Sep. 9, 2009 Goodness! What a Year!
My oh my, what a year it has been! The summer has just flown by and now we're looking autumn right in the face. It's amazing and scary all at once.
As my last post stated, I've had a bit of a hard time handling things this year. I think it has to do with having more responsibilities and not knowing where to start. This year my older brother got a job, a car, and well, the start of his own life. My parents are struggling with this, and understandably so. He's their firstborn, their "baby" and they don't want to see him rush off into the unknown just yet. Oh, he stills lives here and helps out and everything, but he's not here as much and can't come with us on little trips as often. I miss him, too.
I guess on the selfish side of things, I miss him because it means I have quite a bit more to do. Maybe not even that much more to do, I just know that people depend on me more now. Mom needs me to make dinner on the nights that my brother (and my mom) work. Dad needs me to help out more with the yard work. My brothers need me to be there for them; playing silly boy games and rough-housing with them. I'll never be as good at all those things as my older brother, but I'm learning how to do my best. And honestly, it's hard for me. I'm used to kind of living in his shadow and copying what he does. Now I have to strike out on my own and try to make things work.
I think I have been feeling a sense of panic about all this. I feel like time is running away from me; going so much faster than I can keep up with. Everyone is growing up, everything is changing. People are expecting me to grow up, too. And rightfully so, I suppose.
It's kind of funny; people have always treated me as if I were much younger than I actually am. I've looked 12 years old for almost 5 years now, and for the most part it hasn't bothered me. It still doesn't bother me too much. The thing is, now I feel rushed. The youthful look won't do me any good now. This is it, life won't take pity on me because I'm small and look like a child. I'm growing up. But I have the LORD on my side! And as long as I can remember that I will always have a reason to smile and keep going.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. (KJV)
~Nikki |
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Apr. 4, 2009 Shocking. Kind, But Shocking.
I just found out that I was the featured blogger on the Backyard. I am truly and pleasantly honored, but also shocked. When I first started writing on here it was simply a way to get out what I felt and share my growing love of The LORD. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought my posts could be called encouraging. I want to be an encouragement to anyone who comes by my blog, but I didn't think I was very good at it.
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My main goal on here is to let people know that even Christians have weaknesses. God allows us to stumble but says He will always be here for us. Always. He helps us through everything.
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Psalm 37:23-24 (KJV)
23The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.
24Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.
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So even though I never quite know what I'm doing, I'm so glad someone finds my writing encouraging. I am growing very fond of using Bible verses in my posts because that's what I want people to see on my blog. I want them to understand that God is for everyone. He's for the rich, the poor, and the disorganized sixteen year old. Thank you to any and all who read my posts. May you all be blessed.
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~Nikki
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Jan. 7, 2009 New Years Resolutions?
Okay, I am back now from my little trip. I had a really nice time visiting with family but am SO GLAD to be home. There is no place like home!
I've noticed a lot of ads for exercise equipment, garage organizers, weight loss programs, and a bunch or other things to help people with their New Years Resolutions. Every year for the past four or five years I have made my own "To Do" list for the new year. I looked over my list from this past year and was amazed to see that I had done almost all the things on my list. I was quite pleased with myself as I read over the list and mentally patted myself on the back for sticking to the plan so well. Then, like a bolt of lightning striking my body, I noticed something. Some of the few things that seem to have been ignored were these:
"Read the Bible every day and become closer to the LORD."
"Work harder at getting rid of things that take time away from serving the LORD."
"Pray for all the people across the world who do not yet know the LORD."
