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Learn to Discern:

To Know and Do What is Right and True

by Virginia Knowles

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This article is part of a chapter from The Real Life Home School Mom: It’s a Life in ReVision.  As you might know, I just finished a major rewrite/expansion of this book, which I first published in 2000.  For more information on the book, click here: www.VirginiaKnowles.com/TheRealLifeHomeSchoolMom

Learn to Discern:

To Know and Do What is Right and True

            One reason we home school our children is to teach them discernment: to know and do what is right and true!  We want to pass along our faith and family values, and not leave them vulnerable to everything else out there.  We realize that discernment is not just about making isolated moral choices (like what movies are appropriate to see) or following rules to avoid negatives.  It is also living by positive principles set down in Scripture and being able to listen to the Lord for specific life direction in fulfilling the destinies to which he has called us.  We each have to discern not only right from wrong, but the “priority best” for us from among many “good” opportunities.  Here are several ways we can teach our children discernment.

            Teach your children to evaluate what they learn and what they choose  by Scripture. For a Christian, the Bible is the ultimate authority in life – not what culture or experts say.  We should all learn to “set our minds on things above, not on earthly things” and remember that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”  My daughter Mary (age 20) commented after going to a New Attitude conference on discernment, that “gray areas” where the Bible is not specific are not excuses for sloppy thinking.  If we search it out, we can find Biblical solutions for each decision that we face.  James 1:5-8 assures (and warns) us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”  (ESV)  It’s not enough to simply learn the truth – we need to apply it and to continually renew ourselves in it, claiming it as ours in Christ.   “…Test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.” 1 Thessalonians 5:21 (ESV)

            Teach your children the Bible!  Even if you don’t get into complex discussions with your little ones, you can always introduce such basic concepts as “you reap what you sow” (what might happen if you do this…) and “do unto others as you would have them do to you” (how would you feel if…).  Make sure they are especially grounded in the nature of God and the nature of man.  God is powerful, pure, holy, just, good, and kind, while man is naturally deceitful, selfish, unfaithful, and proud.  Knowing this helps us to trust and obey God’s way of doing things, and also to be wary of everything else in the world that has been corrupted by man’s sinful nature.  

            Encourage your children in their own personal walks with the Lord.    Help them to establish a consistent and meaningful devotional time of Bible study, prayer, and worship.  As they mature, look for a deeper understanding of the concepts. Learn to draw out their hearts, and see how their knowledge is affecting their lives, their attitudes, and their choices.  Encourage them to cultivate an attitude of humility and teachability so they can seek wisdom.  

            Teach your children to closely guard their own emotions.   As I have watched the home school movement for the past twenty years, I have been grieved to observe the faith and virtue of countless young people shipwrecked by three very powerful emotions: bitterness toward parents (which results in outward rebellion or passive rejection of their values), pride (they know it all and don’t need any counsel or accountability) and unwise romantic attachments (which can sway someone into thinking or doing things that ought not to be thought or done).  Feelings are sort of like the moon – they have a tidal pull (on our attitudes and choices) and they sometimes eclipse the sun (block our vision of truth), but they should also reflect the sun (show God’s glory in our lives).  You may find appropriate times with your children to share your own experiences of dealing with your emotions so they can remember they are not alone, and perhaps find some strategies for handling their own feelings.  You can also work at communicating regularly and lovingly with your children so you can be aware of the challenges they are facing.  They should know that you are a safe person to talk to, that you won’t be overly shocked when they share something with you, and that you will work through issues with them in a healthy manner that preserves their own God-given dignity.

            Allow for different maturity levels among your children.  Learning discernment is a gradual transfer of responsibility from the parent to child as their ability to reason develops.   A newborn has no discernment at all, but by the time our offspring have reached “adult” age, we expect them to be making prudent choices most of the time.  However, there is no abrupt cut-off at age 18; young adults still need parental input and guidance, although our goal is to launch them into independence.  We all need accountability, even as older adults.  I actually welcome my children making observations about my choices, as long as they are halfway respectful about it.  They might say, “Mom, why are you watching that TV show?  It’s not very edifying!” or “Mom, don’t you think what you just said was gossip?” Fair enough! Our lives are open books, aren’t they?  And speaking of that, you may wish to share examples of how God has guided you through your decisions in life, such as in relationships, finances, schedule, educational options, career, ministries, health care, etc.

