After reading Jocelyn's latest posts on college and marriage I got to thinking about growing up in general. I mean, I know it's something everyone has to do and does do, but sometimes it seems like it either happens too fast or not fast enough. I guess I've been thinking more about it because of certain members of my family growing up and moving forward in their lives. As an example, my cousin started college and now we don't see him as much. My brother is finishing school and when he does who knows how long he'll be home? I think he wants to get an apartment with my cousin (the one that's going to college) so that my cousin won't have to drive so far everyday and so my brother can get a job in Boise. I'm okay with that and all, but then I'll be the oldest kid at home. I can't even imagine how that will be. I've always had my brother to do things and to talk to and it will just be weird not having him.

 

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It also is a reminder that I too have to grow up and move on. When my brother moves out I'll have to take on more responsibilities. I'll be the one my little brothers watch and learn from. It will always be my job to make dinner when my mom has to work. Alex won't be there when I have questions about a school book that he's already done. Nope, it'll just be me. And I'll have to grow up and learn how to do more. At first I thought about it in a different way, like 'man, Alex will be gone and I'm gonna be left here to do all this stuff without him.' but now I see it the way I should have all along. It's not me being left behind, it's me moving forward and learning how to be more helpful to my family. My Dad and Mom will need me here to help with the boys and chores and all kinds of other things I can't think of right now. I'm moving forward too, even if it doesn't seem like it. And even though I will miss my brother, I'll be okay. He's growing up just like he's supposed to, and so am I. God is still teaching me how to be a home-keeper. He's still working with me. I just need to trust Him and believe that He knows what is best for me. Because I sure don't! The only One I trust to lead my life is the Lord, and in order for that to happen I have to give all my worries and concerns over to Him.

 

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So that is where I stand. I am not going anywhere, but yet I am. God is working with me and helping me to learn and grow in the safety of my own home. Someday it will be my turn to venture out in to the big scary world, but for now I still have work to do. And I'll do my best to work hard. As long as I have my God to trust in and my family to serve I'm fine where ever I am.

 

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~Nikki