Saturday, November 21, 2009 - My Recovery- What it means
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My Recovery
This is MY recovery. I Own it. It belongs to ME. This is MY life, given to ME alone to live for whatever I want. I choose to live for God with my life, but He ALONE gives me the choice and free will to do whatever I wish. I am in recovery because I am in NEED of something. Living for God means that I will have to look honestly at myself and allow Him to change me through whatever means I have available. I have a right to have needs and to do what I have the ability to do in order to meet those needs. Having needs does not mean I am worth less than other people. They all have needs too, whether they acknowledge those needs or not. I choose to acknowledge my need and open up to the renewing and strengthening of my mind, body and spirit. I have the right and I feel the responsibility to seek help from safe people in my life, in order to live the best life possible. I only get one life, and it is useless to waste my time trapped in old patterns of thought and behavior that do not give life and health to me or to others around me. I do not want to continue patterns of thought, speech or behavior that injure myself or others, therefore I have entered RECOVERY.What does that mean?
Recovery-
1. The act (meaning that there is an ACTION to it), duration ( meaning it takes TIME) or an instance (meaning there may be many times of recovery for different issues) of recovering.
2. The regaining of something lost ( I have lost some of who I was created to be due to recovery issues such as addictions, abuse, anxiety, codependency, depression, anger , control or other kinds of negative behavior on my part and on the part of others, and sometimes circumstances such as illness, death, or other loss. I have lost touch with my emotions, with God and with other people as a result of these same issues)
3.Restoration to a former or better condition.( yes. I need that)
4.The extraction of useful substances from waste ( God never wastes a hurt, and I intend to let Him use mine for good. I do not want my time to be wasted either! Though others may have treated me as if I was not useful, I will bring out my usefulness and get rid of the waste)
5. In Law, the obtaining of a right by the judgment of a court.(According to the laws of my country, I have the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I intend to exercise those rights in my recovery.)
6- Military operations- returning of an aircraft to a base or float( ( I have a need to come down to rest to refuel and repair, like that aircraft) or
7. Returning of persons to friendly control ( I do not want to be controlled by others- this is by nature unfriendly. I do not want to be in control of other adults, this is not friendly either. I am out of control and need to be with supportive friends who will help me regain control of myself.)
8 a change for the better, a progress in development. ( yes. I need to change for the better and progress in developing health)
9 gradual healing through rest following illness or injury ( my body, mind, emotions and spirit have been wounded and have illnesses due to my recovery issues, and I need to spend time healing through rest. Sometimes rest from activities, thinking, people, work, or situations. This is all part of the process and I have permission to take the time to rest, whenever I need it, for as long as it takes. Healing and recovery are sometimes very gradual.)
10 The act of freeing from captivity or punishment ( I have been captive of my issues and I intend to be freed)
11. The act of regaining posession ( I am taking back my life from those people and things who have taken it over.)
I choose recovery for me, and not for the approval of others. Many people around me will continue in their unhealthy living. They will not stop me. I will continue and I will give it my best shot. I will do what it takes, and I will give myself permission to heal in every way possible, and will limit the influences of those things that may hinder my progress toward the goal. I know it is a life long process and I promise to be patient with myself and others. |
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Friday, November 20, 2009 - Codependent's Bill of rights 2
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- THE RIGHT TO a loving and secure relationship based on healthy mutual dependence;
- THE RIGHT TO peace and harmony in your home;
- THE RIGHT TO a stable, secure, and nurturing environment conducive to personal growth and self-discovery;
- THE RIGHT TO a healthy self-concept, knowing you are worthy, valued, and loved;
- THE RIGHT TO human dignity; to be respected and treated as an individual human being, and not be put down, demoralized, and dehumanised;
- THE RIGHT TO not live a life of “always waiting for the other shoe to drop,” never knowing whether it will be a soft slipper or steel-toed work boot;
- THE RIGHT TO a life free of the fear of emotional terrorism, physical abuse, and constant arguing;
- THE RIGHT TO a life free of nightmares, day terrors, and insecurity;
- THE RIGHT TO a life free of guilt and shame, and freedom from manipulation through guilt and shame;
- THE RIGHT TO not be emotionally drained and “all used up” from the rigor's of a codependent-addictive relationship;
- THE RIGHT TO use any possible means (short of physical assault) to positively change your own circumstances;
- THE RIGHT TO leave a physically abusive addictive relationship immediately and without advance notice to the abuser;
- THE RIGHT TO not live life on a roller coaster, going from one crisis to another;
- THE RIGHT TO go to work or school without dragging all the baggage of codependent-addictive dysfunction.
