Write In His Light

All in HIS timing

The world seems so busy when you fall sick or ill and you watch it whirl around you.  Everything stops for you while you are lying there, but the world goes on.  Sometimes God allows satan to attack our health because He wants us to slow down and come to Him.  If your stubborn like I am, it takes A LOT to knock you down to the point that gets your attention.  When Job was attacked health wise and everything was stripped from him, he still turned towards God to praise Him.  He endured losing everything and the pain because he was looking up focused on God.  Others around him were telling him what he should do and asked..."Where is your God now?"  They were mocking him when they didn't see him jump up and try to fix things on his own.  God has brought me to that point...so gently I must say.  The year before He made me go through Job, my heart was hard.  Part of it did partain to me...but I had my health, right??  This past year my health declined at a rapid rate!  I believed it to be the tubal that I had because it seemed that was where it stemmed from.  The pain was bearable in the beginning and then it got so bad that I "had" to look up.  He got my attention and was right there all the time waiting for me.  Satan had confused me in such a way and twisted things around that I didn't know which way was up or down.  God revealed to me a lot during that pain session.  He reminded me when He took me through Job.  He said it was going to be in HIS timing and that His ways were not our ways.  He reminded me of the verse He gave me the year before...Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  This verse was VERY dear to my heart because it stemmed from a misscarriage that I felt I had even though it wasn't documented.  This verse was at the start of the downward spiral that I was about to go on.  But He was so gentle and gave me that hope in the beginning and then RIGHT when I needed it to hang on and know that He was there. The last part especially spoke to my heart because, boy did I need that more than ever!!  I found Him right there, when I seeked Him with all my heart!  Then I started praising Him through my pain.  He revealed to me that my pain was not in vain and that He had a purpose for it...a plan.   I focused on Him and it didn't go away, but it made it bittersweet.  I knew that He had something for me, that He was trying to tell me that He had a purpose for it!  When things started going downhill with my body, my dh and I decided to get my tubal reversed and prayed to God for the provision.  When it didn't come right away, I started to doubt God.  I would say, "I thought you were going to do this for me".  He was telling me wait.  I don't know about you, but that is not something I like to hear! I kept reminding God of what He already knew.  Well, as I look back on the point I am at right now I know that each part that played out was crucial for the end.  I have learned to lean on Him more.  Okay, know I will tell you what happened, so you too can be encouraged when you are waiting and feeling alone.  My pain got even worse!  So bad that I had to go to the hospital, where I was scared to go.  They told me that I had cysts.  I felt like, FINALLY someone believes me that I have a lot of pain.  The doctors started treating me different now that they could find something.  The only outcomes were to wait and see if it gets better or surgery.  Well, my dh and I decided to wait because we wanted the tubal reversal as well.  So they gave me some "loopey" pain medicine and sent me on my way.  I was off it for a week and then the next month when I had my visitor it came back STRONGFOLD!  After a week I started running out of medicine and I knew that if it kept up I would be in trouble!!  So I had to call my doctor and get the ball rolling.  I went and saw her the year before, but I brushed her off with the other doctors that I saw, not really giving her the chance.  God revealed to me that I wasn't honest with her in telling her that I thought it was from the tubal.  I told Him, well I told that other doctor and he chewed me out.  Yes, but I didn't tell this one.  This one He gave to me.  Her nurse practictioner I didn't like either, but I realized I never really did give her the chance I gave them.  That is when she called....right after I said I was going to be honest and tell her how I felt!  God's perfect timing!  I was open and honest and she was willing to help me achieve everything that I wanted and had a listening ear! WHAT!!!!!  You mean all along I couldv'e just done this??  Well, no.  She said that they might pay for the tubal reversal because I was having problems right there at that source.  She was very helpful in giving me numbers to call and her direct number. WOW!! WOW!!!  I really do hope that God has the tubal reversal paid for, but if He doesn't then I know that something else is His plan.  He will reveal to me, his perfect plan.  It is all in His perfect timing!! I am thankful that I have a Father who cares for me and is able to do what is best for His princess!