First off, about Jumoke. He is doing well. I'm so proud of him. He has this one issue in his life that he does not have any control over, and it embarasses him if people know about it.  I told him that Aunt N knew about it, and that many of her children had had the same issue, so he shouldn't worry about what she thinks. I suggested that maybe he would feel more comfortable about it if he talked with her up front.

I never suspected he would take my suggestion seriously, but he did. And they made a plan together for him.  I know that he will sleep easier tonight knowing that this is settled between the two of them.

He's apparently being the life of the party. I'm glad he's enjoying himself. And that they are enjoying him.

My friend, Alex, wrote to me and asked if a certain list of behaviors were some of the problems I was having. The list was basically a list of things an annoying boy would do when he's having a bad day.  Like repeatedly knocking down the towers a vulnerable child is building, pretending he is going to trip people on a trampoline, acting like he's going to dump red juice on a carpet.  Just naughty boy stuff.

There was one thing I was shocked at tho.  He hit Alex really hard on the bottom.  He has not hit me. We have affectionate pats on the body when we pass by someone in our family, but he has never taken part in that.  That he smacked her shocked me. That he smacked her bottom blew me away. That he hit her really hard was hard for me to comprehend. 

But other than that one thing, he was just behaving like an unpleasant 8 year old boy. Nothing overly difficult.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

It was a lovely day. Sure, it was nice because I know that I don't have to worry about the stress of the Chinese Water Torture Jumoke style for a few weeks.  I was able to begin to really relax.

But more than that, I saw the kids relax.  They just naturally fell back into doing the kinds of things they really enjoy...creating things, studying, reading, thinking.  It was so nice watching them. I realized it had been a long time since they knew they could do that without being interrupted by some explosion or disruption. Even when Jumoke was staying during the week with our relative, there were phone calls sometimes that were stressful. And the days between the weekends were spent gearing up for the next weekend. 

I hate telling the truth about this part.  How terrible to feel a sense of relief in connection with the absence of a person. Any person. And that it's a child makes it even worse. 

All people are worthwhile. All are precious. Every one means something huge to God.  To feel relief at the absence of that person...even if it is really just the absence of the behaviours...seems very wrong to me. 

But this is something I need to get a grip on.  I believe that if I can just separate Jumoke from his behaviours, I will be in a better place to love him and pray for him.  Unfortunately, I know very little about him in the last 4 years that is separate from his behaviours.

But we do have the good, real memories, like about Jumoke in water and the times when the behaviours cycle down and he seems just like a regular boy and how much so many people just enjoy him and how he has learned so much academically on his own and listening to him read to himself and...

....my favorite photo in my mind.  He is 5. Isaac is 3.5. They are both exactly the same size. Jumoke is wearing red shorts, Isaac is wearing blue shorts. No shoes. No shirts. And they are sitting on the picnic table together, shoulder to shoulder, arm to arm, thigh to thigh. One a deep warm brown, the other a light fresh peach. Their little heads, shaved for the hot summer months, are bent together while they talk quietly, while they swing their legs back and forth, back and forth, for a long time on a too warm summer afternoon.

I love that photo. I stared at the boys for a long time so that I would be sure to keep that image in my mind.

That photo helps me a bit to separate Jumoke from his behaviours.