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Friday, November 20, 2009 -
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a Codependent's Bill of Rights
I have a right to all those good times that I have longed for all these years and didn't get- a right that is to enjoy good times NOW, without guilt!
I have a right to ejoy in this life, right here, right now — not just a momentary rush of euphoria but something more substantive.
I have a right to relax and have fun in a nonaddictive and nondestructive way.
I have a right to actively pursue people, places, and situations that will help me in achieving a good life.
I have the right to say no whenever I feel something is not safe or I am not ready.
I have a right to not participate in either the active or passive "crazy-making" behavior of parents, of siblings, and of others.
I have a right to take calculated risks and to experiment with new strategies.
I have a right to change my tune, my strategy, and my funny equations.
I have a right to 'mess up'; to make mistakes, to 'blow it', to disappoint myself, and to fall short of the mark.
I have a right to leave the company of people who deliberately or inadvertently put me down,
lay a guilt trip on me, manipulate or humiliate me
, including my parents, my siblings, my partner or any other member of my family.
I have a right to put an end to conversations with people who make me feel put down and humiliated.
I have a right to all my feelings.
I have a right to trust my feelings, my judgment, my hunches, my intuition.
I have a right to develop myself as a whole person emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and psychologically.
I have a right to express all my feelings in a nondestructive way and at a safe time and place.
I have a right to as much time as I need to experiment with this new information and these new ideas and to initiate changes in my life.
I have a right to sort out the bill of goods my parents sold me — to take the acceptable and dump the unacceptable.
I have a right to a mentally healthy, sane way of existence,
though it will deviate in part, or all, from my parents' prescribed philosophy of life.
I have a right to carve out my place in this world.
I have a right to follow any of the above rights, to live my life the way I want to, and not wait until my dysfunctional family gets well,
gets happy, seeks help, or admits there is a problem.
I also understand that the person who troubles me the most has the same rights.
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Saturday, October 31, 2009 - Celebrating a Hallowed Evening
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Whatever the ancient history of October 31st or its traditions in years past, may we, as God's people not shrink back from contact with the outside world tonight. I realize the danger of putting this out there. I know that there will be those who dissent and have chosen to abstain from any activity this weekend. There are those who have chosen to have a paralel celebration calling it anything but Halloween.
I do not belong to this crowd. I will take part in order to take back the dominion from the enemy. Staying in the "Holy Huddle" this night is not what God has called me to. I no longer fear death, as I once did and I celebrate that joy with all my heart today. Sin's curse has lost its grip on me, and I am no longer under the curse and under Gods wrath, but am a new creation full of life.
Let this be called a Hallowed ( blessed and Holy) Evening. Bring the blessings of God out and go be Jesus with the people tonight wherever you find yourself. Be gentle and sincere when you speak to those who may not know God. Do not let the enemies of the Kingdom be proven right when they say that we are harsh, ignorant, prideful, overbearing and judgmental. My earnest prayer today is that we will demonstrate the spirit of humility and joy to attract others to the Real Power. Let us always remember that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance and be kind. We do not need to point fingers and bring back the witch hunt mentality. Collossians 4 exhorts us:
2Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 3And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. 4Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. 5Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Be WISE!!! Pray for open doors and step out in faith, proclaiming the mystery of Christ CLEARLY.
Follow Ephesians 6 and remember who our battle is really against- not the other people created in God's image and loved by Him, no it is against the Devil.
