November 1, 2004 I said good-bye before I ever got to say hello to our precious son. Joshua Aaron. Perfect. Beautiful. Precious. Loved. And so still.

I have been wanting to share about my Joshua for a few days but I could never seem to get my fingers to move. My thoughts to be organized. My tears to stop. But I want to share Joshua with others. I don't want him forgotten.

Joshua was born still 2 years ago. We will never know why. And I honestly don't know how much comfort that would bring.

I remember so vividly the night before he was born. I remember where I was; exactly what I was wearing, where I sat, who I was talking to and that Punkin was sitting on my lap eating ice. I remember coming home and being so tired. So ready for Joshua to come. I remember how excited we were to meet our son.

The next day started with such excitement and ended so cruelly and suddenly and and and. . . I can not even put it into words. I still feel like the breath was knocked out of me. I still remember thinking they had to be wrong. My boy could not be gone. I had felt him kick and wiggle and squirm.  We had just heard the heartbeat 2 days before. Why? Why?

He was a beautiful, perfect, precious little boy. So perfect with beautiful brown hair and a sweet little mouth. I pray that one day the empty feeling in my arms will fade. That I can remember him without feeling a knife through my heart.

Joshua Aaron. Forever my baby. Happy Birthday.

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In preparation for our move and all the changes coming, we had discussed Joseph in our Bible studies. He had some very difficult times and in the end he gave God all the glory for what he had overcome.

Well, today, in my usual ungraceful fashion, I was dropping everything I picked up. I was behind schedule. Oh wait, I was completely off schedule. Why even kid myself right?  And I verbalized my frustration. You know, the occasional; "this is just not my day", "if I drop one more thing", etc etc. Really  just desiring to find a quiet spot to hide in, lol.

This afternoon after another one of my verbalizations, Cuddles said, "What you think is evil He is turning into good." Thanks for the perspective Cuddles. A very beautiful reminder that my little drops here and there aren't enough to ruin my whole day!

So if you are having a rough day, just remember, He is working it out for good!

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We are soooo very excited!!! We have found a home to rent. It will be a few more weeks before we move. Which is great since I have lots of packing to get done! Not always the quickest task with 5 helpers, lol.

A wonderful testimony! We have been praying for the *perfect* house. We looked at several houses but none were the one. The kiddos had been praying that we would find the perfect house and that we could keep our pets. Well, God is good. This is the first house that has said yes to pets!! They were very excited!!!

Eventually I will get to posting more on schooling. I am educating my kiddos, lol. One day I'll share a glimpse into our day to day tasks.

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Wednesday night, hubby wasn't at home, so I did our devotion before bed.  We talked about Joseph and what his brothers had done to him. And how in the end it had been a blessing becuase it save his family during the famine.

The Bible says that what men do for evil, God uses for good. This was a very timely devotion in our home. Our kiddos have quite a few shockers in the past few weeks. We will be leaving our church and home of 4 years. Then this week we told them that we may have to find new homes for our 2 cats and dog. Every place we look at to rent say no pets.

Yesterday was tough for Cuddles and Doodles. And I thanked God last night for His always perfect timing! We had a great discussion about it before bed!

So today. Today I woke up running behind. I'm sure you have had that kind of day as well!!  I go to take care of an errand for my hubby and it did not work out. They would not let me handle the situation;so hubby has to do it on Monday. I was not happy and I was running late for speech.

I pull into the bank (another errand for hubby) I comment that it will be the hand of the Lord working if we made it to speech on time. (Now the kiddos saw and heard what happened earlier so Cuddles knew of my frustration.) She commented, "what others do for evil, God uses for His good." Hmm, well that put my frustration into perspective. I thanked her for that reminder. It peirced my heart! I was letting a little bump in my plans ruin my whole day!!

So we leave the bank and head to speech. I pull into my parking spot and without thinking, say, "Wow, we are early." Cuddles replys, "Praise the Lord". Yep, He is working it our for His good. How humbling to have my 7yr old remind me of that!!!

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We did our history tonight at 7:45 pm. Hmmmm, a tad behind schedule but isn't that one of the joys of homeschooling?

We use TruthQuest History; American History for Young Students I. The children love it and are learning so much! Currently we are studying the colonies. We have covered the Lost Colony and Jamestown. Tonight we did some introduction to Pilgrims.

I was reading and the kiddos were adding their thoughts.  I explained what "pilgrim" meant; refers to those who leave comfortable life behind and head for an important spiritual place". To help them understand it a bit better, I thought to use our life as an example. Not a perfect example but I thought an OK one, lol.

