Virginia Knowles
Mar. 10, 2009 - A Mother's Seeds
A Mother’s Seeds
by Virginia Knowles
A mother sows seeds
Sows in hearts softened by sweet nurture
Seeds of myriad sizes, shapes, and sorts:
Truth, mercy, faith, repentance, salvation
Wisdom, praise, discipline, responsibility
Love, joy, peace
Here a seed, there a seed, everywhere a soul seed
No mother is purely saint, saintly pure
So subtle weed seeds slip from her packet too:
Bitterness, pride, impatience, sloth, doubt, scorn, fear
She may wisely snatch them up again right away
Before harm takes root in tender spirits
But some sink in and grow in spite
Later to be plucked out, or not
Yet she seeks to sow good seed in good soil
Not for the pleasure of plowing, digging. straining
Staining hands and knees with clay
Casting bloodied thorns and stubborn stones aside
Not for these trials she toils, bowed low
But for the hope, for the promise of the soul seed’s sole purpose:
Oh, for the fruit!
Working, watering, worrying, weeping, watching, waiting. wondering:
Will these tiny seeds fulfill destiny
First with green stem and fragrant blossom, and then fruit at last?
Or will they lie lifeless underground or shriveled on dry crust of earth?
Oh, did one, even just one, take root deeper and deeper in the divine deep?
Anchored by a sturdy, centering, downward shaft
With fragile spreading threads tangled outward, seeking sustenance?
Oh, for the fruit of those roots unseen!
So: more seeds! Sow more seeds! Sow and sow again!
Lord, make them grow!
For a mother must be faithful but He alone can bring forth fruit!
(Soli Deo Gloria! Gloria in Excelsis Deo!)
His fruit is sweet and succulent, swelling with more seeds
Later to be scattered far beyond her own field, season after season
Nations and generations shall witness her seeds and His fruit
Fruit from seed, and seed from fruit
From her home to His uttermost gardens
From her time to His eternity
For a mother’s heart sows well beyond her own wee plot
She mothers young and old, neighbor and sojourner
Her reach is far and deep, patient and persistent
Any seeking soul becomes her soil
She meets needs with diligent deeds
Bathes each one in warming rays of kindness and prayer
A mother’s heart sows these seeds then
Waters, works, watches, waits, wonders again and again
By faith, hope, and love, she reaps abundant harvests
When goodly, godly fruit is ripe at last!
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This poem was originally posted on my other blog, www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com, where I usually write. I also have a web site, www.VirginiaKnowles.com.
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Feb. 26, 2008 - "Over Utah in January"
A Poem, Followed by Thoughts on Wonder and Family
This was published on my own web site on January 23, 2008, but I am just now posting it here on HomeSchoolBlogger.
In this issue, you will find my poem "Over Utah in January", memories of my grandmother Margaret Driggs, practical and inspirational thoughts about instilling a sense of wonder and building family memories, and finally a poem called "Parting" by my step-grandfather, Dr. Howard R. Driggs. Enjoy!
I am giving you the poem first without photographs, so you can focus on the words. Then I will give it to you again with the photos... And now, with pictures...
Over Utah in January
by Virginia Knowles
I am in the sky looking down on
Vast speechless stretches of frozen white
Curved round and round by
Slicing crevices and streams
And human roads abandoned though they be
Foothills then soaring mountains beyond
Majestic tall yet distant small
From the sky where I look down
Clustering pines (wilderness steeples)
Defer to barren ground below
Shedding to it cumbering, nurturing snow
Upright spires green
Evergreen over branches, trunks, rough and woody brown
Rooted deeply into ascending slope
Yet as living arrows aiming high
To the sky where I look down
Up and over mountain towers, fly
Peering through mottled fog outstretched
Amid earthy upturned layers, variegated ripples
Shadow clouds now upwisping sharply angled peaks
Oh! These are of no human construct or design
Not even marked by footprints in pristine snow
Just fingerprints, signatures divine
Where winter earth meets winter sky
Yet in the valley I see manly habitation
In patterned rows, casual curves beneath the mist
Nestled in yet beckoned to a deep and high communion
Only bold ones venture beyond certain fringes
Strive upward, breathe hard, ascending steep, behold
Some faithful cannot climb but still lift souls to see
To know and long to know
Others seem content merely to stroll in evenness beneath, below
Oblivious to wonder
I am in the sky looking down
Then gazing up in awe at Him
Who gazes down in grace on me below
On me, who sees and longs to know
Over Utah in January
by Virginia Knowles
I am in the sky looking down on
Vast speechless stretches of frozen white
Curved round and round by
Slicing crevices and streams
And human roads abandoned though they be
Foothills then soaring mountains beyond
Majestic tall yet distant small
From the sky where I look down
Clustering pines (wilderness steeples)
Defer to barren ground below
Shedding to it cumbering, nurturing snow
Upright spires green
Evergreen over branches, trunks, rough and woody brown
Rooted deeply into ascending slope
Yet as living arrows aiming high
To the sky where I look down
Up and over mountain towers, fly
Peering through mottled fog outstretched
Amid earthy upturned layers, variegated ripples
Shadow clouds now upwisping sharply angled peaks
Oh! These are of no human construct or design
Not even marked by footprints in pristine snow
Just fingerprints, signatures divine
Where winter earth meets winter sky
Yet in the valley I see manly habitation
In patterned rows, casual curves beneath the mist
Nestled in yet beckoned to a deep and high communion
Only bold ones venture beyond certain fringes
Strive upward, breathe hard, ascending steep, behold
Some faithful cannot climb but still lift souls to see
To know and long to know
Others seem content merely to stroll
In evenness beneath, below
Oblivious to wonder
I am in the sky looking down
Then gazing up in awe at Him
Who gazes down in grace on me below
On me, who sees and longs to know
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“Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.” Psalm 90:2
“In his hand are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also.” Psalm 95:4
“For behold, he who forms the mountains and creates the wind, and declares to man what is his thought, who makes the morning darkness, and treads on the heights of the earth—the Lord, the God of hosts, is his name!” Amos 4:13
“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2
“For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.” Romans 1:20
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 I wrote the first draft of "Over Utah in January" on the airplane on my way to Salt Lake City for my grandmother's funeral. I hadn’t realized just how mountainous Utah is in areas! I tend to think of it only as the Great Salt Lake and endless miles of salt flats. I was so taken by the snowy mountains that we spent the better part of one day just driving around taking pictures. But even from our hotel and from the cemetery, and really wherever we went, we only had to lift our eyes to see the towering mountains surrounding us – and I think I gasped in amazement every single time. (Can you tell I am from Florida, where we have neither mountains nor snow?)