Do you notice a theme there? Yeah, at first I wasn't even sure I wanted to admit to such a thing on my blog, but then I decided maybe it would help me to be better about it if I acknowledged my error. So for this year I have a new plan. No New Years Resolutions. Does that mean that I won't try to make things happen every day? No. It means I'm not going to place importance on anything other than the above. And I do not need a piece of paper to remind me of those things. Of course I need to do them! I almost cried when I realized how my year had turned out. I was so busy with other things, things not near as important as getting to know God better, that I totally ignored those three extremely crucial lines. I did it thinking it would 'be there later' and knowing some of the other things wouldn't wait. But what else could be more important?! My goodness, I am so ashamed. So yes, for 2009 I am not making a list. My plan is to rely on the LORD to guide me. I am going to seek God, read my Bible, and pray with all my heart. Maybe by the end of this year I will be closer to the LORD and not be so stubborn about having things done my own way. I may not have a list this year, but what I know I need to do is the most important thing ever.
HAPPY 2009 TO EVERYONE! May you all grow in the LORD and be abundantly blessed!
~Nikki |
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Nov. 30, 2008 The Time Has Come
Hello anyone who still stumbles upon this blog from time to time. A Dear Friend has informed me that the time has come for an update. So now I'm going to babble on in an attempt to bring this here blog up to speed. Here we go!
On Thanksgiving I went to a friend's house. It was my first Thanksgiving away from home, but it was nice. It was just my good friend, her mother, and myself, but it was quiet and lovely. This is not how I normally spend Thanksgiving, though. Normally we spend it with my mom's family, everyone chattering, women making sure everything is "just so" and children everywhere, but this year my mom had to work, my aunts and uncles had things to do, and everyone just did their own thing. It was sad, but it was still nice.
On to other things....
My family is planning to visit our cousins in Seattle soon. My older brother and I will be flying while my parents and younger brothers drive up. The last time I was on an ariplane I was about five years old and tried to stand up while it was landing. Hopefully I won't pull that little stunt this time! I am really excited about this trip. My family and I went to Seattle when I was eight, but I don't remember too much. Just that I liked it. I will finally have new things to take pictures of! Woot!
I will also be marking off another year of my life soon. And I have to say, this year felt good. I remember when I turned fourteen it felt so weird. The weirdest mixture of fear and excitement. I wanted to be older, to take a step closer to becoming the person God wants for me to be. I want to be that person, too! But at the same time I was scared of that person. Scared of the next step. I felt like I hadn't done anything with my life that year. I mean, how much can a thirteen year old do? Well, I found out some things this year. No matter what age you are, no matter if you're five feet and two inches (like me) or six feet and three inches, you make a difference. The important part is making sure you're making the right difference. I fell in love with faith this year. I learned that no matter what happens to me, or around me, the LORD is always in control. He's always there. I've turned my face from Him more times than I care to admit, but He has always been there for me. Calling me back. Holding out his arms. Bringing me back in so many different ways. I am truly thankful for this year. I've grown. I still need to grow so much, but I know it will be okay. My Savior will make sure it will. The other night I was feeling rebellious and stubborn, and whenever I feel that way I try to read my Bible. It's the only sensible thing I can think to do. As I opened it I saw a piece of paper with a verse on it.
2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
I needed that. I needed to remember that my way won't work. It never does. Nothing in this world can bring me through all the challenges in life, all the struggles I face. Only The LORD can. So I say; Bring on the new year! With my Best Friend, I can tackle anything. And this Thanksgiving, that is what I am most thankful for. A Savior that loves me and never leaves me.
God bless you and yours.
~Nikki |
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Aug. 8, 2008 Take a deep breath of summer air.
Ah, as I take a deep breath of this fine summer air I inhale smoke, toxins from the sprayed fields by our house, and dust still lingering in the air from last nights wind storm. No, I'm not being negative, I'm being matter-of-fact. Idaho air is awful in the summertime.
My poor brother is sick with a cold and I half blame it on the air quality. Next week we will be going to the mountains to camp and I hear the air is nice and clear up out of our valley. I'm hoping that's so. Sometimes the air is even worse in McCall because of their fires. We'll have to see.