So I explained that it was a lot like what was happening to us now. We had a nice comfortable life at WB Church but God was calling us on a different journey to start a church, a type of spiritual journey. They just kind of sat there for a minute and then my Doodlebug said, "We're Pilgrims! You mean we are pilgirms?!?!??!" Very excited, lol. I think she got the point.

I love it when they enjoy what they are learning. Can't wait to continue our journey tomorrow!  (Of course Cuddlebug has read all the books I had set aside for history; have to plan that better next time)

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I posted a few days ago that we were going to be leaving our current church.  Our children have been handling it well. I'm prepared for when it becomes more of a reality; when I actually start packing, when we find a new home and when we actually move.

But today, we had a bittersweet conversation. We had a meeting at church tonight and we were getting all buckled in. Cuddles told me that she was a little sad about leaving the church. I told her that was understandable and that we were all a bit sad.

Then she told me that she didn't want to leave Joshua. November 1, 2004 we lost our son. We buried him on November 5, 2204. He is buried in the cememtery at our church. So our girls often go there when we are at church to "check" on him, place cards or pictures they have made "for" him.

It broke my heart. Cuddles was trying so hard not to cry but she was upset that we would be leaving Joshua. I assured her that we would visit as often as they would like. We are only going to be moving 30 minutes or so away. I told her that whenever they wanted to come, we would load up the van and make a trip to visit.

I understand. I struggle with it as well. We had to say good-bye too soon to Joshua. I find great comfort in just going to his resting place and praying to my Heavenly Father. Taking peace from knowing that His plan is perfect.

But is was also a balm to my heart to hear Cuddles struggle. I don't want Joshusa forgotten. It hurts to know that some of my children will never know him or remember him. Cuddles does. Cuddles remembers. She misses him.

Doodles wants to do something special when we leave. I thought of having a special arrangement made to put at his headstone. Something. Let the girls help with it.

I'm not sure. It has been a long, difficult day for so many reasons.

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Isn't it amazing when you take the time to sit and relect. Think of the past few years and remember how you were and how far you have come.

If you had asked me 5 or 10 years ago if I would be here right now, I would have said never. But God is amazing and awesome and He works in ways we may never understand.

My hubby is a pastor. We have been serving at an amazing church full of people who love us overwhelming and whom we love with all our hearts. Today my hubby told the church that we are leaving.  It was so difficult. Hmm, that is such an understatement. We had invisioned us staying here for many years, having our children grow up here and enjoying many days with our wonderful church family and friends.

But God's plans were different. For quite sometime the Lord had been working in our family and changing our views and thoughts on so many things. We then realized that He was calling us to start a church. We, of course, were shocked and scared and excited and speechless. A great deal of time was spent in prayer. This was no simple task. How could we leave those we loved so dearly? But God was calling us to a new work,  a new type of ministry.

So today my hubby told the church and there were many tears. And my heart was broken for all the dear friends I have here. There was so much I wanted to say but that will come in the next few weeks. Our children are handling it amazingly well. They are sad at the thought of leaving the only church they know. Our oldest is only 7 and we have been there 4 years this weekend. 

A lot of changes are at hand. We live in a church parsonage so we will have to find a home. My hubby has been a full time pastor and will now be bi-vocational. So a job that can support a family of seven must be found. What an exciting time!! We are fully trusting on the Lord; knowing He is not going to call us out without providing for us as well. He has always been faithful.

I know my thoughts may be rambling. There is just so much on my heart right now. I would just ask that if you are reading this to please pray for our family. Life as we have known it for some time is going to change in a major way. Pray that the church we are leaving will seek and find the man God has set aside for them. Pray that as we start a new ministry that we will stay true to what God has called us.

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My hubby and I had many talks about how we needed to work harder at getting the children to take responsiblities around the house. Well on a regular basis. I kept saying that I would get it all worked out but never did. So several weeks ago, my darling hubbyman purchased Manager of Their Chores/ChorePacks for me. Awww, how sweet. Naturally it took me weeks to get it together and ready to use. One reason or another always stopped my from beginning to implement the ChorePacks.

Well today was the first day with the ChorePacks. Last night we went over the chores and they were all excited. I was awakened this morning by Cuddles telling me they were ready to start their chores. I wanted more sleep but decided that it would be foolish to quench their enthusiasm.

It was a great success. Not perfect; but great! They all worked so hard and were so excited! They wanted more chores. I told them not to worry; more chores are on the way, lol.  It was nice to see their excitement and joy in doing a simple task. I have few kinks to work out and a few techniques that need to be directed a bit. I wonder why I waited so long to put this into place. It is going to be a great blessing!

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Does that word strike fear in your heart? Are you running for the plastic tablecloth to contain the mess? Are you thinking, "not in my house!"?

