Jul. 13, 2006 - On Socialization

I don't have much opportunity to read other blogs, having quite limited time.  But when I do have a few minutes, I'm always blessed by something I read.  This is an article that Corin posted on her blog http://homeschoolblogger.com/corin . It's a long read (so it fits in great on this blog!), but I just thought it was a wonderful answer to the common question of "what about socialization" which is posed so often to homeschoolers.  I emailed Corin and she graciously agreed to let me post it here as well.  Hope you enjoy! 

From a secular viewpoint, as long as parents can rely on daycare workers, babysitters, nannies, schools and the government to raise their children for them, they will, and by doing so become lazier in doing it themselves.  Take a look at how society and especially youth have changed in the past 100 years (or even further back, 100 years is just a start) and you can easily see that.

Take a look the next time you’re out and about and you can see just how well kids are learning social skills.  Teenagers that are self absorbed.  People of all ages that only seem to be able to associate with people in their own age group.  Every day we are surrounded by people of all ages, yet few can manage to maintain a conversation for more than a few minutes with an elderly person or a young child.

Ever notice how uncommon it is to hear a sincere apology anymore?  If someone crashed into you in the store, you’re lucky to get a quick “sorry” as they rush away.  Please and thank you?  Not too common.  Being asked “Would you hand that to me?” instead of the more demanding “give me that” is almost unheard of anymore! 

Look at how entertainment oriented adults are now as opposed to the generations of the past.  Are you getting the picture?

Seems to me that the “professionals” are failing in their duties of training in the social graces and teaching them to become responsible adults.

As one thing went from being considered abnormal to considered normal (as far as professionals taking over for parents), another was introduced.  We’ve gone from parents training their own children to be just fine socially; to a society that now overlooks temper tantrums, over aggressiveness, laziness, selfishness, sexual immorality and all manner of bad behavior.  Instead of wondering what the parents have done wrong, more and more people are asking what society and the school systems can do to change the situation.  Or worse, what drugs than can put children on to help us restrain them.

Most recently we have programs like First 5 (which by the way scares the living daylights out of me!  Have you heard or read Rob Reiner’s publicly stated goals for the program?!?!?) Which state that sending your children off to preschool at the age of 3 will keep them out of prison.

Ummm…. No.  Parents taking responsibility for their children, raising them to be productive individuals, capable of knowing right from wrong and acting accordingly, putting self aside and thinking of others, will keep them out of prison! 

Instead we blame the school, blame the “village” that it’s supposed to take to raise a child (just gag me now!), blame the television, the video games, the music (as if there is no “off” button), blame the neighborhood, blame socio/economic status, blame their friends (yes you can control who your children are friends with).  Blame anyone but the parents who were given this child and the responsibility to raise him/her

Hmmmmmm… This may go longer than I thought, you might want to grab something to eat

I don’t want to look at this from a secular standpoint though.  Quite honestly I’m surprised that secular society has done as well as it has, for so long, with no biblical standard for right and wrong.  So far the children just take their parents word for “this is right” and “this is wrong” but heaven help us as the days go on and they begin to ask “why?” because, without the word of God as their foundation, the parents will have nothing to stand on except “because I said so”

We are Christians and are held to a higher standard than the world.  God has a lot to say about children.  I would really encourage you to look into what scripture has to say on this subject, as well as anything that you have to make a decision on.  Many times you’ll find that by following His instructions, the world will think that you are a complete lunatic.  Yet the fruit that is produced in your life is unmistakable and highly coveted even by the most worldly of people.

So off we go to look at what He has to say...  You know what?  You may want to just print this up and sit somewhere more comfortable   I’m using the New King James version throughout (copied and pasted to save time and avoid typos).

First we’ll look at what has happened since society has turned from God.  I found several verses that are just as true today as they were then. 

Romans 1:20-32

20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, 21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Professing to be wise, they became fools, 23 and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man--and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things. 24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. 26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.

2 Timothy 3:1-4

1 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,

Sure sounds like our society today doesn’t it?  I love the reason that was given in Romans1:21 and 22.  They became wise in their own eyes.  People began ignoring what God had to say about issues and instead decided that maybe God was being a bit harsh, or maybe they knew better. 

Just look what happened when they decided that they were right and put worldly wisdom above Godly wisdom!  Things fell apart around them, and God gave them exactly what they wanted.  They wanted to prove that they were right instead of God?  That somehow what they have learned supersedes Gods infinite knowledge?  How stupid we can be at times huh?

Okay, moving on…  Now knowing that we are to look to the Supreme Source of Wisdom in order for our lives to glorify Him instead of being conformed to the world…  Just how seriously does He take the training up of our children?

Mark 9:42

"But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.

Deuteronomy 21:18-21

18 "If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, 19 then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. 20 And they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' 21 Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones; so you shall put away the evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear.

