So, my much younger sisters-in-law (both are currently 15) have boyfriends for the first time. I was discussing this with my MIL the other day when she sighed and said “This’ll be you with Arianna in 10 years.” Without thinking, I retorted. “No it won’t,” and then “Where would she meet such a boy?” To which my mother-in-law replied, “At church.” I could not argue this possibility, because I expect she will meet many boys at church, but also because it wasn’t the point I meant to make.

See, by asking where she would meet a boy made it sound as though we fully expect to be hermits, never interacting with the outside world, or allowing personal relationships to grow, and this is simply not true. We do not intend to keep Arianna or any of our children prisoners, or to forbid their friendships.  

What we do hope to do is to spend the next ten years or more teaching her to value and desire modesty, purity, integrity, and honor, in her own behavior and in the character of any she would consider as a life partner.

Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.  1 Peter 3:3-4

Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you. Titus 2:6-8

I hope to model for them what a Christian marriage looks like (though of course I expect them to have none of my faults, ha!) I expect to help them develop a relationship with their Lord and Savior, and hearts which desire nothing less than His will in their lives. I expect that family will always come first, and that when we do socialize, it will be as a family. I do not believe in dating, the way it is defined and carried out in modern society – I think it is just practice divorce. And I hope that, by the time my children are ‘of age’ (so to speak), they will recognize it as such, and know that God desires so much more for them.

In the same way I feed my children good food and teach them healthy eating habits, knowing that doing so will help them develop a distaste for junk food; in the same manner that I read them great literature to nurture their minds and souls with “whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, [and] whatever things are lovely,” (Philippians 4:8) knowing that they will disdain television; in that way I hope to show them what is desirable in a mate by teaching, teaching, teaching, guarding their hearts and minds,  and by encouraging only those friendships with likeminded families (of which I know there are man!).

To many (ok, probably all) in my family this will undoubtedly all seem very strange, and at best a lofty, though unattainable, goal. I am not afraid of their disbelief J. Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. (Proverbs 31:1). I know that this works and is a reality for many Christian families, because I read about them daily here and here and here. I have been blessed and encouraged by these godly young men and women, and pray for similar wisdom and godliness in my own dear children.

So now you know. And for those of you keeping score, this totally counts as a Serious Post.

Posted by sahmto4orMore

Yep, couldn't agree more.
Of course it is so opposite of what i did as a teen that it will be a whole new experience for me (us) in just a few short years. I totally can not believe i have a preteen.

BTW, i amended my Show and Tell for you :)

Have a good weekend,
tracy

Posted by jugglingpaynes

What a thought provoking post! It made me think of the first time a boy told Marina she was pretty (at her religious education class.) She didn't know what to say. I told her if it happens again she can politely say thank you. ;o)

I think homeschooled girls are much more comfortable with themselves and don't feel that need to be admired. I think having a close relationship and easy communication helps a lot.

Peace and Laughter,
Cristina

Posted by jugglingpaynes

That was the stump of a beautiful 100+ year old oak that we lost in a windstorm.
So glad my daughter has reading company in the wee hours of the morning. ;o)

Peace and Laughter,
Cristina

Posted by EEEEMommy

LOL You know I always enjoy a serious post...especially one that leaves me smiling at the end. :)
It's never to early to think about these things. God is faithful! You're off to a great start! :)

P.S. Do you have your RSS feed turned on? I explain how and why on my latest HSB blog post.

Posted by UnlikelyMother

I had never thought of it that way - practicing divorce! So true!

So I had to read a bit more in your blog tonight as I had time and I see that we DO have a lot in common! Right down to Nourishing Traditions, RGT, Sonlight's Core B ... and of course the children and their ages. Very neat! I'll be checking back here often!