I love Play-doh. It is just a simple pleasure. And if you use Play-doh around little ones, they think you can make the coolest things!

So Sunday afternoon, I got Peanut down for a nap and told the other 4 kiddos that we would get out the Play-doh. Shouts of happiness rang out. Everyone picked a color and began to create.

Usually, I tell them to keep their colors to themselves. Why? I have no clue. I have tons of Play-doh. So when Cuddlebug began creating she asked for some of my red. I said sure and the fun began. Our playtime quickly turned into science as we made all different colors with our Play-doh.

Here is Cuddlebug's creation:

Just for clarification, the red blob is the dog I created. She made it so he could dig a hole in the grass. Bad dog!

Well of course all this creating made them hungry. So Doodlebug lead us in pizza making; hand-tossed no less. Hmmmmm not sure that I will have any though.

Yummy! Hand-tossed Play-doh pizza. I'll pass.Let's just say the pizza hit the floor more than it hit anything else! But it was great fun as I sat in the restuarant watching them toss the pizzas.

What a fun and relaxing afternoon. I think they enjoyed themselves.

Although all that pizza tossing seemed to have some lasting effects:

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I can't believe how much time has passed since my last entry!!! It would be lovely if I could say that time slipped by due to my being busy getting my life organized. Yes that would be lovely. Unfortunately not true!!!

Life has been anything but boring this summer. And it appears that the Lord is going to shake things up a bit as well. Can't wait to share!!!!!

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Peanut usually goes down at night around 8/8:30pm. Then she gets up anywhere from 11-12:30 to nurse a bit. After that she is asleep until around 5 or 6am. I would love for that 11ish nursing to be gone but it really isn't a problem.

OK, so last night I'm trying to figure some things out on Photoshop and lost track of time. Next thing I know my darling hubby tells me that Peanut is calling me. So I head back to get her.

Now she has been pulling up a bit here and there during the day. So I should have been prepared for this. I walk into the room and scream. My darling superhero hubby thought something was terribly wrong and came running to the rescue. Um, nothing wrong dear. Peanut is just standing in the crib. Yes standing! And I screamed; the girl scared me to death! She was staring at the door and must have thought I was crazy because she just started laughing.

Then this morning around 5 I awoke to her making raspberries on the crib railings. Good morning mommy!

Speaking of mommy; that is what I have heard all day. Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma. . .. on and on. I love it!!! My darling hubbyman keeps going say, "Da da". And she just scrunches up her nose and laughs. Hee hee.

Ok, I have a ton of things I need to get done tonight!!!! Chorepacks for the kiddos; which I will post more on in a bit hopefully. Edu-track loaded back up and start putting in the information needed. Organization, organization. Not my strongest point!

Oh, here I go procrastinating again. . . back to work!

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I have a lovely assortment of scrapbooking supplies. All placed nicely in a box; collecting dust. My intentions were good and honorable. And that is about all they were, lol. It seems I never have the time to take everything out, set it up, use it and then put is all away. Also it is a bit overwhelming to realize that our wedding photos are not in an album and neither are all the pictures of my 5 children.

How could I ever catch up?

Well, digital scrapbooking maybe the anwser I was searching for! At first I was hesistant. I have issues with change sometimes. I was the lady who didn't want a digital camera and of course now I love it.

So this week I hesistantly entered the world of digi-scrapping and I love it!! Here are the layouts I have done tonight:

I can't wait until I learn more about digi-scrapping and the program I am using!!!

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My journey with cloth diapers has been a long and sometimes painful one.

Cuddlebug never experienced an attempt with cloth diapers. I of course had no thoughts of cloth for her. Then Doodlebug came along and money was a bit tight and I thought it made sense to give it a try. Well I got prefold for her and thought, no way!!! I mean look how bulky! That has to be so uncomfortable. And ewwww when she had a "bad" diapers. She was also a tiny little thing and in hindsight, I think I had purchased the wrong size for her.

Then came along Buddy. I had learned a very important lesson. Stay away from prefolds! So I went with a fitted, one size diaper. I really like them. They worked great but again that bulky behind just bothered me for some reason. Thankfully I was a bit smarter this time around and had only purchased one. My hubby was greatly pleased that I did not spend more money than was necessary.

Now I was not going to be defeated! Punkin head made her arrival and a few months down the road I got to thinking about cloth again. My dear hubby got concerned. Hee hee. This time I purchased a one-size pocket dipe. Oh is was wonderful!!! But the price to buy as many as I felt I needed was too steep. My darling hubby felt that I did not need to add to my laundry. (That was his very sweet way of saying that I struggled to keep my laundry caught up. He really did not want to deal with smelly dipes. He is so sweet to me!) So back to disposables.

