Do you remember that part in Little Women where the sisters are telling their Christmas wishes? Meg Wishes they had money for pretty clothes and things. Joe doesn't want to work for old Aunt March. Amy wants new drawing pencils. Beth just wants father to be home from the war.  All of the girls agree with her; father at home again is what they want most. 

Then Marmee comes in with a letter from father and they all settle in to listen as he tells them of his love and prayers for them, and how he desires them to grow into good little women. When Marmee has finished, Amy says in a small voice, "I'm a selfish girl." The drawing pencils, which moments ago were so coveted, now seem like a tiny thing compared to all that father was sacrificing and doing.

So often I feel like Amy; pouting about my little cares and wants. At times, my longing doesn't even seem to be specifically for something, but is rather a nameless discontent. When a verse or an incident convicts my conscience and puts things into perspective, then I go quietly to my Father and confess, "I am a selfish girl." How I want to be like Beth, looking and longing only for my Father's return! To find my satisfaction and my joy working in anticipation of His coming.  To not be distracted by pencils, pretty clothes, and today's burdens. To be totally given up to His will.

My brother brought this unique creation to me and said "It looks like you!"

He named it Ballerina Bionicle in my honor. Now wasn't that sweet?

In case you couldn't tell, this is a most decidedly taunting smile.

Earlier this month, my mother and I had a wonderful time at our church's women's retreat. Good food, pretty scenery, great fellowship and fantastic teaching! The only thing I would change would be to have retreats every year instead of every other. (Hint, hint, mom! And whoever else is responsible for making that discision! )

Our  theme was Living On the Alter from Romans 12:1-2. Over the weekend we had four sessions focusing on becoming an acceptable, working, and delightful sacrifice. Our last session, Offering Up a Sacrifice of Thanksgiving, was uncomfortably convicting as our speaker challenged us on thankfulness through, in, and for trials.  She also shared a poem by Fanny Crosby that I had never read previously.  I'll post it at the end of this entry.

A definate highlight of the trip was being with mom! I also enjoyed getting to know some of the other ladies better.  The small group time following each session was a blessed time of encouragement and building one another up.

For What His Love Denies

by Fanny Crosby

God does not give me all I ask, 

Nor answer as I pray;

 But, O my cup is brimming o'er

With blessings day by day.

How oft the joy I thought withheld

 Delights my longing eyes,

 And so I thank Him from my heart

For what His love denies.

Somtimes I miss a treasured link

In friendship's hallowed chain,

And yet His smile is my reward

For every throb of pain.

I look beyond, where purer joys

Delight my longing eyes,

And so I thank Him from my heart

 For what His love denies.

How tenderly He leadeth me

When earthly hopes are dim;

And when I falter by the way,

He bids me lean on Him.

 He lifts my soul above the clouds

Where friendship never dies;

And so I thank Him from my heart

 For what His love denies.

I know that the first day of spring was a good while back, but it hasn't felt like spring until this weekend. I celebrated a gorgeous weekend of sunshine, no clouds, and very little wind, by donning flip-flops! Normally, I wear flip-flops on the first day of spring regardless of what the weather is doing. This year, I wasn't in the mood to have snow on my bare toes for the sake of tradition, so I decided to call the 12th of April the first day of spring.

Sis and I worked on clearing out flower beds today, and I tried to get a little bit of color on my lower legs without burning them. Quite the trick for this red-head! I started imagining how painful sun burnt legs would be and moved into the shade. Oh well, maybe fish-belly-blindingly-white skin will be in style soon! It is better than cherry-red anyway.

All the younger siblings played outside from the time we got home from church until dark.  My 5yo brother came in this evening looking like Pigpen from the Peanuts comic strip. Remember, the kid that goes around with a cloud of dust around him? Little Brother's normally brown hair was gray. When mom told him there was dirt in his hair he tried to shake it out, only to be met with a chorus of "No!" from his sisters. Pour boy, females are so hard to please.

Visions of summer are floating through my head. Sunday picnics, swimming, softball, camping trips, snow cones, VBS, mocha frappichinos, 4-H,  flip-flops! On top of all that, there is the mission trip my daddy and I are going on in a couple of months. Our family will be busy with fundraising things between now and then. 

