Last night I asked Ouseman, Isaac, and Jumoke to carry in the groceries for me while I put the groceries away. It's a big job, because we are a big family and that means lots of groceries.

I was busy putting away groceries, and all of a sudden I realized I was finished...but all the groceries weren't in.  So I walked out to the van and saw the three boys were busy messing around.  I got onto them and told them to get busy.  Ouseman said "I'm sorry" and got busy.  Isaac looked sad that I had scolded them and sadly got down from the van to begin to help.  Jumoke started walking in the house with nothing in his hand.  I turned him around and told him to carry in the groceries.  He went back and picked up a tiny bundle and started walking toward the door.  I turned him back around and told him again to bring in the groceries.  Angrily, he grabbed a bag and brought it in the house.

We had sandwiches for dinner, and while I was making sandwiches, I asked Jumoke why he had done that.  He told me it was to annoy me because he was mad that I scolded him.

He ate his sandwich and then sat quietly in his place for a long while.  I finally asked him if he wanted another sandwich.  He said, very pleasantly, "Yes, please."

"Why is it, Jumoke," I said, "that the same boy who wants to annoy his mother because she scolded him for doing wrong has such beautiful manners?"

He just stared at me.

"You know, a lot of people tell me what beautiful manners you have. It makes me so proud when people tell me that. And they are right. You do have lovely manners."

"Really?" Jumoke said. "People say that to you?"

"Yes," I said. "Many people."

His face erupted into a smile, a wonderful reprieve from his sullenness.  He was so pleased that people thought good things of him and that the people told his mama good things about him. 

This morning I walked into my room to get something, and Jumoke was on his bed, playing with his twist-n-shout.

"You looked worried when I came into the room," I said.

"Well, I was. Kinda," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I thought you would get me in trouble for playing in bed," he said.

"And why would you get in trouble for playing in bed?"

"I don't know," he said.

"Would it be because daddy and I have told you that you are never to play in bed?" I asked.

"Ye-e-e-s," he said slowly.

We had a little conversation, in which he told me that he doesn't think it's fair that we let the other children play with toys on their beds but we don't let him.  I explained, again, for the millionth time it felt like, that the other children could play on their beds with toys because when we ask them to put the toys away, they do.  But when we ask Jumoke to put away his toys, he says "Yes, Mom", and then waits till I walk away and gets the toys out to play again.

Since he doesn't want to obey on this thing, we don't want him getting in trouble all the time, so to make it easier on him, we tell him he may *never* play with toys on his bed.  That way he doesn't have to worry about getting in trouble all the time, and we don't worry about it either. 

"I still don't think it's fair," he said.

"If you have no intention at all of obeying when I tell you to put your toys away, then you have shown me I can't trust you to do as I ask.  When I ask something of you, it's for your good, not for your bad.  Since you won't help yourself by obeying, we will help you by not allowing that privilege till you are old enough to be able to handle that privilege."

"But the other kids get to do it."

"The other kids have shown that they will do as we ask.  You have shown that you will do whatever you can to continue doing as you want."

He glared. Talking never helps. But I always hope.

I went out to the gazebo to have a cup of coffee.  I was so sad.  The same old sadness.  Why can't we get thru to him?  I'm so concerned about his future.

While I was sitting out there thinking about it, I thought of Charles Taylor and Hitler.  These men also loved the accolades and praises of other people.  They also thought the moral and legal laws were fine for other people, but didn't apply to them.  They did as they pleased to get what they want.  If you disagreed with them, then your life was in mortal danger.

He's only 8, but my heart constricts with fear with the similarities I see.  I feel so heavy with discouragement and depressed with how little we've done to train him toward loving good.

This will be my prayer for Jumoke for the rest of his life. For his new family. That they will be able to penetrate that wall he has set up and show him the value of good and obeying God's rules and his country's laws. That he will learn to love that which is good and put aside his own wants in favor of obeying God and serving others.