Write In His Light

Start believing in faith unseen!

Wow!  It's been a long time since I last posted!  I think I was trying to avoid it...REALLY!  I didn't want to have to put down what was happening to me!  But I am starting to believe more that God CAN and WILL do anything according to His will.  Through our trials and tribulations He is right there showing asking us to come to Him and let Him take it all.  The problem is we don't always do that!

All my life people told me that I can't be a writer or I can't have too many kids....most of those are family!  I know that they were well meaning and trying to "help" with what they thought and felt.  I just didn't realize how much I was basing my whole perspective on those very principles that I didn't want to believe were true!  The VERY ones that the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me that were wordly thoughts contrary to the true nature of God.  This past year as I felt everything fall apart and felt alone, stems from the fact of my feelings of my wordly father never being there and abandoning me or taking advantage of me.  God had to take me back through some really emotional and spiritual healing.  Telling me that He is My Heavenly Father, and I CAN rely on Him....He will never abandon me!  I can run to His comforting arms and He understands!  Through this I experience a peace and comfort that is like no other!  I know that God told us to homeschool and for me to stay at home with my children for me to raise and nuture.  Not putting them in the hands of strangers.  I mean I think that is okay for some...but for me, I feel that this is best and since I feel such a strong calling toward this....I feel that the other is not an option. 

I am saying this because I need to go talk to a pastor and I have prayed about it....but I hesitate because of what he is going to say.  I really need him to understand that me not staying at home and continueing to homeschool them is not an option!  In today's world, especially right now it is almost impossible to live on one income.  I really am trying to stop believing in the worldly lies that say I need to for now!  I believe that the enemy is out there to destroy and would LOVE it if I bought into this lie and started down this route...not really trusting that God will provide what we need,  meanwhile robbing us of our blessings.  We are homeless right now.  Because my husband didin't get the raise that was promised to him, it was like our pay went down.  He travels for work and with gas prices going up, insurance going up, and his car payment to be able to get to work...somehow we are just paying for him to get to work.  He can't seem to get another job and he is okay with getting an old car, but then we will have the car debt on top of the house debt we have from losing our house.  We are staying with my mom, but because of all the stress and strain it is breaking our family apart!  My husband and I love each other immensely, but right now it feels like we are miles apart.  I feel like my husband has given up, hence is why I need to go to the pastor.  I am not backing down on figuring out a way for us to work out a way to live on one income again.....God gave me some hope about starting a ministry....and then I felt like it was dashed because there is no way that little ole' me can do it...You know what....I am not supposed to...It is supposed to be from God! HE CAN!  I know that HE is calling me to do this...I just have to find someone here on earth that will believe in it too...I know that I can find them if I press on and believe that God will lead me!