As most of you know, my paternal grandmother Margaret Driggs passed away on January 13 in Denver, Colorado at the age of 98. A week ago I flew to Salt Lake City for her funeral.
My brother, uncle, and father at the casket with the mountains in the background...
My sister Barb, who couldn't join us due to illness, sent the following eulogy to be read by my father:
 My first memories of Grandma Driggs are of visiting her in Bayside, Queens. We ate English muffins with jelly using the fancy china. She was always so elegant, even when feeding little children breakfast! Grandma was always the epitome of elegance and propriety, from the way she dressed to the way she spoke and carried herself. I believe that she valued reading and writing above all things. One of my prized possessions to this day is the hardcover set of Louisa May Alcott novels she gave me when I was a teenager.
I wish I could have known Grandma Driggs as a young woman, when she was a reporter in Kansas City, falling in love, as a young mother. I wish I could have known her when she was my age, in her 40s, working with Dr. Driggs, raising young adults, playing the piano. Of course I didn’t know her then, but my intuition tells me that this was the happiest time in her life. If your happiest age is the age you are in heaven, I suspect she’s there in her 40’s, playing ragtime with her newly nimble fingers. The last time I saw Grandma was when my daughter, Carrie, and I visited Denver years ago. At that point she called us "the girls", as she wasn’t sure who were. She did know that she loved us and that we loved her, and that was the most important thing.
 (My brother John played the ragtime version of "Just a Closer Walk with Thee" on the piano at her funeral in honor of Grandma. At the reception, he played other jazzy tunes while a Driggs cousin, Dan Christensen, sang along. What a memory!)
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Nov. 15, 2007 - My Glorious Dishtowel
I confess. I guess I am just sentimental about dishtowels. This one came into my life 25 years ago, fluffy and fresh, bright with glorious rainbows, back when I was still a fluffy, fresh, and bright young college student. It arrived in a care package from my mother, nestled in with edibles and kitchen practicalities, and maybe an inspiring new book to feed my idealistic soul. My mom understood about such things (and still does). She always said that new dishtowels could perk up even the dreariest kitchen, and that rundown apartment kitchen sure needed it! We had no dishwasher except the human kind, so that towel did daily duty at my sink. And each time I would hang it up proudly so everyone could see its glorious rainbows.
And here we are now, all these years later. I wearily plop a toddler on her little oak bed in my bedroom. My tenth toddler. In my bedroom still. Someday she will move out to another room, when my first no-longer-toddler-now-bright-fresh-idealistic-young-adult-daughter moves out of the house, but we are in no hurry for that, no hurry at all. Still, I am a tired mommy, a busy mommy. And even after this particularly long and tiring day, it is not time for me to go to my bed yet, except to sit on it and fold another mound of laundry, the foothills of Mt. Neverest, as I call my unending five-loads-a-day pile. And then a wave of melancholy washes over me. Even in the dim light of the go-to-sleep-sweetie-I’m-still-right-here bedroom, I can see this dishtowel in my hand, this faded and threadbare dishtowel, with its once bright rainbows barely recognizable. It is so thin I can see through it. How has it survived this long? In these 25 years it has done its daily duties for sure:
♥ drying dishes (imagine that!), sometimes in the hands of my handsome and helpful young husband-to-be, who though no longer as young but still as handsome, is also still kind enough to help in the kitchen
♥ soaking up the drips from the leaky air conditioner in that old apartment
♥ laying under fresh-baked cookies cooling on the counter in our newlywed apartment or our first little townhouse
♥ wiping away traces of morning sickness
♥ playing peek-a-boo with a baby
♥ soothing a fevered brow of a sick child, and another sick child, and another…
♥ cushioning china in a cross-country move to a bigger home for a growing family
♥ mopping up spilled apple juice, milk, and assorted unmentionable liquids from the floor
♥ covering a pan of rising bread dough made by an eager baker-daughter for a family Thanksgiving feast
♥ cleaning a soft young face covered with spaghetti sauce or peanut butter or blood or runny nose
♥ wrapping an ice pack to keep it from being so cold on a bruised forehead
♥ maybe even cleaning a hamster cage, though I hope not…
♥ and much more, much much more, over and over and over again
And between each time, to sanitize it for its next task, it is stuffed in a bucket with all of the other wet smelly kitchen linens, churned with bleach and detergent in the washer, and then shoved unceremoniously into the dryer with the heat and dizzying spin, sacrificing its lovely fluffy fiber to the lint trap. Then, after being crumpled into a clean basket, it is folded and crammed into the linen closet or the drawer by the kitchen sink, or, bypassing all of these, snatched right from the dryer and put immediately to desperate use again. It is needed, needed all the time. Like me.
And so the wave of melancholy, as I sense its metaphor of my own life. I feel like this dishtowel. Old. Used up. Threadbare, with frayed fringes where neat hems used to be. Always in a spin. Like the faded rainbow, where have my once sparkling young dreams gone? I weep and wipe the tears with the towel. I hold it to my face and breathe in deeply. It is soft, so soft as it comforts me, as it has comforted others. It deserves dignity. I do not want it to be carelessly discarded by someone who does not understand dishtowels and nostalgia, so I tuck it safely into an unseen crevice on my bookcase where no one can find it. I clear the rest of the folded laundry off of my bed and sleep. Oh, how I need sleep.
I wake in the wee hours of the morning, as I always do, like it or not. My mind churns, as it often does, thinking, pondering. This is not a bad thing in itself, because I love to think and ponder and dream awake, but right now I would rather sleep. And then it dawns on me, like a glittering rainbow as a shaft of sunshine suddenly illuminates a gray and drizzly sky. This is the glory of the dishtowel, the glory of my life. What? What is the glory? Service. Being used up from constant need. Emptying myself in order to fulfill my purpose. Love working itself out in humble and practical ways. This is why I’m here: in God’s strength, serving my husband and children in our busy life-filled home, where celebrations mingle with sorrows, and the momentous punctuates the mundane. This is the life I chose, preparing young hearts and minds to fulfill their own life destinies. It is a good life.
The recent words of another bright, fresh young woman flood in to comfort me: “Mrs. Knowles,” she said, tapping me on the shoulder on a Sunday morning at church. “Mrs. Knowles, I believe the Lord wants me to remind you that your motherhood is a holy service to him. It is no waste. When you bow down to wipe up a spill from the floor, you are bowing in worship and service to him.” Remembering these refreshing words, I rise from my bed and tiptoe over to the bookcase, quietly, so as not to wake the tenth toddler, who nonetheless starts to rustle in her bed, sucking her thumb furiously until her I’m-about-to-wake-up-breathing evens out into restful sleep again. I grope around in the crevice and my hand feels the softness of the towel, the esteemed towel. There are tears to wipe again, but this time tears of gratitude. I am thankful that, unlike my lowly and lifeless dishtowel, I can be renewed and I will receive my reward.