            Give your children a vision for the future.  What kind of men and women do they want to be?  Do they realize that the choices and habits they are making now affect their future in vital ways?  I liken this to packing a toolbox.  If a plumber or electrician or carpenter goes off to a job and doesn’t have the appropriate tools (drills, wrenches, nails, etc.) then he is ill-equipped for his job.  If our children go off into life without the tools of diligence, wisdom, purity, respect, and other virtues, they will be ill-equipped to deal with what life throws at them.  So their job is to pack their life toolbox now and prepare for success.  They need these character qualities now, anyway, not just as adults!

            When you do see your children making wise choices, be sure to tell them!  This can help guard them from wanting to give up, and they will be motivated to repeat the good things that you have appreciated in them.

            Remember that you are a gatekeeper.  You decide what comes in and out of your home, and where your children go.   You need to provide wise leadership to your children in choosing friendships, books, music, movies, hobbies, group classes, and other things that may influence their attitudes and choices.   Please remember that not everything that is labeled Christian is reliable or consistent with your family’s standards and values.  There is a lot of religious crud out there!  An author who has written one good solid book might be totally off base in another.  The same thing goes for magazines, musicians, public speakers, etc.   Be aware and beware!  Here are a few tools to help you safeguard your children:

♥       For children’s literature reviews from a “family values” home school mom perspective, visit http://bookangles.com/info/titles.htm

♥       For music and video game reviews, visit www.almenconi.com 

♥       For movie reviews, visit Focus on the Family’s www.pluggedinonline.com

♥       For free Internet filtering, http://www.k9webprotection.com/

            Be the parent!  You have the right to say “no” to whatever you think might harm your children, while at the same time allowing them increasing flexibility to make their own choices under your guidance.  Let your children face the consequences of their choices, especially as they get older.  Experience can teach what lectures often can’t.

            Provide worldview training.  Show how Christian thinking compares with other belief systems and ideologies.  There are many books, workshops, and camps available to Christian families.  Some authors to look for are Dr. Francis Schaeffer, Lee Strobel, David Noebel, R.C. Sproul, and Jeff Meyers.  You could ask one of your pastors to teach a worldview class to home school students or to the church body at large.  Our own church is using The Truth Project DVD series (www.TruthProject.org) produced by Focus on the Family.  Summit Ministries (www.summit.org) also has good materials and events.

            Choose academic resources consistent with a Biblical worldview, such as those which teach creationism.  Be sure to check out the Creation Studies Institute  web site at (www.creationstudies.org).  Answers in Genesis (www.answersingenesis.org) has built a new state-of-the-art Creation Science Museum (www.creationmuseum.org) in northern Kentucky.

            Teach your children to think clearly and thoroughly.  Train them to pay close attention to what they are studying, rather than doing the mere minimum to get through an assignment.  (The Charlotte Mason methods of oral and written narration can help them with this.)  Help them to search out the deeper themes in literature, rather than just recalling details.  Keep track of current events and trends (culture, politics, etc.), and evaluate them in light of the truth of Scripture.  Teach logical thinking skills, such as spotting fallacies in reasoning.  Help them write out a pro-con list and/or brainstorming pages when they are making decisions. 

            Show your children that they can’t always judge a situation or a person by first appearances or impressions.  Discernment requires getting the whole picture, not depending on stereotypes or snap judgments.   We don’t have to be afraid of truth or of stretching our perspective, and we can still learn something valuable even from those who might hold a different view of things than we do.

            Remind your children that being discerning sometimes requires making difficult, inconvenient or unpopular choices.  Encourage them that the eventual rewards (not always immediate) are worth it.  They may have to stand alone when all of their peers (even home schooled ones) are doing something different.  They may have to set aside their own desires to defer to the needs of others.  They may have to delay instant gratification so they can obtain a more lasting or valuable future benefit.