Yikes!  I’m seeing death in both cases!  One is for adults who cause a child to sin.  One is for a child who is stubborn and rebellious towards his parents.  Yet notice, than in Deuteronomy 21:18 it states that the parents have chastened him, but he did not heed them.  It doesn’t say that society has chastened him.  God didn’t give that responsibility to them, he gave it to the parents.

Let’s look at some more…

Proverbs 3:11-12

11 My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction; 12 For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.

Once again we see a father correcting a son in whom he delights (God making a comparison that our feeble minds can see and understand). 

Proverbs 13:24

24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

Same scenario all over again.  A father corrects and disciplines a child that he loves and he does so promptly.  He does not do that for one he hates.

Now to children…

Ephesians 6:1-4

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: 3 "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Proverbs 1:7-9

7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction. 8 My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; 9 For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck.

Proverbs 6:20-23

20 My son, keep your father's command, And do not forsake the law of your mother. 21 Bind them continually upon your heart; Tie them around your neck. 22 When you roam, they will lead you; When you sleep, they will keep you; And when you awake, they will speak with you. 23 For the commandment is a lamp, And the law a light; Reproofs of instruction are the way of life,

Proverbs 13:1

1 A wise son heeds his father's instruction, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.

Proverbs 15:5

5 A fool despises his father's instruction, But he who receives correction is prudent.

Children are to obey their parents.  While I do agree that they need to learn to obey others in authority as well, they cannot properly do this without first learning to obey the authority that God has placed over them from birth.  Do we teach them to partially (but not completely) do anything, then deem them ready to go out into the world?  Of course not!  This takes several years to accomplish; preschool aged children are the perfect age to learn respect for their parents, but until that is accomplished they will not know how to properly respect other adults (or who must first be obeyed, the parent or the teacher).  While they may be obedient, respect and boundaries must also be established.

And (a bit of a rabbit trail here) a verse for the children of widows

1 Timothy 5:4

But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.

Do we see this happening much anymore?  Are widows or the elderly being taken care of by their children?  Yes in a few instances, but more and more frequently they are put into care homes because their children don’t want to bear the responsibility.  They were not trained in caring for others.  They think of themselves first. 

Now I’m not talking about elderly people who need 24 hour medical care (although this can still be accomplished from home it is much more difficult and costly).  I’m talking about the senior communities and care homes.  So they sit alone, hoping relatives will stop by for a visit, but they rarely if ever do.  Do we really think that this was God’s design?  Is this showing a society that has properly trained up children in respect for their elders?

Okay… back on the main trail again. 

So, we know that parents are to train their children in obedience, in behavior, in Godly principles and respect.  But can’t we do this in our spare time?  When we get a moment here or there?  After they are out of school?  Home from daycare?  When we’re not busy?  On to 2 of my favorite verses…

Deuteronomy 6:6 "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

And the more extensive verse with a promise from God…

Deuteronomy 11:18-25

18 "Therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 19 You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 20 And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, 21 that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth. 22 "For if you carefully keep all these commandments which I command you to do--to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, and to hold fast to Him-- 23 then the Lord will drive out all these nations from before you, and you will dispossess greater and mightier nations than yourselves. 24 Every place on which the sole of your foot treads shall be yours: from the wilderness and Lebanon, from the river, the River Euphrates, even to the Western Sea, shall be your territory. 25 No man shall be able to stand against you; the Lord your God will put the dread of you and the fear of you upon all the land where you tread, just as He has said to you.

These commands were given to parents, not anyone else.  Not daycare workers, not preschool teachers, not private school teachers, not Sunday school teachers, not youth group leaders.

  Some people do send their children to these places and, while I may not agree with that, as long as they know that, no matter what the children are taught in those places, the parents (and more ultimately the fathers as the God ordained head of their households) are responsible and God will hold them alone accountable for their children’s actions and behavior then however God leads them (not how they feel about it, but how God leads after much prayerful consideration) is fine with me.

Proverbs 22:6

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

God promises us, if we train them up in the way they should go, they will not depart from it when they are old.  Have you noticed how many Christian families are losing their children to the world?  Can it be that parents are relying too much on others to carry out their own God given responsibilities?  Satan is out to snatch them at the first opportunity.  Unless parents are prepared and preparing their children the trend will continue at a more rapid rate. 

What way should they go?  His way.  I have yet to see anyone other than parents teach them His ways better and I have yet to see a child trained in His ways become socially inept. 

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Jul. 14, 2006 - Great thoughts

Posted by homeskoolmom

Yes, it was long, but worth reading! Unfortunately, more and more Christians (and even homeschooling Christians) are not training up their children in Lord and they are departing from it. So many lies we have believed. :(
Have a blessed day,
Christine

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