~*~*~
“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” Jim Elliott, martyred missionary
“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39
“Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servantis not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” John 13:3-5, 12-17
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Nov. 15, 2007 - Cherishing Your Marriage
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Cherishing Your Marriage
Excerpt from The Real Life Home School Mom
by Virginia Knowles
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[Virginia’s note: This is the first half of the chapter “Cherishing Your Marriage” from my book The Real Life Home School Mom, which I revised and expanded this summer. For more information on the book, click here: www.VirginiaKnowles.com/TheRealLifeHomeSchoolMom. Please understand that we don’t have it all together. I’m just sharing from my experience, hoping to spare you from hitting some of the “potholes” on the road we have traveled these past 22 years. If you are really struggling in your marriage, let me recommend Gary Thomas's book Sacred Influence: What a Man Needs from His Wife to Be the Husband She Wants. I also recommend, for any married couple, his books Sacred Marriage and Devotions for a Sacred Marriage the latter of which is comprised of short, readable weekly essays for husbands and wives to read together.]
CHERISHING YOUR MARRIAGE
A loving, Christ-filled marriage lays such an essential foundation for a successful home school lifestyle. Does that statement fill you with hope or with a sense of despair? Perhaps you feel like your marriage has failed. Maybe you are already divorced and you don’t think this chapter applies to you. Or maybe your husband is not a believer in Jesus, so a Christ-filled marriage sounds impossible. Please keep reading, because I think you will find something helpful here anyway.
I know that some of you reading this chapter are feeling so overwhelmed already that you need a quick infusion of grace for your situation before you read a sentence further. Here is some encouragement from Carolyn Mahaney:
“If you are in an exceptionally trying situation with your husband, I encourage you to pour out your heart to the Lord of love. He knows, He sees, and He hears; and though your tears may be lost on your husband, they are not lost on your heavenly Father. He is the compassionate Lord who urges us to draw near to Him so “that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). Although you may not understand, you can be sure that your marriage has God’s loving inscription upon it. God’s unerring wisdom has ordained your relationship with your husband – for your good and for Christ’s glory. Look to God for strength to endure, for the Lord promises that He will husband you (Isaiah 54:5-6). God will renew your strength so that you will not grow weary in cultivating a tender love for your husband. Furthermore, you do not know what the Lord has planned for your future. Your tender love for your husband could be the means God uses to soften his heart toward you and toward Himself. I have seen this happen in many marriages.” (Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney)
Besides Carolyn’s helpful book, I just have to recommend a stellar book on marriage that I didn’t discover until after 20 years of marriage: Gary Thomas’s Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy. Gary Thomas is one of my all-time favorite authors. I think I’ve read eight of his books so far. This particular book has totally changed my perspective on marriage, just when I needed it most. I was initially resistant toward reading it, but the more I read, the more I wept and repented for my sinful attitudes. This is not a “how to” marriage book, but a deeper look into how marriage challenges us to grow. While it should be required reading for all couples, I think it will be an especially vital encouragement to those who are struggling with less than ideal relationships. More than any book on the topic, it has helped me to adjust my thinking to the firm foundation of Christian maturity in marriage. Two other great marriage-strengthening books are Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace by Gary and Betsy Ricucci, and The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.
Strong and godly marriages never just happen. Certainly no marriage is perfect. We all have room to grow. A healthy, enduring marriage requires much hard work and commitment, as well as continual repentance and forgiveness. It is tempting to coast along taking marriage for granted because, after all, we are home schooling, and of course home school families have it all together; if we don’t happen to have it together yet, well, we’ll just have to “fake it until we make it.” But what happens when the edges of our sanity become frayed at home? What happens when we are tempted to settle for mediocrity? What happens when we let the guard down?
Home schooling doesn't automatically immunize our marriages against conflict or even divorce. I know plenty of home school marriages that have already broken up, and even more that are on the rocks. If you are home schooling to build family unity, you can expect to come under constant attack from Satan. He does not want husbands and wives to love each other or bear and raise godly children. He will do whatever he can to break us apart, even in subtle ways. If we think we stand firm, we had better watch out lest we fall! (1 Corinthians 10:12) Some people assume that Satan only goes after the weaklings because they are an easy target that he can pick off easily. Some say that he only bothers to attack the strong folks, because he knows what damage they can do to his evil plans by extending the Kingdom of God. Let’s not be naïve. He will go after anyone for any reason! I hate to seem so pessimistic, but this is the truth. However, we do not have to be victims. God has called us to be overcomers, “more than conquerors” through our faith in Christ. But to conquer, we must realize we are in a battle.
When I first published this book in 2000, I organized this chapter around five dangers that war against a marriage in a home school family. In this new version, I’d like to take a more positive approach, and focus on these seven safeguards to protect our marriages instead. (Like a mama sneaking vegetables into casserole, I’ll still cover those dangers!)
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Safeguard #1: Focus on Your Foundation
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Safeguard #2: Make Your Marriage the Priority Over Every Other Earthly Pursuit
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Safeguard #3: Respect Each Other
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Safeguard #4: Forgive Each Other
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Safeguard #5: Communicate with Grace and Purpose
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Safeguard #6: Guard Your Purity
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Safeguard #7: Steward Your Resources
Safeguard #1: Focus on Your Foundation
“At least you have a common foundation in Christ,” my friend encouraged me. There was a hint of sadness in her voice, because she has what is euphemistically called an “inter-faith marriage” but which for her is a constant struggle. What keeps her going is her own strong faith in the Lord, which she had renewed after her wedding. I took her gentle admonition to heart. While Thad and I didn’t (and don’t) have the perfect marriage, we at least have Jesus together. That’s huge for me.
So does that mean you are doomed to failure in home schooling if your husband is not a believer, or is spiritually immature, or has glaring flaws that are adversely affecting your family? Not at all! But you are going to have to work all the harder at pursuing God for yourself, at training your children in God’s ways, and at building your marriage despite the hindrances. Even if you know the Lord and your husband doesn’t, your faith is still a foundation. Remember these words in 1 Peter 3:1-2? "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives— when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
The passage in 1 Peter 3 goes on to extol the beautiful and quiet spirit that we all need as wives. Why? Not just because it makes for a happier marriage, but because it pleases the Lord!
