There's lots of things it could be.

It could be that Jumoke is just a difficult, needy child. And if he were born to me out of my own body, loved and nurtured as all of my babies have been at my own hand, that he would still be needy and difficult. Some people just have difficult temperaments. And their mothers have a hard time. And they grow up to be remarkable people.

It could be that we are the enemy. That he sees us as the people who *took* him from his Mommy and all that was familiar. And that if he gave in and loved us and became truly one of us, that he would see that as disloyal to his love for his mother and his country. So he must keep his distance, and the only way to do that is with anger and hate and aloofness. (In that case, another family who would then be considered neutral would feel like a relief and a blessing to him. We've tried for a long time to convince him we are not the enemy. If this is the case, he simply won't believe us.)

It could be that he is the kind of child that cannot be part of a crowd, a large family. Maybe he gets overstimulated and overwhelmed with all the stuff going on all the time, and it pushes his nerves over the edge so he does stuff he wouldn't normally do under quieter and calmer circumstance. He does like it better when all the kids are gone and he has had to stay home with me because he got into trouble so couldn't go. He's told me before he wishes it were just Dad and me and Timothy and Jumoke...just us four.

It could be PTSD (post traumatic stress syndrome).  That would explain the cyclic nature of his behaviour. Isn't that easier to deal with than RAD?  Not that I'm looking for an easier way, tho I am. Ugh. I'm such a weenie. But it *could* be something like PTSD. It kind of looks like it.

It could be that this was just a really bad "match" between adopted child and adopted family. I've thought about that sometimes. He's so athletic and...different...from the rest of us.  We like doing outdoors things, and some of us even have athletic abilities, but we are mostly just really home centered and cerebral, all of us including the non-readers spending a lot of time each day burying our noses in books and studying and creating things.

How can a child so talented be so messed up. He taught himself *all by himself* to read.  He's excellent at his school stuff. He's has an amazing talent in that he expresses himself so well in writing. Very unusual for an 8 year old boy. His brain appears to me to verge on genius. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe he's a genius and can't live by the normal rules that the rest of us average peons do with fair ease.

I *do* know that God knows exactly what's going on . And when the time is right or whatever is right, He's going to tell me...if it's any of my business, that is.