you have to request a new password because you can't remember what you used.  LOL.

Figured I'd post something (anything), just to get some words here, and maybe I'll get more in the habit of doing so.  And then maybe I'll actually get to the point that I have something profound to say that people might actually benefit from.

I've been super busy today.  I'm trying to get the house ready for company this weekend.  We are celebrating our oldest's 13th!! birthday.  HOW did that happen so quickly?  I've been working my way from the mudroom (now the NON-mudroom) to the other end of the house, doing everything necessary in one room before moving on.  At least the public areas of the house are in good shape.  I'm saving the kitchen till tomorrow.  So today, I still have 2 bathrooms to clean, and dusting in the bedrooms.  I'm finding I need frequent breaks (or at least I think I do). 

Today was our official last day of school, but it really ended up being yesterday.  The dc were motivated to do extra yesterday, so they had nothing to do today.  DS12 wanted to help his dad rake hay, and wanted to be sure to be available as soon as the dew dried.  And DS10 and DD8 wanted to be able to play with their cousins who are spending a few days with Grandma and Grandpa (who live just up the road).

I've started looking into the Tapestry book lists for year 2, to prepare for the homeschool conference at the end of June.  After the party's over, I need to get up in the attic and dig out what I have for that time period so I don't double up.

I wanted to get our new car washed as well, but that's not done yet.  I think it'll be the dc's job tomorrow.

So, that's today.  Nothing earth shattering, pretty normal, everyday stuff.  But at least I wrote *something*!

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May. 3, 2006 - Longtime no Blog

Well, it appears I am no better at journalling onlne than I am on paper!  I just got too busy to blog for awhile, and then when I actually had something important to say, lightening took out our computer and I had no access for almost a month.  When I finally did get access, I couldn't remember my username.  Figured that out, and my password wouldn't work.  Selected, forgot password, to get an email with a new one, and couldn't get the email for a few days.  In the midst of our downtime with lightening, our email provider changed names, and therefore changed the words following the @ portion of the email.  Of course, transitions like this never work the way they should, and the password email went to the old account.  (I still  haven't gotten OE to work right and have to read mail through the webmail option--forget calling customer service for help--wait times are over 2 hours.  Guess I'm not the only one having trouble).

 

Anyway, I'm here now, and I can share my big news!  On my 41st birthday (April 30), we were able to announce to my family that God is blessing us with our 4th child!  We had told the dc a few days before.  All were so happy.  My mom said she'd just been telling someone how much she missed having babies around.  She couldn't wait to share the news with all her friends. 

 

I'm due Dec 15, which makes me 7 1/2 weeks.  Feeling some of the usual symptoms of early pregnancy--nausea, extreme tiredness in the afternoons, and my belly's already growing!  I had to cave and pull out the maternity jeans a couple of days ago.  I could still wear my regular ones, but had to leave them unbuttoned.  The mat. ones are big, but much more comfortable on a queasy tummy.

 

Maybe I'll be able to blog more frequently now that I've found my way back--but no promises. LOL.

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Feb. 10, 2006 - A Trip Down Memory Lane

I have an 18 month old, blond-haired, blue-eyed toddler in my house today, and, oh my, how the memories are assailing me.  We are watching the youngest son of our Pastor overnight tonight.  He reminds me so much of my boys at that age.

We are all having a blast!  It was a challenge to 'baby-proof' this house, but we worked hard yesterday to make it as safe as we could.  We even pulled out and cleaned up some of the Little People toys to have out for him to play with.

We have the main hallways blocked off, so he is pretty well confined to the kitchen and living room (we have no doors to shut, LOL).  We even managed to get school done this morning.  I assigned one child to baby duty, and they had to keep "eyes on" at all times.  Lunch is now over, and it's playtime for a bit until time for nap.   The dc are having so much fun playing with him.  DS12 just finished having a growling contenst with the baby (one of those boy things I suppose, LOL).  He had the baby laughing so hard--those deep baby belly laughs that just make everyone else in the room laugh too.  What JOY!

It is a bit bittersweet as well.  As I face the likelihood that I'm at the end of another cycle and not pregnant, it's a reminder of how much I want another one of our own.  But, as much as it is my will, it seems it is not God's.  So we will wait on Him, and keep praying.  Meantime, I'll enjoy every minute with this sweet baby I get to borrow.

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Feb. 5, 2006 - Our first calf

We had our first calf of the season yesterday!  The mama cow had no troubles, and did a great job cleaning up her baby.  It's a girl!  The little tyke had a bit of a time getting her first meal, since her mama didn't want to stand still.  She kept turning circles to get close enough to keep licking, LOL.  (I am always reminded how glad I am that I'm not a cow when I see that--thank you God, for not making us lick our babies dry!!!)  Finally, she got on and you could just see those nursing hormones kick in as Mama relaxed and stood still.

She's a reddish color, with a white lightning shaped blaze on her forehead and down her face.

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Feb. 3, 2006 - Was I unsubmissive?

I frustrated my dh yesterday, and I'm not sure how, or how to keep it from happening.

Here's what happened.  He had finished putting the last row of boards in the closet the day before.  So, I was ready to do the next job of putting the clothes back in the closet.  (We are using some metal wardrobe things until we get the shelving in).  Dh briefly mentioned I could just leave them out, since we'd have to pull them back out later anyway--but knowing how slow progress is, and that we likely won't do closets until floors are done, and that that might be fall--I thought it'd be good to not have them sitting out in the room all that time.  (So maybe this is where I went wrong right from the start).  And I mentioned that I didn't mind pulling them out later.