In spite of all my excitement for summer, I am having to face the grim reality that totally carefree summers are behind me, at least for this year.  I have been extremely blessed to get a good summer job that is within biking distance from home. It also has great hours (7:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.) so my afternoons and evenings will be free.  I wonder what else this summer will hold.

"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave, being made in the likeness of man. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obediant to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of the Father." Phillipians 2: 5-11

"If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one's work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth; knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ. For He was foreknown before the foundation of the world, but has appeared in these last times for the sake of you who through Him are believers in God, who raised Him from the dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God." 1^st Peter 1:17-21

"For Christ did not enter a holy place made with hands, a mere copy of the true one, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us; nor was it that He would offer Himself often, as the high priest enters the holy place year by year with blood that is not his own. Otherwise, He would have needed to suffer often since the foundation of the world; but now once at the consummation of the ages He has been manifested to put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself. And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment, so Christ also, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time for salvation without reference to sin, to those who eagerly await Him." Hebrews 9:24-28

“For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything. For it was the Father's good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, I say, whether things on earth or things in heaven. And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach--if indeed you continue in the faith firmly established and steadfast, and not moved away from the hope of the gospel that you have heard, which was proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, was made a minister.”  Colossians 1:13-23

Once a week, our family spends the evening at our church doing AWANA. Everyone participates, from Commander Daddy to Cubbie-in-Training Joe. I have had the wonderful experience of being a kindergarten Spark leader wih my sis this year. I like five year olds! Old enough to understand what you want them to do, young enough that they won't talk back (much).  They do have their difficulties though: more inclined to tears than the older kids, slightly more whiny, and they haven't yet learned to potty BEFORE club.  All of this is totally worth it though, because they are so trusting and adoring.  I think I must be a Sparks leader for truly selfish reasons. I know of no other people that will love you as unconditionally as children.

This month, our AWANA club headed up to a neighboring town to play at the annual game day. I have been helping to coach the Sparks team (5yo-7yo)  this year, so my weekends over the last month have been filled with practices.  Our team worked very hard and we took third place. I am looking forward to having empty Saturdays again, but I am glad I had the opportunity to spend some extra time wih these precious little ones.

My family gave a ride to two of our club's Sparky boys. One of them is in my kindergarten group and has been a huge handful. It isn't that he is absolutely horrible,  just a  typical five-year-old boy with a ton of energy.  At the beginning of the year I was convinced that every word I said was in one ear and out the other.  I have been greatly encouraged to find that once a concept is learned, he remembers it.  The problem is getting him to sit still and stop talking long enough for me to get the concept in his head.

During the two hour drive, he was amazingly well behaved. I do not know that I have ever seen him sit so quietly for so long! Once we arrived and started to begin the games though, it was clear that sitting calmly was a thing of the past. I explained to all the kids that we need to sit  with our toes behind the color line. Instantly, two tennis shoes jutted over the line. His face was lit up with a grin, the one he uses when he is telling a joke,  or when he is testing the limits of my patience.  Yet again, I was reminded why God gave little boys such gorgeous eyes. 

After dealing with this episode in defiance, I joined the other coaches to pray (can you guess what I prayed about?)   then returned to find him on his tummy, feet in the air, using his hands to spin himself in circles.  God had answered my prayer for patience by giving me ample opportunity to work on it.

By the time we had finished the opening ceremonies, I was wondering  if his behavior was leveling off at over-active, or if it was just going to continue to escalate through all of the games.  We sat down to listen to the Gospel presentation from the missionary. Did you know that it is possible to jump up and down without ever leaving the ground? It is.

As part of the message the missionary asked the clubbers various questions about the verses and Biblical truths they have been learning throughout the year.  Afer asking what holiday it is that we will be celebrating soon (Easter!) and what it is that we celebrate on that day (Jesus!), he asked "What did Jesus do?" Someone answered that He died on the cross.  Next question; "What happened after he was dead three days?"  My little Sparky raised his hand and stood up to answer before I could stop him. I was frantically thinking "He doesn't know! We haven't talked about it much in council time yet, only book time while he is running in circles not listening to a word I say! He is going to be so upset when he doesn't  know the answer!"  To my shock, he answered "He came alive again!"