At our wedding, the soloist sang a song I had written. One line of the chorus went like this: “Show us your purposes for our union, that we may glorify you, Lord.” Did we even know what that would entail? After more than two decades, the most important question for me as I look at my relationship with my husband is still, “What are God’s purposes for me in my marriage?” One purpose is to use the very challenges of daily life with my husband to shape me into his own image, to prepare me as the bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:22-33) and not just the bride of Thad. And that’s a good thing! That’s where my eyes need to be: on Jesus, not on my circumstances. If my expectations are resting on the Lord’s grace and mercy, then I will be less likely to place an impossible burden of expectation on my husband. Likewise, my commitment needs to be on pleasing first the Lord and then my husband, not on pleasing myself. As I focus on the Christ’s faithfulness, it becomes my own, and I learn how to be faithful to my husband. As I contemplate God’s unconditional love, I become willing to receive it and give it to my husband. My foundation is secure.
One of the benefits of life in the Lord is that we are part of his earthly body. Our church family has played such a vital role in strengthening our marriage. First, there are the solid Sunday morning sermons that set our hearts on Christ’s way of love and peace. Then there are the weekly small groups where we can discuss how to apply Scripture in our daily lives and relationships. In our church, the couples in each small group meet together once a month to talk about marriage, often by discussing a book such as Sacred Marriage. It is through our conversations here that I realize how much we are not alone, that other husbands are much like my husband, and that other wives are much like me. This has been so liberating. At a recent couples’ night, a newlywed husband shared how when he and his wife have a conflict, it helps to pray together. This verse (Matthew 18:20) came to mind: “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” If we want the best marriage counselor present, all we have to do is pray, and God shows up! I’m grateful that this young man brought up the idea of prayer to encourage the rest of us old fogies who have been married much longer. I am also thankful for our pastors, who have so graciously counseled us when we have hit bumps in our relationship. They are real human beings who have had struggles in their own marriages. So they do not see it as a sign of weakness when a couple asks for pastoral help, but as a sign of strength and humility. I think every marriage needs this kind of boost somewhere along the way! Our church also hosts family-building workshops and ladies’ retreats that have benefited my marriage. And finally, there are the friendships I have with other women who have encouraged me in fulfilling the good plans that God has for me as a wife and home school mom. What a treasure our church is in helping us focus on our mutual foundation in Christ!
Safeguard #2: Make Your Marriage the Priority Over Every Other Earthly Pursuit
Moms, you are certainly to be commended for all you do in home schooling your kids. But in all honesty, that’s not the very best thing you can do for them. Yes, I still think it’s the best educational option, but there is something you can do at the same time that is even more important: CHERISH YOUR MARRIAGE! I know you’ve heard it said, “The best thing that parents can do for their children is to love each other.” That is so true. Your marriage is the foundation for a healthy nurturing home. A strong marriage will facilitate a home school, but a weak one will destroy it. Unfortunately, moms can be so devoted to home schooling and dads so consumed in their careers that they become apathetic to each other and place the marriage relationship to the back burner. We think our mates will understand that we are too stressed out now for an intimate conversation or more. We think this will be temporary and that soon we will be “back on track” but it drags on and on. This leads to resentment, alienation, and loss of productivity. You will be worse than when you started, because now you need to take more time and emotional energy to restore the relationship and heal the hurts.
If your husband senses that the home school, hobbies, or ministries are replacing him as the love of your life (after God), he will resist you in your efforts. If you place him as the rightful priority, he can be inspired to lift some of your burdens and energize you to accomplish even more! We all need to carve out prime time for our marriages, even if it means laying aside other activities.
As you make your marriage a top priority, you will start to think about the very best ways to add zest to your relationship. You won’t be content to get away with the bare minimum anymore. You will want to invest fully into bringing joy to your husband’s life and building the kind of intimacy that is God’s design for marriage. Be creative! Here is a list to get you started, inspired by ideas given at a workshop at our church:
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Find out what he likes you to have finished around the house when he comes home from work, and then make it a regular practice to please him by doing this. Or do one of his chores for him as a surprise.
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Go for a walk and hold hands. Or lie on a blanket in the backyard and look at the stars. Or take a picnic to the park.
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Don’t give up on date nights just because you have young children. Have a friend keep the children at their house and fix his favorite dinner, served by candle light. If your children are home, you can always put them to bed and then enjoy dinner at a card table in your bedroom. Dress it up with a fancy tablecloth, candles and flowers from the garden, put on some romantic music, and enjoy a gourmet meal or dessert. This doesn’t have to be elaborate; it could be just a mug of hot chocolate and a plate of graham crackers.
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You may need to use some of your date night time to plan your schedule and budget or to sort through your family dynamics, but try to focus on the blessing of your “just the two of us” relationship.
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Try to get away for an occasional weekend without the children! We like to go to historic St. Augustine (where we honeymooned) and stroll through art galleries, living history museums, and antique shops.
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Keep your bedroom tidy, smelling fresh, and tastefully decorated. It should be a haven of rest for him. If you can, set up two comfortable chairs so the two of you can sit and talk in privacy whenever you want.
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Give him backrubs! Oh, this is a daily thing at our house for both of us. Not only does it relieve stress, but it gives us a chance to touch one another lovingly and show our affection in practical ways. After all these years of marriage, we know exactly where to press by feeling around for the tense muscle ripples. Or you can wash and massage his feet after a long day on them.
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Ask if you can plan Valentine’s Day this year, and let him plan your anniversary.
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Buy a special treat for him at the grocery store, and make sure your kids don’t break into it! Keep a secret stash of his favorite candies, and bring one out once in a while! (Thad hands me a chocolate truffle every now and then when I’ve done a great job at something or when I look like I need a little lift. I don’t know where he hides them!)
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Take time to write him a letter specifically telling him what you love and respect about him. You could cut out lots of hearts and pink and red construction paper. Write a reason you love him on each one and tape them all over the house. (The kids can do this too!)
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Always have your “romantic feelers” out and pay attention to special events happening in the community, such as free concerts, art festivals, etc.
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Hide a small cooler in his car with his favorite drink and snack to enjoy on his ride home. (Just remember to tell him it is there sometime during the day!)
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Burn a CD with some of his favorite songs, or ones that are special to you as a couple. Put it in his car’s CD player. Or buy him a little MP3 player and load it with his favorite music so he can take it wherever he goes. We did this for my husband for Father’s Day, and since he doesn’t have a CD player in his car, I bought a speaker for it.
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Pray for ideas – God will answer you!
