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A Personal Story of Heartache and Healing

by Debbie Klinect

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Many of you may have already seen this story in Debbie’s e-mail newsletter, Along the Journey, or in Lois Breneman’s Heart to Heart e-mail newsletter.  Debbie has been a very dear friend of mine for many years, and we are privileged to be in the same church as one another.  She and Kurt have three adult children, as well as the three younger ones whom she home schools.  They have had numerous medical crises with their children through the years, so she is no stranger to adversity.  Debbie is the one who lent me her copy of the aforementioned Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God book.  I think you will be blessed by her testimony, which I am using with her permission. 

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Death is swallowed up in victory.

O death, where is your victory?

O death, where is your sting?

This month I have felt the Lord wanting me to share a very personal experience with you.  It is my hope and prayer that you will see God’s love, His Sovereignty, and the power of forgiveness as a result. 

Since last August we have been called upon by three parents who have lost children to one form of death or another.  See, the reason we have been called is that we know what these dear people are going through.  Here is our story.

In January 1983 I had two sons, Chris had just turned three years old and Charlie was 20 months old.  I was going to my first ever ladies retreat and so my husband took the boys and went to stay with his parents for the weekend.  Kurt’s sister had called to see if she could pick up the boys to go to her house to play with her son.  Later Kurt’s mom went to run some errands and to pick up the boys on her way home.  Back then, infant car seats weren't law yet, but we did have them for each of the boys.  I don’t know why the car seats weren't taken out of Kurt’s car and put into his mom’s car but they weren't.  Kurt’s mom had put the boys in the back seat of her car in the regular seat belts and started for home, forgetting to lock the doors.

My Charlie, a VERY curious little toddler, noticed everything, especially if it was different from what he had seen before.  On the way back to the house, Charlie undid his seat belt.  Instead of pulling off to the side of the road and buckling him back in, Kurt’s mom told him to sit still and that they would be home in a bit.  Charlie didn't listen to her and pulled on the door handle.  They were going around a bend in the road at the time and this force threw Charlie’s little body out of the car and into the path of an oncoming car.  He was hit in the back of the head, thrown 400 feet, and died immediately.  Kurt was called to the hospital to identify his son and then had the heart wrenching job of coming to get me and tell me that our son was now with the Lord. 

You can imagine that we went through many emotions.  On my part, I have to tell you that to start out, I was very upset that my husband didn't honor my request and stay at our house with our sons.  For months I had to deal with the grief, but also the anger I felt toward Kurt and his mom.  Then one day the Lord was very kind and showed me a scripture that changed my life forever.  In Mark 11 verse 25 it says “and whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

I had been raised in the church and came to know the Lord as my personal Savior so I knew I was a sinner and needed the Lord’s forgiveness.  I so wanted to be with Jesus when I died and I knew I had to face my anger and hatred toward my husband and his mom and truly forgive them with all my heart.  My prayer was, “Father, you know how my heart hurts.  You know how I feel toward my husband and mother-in-law.  You also know that I can't love them on my own.  Lord, I forgive them for their part in Charlie’s death and I ask that YOU love them through me.”  The Lord was so faithful to take that heartfelt prayer and He turned it around to be something very beautiful.  I am very close to my mother-in-law today and Kurt and I just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary together as a very happy couple. 

We are a part of a wonderful church body and through the years we have been taught about God and His sovereignty.  All things are under His control and for his purpose and glory.  I know Charlie’s death was not a mistake.  There is a quote that says, “Nothing happens without first going through the hands of God.”  Look at the life of Job.  He had every reason to be angry at a lot of people, including God.  But he was faithful and in the end knew that God was greater than anything and knew more than we could possibly know.  The Lord has a plan and even though we think we should know what it is, I know I’ll never see the whole picture that He does.  It is just my responsibility as His child to love Him, obey His word, and to live peaceably as possible with those around me (Titus 3:2). 

For those of you who are mourning the loss of a loved one, I pray that the Lord will comfort you this Easter season.  For God knows your heartache on a personal level your heartache too.  He gave His own Son to die a horrific death for you.  But I want you to remember that in Christ we have hope.  We have eternal life, and those who have gone before us are already there with the Father waiting for us to join them, in God’s time. 

For those of you who have had terrible things happen against you, it is my prayer that you will see that even in your heartache, God is there.  He is waiting for you to come to Him and to forgive those who have hurt you, and I promise you, He will cleanse your heart and give you a peace beyond anything you have ever known, as He has done in my own life.

Jesus went through so much more pain and sorrow than we will ever go through.  His pain is far greater than anything we will ever experience.  His LOVE is bigger than the highest mountain or deeper than the deepest sea.  He wants you to live with Him and in the fullness of Him.  Easter is about God’s love for us, His forgiveness and restoration.  I hope each one of you will be able to celebrate this season with the greatest joy knowing God’s love for you. 

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Note: You can visit Debbie’s web site at www.alongthejourney.net to sign up for her e-mail newsletter.  Her oldest son, Chris, is an Air Force fire fighter, and has just received a particularly hazardous “in the sand” assignment in Iraq.   Keep them all in your prayers!