Let's get dressed up in spirit. Put on all the armor- The belt of truth- be honest with yourself, and others, tell the truth- it will keep your pants from falling down and making you look ridiculous! Let us remember to wear that breastplate of righteousness- I'd say it's double breasted- we have our own integrity to consider, but also the outer covering is the righteousness of Christ. humbly remember that He alone is our righteousness- do not attempt to go into this battle with just your own- it's a great liner, but it doesn;t keep you protected. DO NOT GO OUT BAREFOOT! Who knows what you may step in? And no armor for squishing the enemy underfoot should have weak shoes. Make sure they are properly fitted with the Gospel that brings PEACE. If they are not properly fitted, they will encumber you. Keep your shield of faith close to your heart, and use it to shield your eyes, if need be. Know that GOD is in control. no matter what flaming arrow gets thrown at you, this will put it out.The Earth is the Lord's and EVERYTHING IN IT. Your head should be covered with the helmet of Salvation. remember that you are SO SAVED. You would never have made it alone, and it is not up to you alone, but the LORD fights on your behalf because you are His, keep your mind fully fixed on that which will help you and your fellow soldiers remember why we are in this fight... for the souls of men,- THEIR SALVATION and not for our own ends, or to make the world a better place, but to show that there is a better place than here. Do not leave without your SWORD! Slaying dragons requires a weapon sharpened and ready. READ THE WORD before you go anywhere and let it dwell in you richly so that the love of God overflows. Slay the armies of darkness with the truth that God has shown you today in His word- Take careful aim- at the spiritual targets, not hurting those you have been sent to rescue and defend. Finally, Pray. Pray your heart out for everyone you see, but especially pray for the saints ( and that includes you).Pray that they will rise up and shine their lights in the darkness, even those with little light. Pray that they will have all the equipment to stay alive and effective in this battle. Pray that they will remember that they are blessed to be blessings!
Speak Blessings and do not curse the darkness. Overcome evil with GOOD. Let your light shine before men that THEY MAY SEE and give glory to GOD. |
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Tuesday, October 13, 2009 - Homecoming Day, or why I Like Butterflies
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Homecoming Day, or Why I Like Butterflies
It’s October 13th, 2009. Petra’s Homecoming Day. The day she left this earth for a better home… 9 years ago. I no longer feel like being sad on this day. If I spend it somberly I will have missed a day of my life being sad. There is a time for weeping, and my time for grieving is over.…. Done with that work for this particular loss. There are lots of losses left to grieve still, but this is not about those losses. It’s about GAINS.
During her short stay on earth, Petra brought much joy to many. She seemed to have too much personality to contain in her tiny body! Her smile melted hearts, and grabbed all attention. I will always remember her wrapped cocoon like in receiving blankets in the NICU. Even then I pictured her as the caterpillar who would one day fly higher than her imposed limits.
Since she had Down Syndrome, we tried to surround our little girl with things that would catch her interest, and hopefully stimulate her brain, to give her the best chance at a normal life. Butterflies are very eye-catching. I began to make use of their beautiful bright colors when I had a chance to. A poster of neon technicolor butterflies was affixed to the plastic sheeting on her stainless steel crib where she spent her days and nights at the hospital. I found a plush caterpillar toy bigger than she was. It was a light turquoise color, had stubby little wings, striped legs with sneakers, and it giggled uncontrollably when she moved(… or when a nurse attended to her needs… or it felt like it… or whenever you didn’t expect it to and it could make you jump!)There was a large vividly pink butterfly balloon that we bought her for one of her surgeries. It was so pretty, I couldn’t throw it away when the helium was used up.Raymond taped it to the window when she moved to another room so that it could be seen from the highway when our truck driving brother in law came through. We added countless other bangles and push toys to her bedroom, but there were always butterflies.
And one day, she flew away to be with Jesus. It was messy and horrifying for me to witness. In the same way, when a caterpillar has to go into its chrysalis, it looks unpleasant. The poor lowly creature turns into a sort of soup as its cells get rearranged before it can rise to glory, as another of a different kind. Sounds scary, and painful. But maybe it isn’t. I don’t know. What I do know is that it sure is a whole new wonderful thing … being a butterfly.
When we drove the long 40 miles up to visit Petra in the medical center, we used to play that old song by Seven Day Jesus…. “ I wanna be a butterfly…”
Normally, I take this day off of school and remember her. This year, we are studying insects, and we have decided to participate in The Journey North’s symbolic monarch migration. Today is the deadline for mailing them, so we had a little bit of school getting our butterflies ready. How wonderful to do something positive on this day! I had planned on getting some more done today too… but the Lord’s plans were different.
Today, it happened that my nephew, Nick was online and chatty. At Petra’s funeral, I gave one of Petra’s toys to each of her young relatives. Nick got the laughing caterpillar. I am unclear to this day whether he took it home. My sister in law Montana, put her toy in the casket with Petra’s old tent.Nick may have done the same. ANYWAY……..TODAY He made comments about my status on Facebook… it isn’t unusual to see me talk about God in the status update box.
