The battle between me, this world, and my ability to ignore it, is constant. I say this so often; I know it must seem like I'm just an incredibly weak person in order for this to be a problem so often for me, and I know I'm supposed to let God lead me through it all, and I would like to think I'm trying. But obviously I must be holding back and being stubborn for it to still be such a hard thing for me to do.

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This year has been pretty hard for me as far as letting the LORD lead my life. It's almost as if I forget that He's supposed to be the writer, producer, and director of my life. It's kind of like I just want him to be the audience and applaud me for doing a fine job on my own. I know this isn't right. I know that the reason I feel the way I do is because I'm doing it wrong. I'm doing it my way. I sure do hate the fact that I let so much time pass without the LORD's guidance and wisdom. Why am I this way?? I so desperately want to change. I pray, I feel like I'm trying to let Him, and then I just default back to my way. Please pray for me. That's all I can ask for.

Thanks.

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~Nikki