What's the big deal about using the word retard?
A lot of people are talking about the movie 'Tropic Thunder' that opened in
theaters Friday. One of the reasons that it is being talked about is that
the characters use the term 'retard' over and over. They use it the same way
that kids do all the time -- to jokingly insult one another. The people who
made the movie, DreamWorks and Paramount, and many of the critics who have
reviewed it, say that the term is being used by characters who are dumb and
shallow themselves.
You see, we are supposed to get the joke: Only the dumb and shallow people
use a term that means dumb and shallow. My dad tells me that this is called
'irony.'
So, what's the big deal? Let me try to explain. I am a 26-year-old man with
Down Syndrome. I am very lucky. Even though I was born with this
intellectual disability, I do pretty well and have a good life. I live and
work in the community. I count as friends the people I went to school with
and the people I meet in my job. Every day I get closer to living a life
like yours.
I am a global messenger for Special Olympics and make speeches to people
all over the country. I once spoke to more than 10,000 people at the
Richmond Coliseum. I realize that I am a voice for other people with
intellectual disabilities who cannot easily speak for themselves. I thank
God that he gave me this chance to be someone's voice.
The hardest thing about having an intellectual disability is the
loneliness. We process information slower than everyone else. So even normal
conversation is a constant battle for us not to lose touch with what the
rest of you are saying. Most of the time the words and thoughts just go too
fast for us to keep up, and when we finally say something it seems out of
place.
We are aware when all the rest of you stop and just look at us. We are
aware when you look at us and just say, 'unh-huh,' and then move on, talking
to each other. You mean no harm, but you have no idea how alone we feel even
when we are with you. That is why I love being a global messenger. I work
for days telling my dad what I want to talk about and he tries to write it
down for me. Then we do it over and over until we have something that says
what I mean. We wrote this column the same way.
So, what's wrong with 'retard'? I can only tell you what it means to me and
people like me when we hear it. It means that the rest of you are excluding
us from your group. We are something that is not like you and something that
none of you would ever want to be. We are something outside the 'in' group.
We are someone that is not your kind. I want you to know that it hurts to be
left out here -- alone. Nothing scares me as much as feeling all alone in a
world that moves so much faster than I do. You don't mean to make me feel
that way. In fact, like I say in some of my speeches, 'I have always
depended on the kindness of strangers,' and it works out OK most of the
time.
Still, it hurts and scares me when I am the only person with intellectual
disabilities on the bus and young people start making 'retard' jokes or
references. Please put yourself on that bus and fill the bus with people who
are different from you. Imagine that they start making jokes using a term
that describes you. It hurts and it is scary.
Last, I get the joke -- the irony -- that only dumb and shallow people are
using a term that means dumb and shallow. The problem is, it is only funny
if you think a 'retard' is someone dumb and shallow. I am not those things,
but every time the term is used it tells young people that it is OK to think
of me that way and to keep me on the outside.
That is why using 'retard' is a big deal to people like me.
John Franklin Stephens is a Special Olympics Virginia athlete and a global
messenger for the organization. Contact him at visteph@aol.com.
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