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Other Resources on Discernment

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If you want to hear some awesome messages from the 2007 New Attitude conference, click here www.newattitude.org  and look on the right hand side of the page to download the free audio files.  The speakers were Joshua Harris (“Discernment”), John Piper (2 messages on “Discern What Pleases God”), Al Mohler (“Discern Your Culture”), C.J. Mahaney (“Discern Your Heart” and “Discern How to Apply”), Mark Dever (“Discern Your Doctrine”) and Eric Simmons (“Discern the Graymatters”).  I appreciate their commitment to “embracing humble orthodoxy.”  You can also find blogs and other resources at the same site, and get more information at www.sovereigngraceministries.org.

Pumpkin Seed Press, owned by Robert and Shelley Noonan, has some great resources to help parents teach their children about discernment, especially in the area of purity.  Among these are The Three Weavers, which dads can do with their teen daughters, a study guide for Beautiful Girlhood for preteen and young teen girls, and Beyond Beautiful Girlhood for moms to do with their teen daughters.  I will be reviewing this resources in the September issue.  Pumpkin Seed Press also carries a lot of great books published by others.  Check it out right here!  www.pumpkinseedpress.net/

For information to supplement my brief comments on the Charlotte Mason method, check out these excellent articles by Jeannie Fulbright: http://www.jeanniefulbright.com/Habits.html and

www.jeanniefulbright.com/Narration.html. 

Jeannie Fulbright also writes elementary science books published by Apologia.  My daughter Lydia loves her Botany book so much that she put it in her carry on bag to read in the airplane on the way up to see my mom in May!  When I saw Jeannie at the FPEA convention, I got in line to pass along this amusing tidbit, and a young girl ahead of me was in line to tell Jeannie how much she loved the same book!  She had come to the convention with her mom just to meet Jeannie… I think that says something!

Also while at the FPEA convention, I looked at another really interesting looking curriculum by Classical Academic Press.  The Art of Argument helps students spots fallacies in reasoning.  This book seems better than some of the others I’ve seen. Take a look for yourself at this very lengthy on-line sample:  http://www.classicalacademicpress.com/aa.html

My friends Brian and Amy Smith, parents of eight who now live in Texas, are consultants for Bright Minds, a division of Critical Thinking Press.  They carry a huge selection of thinking skills curriculum, long used by home families (including ours), to help children train their minds to discern.   You can check out their web site at http://www.thinkbrighterthinkbetter.com/ or e-mail them at Brian.P.Smith@earthlink.net)

If you know a young person who is battling drug addiction, please consider referring them to Teen Challenge, a ministry with residential programs to rescue and redeem:  http://www.teenchallengeusa.com/

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A Journal Entry

by Virginia Knowles

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Last month, I shared how I write my observations about life and books in my journal.  I thought you might like to see a journal from a few months back.  I had read a book I would not ever have picked up on my own because my daughter Mary (a 20 year old journalism major) has an interest in the role of women in Islamic culture.  She had read it, and I wanted to see what she was exposing herself to.  It was a challenge to read it with discernment.  There was a lot of muck in it, but it sure did broaden my perspective about Islamic culture as well as our own.  I do not recommend that you all read it, and for this reason I am not even naming the book or the author.

April 19, 2007

This morning, between laundry, reading to the children, playing the piano, holding a clingy Melody, and whatever else, I squeezed in about 80 pages of the book Mary had been reading about women in Iran.  I have, of course, mixed feelings.  I appreciate the emphasis on human dignity and liberty, the insight into themes of literature, the rich writing style.  But Christ-filled it is not.  In other words, it reflects the Creation (beauty, dignity, imageo deo) and the Fall (Islamic Republic and, ironically, the immorality it seeks to expunge) but not Biblical redemption.  Its redemption is to throw off restraint, not to be set free from sin.  Western culture is not salvation.  Neither is unfettered thought.  But this does provide insight into a world to which I would hope to bring Jesus' grace and see it taken seriously, despite all of the competing calls of "different belief systems."  And it does make me think about what is important for me to teach my children.  Is it a life of rules?  No, though rules are necessary.  I do not want to raise moralists, but those who live by the cross.  I do want to teach dignity -- walking worthy -- fulfilling the potential that God has sparked in each of us -- excellence, not mediocrity -- being a gentlemen, a lady, and not ashamed of those roles -- kindness toward others, even when we disagre -- having a contempt for contempt (as Gary Thomas would say).  I do not want my girls to be feminists, nor my boys to be chauvinists, and keenly see the risk of that happening.

