It seems that with each bundle of hours that go by, I begin to see things more clearly.

It doesn't really matter what kind of behaviours Jumoke has.

It doesn't really matter what we've done that failed or succeeded with training those behaviours.

It isn't about Jumoke being naughty or mean.

It isn't about whether we loved him enough or not.

The whole point is that he has been with us for four years and he has not attached to us.

That's the whole point.

My friend who has adopted 5 children was talking with me the other day.  We were discussing some of his behaviours, and for the most part, the behaviours were familiar to her. Her own 5 had responded in many of the same ways when she first adopted them.

She asked me if Ouseman had ever had issues similar to Jumoke's. I said yes, he had some of the same things going on. But the behaviours began disappearing after a couple months and were gone entirely before the first year was up.

It isn't the behaviours.  It's that the behaviours continue. Which I assume is because he could not attach himself to us, trust us, give himself over to our care. And each year the behaviours are manifested in more sophisticated ways. Each year they get more ingrained into his way of thinking.

The behaviours are a symptom.  The problem is that he hasn't attached to this family. For whatever reason.

My friend's children and my other adopted son had issues...but they disappeared (completely or to some degree) when the children began trusting their new parents and learning to love them.

Jumoke has never had that in his life in America. Maybe he's never had it.

It's about time he does..