Nick popped up in chat and I was thinking that I only had a minute and was already running late with my plans today. MY BIG PLANS… my plans are NOTHING!! As my friend Barb once said, it should be us going where God goes, not taking Him with us as we go about our lives…So, being what day it is… I was thinking of Heaven. Nick was saying how much he loved God. I told him I was going to Heaven and that he could know that he was too…. It just FLOWED. God was working, and I was just going with the Spirit as He blew into our chat. It was just… CHAIROS. Divine timing. God stepping into time.
Nick got saved! My nephew is now my brother… funny how it happened through this family relationship… like my own story. I was helped to find Jesus by one of my favorite uncles , and became his sister. And that story had much to do with Petra and her life/my loss too.
And what a way to celebrate a life! What a great day! What a GREAT GOD WE SERVE! What a wonderful Savior! We took the rest of the day off :) After all, it is Homecoming Day…. |
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Monday, September 28, 2009 - Glitter
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I happen to be at the food pantry out at Gospel Outreach this morning… it is always interesting. I try to be a light here too, even though I am in this place taking and not serving the poor. I’m not a pantry volunteer. I’m one of those reaching for the hands of Jesus through the hands of those who are helping distribute food this morning. I feel some guilt about that, though maybe I should not. I can be a blessing to others anywhere I go. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I am taken care of by the Master’s hand. I’ve been here three times. Some times there is more month left than there is money, or some calamity befalls us. It doesn’t matter how I got here. I am being taken care of. The people are sometimes rough, and loud, obnoxious and rude. I arrived earlier than I did the last time I was here- my husband and children waiting in the truck, while I wait in line. There is really not much room in there. So I, being the smaller adult, am the right choice. I feel secure knowing that my husband is parked out there and others can and have seen his hulking 6 foot 9 inch frame.
Waiting in the cold some items get passed down the line to those who will not yet fit inside the tiny room lined with chairs. It’s wall to wall people in there and no matter where you stand you are in the way, or at least it feels like you are. Outside I pass up opportunities to get more food, trusting that God will meet my needs as he always has in OH SO MANY WAYS! There are people shoving, complaining and grabbing food. Some are taking more than their fair share, or so it seems, but I don’t really know. There were apples- fresh and crisp, some with the leaves still clinging to them. It makes me remember how much I love this time of year. I take a tiny apple and hide it in my pocket, praising God who brings forth fruit from the trees in season for us to enjoy. I have 9 more apples in my laundry basket, but that one little pretty blushing apple? It’s my happy thought. I see more people shoving and grabbing. I smell the tangy sweet aroma of my apple, and smile. I hear people getting loud... and I sniff my apple, and just enjoy feeling alive on this day that the Lord has made. I want to share His light and this Joy. I begin to pray and the tiny room I have finally squeezed into becomes a sanctuary of praise. I ask God for all his children to shine their lights in this place and make it a place of blessing instead of cursing. A tranquil place where His work will be done in the hearts of those around me. I smile, stand back and watch Him at work. People start saying please and thank you and excuse me. One lady gives her bag to a lady who had her bags stolen during the rough time earlier. People start talking about their stories and it ’s NOT the kind of talk where one person tries to top another’s sorrows… it ’s just sharing. One woman is teaching a few words in Spanish to the people around her while an older woman amuses a little girl she just met. Several people are telling jokes and laughing good-naturedly together. People help each other take the goods to their cars, or help them down the treacherous concrete steps. One particularly outspoken young man had entertained some friends of his with put downs outside. But his whole attitude changed in an instant. He and his companion begin singing gospel songs. Beautiful , soulful, rich voices, they have. Others are humming and clapping or stomping along. I do too. I don’t recognize many of the songs, and I really wish I could join in with full voice. Oh but it is a great time, dissolving into conversations about church. Here we all are- like a pinch of glitter thrown down on the concrete, reflecting the King’s glory. It’s just like magic- but it’s for REAL. We are different colors and levels of education, from different places, with different ages and abilities, all shining the light… and it goes viral. It spreads to every face, and can be heard in the pleasant “Have a nice day” as I walk out the door.
I LOVE GLITTER!!! Don't you? |
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Friday, September 25, 2009 - Because
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As you may know, I have joined a Celebrate Recovery step study as my small group for this year.
One of the questions in our third workbook started out like this:
" I can accept God's forgiveness because of...."
Well, my group of ladies requested that I print out my answer so they could each have a copy. I figured it might be nice to share my answer here, because pondering our blessings and position in Christ is something i feel that we need to do more often. So here is what I wrote......
--------I can accept God’s forgiveness because of …
HIS forgiveness.
