When I was a child I had terrrible night terrors. Not often but often enough that I remember it. I would be crying, sweating, and screaming. To terrified to get out of bed and sure something would grab me if I could move off the bed. Thankfully I had a "knight in shining armor". If dad was home (from wherever the army sent him) he would come to my aid. But most of the time my "knight in shining armor" was TJ my older brother. He would not only come when I cried, he would stay with me. I love the memories of his hand stroking my head as he sang me back to sleep. It was not uncommon for him to sleep in the floor beside me. He never yelled at me for waking him with my cries nor did he ever tease me about my fears of the darkness. In his desire to cure me he once said, "what do you see with your eyes open?" So I described my bedroom. Then he said," now close your eyes and tell me what you see." "Nothing", I said. He asked why I'm afraid if I can't see. I said, " because when I can't see I don't know what's there, it scares me."
He was my biggest fan for many years. What a terrific brother he was. A real encourager.
As we grew TJ and I grew apart. Our lives went very different ways. He brought alot of hard times into our family. He was the source of much grief to my parents. We stood on opposite sides of many life and death issues. When mom died TJ acted out a few times so I told him where I stood on some of his behaviors (lying, and stealing) and that I could not be a part of his life unless he changed. That was sooooo hard. I declared to him my love for him and making sure he understood I wasn't disowning him.
About two months ago TJ tried to contact me and I had not reason to believe he had changed so I didn't pick up the phone to take his calls.
Well early Friday afternoon I was told that my childhood "knight in shining armor" died. At the young age of 47yrs TJ is gone. His body couldn't hold up any longer to the abuse he put it under. Hepititus C and other illnesses took their toll.
No, I don't regret any of my decisions in how I dealt with TJ. I am terrribly sad that he chose as he did. I am hurt that my hope of him changing is gone. My 10 yr old little Man said, " you just don't know mom, he may have come to Christ before he died."
How true, how true. But I am selfish and I wanted to hear that from him, to see those changes only Christ can make in one's life.
I have missed TJ these 2 years of not speaking to him. I hope Les, his companion of nearly 30 years isn't mourning alone.................
TJ had a way of wrecking all relationships but the one he had with Les. Les was with him to the end.
What a shock and oh how sad it is............................
For my precious father the grief is different. He doesn't have the fun, loving memories of TJ as a child, ora nyother time. Dad was away alot. By the time he retired from the military TJ was a rebelous teenager filled with hate. I cannot imagine my father's pain. Mom died in 2005, dad's dad died in 2006, now my dad has the pain of losing his wayward son. Dashed hope...................
TJ requested immediate cremation. So we haven't heard of any services to be held in his memory. It is very unlikely that there will be any type of gathering. As humans we are accustomed to gathering together to mourn, having various services, and a place to lay flowers. TJ saw funerals and the like as too Christian for him.
I just wanted to share a bit of TJ's life with you and tell you of his death.
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Jan. 21, 2008 - I'm so sorry for your loss...