Mondays are always hard here. They are the first day of the week that Tim isn't home.
Today is no different. Jumoke woke up hating everything. Mostly me. He is angry with me, but doesn't know why. He thinks it is because I don't let him do what the other kids do, but he isn't sure. I explained again...because I always feel like I need to...that it's better for him to not be in trouble all the time so I need to keep him close to me. Didn't he like not being in trouble a lot? Yes, he liked not being in trouble, but he hated having to be near me all the time.
Sad catch 22. For both of us.
But that is life with Jumoke.
He doesn't like it at this house. He doesn't like it at Nana's house. He doesn't like it anywhere.
Not anywhere? I asked. Isn't there anyplace you feel happy?
Only Liberia, he says.
But you don't even remember Liberia, I tell him (again and again). It's a dream in your mind, a place you make up. What you think you remember isn't real. In reality, Liberia is a very scary place for a little boy.
Good words from a loving mother that a child trusts. Hateful words from a woman you don't recognise as "mother".
When will I ever learn that words mean nothing to Jumoke other than a way to get what he wants?
I am not the mother for this boy. Love in words, encouragement, building up, challenging...all I do is encompassed in words and touch. The wrong kind of mother for Jumoke.
Tim made a decision. He is calling today to get the ball rolling toward disruption. I had hoped to wait for a diagnosis, but for reasons best understood by men protecting their homes, Tim has chosen to forgo that route.
Please pray for Jumoke's future foster family, with whom he will be with for 2 months. And pray for the Lord to bring Jumoke and the exact right family for him together. If Jumoke does indeed have attachment disorder, he only has a very few, like maybe 2, years left before he crosses the line into the age where very few children can be healed up. He needs a family who can minister to him in a very real way. | 