A marriage relationship is for a lifetime, long beyond this short period of active motherhood. If you don't invest intensely in this intimate relationship, you may not have much in common when your children leave home. The couples who are still gazing lovingly into each others’ eyes at age 93 are the ones who either kept the fires brightly burning or who lit them up again after they fizzled out. If you think it’s too late because the apathy has already set in and the spark has already gone out, DON’T GIVE UP! You can start all over again, with the same guy. Rekindle, renew, repent, refresh, and rely fully on God. There is hope.
Safeguard #3: Respect Each Other!
“Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)
“R-E-S-P-E-C-T.” We all know how to spell it, but defining it is another thing altogether. What does it mean? Is it something that someone has to earn, or something that we grant another person based on their position in life? Well, both. But really, the best kind of respect is what is freely given out of our own hearts, not necessarily because someone is divine enough to deserve it or dominant enough to demand it. The sad truth is, respect between husbands and wives is sorely lacking in even Christian home school households. I think a lot of it has to do with pride. I know this has been the case in my heart. It is easy for me to develop a superior attitude toward my husband, thinking I know much more than he does because I read more about parenting, or because I spend more time with the kids, or because I have a more intuitive personality, or even because I know how to use the computer better than he does, or because I have written books, as if any of that proves anything. At the same time, even when I am not dishing out the respect that my husband needs, I can hypocritically resent it when I don’t feel waves of admiration and appreciation flowing in my direction from him. So, I guess I have to admit that I’m selfish, too!
Yes, wives should be respected! We deserve credit for all of our smart ideas and hard work. We don’t want “this guy” coming home and asking what we did all day! A home school mom can feel that her creative talents and nurturing care are unappreciated since they are hidden away amidst the drudgery of paperwork, laundry, dishes, and PBJ sandwiches. We can whip out all of the lists on what a housewife would be worth monetarily if you had to hire someone to do all of that domestic stuff. So I’m not letting the husbands off the hook here. But, on the other side, how many of us wives are really making a concerted effort to pour on the respect for our husbands and their masculine leadership? When did he become “this guy” and cease to be the hunk we were gushing over on our wedding day? Your husband wants to be more than just a breadwinner, and God’s blessing flows through a home where he is honored by all. You want to be more than just a housewife, and what bliss in the family when your husband and children rise up and call you blessed!
So why is it so hard to respect each other? Part of it is burnout. Look, I know you’re tired. I really do! I have 10 kids – need I say more? Like me, you’re at very close quarters with active, curious children all day. To make it worse, your hubby probably faces the unrelenting drain of office politics, meetings, and phone calls. After trying to be patient with other people all day, it is easy to get irritable in the evening. It’s easy to tune each other out. Moms, please don't get so “peopled out” that your husband, your precious partner, feels unwelcome and disrespected in his own home. If you need a little buffer time in order to be civil, arrange to lie down alone in a dark room and relax for a few minutes before Dad comes home. Try to make his home coming pleasant with a fresh appearance, a warm greeting, and a tidy house. Give him a chance to take his shoes off and peek at the mail before he gets bombarded with the burdens of the day. Get the children to tidy up and practice their best behavior, too. We can learn to treat each other royally.
Some wives struggle with disrespect because they do not understand the inherent differences between masculinity and femininity. Men are different! We should not expect them to be always soft, sensitive, tender, creative, and intuitive. I can get irritated with my husband for being so logical and meticulous in his thinking or for “coming on strong” when he thinks something needs to change in our home, but in all honesty, I need to appreciate how he balances me out. This is part of God’s design for our family. We would be in huge trouble if he was just like me or if I was just like him.
Another thing that can hinder respect is that many of us did not have strong role models in this area while we were growing up. If you didn’t have Christian parents, or even if you did, this might be a generational sin issue that’s tripping you up. You’re just relating the way that you saw your folks relate, because healthy or not, that’s all you know! If this is true, acknowledge it, and then move on. You can do better than this. Don’t use it as an excuse any more. It’s got to stop sometime, so why not now, in your generation, before your kids starting using it as an excuse in their own marriages?
OK, so what do you do if this respect thing just isn’t happening in your marriage? I’m not saying you should start gushing praise for your husband if the well has been running dry for quite some time. He’d probably get suspicious and wonder what kind of “nutritional supplements” you’ve been popping all day. You can start small. The first step is to at least get yourself up to the zero line, if you’ve dipped below. In other words, zap the disrespect! All of it! Cut the criticism, nix the nagging, and wipe out the whining. Or, as Francis de Sales said in the 17th century, “Have contempt for contempt.” Expanding on this, Gary Thomas writes in Sacred Marriage, “Contempt is born when we fixate on our spouse’s weaknesses. Every spouse has these sore points. If you want to find them, without a doubt you will. If you want to obsess about them, they’ll grow, but you won’t!”
You will also need to stop undermining him in front of the children. “Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?” I’ll tell you, that wretched garden grows weeds of disrespect, because whatever we do, our children will imitate. And if they disrespect him because of your disrespect, then they will invariably end up disrespecting you, too.
The way you speak to your friends about your husband also reveals your own character as a wife. If you are grumbling and complaining to whomever will listen, it is likely that at least some of these folks will commiserate with you and agree with how bad you’ve got it. They might add in their own poisonous comments about “MEN!” that will not help your attitude or her attitude at all. Long after you have either forgotten the offense or learned to interpret it rightly, your friend might still remember your disparaging comments. This would not build the reputation of your husband among those who know him, and it might come back to bite you later. I find that I must train my tongue to be charitable when I am frustrated with something in my marriage. This doesn’t mean that I pretend everything is perfect when it isn’t, but that I want to be discrete and respectful to my husband, which in turn honors the Lord who gave him to me as my life partner.
As you start clearing away the clutter of disrespect that has trapped you in the negative realm, then you will be more motivated to move things on up to the positive side. Start simple with noticing and appreciating your husband for the way he already is – and tell him so! Pay attention! Nobody wants to be ignored. Even the little things really matter. He takes out the trash. He pays the bills. He locks the doors at night. He prays with the kids at bedtime. Whatever! Don’t take it for granted!