Four words. When my Sparky was told that that was the right answer, he spun around and flashed me that grin.  His eyes were sparkling as he sat down to listen to the rest of the message. Yes, he actually listened. Not long afterward he again started spinning on his bottom, but I know that he will not soon forget the truth that Jesus was dead and that He came alive again. Just a tiny moment, just one more seed planted aside so many others.  I pray that by the Lord's grace these seeds will be carefully watered and tended and caused to grow, and that my Sparky will come to a true understanding of salvation in the proper time.  For now, I continue planting, and trying not to laugh when he is naughty,  and enjoying every minute of his sweetness!

I have recently joined Quest One at www.heartthoughtsretreat.org.  The challenge is to read ten books this year that will stretch you.  I had already decided that I need to increase the amount of reading I do, so this gave me the perfect excuse to start! Some of the books on my list may not be a great challenge as far as reading level goes, but I know they will stretch me spiritually. Here is my list.

To Challenge

Decision Making and the Will of God - Friesen

Twelve Extraordinary Women - MacArthur

Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis

After Darkness, Light - Essays in honor of R. C. Sproul

Paradise Lost - Milton

The Holy War - Bunyan

Canterbury Tales -  Chaucer

Of Plymouth Plantation - Bradford

The Three Musketeers -  Dumes

Beowolf

I am also aiming to read ten more books this year that are a little more "fun" focused as well as reread a few others.  Some of the books on this list didn't make the other list because they were started last year and are almost complete.

For Fun

Hard Times - Dickens

North and South - Gaskel

Emma - Austen 

To Reread

The Joy of Fearing God - Bridges

Screwtape Letters - C.S. Lewis

Debating Calvinism - Hunt/White

Her Hand in Marriage - Phillips

Already Started

The Invisible Hand - R. C. Sproul

The Silmarillion - Tolkein

Let Me Be a Woman - Elliot

So anyway, I think this will keep me pretty busy. I am looking forward to all these books. Now that I don't have "school work "  to do I actually have time to read again!

So, we have entered into 2008!  In fact we are more than a week into this year.  When I was little, I don't think I ever thought or dreamed about this year.  2007 was the exciting year that was planned for and imagined out.  I turned 18 in 2007.  I graduated from high school in 2007.  2007 was the year my life was to officially "begin".   How funny that I never thought to think past the much anticipated "beginning",  except to assume that everything wonderful would occur in it. 

Every New Year's Eve I always think about that passage in The Magician's Nephew where Polly and Digory watch as the world of Charn dies. All that history, all those people's lives, all over and done. In all the thousands of years of earth's history, the events of one year of my life seem of very little consequence. When I think of all of time, I am amazed at a God that is interested and involved in my tiny life. What does the year 2008  mean to the Lord who does not measure time as we do? And yet He continues to work and to fulfill His will. Year afer year,  He never sleeps or becomes tired but is involved in all the details of our lives. How thankful I am for His patient teaching as He causes His plans to come about.

I do not know what this year holds. That statement has been true about every  year of my life and will continue to be true about all the ones to come. What makes this year feel so different for me is that I do not even know what to expect for this one.  In the midst of this uncertainty I am thankful that I can rest on the assurance that Christ is on His throne. This year is no different for Him. He knows what is to come.

"Lord, make me to know my end and what is the extent of my days; let me know how transient I am.

"Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing in Your sight; surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Selah.

"Surely every man walks about as a phantom; surely they make an uproar for nohing; He amasses riches and does no know who will gather them.

"And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You."   Psalm 39:4-7

What can I say? I have been busy! I decided to make most of my Christmas presents this year, so whenever I have free time it has been spent on that.  Let's see, I have one week left until Christmas and I have... two of the nine presents for my family done. Hmmm.  At least the others are mostly started.  My mom, sisters and I spent a lot of time yesterday  in the kitchen getting cookies and candy made.  The plan is to put them on trays and give to friends.

Even with the feeling of none stop hurrying, it still seems like there is more on my to-do list than on my done list.  One great thing about all these projects is that it gives me lots of time to listen to Christmas music. Here are the songs that are most often found on my play list.

 O Come O Come Emmanuel         By Selah

I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day         By Jars of Clay

Little Drummer Boy       By Jars of Clay

Do You Hear What I Hear?       By Third Day

 God With Us       By Todd Agnew

O Holy Night        By Third Day

Carol of the Bells         By George Winston

Born in Bethlehem          By Third Day 

And of course: Nutcracker music!

