Our Busy Little World
Jul. 30, 2006 - Obedience From The Heart
It's funny how things can creep in little by little, without my even noticing them. Then by the time I do notice them, it's because they're making me loopy! I discovered two little sneaky things which have done just that this week. One is a lack of organization in some key areas of my home - clothes, toys and other such things. I think I shall write about these tomorrow, as I need to write down all of my summer organization goals anyway. Today I will write about the other "little fox", which has to do with heartfelt obedience in my children. Specifically I've been noticing that bedtimes have become somewhat of a frustration, in subtle ways. Somehow, little by little, a couple of my darlings seem to have "forgotten" the bedtime rules (lay quietly or look at book quietly until you fall asleep). I won't go into details, as I know all of our children struggle with sin, and it's a big part of our job as mommies to lovingly train them to flee temptation. But in dealing with this particular "battle" this weekend, I've been thinking over some basic principles of obedience that I realize I've been letting slide. The thing about letting standards slide is that it's dangerous. It may seem like I'm really "helping" my girls by looking past "little" sins, but according to the Bible, I'm showing them that I don't love them. As I do dearly love my girls, I have become convicted of the need to love them better in the area of discipline. Proverbs 12:24 says "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Now of course I realize there is a time for everything, which includes a time to simply show mercy. But overall I've been convicted in the area of teaching obedience to my girls, and wanted to share some principles in this vein. Disclaimer: probably none of these thoughts are my original ideas - I've learned them from the Bible or people wiser than myself, who've also learned them from the Wisest One of all.
*True obedience has the purpose of glorifying God; thus the purpose of teaching our children to obey us is to teach them to love, obey, and glorify God. I don't teach them to obey simply for my own convenience, comfort and enjoyment (though truly obedient children are certainly a joy!)
*True obedience will occur whether I am in the room watching or not, but at these tender ages, I must be in the room more often than not to avoid putting my children in the path of overwhelming temptation. ("a child left to himself brings shame to his mother" Prov. 29:15)
*True obedience has three characteristics:
1. Prompt: little one starts obeying right away
2. Diligent: little one finishes the entire task quickly, not dilly-dallying
3. Cheerful: little one's entire act of obedience is done with a merry heart
*Related to the above, true obedience should be "first-time" obedience. While I have purposely never "counted" to three or ten or any such number to get my children to obey, I often do this same thing by "reminding" them when I ought to be rebuking them for not obeying. To borrow a phrase coined by someone else (though I don't honestly know who) "delayed obedience is disobedience".
Ok, so these are some basic principles I needed to remind myself of today. Now I shall pray for the grace of God to implement these in such a way as pleases Him and properly shepherds my little girls' hearts.
By the way, here's what I ended up doing for the bedtime issue:
I tried listening closely on the baby moniter (we still have one because our room is across the house) and going in each time I heard something "fishy" - that didn't work as one little dear learned how to play almost silently when she ought to be laying down!
I tried leaving their door open whilst I worked on various tasks in adjoining areas - that didn't work as it kept them awake too long, and I was often so distracted by what I was doing that I found myself "letting things slide" again.
What finally seems to have done the trick is this: I leave their door open with their hall light on. Then I grab a nice "pillowseat" and either a book or a quiet project to work on (like a daily schedule which needs tweaking, or a school plan for autumn) and plop down just outside their door, where I can see them, and they can see me. This is working wonderfully thus far (though admittedly I just started it today), and it's killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. It's giving my girls accountability in this area of current struggle, and it's giving me a few minutes of downtime to read or work on projects I really need to do, but keep pushing to the side. I could probably sit there and doze a bit, and still have it work well. Anyway, like I said, it's working great for now (I think it took under 8 minutes for my little gal to fall asleep with me sitting there!), and I'm thankful I can work on a few things in the meantime. I don't expect to have to keep doing this indefinitely: just however long it takes to re-establish a habit of obedience in this are. Truth is, though, this made me think of one last principle of obedience:
*Teaching obedience is time-consuming work, and I must cheerfully be prepared to take the time out of my day which is necessary for this important task! Even if I had no quiet projects to work on, sitting there would still be time well spent, I think, as I would be providing gentle accountability to my daughters, who are also sisters in Christ. When I take time out of our preschool time, or dinner time, or play time to discipline, it may feel like time lost but it is actually time well spent (provided I am disciplining rightly, of course).
We mommies must always remember that our time is well spent when we are doing what God has called us to do, and that He will bless our efforts through His amazing grace. "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Gal. 6:9
Now I'm off to nurse a hungry Juliette!
Comments
Jul. 30, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Rebeca
Thanks- I need to be reminded of these things often! We always say obedience is "right away, all the way, and with a happy heart" (which is from Ginger Plowman, not me!)
Bless you as you train your little ones!
Rebeca
Jul. 30, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Tiany
Wonderful post, very helpful and in perfect timing I needed to read this one today!
Thank you for sharing :-)
Jul. 31, 2006 - you are so wise
Posted by homeskoolmom
Thank you for the reinforcement, for the last couple of weeks, I have been realizing that I haven't been diligent enough with my children's obedience and I'm seeing the results. We need some tweaking. Sure is wonderful to be encouraged to do the right thing :)
Have a blessed day,
Christine
Jul. 31, 2006 - Wonderful post
Posted by LaMereAcademy
But how do I get my children to cheerfully and immediately obey?? I'm reading The Mother At Home about this and posting about it on my blog...but I still don't know how to get this accomplished. I end up yelling alot, which I feel so guilty about. Our bedtime is totally out of control right now as well and I don't know what to do about it. I know if I sat upstairs the kids would continue to talk to each other and try to talk to me. Do you have any advice or a site or book that worked well for you?
Blessings,
~Becky
Jul. 31, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by TwaddleMeNot
Hi Becky, thanks for the question - I'll post on this later today :-)
Melissa
Jul. 31, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by TheMotherAtHome
Great post! It's nice to see a mom who is willing to invest the time... : )
Jul. 31, 2006 - :)
Posted by reformingmama
I had to smile as I read your bedtime battles solution! We struggled with this issue a number of months back with our little ones, and our solution was similar: either me or my husband would grab a pillow and sit near their beds until they fell asleep. That way if they were disobeying, we were there to see it and deal with it immediately. I think we did this for 3-4 nights before they decided it might just be better for them to go to sleep!
~Stacy