When you are ready to bump things up a notch from there, you will want to start soliciting his advice and assistance more regularly. Many moms consider the home school as their own private domain of expertise. Without intending to, they can easily shut Dad out of his leadership in this important area of family life. Moms sometimes jokingly refer to their husbands as the “principal” of the home school, but few actually treat him as that. Dad often has perspective to guide you through a sticky problem if you are willing to listen. Even if he doesn't seem as “spiritual” as you, don't ignore his counsel (see 1 Peter 3). He is responsible as leader of the family, so let him lead. There are some really practical ways that you can cultivate respect for your husband in a home school setting. You can ask him for observations as you are trying to discern each child’s preferred learning style. You can involve him in curriculum choice, and not brush him off if he objects to what you are already planning. Listen to him! If you are going to rearrange a room or the whole house to accommodate home schooling, seek his logistical input and his physical brawn. If he wants to tackle teaching math or science or history, let him! If he can take off time to chaperone field trips, glory be! Dad needs a sense of ownership in the home school. Now don't go and nag him if he doesn't want to do anything, but he should feel welcome to participate when he is able.
And finally, at the pinnacle of respect, learn to respond to your husband with your whole heart, beyond what he says or does. Start seeing him as the gift from God that he is, and treat him that way!
(You can find the rest of this chapter at www.VirginiaKnowles.com/CherishingYourMarriage)
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Oct. 19, 2007 - Family Nights
One thing that I really appreciate about my husband Thad is that he is committed to building a strong family life. A couple of months ago, realizing how tough it is to get us all together at the same time even for a few hours, he decided to start a Family Night each week on Thursday. We still don't have it down to a science (and it’s still rare for all 12 of us to be here!), but we try to have a yummy dessert, some good conversation, a short time in the Bible, and maybe a game if one of us can be creative enough to think of something that is good for a wide age range. A few weeks ago, out of desperation, I pulled out the zip lock bag of Scrabble tiles (the box has long since been destroyed) and pulled out five at random. Each of us had to make up a sentence where the words started with the letters -- the sillier the better. For example, when I picked the letters U, W, U, R and E, someone wrote, "Unicorns wrestle under rhinoceroses' ears." Some of our other sentences were about pink flamingos and such. We played that game for several rounds, and I think it will make an encore soon. Another week, we were running late, so on the spur of the moment, we asked Julia to tell us about her new job and about her weekend trip to Gainesville to see the Auburn/Gator football game. Thad and I have also taken the time to share with our children chapters of our own life stories, especially our testimonies of God working in our lives.
Last night for Family Night, we loaded several of the kids in the van and went to see the encouraging new movie Pilgrim’s Progress: Journey to Heaven, which is set in modern times. We found out when we got there that this was its world premiere! I even got to shake hands with the producer, Danny Carrales, who was sitting across the aisle from us. The movie is playing at the Greater Orlando Christian Film Festival, which is hosting free showings of several movies up through next Thursday at the Regal Cinema in Winter Park Village. You can find more info at www.GreaterOrlandoChristianFilmFestival.com. For those who don’t live in the Orlando area, but are still interested in the movie, you can click here: www.PilgrimsProgressTheMovie.com .
Recently I realized that Family Night would also be a good opportunity for our younger children to recite the Bible memory verses they get in Sunday School. Usually these get lost in the shuffle of getting home from church. I decided to bring along a sturdy folder to church so we could immediately put all Sunday School papers in there for safekeeping. Then we can review them during the week, and actually put those memory verses to good use!
As for desserts, we try to have something yummy. Usually it is something simple like brownies, apple pie (bought at Sam's Club) or ice cream. We do try to be a little creative once in a while, too. Thad and I had been to Starbucks on our date a few weeks back and ordered their apple caramel drink. We decided we could make it just as easily at home for Family Night. We simmered a gallon of apple juice with cinnamon sticks and cloves, ladled it into mugs, spooned on dollops of whipped cream, and drizzled caramel sauce on top of that. Yum! Similar to this, we always have wassail for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, which is the same hot apple juice & spice concoction with cranberry juice and a little orange juice concentrate added in, too.
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Feb. 27, 2007 - What's New with the Knowles family?
What’s up with the Knowles family? Well, I’m not going to tell you about ALL twelve of us right now, but here are a few tidbits.
February 16-18, Lydia (12) and I survived what we think is a case of salmonella food poisoning after eating tainted peanut butter. (Maybe it was just the flu, but it seemed a whole lot more intense than that!) This outbreak has been in the news – Peter Pan and Great Value brands peanut butters with the code 2111 on the lid. We survived major intestinal revolt Saturday and spent all day in bed, but we were only a little uncomfortable by the next day. The boys all had minor symptoms, too. Here is a news link: http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/02/14/salmonella.outbreak.ap/index.html
One thing I really appreciate about Lydia is the dramatic spark she brings to our lives. She is such a ham! But even more, I appreciate that she is making an earnest attempt at maturity, especially in the area of respecting her parents. She is the most consistent about taking the initiative to apologize when she knows she has not responded to us appropriately. She has also been a gentle encouragement to me when I'm not responding to others very sweetly. Lydia also single-handedly (well almost!) planned and carried off a birthday tea party for Naomi recently. You can see pictures at: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/VirginiaKnowles/289751/A+few+photos....html
Rachel, newly turned 16, has been helping me organize my blog pages at www.homeschoolblogger.com. One thing that Rachel showed me how to do is to add pictures using the www.Photobucket.com web site. Rachel recently started taking formal piano lessons from Mrs. Tonya Travelstead, who was Julia’s teacher many years back. (Rachel has actually been playing the piano for quite some time, but needs help fine-tuning her technique, especially her rhythm. We went out and bought an inexpensive digital metronome after she researched the options on the Internet. TICK tock tock TICK tock tock!) Rachel also had a birthday party this month -- about 15 teens and a bunch of good clean fun.
Mary, 19, is busy with school (she’s a journalism major at UCF), interning at the Orlando Sentinel two days a week, and keeping up with tutoring jobs. She will intern at the Daytona Beach News-Journal this summer. At the Sentinel internship, she’s had a string of articles in the crime and courts beat. Many of her pieces have appeared on the front page of the Local and State section. You can check out her articles at www.orlandosentinel.com. (You can do a search on her name.) Her most recent major article is: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/orl-ticketing1607feb16,0,3231701.story
Mary and Julia both plan to go to the New Attitude conference on Memorial Day weekend in Louisville, Kentucky. This year’s theme is “Humble Orthodoxy Takes Discernment.” http://www.newattitude.org/ Some of the speakers whose names you might recognize are Josh Harris, John Piper, Al Mohler, and C.J. Mahaney.
Julia (turning 18 in April) just found out that she has been accepted on a Mission:X team to Bolivia! As in 2005, her team will travel down near the Argentinian border (quiet a harrowing trip), but this time she’s on the medical team. That means instead of staying in the village of Entre Rios, she and her 7 other team members (including a doctor and a nurse) will hike through the mountains to the very remote villages. Their lifestyle will be what we might charitably call “primitive” or “rustic” – but Julia is an adventurous sort and is thrilled! Julia will graduate from high school this year with almost a year of college done, and continues to work for Metro Life Church on the building crew.