Then I told myself to forget about cloth. I purchased my 'sposies from Sam's in bulk so it wasn't that bad.

Now we have our delightful little Peanut. Precious little blessing has super sensitive skin. Our normal store-brand, low price diapers break her out. She can only wear the most pricey 'sposies. (Darling hubby says she is a lot like her mommy. I'm going to take that as a compliment.)  Even with those she often was breaking out.

So I secretly began a search on cloth diapers again. I mean we are on a well so water is basically free and I could hang the dipes out to dry. We would save a bundle which would be a blessing right now. Well, I stumbled across the bumGenius diaper. Oh my! I love them!!! I dear, sweet friend let me borrow two to try out. I love them!!!! I thought this I have to have!

My hubby saw them and said OK. One catch. The price. Ouch! Well worth every penny; but when our purpose is to save money, it doesn't quite work out. So I told hubby that I would buy a dozen prefold and make due until I could save enough to get the bumGenius.

Well, you know what. After my 6yr (?) journey with cloth diapers, I kind of like these prefolds. I have used them today and like them. I love my little Snappi fastener. I love the big ole cloth diapered bottom. (Ok there is nothing big about Peanut but anyway. . ) I told my hubby I don't know if I'll go with the bumGenius. I may just order another dozen prefolds.

He said he was very proud of me. Ahhhhh. . . Made my whole day! Wow, for the price of one pack of disposables, I have my Peanut diapered for quite some time. What took me so long?

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Yes, my kiddos keep my humble.

I am sitting at the computer getting ready to install a program. (This is a whole other post!) Doodle is gone with her daddy to make a visit to the hospital. Buddy and Punkin are reading books on the floor. Peanut is napping and Cuddles is counting money.

Beautiful picture. Until conversation comes into play. I'm sitting here singing. Ok, yes I'm playing around; singing dramatically. Thought crosses my mind that, hmmmm, I don't sound to bad.

Then reality, by the name of Cuddles, enters in. She says, "Mom could you stop singing." I was like, "Excuse me??? Why?" (We are playing around; no disrespect). She replies, "It keeps making me laugh and when I laugh I mess up in counting my money." Lovely. Just lovely.

I mean my day started with my son throwing up Cocoa Puffs (hubby's choice of cereal; not mine!) and then having to stay home from church. Then to be told my singing brings people to laughter; when that isn't the goal.

Humble; nothing like a kiddo or two to keep you humble.

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That is how I'm feeling today.  Why do my kiddos grow up so fast??? When you are pregnant, that 9 months feels like a lifetime. Then once they are born, life flies by!

So I have a few pictures to share. Warning; they are adorable!!!

Doodlebug lost her third tooth. But it was the first tooth that didn't already have the permanent tooth in behind it. So she finally has a big gaping hole in her mouth. She is thrilled!

Now there is Peanut. A tiny little thing. Most people can't believe she is 7 months old. Ah, now I have proof!

And of course she is so proud of herself!

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Maybe the only thing I can do is a little of both!! It has been a wonderful day. I have laughed and now as I look back and reflect on our day I feel a little like crying!

The only "school" we completed today was math. Well technically, but let me share some of our more interesting moments. . . .

We adopted a cat from a family. She is a beautiful 8mth old kitty named Magnolia. We have been calling her Maggie. Punkin, 2, has been talking and talking about LoLa. I finally figured out today that she meant Magnolia; she was just having trouble getting it all out. So naturally, I kept asking the cat's name all day. She finally progressed from LoLa to Maggie-ola. I love it! Even as I sit and think of it now, I chuckle. Precious!

As I was helping the kiddos brush their teeth tonight, I encountered a dinosaur. Buddy always tells me he is some different wild animal when I'm brushing his teeth. Tonight, as he ran into the bathroom, he informed me that he was a dinosaur with big dinosaur teeth. As I flossed and brushed his teeth, I acted as if I were scared he would chomp me at any moment. He very sweetly said, "Mommy I'm not going to bite you. I'm a plant eating dinosaur." Good thing to know when you are brushing dinosaur teeth! Then he informed me that his dinosaurs, you know the toy ones, could talk. But the real dinosaurs that are dead now, can't talk. I feel very informed tonight!