Anyway, I didn't remember seeing him bring the airhose in to airnail that row in, so I asked him, if he was done in there, because if he was, I could move the clothes in, but if he wasn't I'd wait.  This was intended fully as an "I need info to know what my next move is" kind of question.  But he apparantly interpreted it as "get the row nailed in so I can do what I want to do".

He had intended to go out and start seeding.  But when I got out of the shower, he was working in the closet, and also taking the drawers out of the dresser.  (This is related to another project--we are putting felt on the furniture feet so they won't scratch the new floors, and to turn the dresser upside down, the drawers have to be out).

I asked why he was inside, when he had planned to be out, and he responded that, "I got sidetracked".

I know in the past, I asked leading questions (like, "what are you doing today?"), so I could 'suggest' what I'd like him to be doing.  I even admitted to him that I did this, and that I was trying really hard to stop.  I qualified my question with, "I didn't want to put them back, only to find you weren't done, so if it's not, I'll wait."

I know it's difficult to help when you don't know my dh, but is there a way I could have approached this that would have been clearer that I wasn't expecting him to complete the project *now*, but was only seeking information?

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Feb. 2, 2006 - Our day so far

I just sent the dc out to play (and burn off some excess energy).  I've managed to pick up a headache somewhere along the line today, and the rollerblading in the house was really grating on my last nerve.

Yes, you read that last sentence correctly.  Since we are doing all the finish work on our new house, we still have subfloor only in most rooms, which allows for some activities that will NOT be permitted once the hardwood is all in.  And the dc have discovered that rollerblading UPstairs is WAY more fun than in the basement.  Since we have no pavement anywhere outside, scooters and rollerblades are inside activities, and heretofore have been undertaken on the cement floor in the basement.  I did put my foot down and say the scooters could NOT come up. 

Anyway, we got a later start on together school than I generally like.  I was helping dh move a dresser in our room out of the way of the next flooring to go in, and then I laid the boards out for that row.

The dc had all been working on independent work, and B12 and G8 had gotten most of theirs done.  I gathered everyone to the table and we read the book of Jonah while they all colored a picture of the fish.  B12 took notes for a potential news story next week.  He was elected the pool secretary (the others are still a bit slow at notetaking).  In this unit of TOG, our group project is to write a newspaper.  The dc are very excited about this, and are doing a great job with their articles.  They've planned to do an obituarty section, and possibly funny pages as well.  "The Bethlehem Star" and "The Star of David" are two potential names they are contemplating.  Already, their summarizing skills have improved.

Then I passed out maps of the ancient Middle East, and they shaded the Assyrian Kingdom at its peak.

The youngers left to either finish independent work (B10) or play (G8), and B12 and I worked on practicing spelling words, and Latin.

Finished him and it was about lunch time, so while defrosting hamburger for sloppy joes, I popped on the puter for a few minutes.

Dh had been out seeding Lespedeza (sort of like an alfalfa), and he popped in to check on lunch progress.  Told him about 10 more minutes, and got it going.

Got back to teaching one-on-one after lunch with G8.  My, do we clash and butt heads!  She comes to the table with an attitude nearly every day, and I'm afraid I come bracing for one and am therefore harsh before we even begin.  I'm not sure what to do to change things, but change they  must.  I'll be praying about this.

B10 only needed me to dictate spelling words to practice for tomorrow's test, so that went quickly.  And I'm done being teacher for today!  YEAH!

Dh left with MIL and FIL to go look at a bull for FIL, so he won't be back till supper time.  I've got a quiet house!

I SHOULD be cleaning up the mudroom (it is living up to its name these days), and I will.  In a minute....

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Feb. 2, 2006 - I've been tagged

The first 2 are going to be tough, because I am pretty culturally illiterate, LOL.  I haven't been to the movies in ages, and we rarely rent them,  and I spend more time listening to talk radio than to music, but I'll try.

7 awesome movies

1. The Sound of Music
2. 7 Brides for 7 Brothers
3. ok, most musicals would fit here
4. ??
5.
6.
7.


7 Great Music People

1.  Competely drawing a blank here.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.


7 people I talk to almost every day

1. DH
2. B12
3. B10
4. G8
5. MIL
6. Ladies at the Haven
7. Our cats

7 things I love

1. God
2. My family
3. teaching my dc
4. strawberry pie
5. living on a farm
6. reading
7. sewing


7 things you could call me

1. serious
2. loyal
3. lazy
4. bossy (that's from my dc)
5. content
6. quiet
7. flexible


7 states I love

1.Missouri
2. Hawaii
3. Colorado
4. Utah
5. Florida
6. Washington (never been there, but hope to someday)
7.


7 people that I will tag

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

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Feb. 1, 2006 - First Blog Ever

Well, I took the plunge.  I've been thinking of blogging for awhile, but am sort of concerned about the time it might take.  So, I'll give it a try and see how it goes.

As a brief introduction, my dh and I live on a farm in the midwest where we raise grass-fed beef for retail sale, and have chickens for meat and eggs for ourselves.  We also grow a pretty substantial garden and I can quite a bit of the harvest.  We have 3 dc, referred to here as B12-7th grade, B10-5th grade and G8-3rd grade.  We are in our 7th year of homeschooling, and use an eclectic mix, but primarily are classical in our approach.  We just started using Tapestry of Grace this year, and are very happy with it.

I chose my blog title because I've always liked the image of God being the weaver of the tapestry of our lives, with us seeing the knotted, hazy picture on the underside.  Sometimes the design is clearer than others, but most often, as a section is being woven, it is just not possible to see where He's going with it.

For now, I must get busy directing our school day.  I hope to connect with some friends here, and meet some new along the way.

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