Days like today are what make me question goodness and happiness and all that stuff.. I wonder what the point is and why I should bother with trying so hard when in the end I just end up in pieces. It hurts to let myself out, and its hurts to let others in. And time after time, I get to this same point and feel this same way thinking the same thing... I've been here sooooo many times! Maybe this is the time to learn. Maybe I should just give up on this whole thing and put up the walls that kept me safe a long time ago. Because this is too much. It is like... this is just the worst ever... I had it coming I guess... But I think I've fallen so hard and so far this time... I am going to have a very hard time getting up again. Not even sure I want to cuz once I'm up I'll just be in position to fall again... Its all my fault, too. It could have been different. I should have known. I DID know... There was just some hope in the back of my mind. Some hope this time I could actually believe people meant what they said and said what they meant. Some hope I would be wrong. Yes, I should have known better. And now I'm broken and have no clue how or why I should put myself back together. After so many empty words, cold and flat... So many promises... and lies... so much pretending... And just when I thought there was a chance... Serves me right...