Animal girl - My Historical Narrative

Animal girl

October 28, 2008

My Historical Narrative

Romans 12:1-2 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

I just finished my Historical Narrative. Here it is:

The First Kentucky Derby

    My name is Oliver Lewis. I was born in 1856 in Fayette County, Kentucky. All through my childhood, I had loved horses. Even though I wanted one, my mother and father did not have enough money to get me one.
    Around the age of 15, I met a man named McGrath. He owned a stud farm in Kentucky. Two of his horses, Aristides and Chesapeake, he was planning to race. He was sure Chesapeake would win, for he was larger then Aristides, who was a small horse.
    Both horses were beautiful. Aristides was chestnut-colored with a white star on his face and two white socks on his hind legs. Chesapeake was a bay horse, much bigger than Aristides was. McGrath thought Chesapeake was much stronger because of his size.
   Mc Grath trained me for four years, teaching me how to ride, control, and race a horse. It was a lot of work, but I was enjoyed it. I was with horses more than I ever thought I would be.
    When I was 19, there was a new race in Churchill Downs called the “Kentucky Derby”. McGrath said I could ride Aristides, and another jockey, Bobby Swim, would ride Chesapeake.
    When it was race day, I was quite nervous. About 10,000 people came to watch the race. There were 15 horses racing, including Aristides and Chesapeake.
    The race started and we were off. Chesapeake was struggling in the pack, trying to catch up. Aristides was closer to the front of the pack, gaining speed, catching up with the leading horse, Volcano.
    Soon, the race was mainly between Aristides and Volcano. I looked back to see where Chesapeake was, because I knew that he was supposed to win, not me. Then I saw McGrath waving me on, so I concentrated on the race again.
    Volcano soon fell behind Aristides, and whenever he or some of the other faster horses tried to catch up with Aristides, it seemed as if Aristides always had more speed in him. Volcano kept trying to take the lead again, but Aristides was keeping his lead.
    The race was almost over. Just a few more paces ahead! Zip! Aristides ran under the finish wire with Volcano two lengths behind and Chesapeake in eighth. It had been such a great race that I went on to do more races, not just the Kentucky Derby. Aristides might have been small, but he was a very fast horse.

What did you like about my narrative? What did you dislike about it? What is something I should watch for on my next piece of writing?

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About Me

The blog of a girl who loves Jesus, Switchfoot, Jon Foreman, Hawk Nelson, horses, reading, drawing, dogs, cats, all other animals, telling stories to my younger brother and sister, hanging out with friends, and many other things.

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