Our Busy Little World
Aug. 11, 2006 - In Tribute To Good Friends
I've always wanted to homeschool. Until the last three or four years, this was a pretty foreign idea to most of my friends. So I was quite excited, six or seven years ago, to be introduced to Ray and Christine, some dear friends of my husband (although he wasn't yet my husband at the time). They were already great friends of Matt, treated me like family from day one, and had always planned on hometeaching as well. We have always so cherished our friendship with them - Christine feels like a sister in many ways and Ray and Matt have always had a great friendship (they even share the same birthday). We've all had such fun times together - we can't seem to be together without our time being filled with laughter! Christine and I were comparing thoughts on homeschooling before we even had babies (well, technically she had twin babies in her tummy - I wasn't yet married). I was so looking forward to sharing the journey with her, so to speak, and sort of hometeaching together. I pictured it being a "Kendra and Lisa" sort of friendship, for those of you who frequent PreschoolersandPeace. Then we moved to Idaho, and try as we might, we have yet to convince them to come out here, too 
. Chris and I have tried to be consistent with keeping in touch, whether by phone, email or letters, but for some reason we just don't do well with email, and letters (while lovely) don't provide that back and forth conversation too well. Our friendship is such that even if it's been awhile it's still the same - that won't change. But recently I've really had a desire to somehow keep up that "sharing the journey" friendship we had, and was struck with an epiphany. I asked Christine if she'd like to set up a regular weekly phone date. She said yes, and we did. This has already been such a blessing, even after only two weeks, that I had to write about it in case any of you might be able to strike up something similar with a good friend, too. We chose a time in which our kids would either be sleeping or quietly reading (this was important as we have nine kids ages five and under between the two of us!) We alternate calling one another, and if one of us is more than fifteen minutes late, the other will call so we won't miss it. I think God has really blessed our phone time as we've talked for an hour or so each time, and our conversations have been so sweet: edifying, fruitful, and (I believe) glorifying to God. As we must always be guarding our tongues and seeking to make good use of our time, I've been thinking though some things in regards to our conversations with other ladies in general, and phone dates like this in particular.
*I seek her prayers for personal struggles and difficulties, but am being careful not to speak unkindly of my family, not to say anything which would be disrespectful to Matt or portray him in any poor light, and not to seek "commiseration" regarding my sins - if that makes sense. Sometimes it can be too easy to fall into these traps with friends we're so comfortable with.
*Nancy Wilson told me once that a good way to distinguish between gossip about our families (even to close friends) and seeking wise counsel is to ask these two questions:
1. Is my purpose in sharing this story truly to seek counsel?
2. Is the person with whom I'm sharing this story qualified to provide such counsel? I loved Nancy's advice and added my own third question:
3. Am I sharing this story with a right heart attitude?
*Christine and I love to share the fun stories of the things our kids did or said during the week - we mommies can appreciate other mommies' stories so well!
*Keep a little list throughout the week of things you'd like to converse about. This helps to avoid forgetting all the things you wanted to talk about (which I'm prone to do, being tired a lot, and a forgetful sort) and then remembering after you hang up
*We love to tell eachother what we're doing "school-wise" (though my girls are all still preschoolers) - it's great just to verbalize it all for our own sakes, and also to give new ideas to eachother.
*Plan to read through a book together and then discuss it when you talk. I'm planning to join the BasicallyBluedorn group in re-reading through Teaching The Trivium, and I sent a copy to Christine so we could discuss it together on the phone as well.
*If you can avoid folding laundry and such, try to kick your feet up on the bed or comfy couch, and grab a nice cup of tea (or cocoa-coffee, if you're me). Though I never left my house (and at this stage in my life, I don't often have time to!), I left each of our phone-dates feeling like I'd just gone to a coffee shop with my best friend. It was a sweet respite in the midst of a busy week (and like I said, with all these little ones, we both have busy little lives!)
That's it for now - perhaps we'll pull a "Lisa and Kendra" and end up living in the same place and doing more home-teaching stuff together ten years down the road (who knows what God's plan is?), but for now I shall cherish my phone-dates (or tea-times, if you'd rather) with a dear friend and be thankful for the ways God allows us to continue "sharing the journey".
Comments
Aug. 12, 2006 - Oh I Long For That Too
Posted by homekeeper4him
While I have lived in Indiana for 14 years now, I still don't have one of those close friendships. The first four years I did not have a relationship with Christ and those friends from that time in my life left later. Then in the beginning my dh wasn't a believer and only became one 5 years ago. So at first we didn't go to a good church, then we moved to a different town in southern Indiana. Now we have finally found a good church and I am getting to know other homeschool moms. It seems like so many homeschool moms have their own group of friends. I am becoming better friends with one homeschool mom from our church, so maybe the future holds one of those friendships yet. :)
I am going to write down those questions that Nancy Wilson gave you and the one you added. I need to remember those, because it can be so easy to get "off-track".
Tracy
Aug. 12, 2006 - This is great, Melissa!
Posted by Smidge
How thankful I am that the Lord gave you the idea to schedule phone dates with Christine! You guys may very likely now be having more uninterrupted talking time than Kendra and I do! :) I'm also very proud of you for taking the time to sip something yummy and put your feet up!!
The Lord is gracious to provide us what we need and I'm thankful the Lord has given you such a sweet friend in Christine; I'm sure she is equally blessed. Your wise use of your time, and your preparation for that talking time, are another example of your young wisdom. You challenge and sharpen me regularly.
I love you sweet friend!
Lisa
Aug. 12, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Tiany
I just happened to get off the phone with one of my dear friends moments ago and we too try to talk when the boys are naping maybe once a week or less depending on time. You had some wonderful suggestions, thanks for sharing!
I too will be reading through Teaching The Trivium with the Basically Bluedorn group, im looking forward to it!
Aug. 12, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by TwaddleMeNot
That's great, Tracy- take heart, God will provide for all of our needs, even in this area! And you're certainly in good homeschooling company blogging here :-) Hey Tiany, I guess I'll "see" you in the reading group. And Lis, thank you for your comment - it made my day! You never cease to bless me, and I am so thankful for all I have learned (and continue to learn) from the friendship of you and your wonderful family! You are greatly loved!
Melissa
Aug. 13, 2006 - Friends
Posted by Bahamahomeschooler
Good friends are such a blessing. You are very lucky to have someone like this. Bahama Blessings You can come and live next door to me :-)
Aug. 13, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by TwaddleMeNot
Wouldn't that be fun! I love the tropics :-)
Aug. 13, 2006 - friends
Posted by tryoneverything
I have prayed for a really close friend like you describe. I do have a close friend here in town but as our kids have started to go different direction with interests and such, getting together seems to be getting fewer and farther between. But I feel so blessed when we are able to meet together.
Thanks for mentioning the Basically Bluedorn book. I checked it out and I think I am going to join the group just to check it out. I don't know how much time I'll have to participate though. I guess we'll see.
God Bless,
Karen