Joanna, who is 14, will be going to Niceville, Florida for a Mission:X team. This is a small town up in the panhandle. They will be assisting New Life Community Church in something or other. I’m not sure of all the details yet! Joanna has been a huge help serving in our home, putting in countless hours with her little brothers and sisters when I am running errands. I couldn't do it without her! (Ditto for Rachel!)
To help raise funds for the Mission:X trips, Metro Life is hosting the Commission Tour. The contemporary Christian band West Coast Revival will be in concert in Casselberry, Florida on Saturday, March 24 at 7 PM. Tickets are $5 at the door.
http://www.xtreme-online.org/tour.html They are also putting on concerts in Chesapeake, VA; Fairfax, VA; Daytona Beach, FL; and Ft. Lauderdale, FL.
Speaking of Metro Life events, I’m also looking forward to the “Joy Inexpressible” ladies’ retreat this June 14-16. http://www.metrolife.org/joy/ Jennie Detwiler and Melodye Jones are the speakers, so I know we're in for a treat! If you live in the Orlando area, you're welcome to join us!
Several days ago, Melody did a very messy "unmentionable" in her playpen, which, considering that it was already falling apart, we decided to throw away. So that night she started sleeping on a crib mattress on our bedroom floor. Or I should say that's where she slept part of the night. The next morning, Thad found her curled up behind the recliner chair, where she had rolled despite the fact that he had blocked that area off with a laundry basket! Melody finally learned to walk last month, which is a relief since she was 17 months old! Now she toddles as fast as her chubby little legs will carry her. Melody lives up to her name with her musical babbling. She doesn't talk yet (beyond saying Mama) but it sounds like she is saying "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah!" as she plays with her little electrical guitar toy. She's always humming!
That's about all for now!
Blessings,
Virginia
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Feb. 23, 2007 - A few photos...
Nov. 17, 2006 - Preparing Our Children for the Storms of Life
Preparing Our Children for the Storms of Life
The storms of life will come and go, but will your child be prepared or be blown away? In some ways, home schooling shelters children from many storms of life – appropriately so! In other ways, it can prepare them to be even more effective in dealing with challenging and disappointing situations. This process takes effort on the parents’ part as they try to discern the balance of sheltering and preparing. There are many ways any parent can help prepare a child for weathering the storms of life.
Cultivate a sense that God is in control, no matter what happens. Show how faith, hope, and love can conquer depression, fear, and anger. We don’t always understand what is happening, but we can trust a sovereign God. In showing God’s providence and our need for perseverance, you can use Bible stories (such as Joseph, Ruth, or David), Bible verses (such as Psalm 43:5, James 1:2-4, Romans 5:3-5, Romans 8:26-39, 1 Peter 1:6-9, and Habakkuk 3:17-19), hymns and worship songs, and prayer. Many children are disillusioned when they pray and God doesn’t answer like they want him to. Explain that sometimes he answers yes, sometimes no, and sometimes wait. Share stories from your own life when you asked God for something that would not have been good for you, and how you are glad you didn’t get your own way. You can also model a wholesome response to trials in your own life. Your children are always watching you!
Equip your child with both skills and responsibility ahead of time. Don’t coddle your children – challenge them! If you make life too easy for them, they will never be strong enough to face the outside world. Stretch them appropriately in their academics and household chores, and don’t let them give up on an assignment just because they think it is too hard. Press on! Children who have learned to value responsibility and duty over comfort and convenience will have more inner strength to face challenges in life. There are also specific skills you can teach that will help your child prevent or solve problems. Be sure to cover time management, money management, organization skills, household repair, etiquette, and communication, etc. With younger children, play “What If?” games, asking what they could do if they got lost at the mall, or another child dared them to do something wrong. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Teach Biblical peacemaking concepts. Walk them through how to resolve interpersonal conflicts, which are usually either the cause or result of so many of life’s storms. Peacemaker Ministries (www.peacemaker.net) has many wonderful resources.
Let your child “own” his trials. You can comfort them and brainstorm with them, but don’t be quick to offer easy answers. Make it a dialogue, where you are merely coaching them through solving their own problems. Give plenty of time – don’t rush through this process! Follow up later on to see how well they are coping with the aftermath, and if there is any bitterness or confusion. Teach your children to think ahead of time about the consequences of their choices. “If I do this, then that could happen.” Let them suffer the natural consequences of their own poor behavior, since they will learn from that more than from a lecture. Do not let them whine, sulk, or manipulate others. Hold them responsible for their share of conflicts, rather than simply blaming the other party to salvage a child’s feelings. If you see your child reacting to a frustration with bitterness, accusation or impatience, stop them and role play a calm, wholesome response. I no longer allow my children to yell, “THIS IS STUPID!” Instead, they may say, “I don’t understand this.” And finally, encourage your child to look for a life lesson that God is trying to teach them through this lesson. If they caused their own problem, they could learn to repent and prevent situations from happening like this again. In a situation that was not the child’s fault, they can learn patience to endure, faith in God’s care, and compassion for others who are suffering. Be sure to point out “evidences of grace” that you see in your child’s life because of this trial that has helped them to mature.
In your home schooling time, be aware of teachable moments. Read plenty of heart-reaching books where the people face difficult circumstances. Talk about what they did that was appropriate, and what they did that wasn’t. Biographies, well-written fiction, and even history text books can be so vital! The time periods of the early church persecutions, the Reformation, the American Revolution, slavery, Civil War, Holocaust, Civil Rights era, and others provide many examples you can use in teaching how to deal with adversity. We also like the animated history videos produced by NEST (www.nestfamily.com), since they show the struggles that famous people have faced. While studying science, point out instances in the natural world where “adversity” is necessary to produce the best results, such as precious metals being refined, gemstones being hacked out of the ground and chiseled into shape, muscles being exercised, tree roots growing deep for nourishment and anchoring, etc. Math can be a major source of frustration. However, it can model more general problem solving principles, such as staying calm in the knowledge that the problem is here to teach you something valuable, following any instructions, breaking it down into smaller parts, thinking through the different options, working carefully with keen attention to detail, asking for help when necessary, and checking to make sure the solution is reasonable. See how even the academic aspects of home schooling can prepare your child for facing the storms of life? What a blessing!
I hope that these ideas are as helpful to you as they have been to me over the years. Of course, we’re still working on them, but with 10 children in the house, there are plenty of opportunities to practice!