I guess that's quite enough of my rambling about my state's air quality concerns. This was actually meant to be a post to talk about summer being almost over. People keep saying "Can you believe summer is almost over?" and at first I want to say "No! Where did it go, anyway?" but then I think of all that has happened this summer. I took Driver's Ed, went camping, saw my mom's whole family at their annual gathering, spent time with my cousins, had family stay with us for a bit, and many other things. I guess what really brought this on was the fact that my cousin, and one of my best friends, turned 14 yesterday. I can hardly believe she's already 14! But then again, I can. She has grown up so much over the summer. She's tall now, very pretty (though she always has been), sweet, funny, smart, and she has also really grown in her faith this last year. I can tell that her belief's are stronger, her trust deeper, and her attitude is one of a happy and content Christian. She is still learning and growing, but she knows this. She's ready for it. I'm so proud of her. She is truly an inspiration to me.
It's funny, she's younger than me, but she has taught me, just by living her life, so much about being a Christian. I feel so blessed to have her as a friend. And the same is to be said about my online friends. Some of you have taught me so much, even though I've never met you. I read your posts and learn. I see how you handle things, how you view things, and I learn. Not from all the blogs I read, but from some. And I thank the Lord for those blogs and the people who write them. To get on with my post I'll just say this, my summer was not wasted. I learned, had fun, and even made some friends. Thank you to all of the bloggers who have taken the time to write encouraging, God-praising posts to teach their brothers and sisters in Christ. I really appreciate them.
I'm off to close up the windows before it gets hot. Summer's not over yet, ya know. ;)
Blessings,
~Nikki |
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Mar. 10, 2008 Growing and Trusting.
After reading Jocelyn's latest posts on college and marriage I got to thinking about growing up in general. I mean, I know it's something everyone has to do and does do, but sometimes it seems like it either happens too fast or not fast enough. I guess I've been thinking more about it because of certain members of my family growing up and moving forward in their lives. As an example, my cousin started college and now we don't see him as much. My brother is finishing school and when he does who knows how long he'll be home? I think he wants to get an apartment with my cousin (the one that's going to college) so that my cousin won't have to drive so far everyday and so my brother can get a job in Boise. I'm okay with that and all, but then I'll be the oldest kid at home. I can't even imagine how that will be. I've always had my brother to do things and to talk to and it will just be weird not having him.
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It also is a reminder that I too have to grow up and move on. When my brother moves out I'll have to take on more responsibilities. I'll be the one my little brothers watch and learn from. It will always be my job to make dinner when my mom has to work. Alex won't be there when I have questions about a school book that he's already done. Nope, it'll just be me. And I'll have to grow up and learn how to do more. At first I thought about it in a different way, like 'man, Alex will be gone and I'm gonna be left here to do all this stuff without him.' but now I see it the way I should have all along. It's not me being left behind, it's me moving forward and learning how to be more helpful to my family. My Dad and Mom will need me here to help with the boys and chores and all kinds of other things I can't think of right now. I'm moving forward too, even if it doesn't seem like it. And even though I will miss my brother, I'll be okay. He's growing up just like he's supposed to, and so am I. God is still teaching me how to be a home-keeper. He's still working with me. I just need to trust Him and believe that He knows what is best for me. Because I sure don't! The only One I trust to lead my life is the Lord, and in order for that to happen I have to give all my worries and concerns over to Him.
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So that is where I stand. I am not going anywhere, but yet I am. God is working with me and helping me to learn and grow in the safety of my own home. Someday it will be my turn to venture out in to the big scary world, but for now I still have work to do. And I'll do my best to work hard. As long as I have my God to trust in and my family to serve I'm fine where ever I am.
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~Nikki
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Dec. 27, 2007 And now for some sad news.
Alright, now this time I have a good reason for not blogging in so long. My horse died and I've been kinda getting over that. The vet said she got hypothermia. He also said that a lot of animals get it this time of year. I was so sad. To top it all off, she was thin because I hadn't been feeding her enough (I wasn't sure just how much I needed to be feeding her). I had upped her feed the week before she died, but it was too little too late I guess. I can't help but wonder though if she didn't have something wrong with her. She had lost a lot of weight in just a matter of days. This was after I started feeding her more. So I don't know. I just know that I miss her.