Now for our nature study today. Hey, I guess we did more "school" than I thought!!!  We had to go and pick up my hubby's van from the shop today. He decided on the way home we would stop and grab some dinner. Yummy! So we are following behind him. As we are moving through traffic, we were in the left lane. On my right I see this huge bird come flying into traffic. The car to the left of my hubby swerved. So the bird headed toward the front of my hubby's van. Unfortuntaely, he was unable to avoid the bird. It appeared to be having trouble flying and hit my hubby's van dead on. I see feathers, literally, fly up under the van and onto my van! We exit off and my hubby pulls over to where there is some road construction. He removes the hawk. Some very nice construction man said that he would discard the hawk; for my hubby to just lay him in the grass.

The hawk was huge!!!! Massive wing span; huge claws!  Hubby said that the hawk had a rabbit and lost him at the side of the road. I guess the hawk was trying to recover his dinner and sadly flew into traffic.

Now Doodle is my bird lover; also the one who was so upset over our kitty that was hit by a car. So the whole way home we talk about the hawk. How he was hit and that daddy couldn't do anything about it. Doodle was certain that if her daddy had been able to save the hawk he would have rushed the hawk to the vet. Daddy; her personal hero. Finally, we get off the topic of the hawk. Then all of a sudden she say, "You know mom, that hawk wasn't all that smart." Hmmm, she might be on to something there!

Now Peanut studied mostly PE today and practiced pulling herself up and giving mommy a heartattack when she would just let go and start to fall. Backwards. Crazy girl!

Then there is Cuddle. The child I had to force to go outside. Why? Because she didn't want to put her book down. Finally got her outside. Know what she did? Sat with me on a blanket while I read to her from Understood Betsy. And you want to know what? I loved every special, cuddle, bugs are biting us minute!!! Everyone else was running around. But Cuddlebug sat there with me and Peanut. We just talked and read; it was such a blessing to me!!

I am a baby lover! I love to hold and cuddle babies! I always worried that as my children got older that I wouldn't enjoy them as much. What was I so worried about? We discuss books, the Bible and she is a huge help around the house.  She's the best 7 year old I've got.

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As I sit here tonight, working on getting some household and school related items organized my mind wanders and various thoughts pass through my mind.

There are a lot of issues going on in our home right now. It appears that change is about to come upon us in a major way. Years ago I would have been scared to the core. Questioning every step of the way. Doubting choices and plans made.

What an amazing God we serve!! I have been so deeply changed! I am excited at change!! I look forward to the adventure. I am realistic that it could and probably will be difficult. But that no longer overshadows the journey!

God has so amazingly showed me that He is faithful and that I am never alone! He is always there to hold me up and place me the shelter of His arms.

I look back and I still feel the pain that led me to this point in my walk with the Lord. And as difficult as it has been, I am so thankful for those painful times. So thankful that I can have the joy now!!

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We are using Exploring Creation through Astronomy for our science. All the kiddos are enjoying it and learning so much!

Currently we are studying the sun. One of the suggested activities is to melt a chocolate bar with a magnifying glass and the sun. I decided in the name of science I could sacrifice a chocolate bar.

For some reason, Buddy did not want to join us outside, Punkin was sleeping; so it was just Cuddles and Doodle. They had a great time. As it was melting I told them to touch it. The could see the chocolate melting but I wanted them to realize how quickly it was happening. After they touched it, they naturally licked their fingers.

Cuddles (7) replied, "Mmmmm, it taste just like chocolate pudding!" I wonder if she missed the point of the activity? But they had a great time. Doodle wanted to burn a hole in a piece of grass and we did that as well. Unfortunately we did not get a picture of that one.

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On one of my previous entries I mentioned my Freecycle treasure: the piano. My hubby and some friends went and picked up the lovely piano. How should I put this? The lovely musical instrument is going to need some gentle restoration. So it is not in our home yet. We need to find someone who can help us decide if it can be restored and how expensive that will be.

But you know we serve an awesome and might God? Just a couple of days later we find out that a lady in our church is getting rid of her piano. Free. Perfectly delightful piano. It is now in our dining room. The children are enjoying it so much! (OK so am I). We will soon be purchasing a teach yourself piano course. I am so excited to learn and hopefully to teach our children!!

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You know sometimes, ok pretty much all the time, my kiddos provide us with many smiles and chuckles. 

We often tell the girls how pretty, cute or beautiful they look. Naturally our son does not want to be called any of those. So I call him handsome. Well the other day Buddy was in the playroom. I was in the kitchen with  my hubby. I said, "Hey handsome", talking to my hubby. Buddy came running in the kitchen and said "Yes ma'am." He thought I had called him. Too cute!!

Then Friday my hubby walked past me and Buddy was lying on the floor. I said, "What'cha doing handsome?" And of course Buddy says, "Nothing, you told my to lay down."  My hubby said, "Um she was talking to me." So Buddy gets that cute little face of his and laughs. He is just too cute but don't tell him I called him that!

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