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Oct. 13, 2006 - The Home School Mom's Alphabet
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THE HOME SCHOOL MOM'S ALPHABET
by Virginia Knowles
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Accept, admire, affirm, and appreciate your family.
Boldly believe our big God for beautiful, bountiful blessings.
Calm courtesy communicates care and combats chaos.
Diligence and delegation dutifully do daily deeds.
Encourage by enthusiastic example.
Face, fix, forgive, and forget foolish faults.
Grace is given where grace is needed. Glory to God!
Have a happy, humorous, harmonious, hope-filled home school.
Include imagination, inspiration, and interesting information.
Juggle your jobs judiciously and joyfully.
Kiss your kids!
Listen, then lovingly lead.
Meet many marvelous mothers.
Notice new needs.
Overcome obnoxious offenses with optimism.
Pray, prioritize, plan, and prepare for productivity and problem prevention.
Quick and quiet, not dawdling or riot.
Rules without relationships lead to rebellion.
Serve sacrificially.
Take time to teach and train truthfulness and thankfulness.
Understand until united.
Virtuosity is victorious.
Wise words will win.
Xpect excellence.
Yackety yack, no talking back.
Zippety doo-dah, zippety ay, my oh my what a wonderful day!
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Apr. 12, 2006 - Treasured Books from My Grandmas House -- April 12, 2006
My maternal grandparents, Henry and Dorothy Hess, are in the 90s now. They met as teenagers living on neighboring farms in Pennsylvania, married in 1934, and have lived long and productive lives! Now they are passing on what they can to their children and grandchildren. My mother visited them for two weeks while she was here in Florida in February, and brought back a box full of lovely old books for me!
Among these books, I was so glad to see my old "friend" -- Lives that Inspire by Beatrice Plumb -- which I had borrowed many years ago and rather reluctantly returned. That volume introduced me to my favorite American poet, Edgar Guest. You've seen his poems in The Book of Virtues, haven't you? If not, check out these links: http://www.theotherpages.org/poems/guest01.html and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Guest)
Two other gems, new to me, though far older than me (and even my mother), were the Bess Streeter Aldrich Treasury and a very small aged volume called What Is Worth While? by Anna Robertson Brown.
In the Bess Streeter Aldrich Treasury, I found a true classic, A Lantern in Her Hand, which traces the life of old Abbie Deal, pioneer settler near Lincoln, Nebraska, through her 80 plus years of life. I wish I could convey to you how well-written this novel is as literature (filled with symbolism, profundity and a finely developed plot), as history (progress through the decades from pioneer times through the 1920s), as inspiration for mothers in 2006 (who are trying to invest in their children through much sacrifice, and hoping that they somehow "get it" -- the "it" being what is really important in life, not the "it" on the eBay commercials! Unfortunately, I don’t they did get it.) Fortunately for you, I've discovered that this book is still in print! Do "get it" -- please! You can find it at www.ChristianBook.com for about $6. My public library system (Seminole County, Florida) carries this book at some branches, too. If yours doesn't, try asking for it on Inter-Library Loan. A Lantern in Her Hand is such a worthy fiction counterpart of the next book I want to mention. I’ll give it a section by itself, though!
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What Is Worth While?
By Anna Robertson Brown
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The other esteemed title from my Grandma's shelf is What is Worth While? by Anna Robertson Brown, PhD. Written as a speech for college alumni in 1898 by a rare Christian woman with a doctorate degree, it is a jewel! This profound little book, reprinted dozens of times over several decades, spread far and wide the message of making your life count for eternity. My grandmother received it as a Titus 2 gift from her mother-in-law, Mary Graves Hess, for whom my mother and my oldest daughter are both named. I love the fact that this has been passed down from generations of mothers! It is so fitting, as you will see. Here are a few excerpts:
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The question of life is not, How much time have we? -- for in each day each of us has exactly the same amount: we have "all there is." The question is, What shall we do with it? Shall we let this priceless gift slip away from us in haphazard deeds, or shall we adopt some plan of saving and of systematic doing in our lives? What shall this plan be? How shall we determine what things are worth giving time to? Let us think about this question. In our thoughts, let us not forget one point, -- time spent in being interrupted is not time lost. A strong thinker once said, "No one knocks at my door who is not sent by God." We are spending time well when we are paying it out to God, to buy the things he means our lives to own, whether he is putting before us a duty to be done, a friend to be won, a small service to be rendered, a child to be consoled, or a house to be set in order. There is time enough given us to do all that God means us to do each day and to do it gloriously! How do we know but that the interruption we snarl at is the most blessed thing that has come to us in long days? But in all our lives, though time is given us to eat, drink, sleep, work and play, there is no moment given us to throw away.
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Let us not try to escape our work, nor to shirk it. Above all, let us not fail to see it. As long as we live we have a work to do. We shall never be too old for it, nor too feeble. Illness, weakness, fatigue, sorrow, -- none of these things can excuse us from this work of ours. That we are alive to-day is proof positive that God has something for us to do to-day. Let us ask ourselves as we arise each morning, What is my work today? We do not know where the influence of to-day will end. Our lives may outgrow all our present thoughts, and outdazzle all our dreams. Every day is a test-day; every hour is an examination-hour. God puts each fresh morning, each new chance of life, into our hands as a gift, to see what we will do with it.
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Let us lay hold of common duties and relations. Let us lay hold of the tenderness that belongs to them. Shall we miss all the divine sweetness of life in order to have a career? Shall we shed home, family, relatives, and domestic duties, in order to learn Sanskrit, ethnology, philology? Not all college-bred women think how that sounds when, led by no pressure of bread-winning which impels them to seek higher advantages, but simply by an absorbing ambition, they leave their father or mother, or both, in a lonely home. Let us consider life at all points before we rush into a new phase of it, from which, once in, we may not soon withdraw.... We must love our mothers more than Greek dialects. If the instinct of daughter, sister, wife, or mother dies out of a college-bred wman, even in the course of a most brilliant career otherwise, the world will forget to love her; it will scorn her, and justly. If she does not make her surroundings home-like wherever she is, whether she be teacher, artist, musician, doctor, writer, daughter at home, or a mother in her household, and if she herself is not cheery and loving, dainty in dress, gentle in manner, and beautiful in soul as every true woman ought to be, the world will feel that the one thing needful is lacking, -- vivid, tender womanliness, for which no knowledge of aysmptotes or linguistics can ever compensate. It is better for a woman to fill a simple human part lovingly, better for her to be sympathetic in trouble and to whisper a comforting message into but one grieving ear, than that she should make a path to Egypt and lecture to thousands on ancient Thebes.
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