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Mourning a Miscarriage

by Virginia Knowles

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Several of my dear friends have had miscarriages in the past year or so.   I know at least a little of how they feel, because I miscarried our second baby 19 years ago this month, when Mary was nine months old.  I remember my friend Darlene warning me, “You may feel fine now, but in a couple of weeks you might have a hormonal backlash.  You may feel really horrible for a while, but it’s normal.  Don’t think you are going crazy.”  I’m not sure I believed her at the time, but she was right.  Two weeks after my miscarriage, my emotions went wild for several days.  I was edgy and angry, like a monster case of PMS.  So when I hear of a mama who has had a miscarriage, I pass along that helpful tip.  Most of the women I have talked to have confirmed it to be true.  If you have a miscarriage or stillbirth, do allow yourself to grieve your loss, even as you learn to accept it.  Get your rest.  Your body and soul need it.  If you have lost a little one, I also encourage you to be comforted by the testimonies and counsel of others who know what it is like.  You can find many web sites on this topic, and Christian Book Distributors (www.christianbook.com) has an excellent selection of books on miscarriage and other pregnancy loss.

I find that even now, I have a very soft spot in my heart for wee little children and their mommies.  When I see them suffer in any way, it pulls at my heartstrings.  And I still grieve the miscarriage now and then.  My husband Thad was playing a song called “Glory Baby” by Watermark for me recently, and sweetly held my hand as the tears streamed down my cheeks.  I don’t think about it all the time, but when I do, I allow myself to feel it and to receive God’s comfort.  As I was thinking about writing this article, I couldn’t sleep.  I got up early in the morning and paced the kitchen floor, weeping.  But it is a good kind of mourning, the kind that knows joy will come again.  I will hold my little one in Heaven, where he or she is already safe in the arms of Jesus, waiting for Mommy and Daddy to catch up!  That’s the truth about God’s grace!

And there was joy after our mourning.  Just under a year later, on April 11, our second daughter Julia Grace made her grand debut.  Happy birthday, sweetheart!  You are such a treasure!  Yes, my dear Julia turned 18 today!  I thank God for granting me this precious baby just a year after my loss and growing her up into such a lovely young woman.  Julia has a very soft spot in her heart for people who are suffering, which is evident from the global catastrophe newspaper photos she has tacked over her bed around her Bolivian sugar sack.   She is preparing to go back to southern Bolivia on a mission trip in June, this time on a medical team led by a doctor and a nurse from our church.   We know that Bolivia is a risky place to travel right now, but she has a compelling heart of compassion for the needy folks there, and we send her in the knowledge that God can care for her there just as well as here.  (If you are interested in helping sponsor her trip financially, send me an e-mail asking for details.)

God knows the End from the Beginning.  We can trust him to work out all the details in between.