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I'm doing better now. I'm sure most of that is thanks to the prayers of friends. I don't think we'll be getting another horse for a while though. I'm not sure we're cut out for horses anyway. I don't really think I am. I was a city girl until just a few years ago and am still getting used to "country life". We don't have any outside animals (other than a cat) but we have a pretty big place and it's a bit of a chore to keep it up. And there's my dad's shop. It's still in the building process and we spend almost every weekend up there working on it. My dad's going to build, paint and work on cars in it some day. That way he can live out his dream and work at home. Yay! So yeah. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a horse. But I still loved Cassie. She was an awesome horse.
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I don't have much more for now. I just thought that I'd post about what's been going on around here, sad as it is. And also I would appreciate all your prayers at this time. I'm having a bit of a struggle right now with some stuff and prayers are always welcome. Thanks to you all! And I hope you all had a great Christmas!
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~Nikki |
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Dec. 2, 2007 I love winter...yes, I know you all think I'm weird.
I haven't always loved winter. I've always loved snow, but not always winter. I love it now because I see things differently. I see lights, pretty frost, reasons to sit inside and read and reasons to spend more time with my family. My family doesn't really do the whole Christmas thing. You know, the tree, the gifts and all that stuff. We do more of a simple version of it. But I love it all the same. I do get to see my mom's family on Christmas Eve, and for that I am thankful. I also like winter because of my love for photography. Just yesterday I went outside in my slippers to take a picture of the frost on the pasture fence, I know how weird that must sound. But the picture turned out great, okay?! lol. Anyway, those are just a few of my reasons for liking winter.
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Another reason would be tomorrow. My birthday. Now we don't really do that much on birthdays around here either, but we do get to choose what we want for supper and I usually get some nice gifts from some members of my family and a few good friends. So I like my birthday just the same. I'm going to be 15 this year, not a big number, but it's still a number. I don't feel all that different yet. I remember when I turned 13 my Aunt kept telling me I was going to be a zombie. I surprised her by not turning into a "zombie", or at least she says I'm not one.
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Okay, well that's all I have for now. This is the first time I've gotten to use the computer today (and it's 5:30pm) and I still have some stuff I need to do. Thanks to all of you awesome people that comment even though I'm a lousy blogger. You guys are great!
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~Nikki |
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Jun. 20, 2007 Seeing the good and not just the bad.
I was thinking the other day while I was ironing the curtains about how people almost always see the bad and not the good. Like with the curtains, if I don't iron them someone is bound to say something about how they look wrinkled and bad. But because I did iron them I am most sure nobody will say a word. Now, I mean this for things, not normally people. But in some cases, people too.
If a person is to walk into a house and see that it is messy they will make a mental note of it and, most commonly, always remember that. But, however, if a person is to walk into a clean house they will not note or say a thing. This is odd to me. I don't understand it. I can even be the same way. Of course I would never say anything about it, but I will make a mental note of it. And why? I do not know.
Why is it that we as humans choose to see the bad and not the good. Like when a job is done, but only half way. We only see the undone half and not the finished part. I grow annoyed with myself for this and make all kinds of promises to do better and try to see the good in everthing. But it's not that easy! I can normally acknowledge it when I meet a nice person. I will think to myself 'boy, this man/lady is very nice.' and it makes me want to be nice back. But I also notice when I meet a grumpy person and I think 'goodness, this person could stand to be nicer.' But what if instead of thinking about how the person is grumpy, I think about how I could be nicer and maybe make their day better? Now I have tried to do this before. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.
So I guess what I'm getting at here is that maybe we should all work harder at seeing the good and not just the bad. Because we all have things that could be better, but do we want to be judged by them? I know I sure don't! So I leave you with this thought: Have you been judgemental today?
~Nikki
P.S. How is everyone doing with the challenge? I'm doing well and enjoying it too! |
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