I also see how unsophisticated my own writing is.  How can a woman for whom English is a second language have such a brilliant command over it?  The turn of phrases, the flash of insight, just the eloquent words to communicate with startling clarity. 

Also, the role of women, the standards of modesty, et al…   What is reasonable in modest apparel?  I have changed much in the past four years -- much more flexible.  And what of education and jobs for women?  I see how this book reflects many of our culture’s attitudes and desires -- how they would see our traditional views as repressive.  Are they?  We can have firm godly standards for purity without being too stringent.  There is such a thing as chastity.  And there are times, I believe, to intervene in unhealthy relationships.  I have a responsibility to my daughters to help them interpret and adapt to their own sensibilities what is the prudent course of life. 

My heart's desire is to point each of my children to the Savior, not in a simplistic sense, but to see the fullness, the richness of our spiritual heritage and destiny.  A shallow creed, a shell of public behavior -- neither has the holding power that calls to us from the deeper life of the creative, redeemed and indwelled spirit which God has given us.  Thus, home schooling, not so much to escape the negatives (mere sheltering) but to fill with the lovely, true, noble, excellent -- to ignite the fire of passion to discover God's works and ways in this world.  Not to just extinguish bad behavior, but to nurture the desire to actively do good to others and make a Christ-like impact on culture.

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The New Testament on Discernment

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Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.  Romans 12:2

Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.  The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one.  “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.   1 Corinthians 2:12-16

Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.  Ephesians 5:8b-10

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.  Philippians 1:9-11

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  Philippians 4:8

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.  Colossians 3:2

About this we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.  Hebrews 5:11-14

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.  James 3:13-18

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  1 Peter 1:13

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Psalms and Proverbs on Discernment

(English Standard Version)

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The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.  More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Who can discern his errors? Declare me innocent from hidden faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.  Psalm 19:7-14

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Through your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way.  Your word is a lamp to my feet and light to my path.  Psalm 119:103-105

To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity; to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth—Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance, to understand a proverb and a saying, the words of the wise and their riddles. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.   Proverbs 1:2-7

My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints. Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path; for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you, delivering you from the way of evil, from men of perverted speech, who forsake the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness, who rejoice in doing evil and delight in the perverseness of evil, men whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways.   Proverbs 2:1-15

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.  Proverbs 3:5-8

The wisdom of the prudent is to discern his way, but the folly of fools is deceiving.  Proverbs 14:8

The discerning sets his face toward wisdom, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.  Proverbs 17:24

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Quotes on Discernment

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I have found some great quotes about discernment, mainly on the web, but also from books I’ve been reading.   You might want to use some of these for your children’s copywork assignments. Here are some that I thought might be edifying…

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“We must not trust every word of others or feeling within ourselves, but cautiously and patiently try the matter, whether it be of God.  Unhappily we are so weak that we find it easier to believe and speak evil of others, rather than good.  But they that are perfect, do not give ready heed to every news-bearer, for they know man’s weakness that is prone to evil and unstable in words.  This is great wisdom, not to be hasty in action, or stubborn in our own opinions.  A part of this wisdom also is not to believe every word we hear, nor to tell others all that we hear, even though we believe it.  Take counsel with a man who is wise and of a good conscience; and seek to be instructed by one better than thyself, rather than to follow thine own inventions.  A good life maketh a man wise toward God, and giveth him experience in many things.  The more humble a man is in himself, and the more obedient towards God, the wise will he be in all things, and the more shall his soul be at peace.” Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, Chapter 4

“The supreme end of education is expert discernment of all things - the power to tell the good from the bad, the genuine from the counterfeit, and to prefer the good and the genuine to the bad and the counterfeit.”  Samuel Johnson, English poet and critic

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." Winston Churchill

"Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods." C.S. Lewis

“When a man is getting better he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him.  When a man is getting worse he understands his own badness less and less."  C.S. Lewis

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