One song I have really enjoyed is Did You Know? by Todd Agnew.  He is great at writing poignant lyrics, but some of his music is just too rock and roll for my taste.  Unfortunately, this is one of the songs that feels like his voice it out of control during the chorus. The lyrics are still though provoking though. This song asks a question I have wondered about. Was the newborn Jesus aware of who He was? It is very difficult for me to imagine Him knowing that He had been born to die when He was only a few minutes old.  Anyway, here are the words.

Were Mary's eyes the first eyes that You saw  

Or did You remember choosing that shade of brown?  

Were You surprised at the shepherd's crazy story    

Or did You know You wrote the song the angels sang?

What was this life like for You?

Did You know?     

Did the cross cast its shadow o'er your cradle?        

Did  You know?

Did You shudder each time Your hammer struck a nail?   

Did You know?   

How much heaven and how much earth     

Were in this Baby at His birth?      

Did You Know? Or did You wonder?        

Did You remember the brightness of Your glory  

Or did You just notice it was cold and dark here?    

Did You know Your name or did You have to be told? 

Were You just a baby or were You as old as time?

What was Your life like?

I love Thanksgiving! It has always been one of my favorite holidays. This year, my family is enjoying a quiet, peaceful day at home.  After enjoying a breakfast of baked oatmeal,  we mingled in the kitchen to cook while Daddy and my Sis took turns practicing the church music they will be playing on Sunday.  Mom read a few chapters of Farmer Boy out loud while the turkey baked.  Our family usually eats the Thanksgiving meal around two or three in the afternoon, then dessert later.  Daddy read Psalm 8 then blessed the food and we ate.  Now the chores are done, some people are napping, ohers are crocheting, a couple are playing with the baby.  I am stealing a few minutes to type the blog post that I had intended to write earlier this week. 

Traditionally, I try to spend this holiday thinking of the things for which I am most thankful.  On Sunday our church held its Thanksgiving service and our paster gave a short sermon before giving the congregation a chance to tell how the Lord has blessed us through the past year.  I appreciatted hearing many of the testimonies, but what really struck me was something my pastor said. He reminded us that we are not supposed to save up our gratefulness over the entire year only to mention it and thank the Lord for it one day out of 365.   We are to constantly have an attitude of thankfulness.  I do know that, but the truth is that I often think of thankfulness as a feeling rather than an attitude.  If I don't feel grateful, I probably won't say thank you.  God is deserving of my praise though, and for me to not be grateful is sin. I must first remember all the things he has done and provided and give thanks for it.  My emotions will follow when my attitude is right.

So here are some of the things I am most grateful for this year. They are not in any particular order.

1.  My Savoir,  who chose to give His life to save someone so completely undeserving as me. 

2.  That I can hold fast to the promise that the Lord will complete the work He has begun in me.  I am not on my own, He holds fast to me and He will not let go.  

3. Parents who are willing to homeschool myself and my siblings and who have taught me the "why"  in addition to the "how'.

4. That I live in a red state!

5. For a church that teaches that God's Word is infallible. 

6. That I am able to be at home during the years that my younger sibling are little.

7. That I am old enough to vote in the next presidential election!

8. That my parents passed down a love of reading to me.

9. That I live in a time where books are so readily available.

10. That I am able to live in my favorite part of the United States!

11.  For church leadership that is committed to shepherding its flock by teach truth and encouraging us towards righteousness.

12. For the way the Lord has provided this year for a location to teach ballet.

13. For each of my siblings.

14.  For my family's health.

15. For the fellowship the Lord has given me with other believers.

16. For a Daddy who so willingly and uncomplainingly provides for us, yet always makes sure He takes time off to spend with his family.

17.  For a mom that is committed to staying home to train her children.

18. For the freedom I enjoy in this country.

19. For the promise of an eternity with Christ!

I could go on for a very long time. Have a great Thanksgiving!

Here are more pictures from our trip in October.  If there are more pictures of some of my siblings and less of others, it is simply because some are more compliant about being told to do stuff for the camera. :) 

I have had this blog for how many weeks?! Time is too difficult to find. The pictures below are from our family's hunting/camping trip.  We went last month and the fall colors were gorgeous! I am trying to figure out how to edit the darker, blurier pictures so that you can actually see who is in them.  More pictures coming soon!