It’s from HIM-
The One Who Gives Every Perfect Gift-
and each of His gifts is perfect.
God is not human and does not make mistakes or play favorites-
although I know He would tell me that I am His favorite and mean it….…
just like He would tell YOU that you are His favorite and mean it just the same.
He loved us more than His Son and gave us a promise that Jesus never had-
the promise that He would never leave us or forsake us.
There is no partial or defective or one-time forgiveness.
He doesn’t give out any lemons, so there is no need
for me to try and make lemonade with what He gives.
It’s complete, no matter what I do.
It is already paid for in advance, and not grudgingly, but for the JOY set before Him.
I was His joy when I could care less about what He wanted and I am still His joy now and forever. His greatest wish was to keep me close for eternity, and He would give WHATEVER just to get me there. Every requirement is already met, and there Is no fine print.
It cannot be taxed away or given to the runner-up- because THERE IS NONE…
I can accept it because He believes in me. He knew every path I would walk and every tear and every sin and every ugly thought and I can accept His forgiveness because there is no plan B.
He made plan A looking right at the absolute most wicked, horrifying truth
and He must have seen something beyond ecstasy
that made Him decide from the creation of the world that He would do it this way.
And I want to be there to find out what it was that made HIM go THAT FAR .
I don’t want to be the one freaking out because I never thought I’d make it.
I just want to jump in and enjoy it with Him right away.
Nancy D Thornton
I am a believer and my areas of recovery are: Physical, emotional and sexual abuse in childhood, verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse in adulthood, anxiety, depression, anger and control issues, codependency and living with family members who have bi-polar disorder. |
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Saturday, September 19, 2009 - Don't be Like Zax
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I have a cat who has his own mind made up about what he wants. He only wants what he wants and not what the Man of the house wants. The Man loves the cat, whose name is Zax. If the Man didn’t love Zax, he wouldn’t be here in this fine place where the family of the Man takes care of him and loves him. The man hoped that Zax would love him back. He gives the scraps from his own plate to Zax, and always treats him with kindness. The Man waits for Zax to love him back. Zax, sometimes walks toward the Man, and seems like he might show the Man some affection, and the Man’s heart is overjoyed. Then Zax passes the Man by…favoring the Man’s wife, or his son. Zax turns and shows his behind to the Man... and licks the face of someone else. The man is crying on the inside and is somewhat angered by this insolence. Zax won’t talk to the Man anymore. He used to greet the Man with a “Rowww” often, and at times, Zax even cuddled up to the Man. The man waits for this kind of affection to return… Day after day, the Man holds out hope that his beloved cat will return his love. And day after day, Zax, gives his affection to those who have never earned it…. To those who didn’t choose him, as the Man has chosen him. The Man hurts watching Zax choose everyone and everything else except he who loves him and gave him a home in his family. Perhaps Zax is angry with the man, because one of the man’s sons treats him cruelly… and Zax has decided it is the Man’s fault- after all, the Man is the Father of this son, and he could make everything in the house perfect and then Zax could return his love. Or maybe Zax doesn’t hate the man…but he thinks others are more fun. Sometimes the Man thinks that Zax shows affection to the woman or to the son in his presence just to spite him. This makes the Man angry, but yet, he still loves Zax, and treats him with kindness. Even when Zax does something he should not do, like try to steal food from the Man’s plate, the man does not abuse Zax, but only stops him and punishes him within reason. Zax never sees the love of the Man, and what he gives and what he overcomes in order to keep on loving him. Zax cannot seeor feel the love of the Man. Or maybe he does, but just wants his own way.
I will tell you the meaning of my little parable… Zax, is the arrogant and selfish child, and the Man, is God. Some of God’s children keep running to everyone and everything else when the Father tries to love on them… and like the Man, God keeps hoping the child will choose Him instead. Oh maybe they don’t really mean to, they think there is time to get to God when they are done doing the things they want to do. After all they have fire insurance... right? Maybe they are just busy. Maybe they are hurt too much by the other children of God ….. But they are missing the greatest Love of all…….Stop it. Today, turn to the one who loves you. Don’t be like Zax. |
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About Me
Well, I'm a Mom, a Medical Assistant, a knitter, kite flyer, nature lover...Around here we have special needs, ( Asperger's, ADHD, Bi-polar) a few animal pals, some tattoos and a homeschool. It's our 6th year. This is my 16th year of marriage to a Mr. Visionary who happens to be a walking miracle.
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