I can remeber my sweet grandmother, like it was yesturday.  We would often have sleep overs with her and Grandpa.  I loved his laugh.  I loved the smell of her linens, and the kitchen.  They were always doing something in the kitchen.  Grandpa baked the best bread!!!  My Grandmother would sing and dance...she was always doing something funny.  Her eyes sparkled like diamonds.  She worried about nothing.  She worked hard all her life, taking care of her family.  I enjoyed her stories of the old days when she was a girl.  Her and her sisters would hide their dishes behind the cookstove to avoid doing them lol.  How I miss those happy times.  Life was simple back then.  Now adays things have changed so much.  Families don't barely spend anytime together anymore, what has happened to them?  What does family mean to you...those who find this...please leave a comment.  What do you and your families do for fun?  What do you do together, how do you show that you love each other? 

I can't say that my family does alot together.  My husband and I are going through a very difficult time right now, and I haven't lived at home for the last 4 months.  One month I lived with a friend near where we live due to my oldest son being so ill.  The last 3 months, I have been staying with other friends far from where we live.  She and her family have really gone out of their way for us.  And we have become in the way.  I have lost myself in my troubles and haven't done anything to help myself.  I want to say how sorry I am to my friend for losing myself and bringing such stress to her home.  I listened to something really hard that she had to say to me today....and that is that I complain about alot of things that I do.  And she has helped me...as much as it hurt my feelings to hear it....it showed me that I have complained.....about my husband and my home....my life.  The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.  God hates divorce....and I need to work out my troubles....to go through them calmly and trusting in Him.  Not avoiding them and going around them, living in fear and anger.  I am here for a reason, to learn that home is where the heart is....even if my husbands heart is not there....the Lord can heal us.  Trust in Him and lean not onto our own understanding.  Another friend emailed me today and she told me to not focus on my husband so much, but to look at myself and fill my mind with the Lord's Word.    Somehow I think that my grandparents would be happy to hear that too.  I can feel the Lord smiling and I imagine if I could see my grandmother....she would be singing and dancing, and my grandfather would be laughing!!  I would love some homemade bread fresh out of the oven. 

Thank you God.....and thank you Z!!!!!!  And thank you others that pray for us. 

Blessings from acraisydaisy

Somedays it is like going in circles!!  Sheesh lol.  I thought for sure we could get caught up on our school work.  HA!!  We aren't getting far.  I am not upset though.  We have been so overwhelmed by alot lately.  I have to say that my oldest son has recovered from his illness very nicely!!  Praising God :) and thank you everyone for your prayers that came across my chaotic blog...it isn't going as I had intended it to.  It has just been too crazy!  I found a specialist here where we are vacationing...and he specializings in asthma and allergies.  He was stunned that our fine doctors where we live didn't pick up on Mr.Magoo's symptoms and diagnose him properly.  I know all of us err...it is a given.  But out of four different doctors, you would of thought someone would of figured it out.  Flags should of been waving since Whooping Cough was going around.  Anyways, he still has abit of an occasional cough.  I was told that could take awhile to get rid of.  The next big roller coaster ride was the new allergies that our friendly specialist tested them for...ugh!!  No wheat for my boys for sure.  My daughter struggles still with some of the things that have newly befallen her.  It isn't easy taking everything away - No dairy, eggs, soy, wheat, rice, fish....have I forgotten any?   I have reintroduced soy, and rice so far.  I won't do dairy at all because my whole family is dairy intolerant...and my boys have been intolerant for the last few years.  They did handle the rice and soy well....and the eggs as well.  Nothing that I noticed anyways.  Praying all just goes away!!!  I am so tired of this, it is so hard.  There is also alot of environmental allergies and allergies to dust and dust mites as well.  The update with my husband and the allergies.....he still does not believe me.  So more praying!

I am looking into aromatherapy....I have heard so many great things about it.  I am really interested in natural health!  And this looks like it could be fun.  :)

Oh...I am working casual hours for a friend here!  A few hours each week.  It is going really well....so far.  But I have given my notice to quit.  I am returning back to where we live at the end of July.  I am really worried about that. 

I do have the book that was mentioned in comments :)  "Created to be His Helpmeet", it is a really great book.  I have read it and did try it out, and it wasn't working in my situation.  I was only enabling him to keep doing more what he was doing.  Hiding things from me, keeping secrets and lying...leaving me with no money, we hardly had anything to talk about before I left on my vacation/timeout.  He said he was not interested in what I was interested in anymore.  And the only thing we were involved in was going to church.  I have no drivers license and we live 15km out of the nearest town.  We were always at home - most of the time not knowing what to do with our time.  I approached the Pastor of the church I was going to, and I spoke to him seeking advice.  He was more concerned that I was isolating myself and my children to control them....not very many people homeschool where we moved to.  lol....I did enjoy the shocked faces when they ask which school my children are going to, or who are their teachers.  Now it has worn abit thin.  Why can't we just be accepted for being different?  I never had these issues when we lived here on Vancouver Island.  If anyone has any neat one liners to drop when others just get on your case for homeschooling...please drop them into my comments.  lol...I need something to say. 

We have been keeping ourselves busy here.  I have my children - the older two taking knitting lessons.  They are having different thoughts...my oldest loves it, she had already taught herself to knit and so it is easy enough for her.  My middle child though isn't sure what to think.  It is difficult and he wants to quit.  I am really trying to encourage him to not give up, life is hard and we can't give up there....so it is good practice to keep trying to work on things that aren't easy. 

As for me, I have tried to call my husband today to say hi, but he wasn't answering his page at work.  Soooo, I will try another day.  I am not as mad anymore.  Mostly hurt.  But the anger has lessened somewhat.  I have been attending a very good church here where I am at, and it has been so amazing.  The series that the Pastor has been sharing about this month since I have been attending, has been about Extreme Family Makeovers.  I have left in tears from most of the messages so far.  It has really hit a mark in my heart.  But, I can't change my husband, only God can.  And I am praying alot for that.  And I can only work on myself and try to be a better example for my children.  Somedays are hard, and I have to grit my teeth.  My oldest turns 14 in two weeks and she is worried that her daddy won't call her or remember it is her birthday.  And the boys would love to just hear his voice.  We try to call, but he is never at home.  We leave messages, but he never checks them.  So we have to just trust that the Lord will work on him, and that he will call soon.  It does make me upset alot though when they wait and wait, and then I try to call and I disappoint them by doing that because he isn't home anyways.  We have emailed him...what can a person do? 

One thing that we have been doing is keeping ourselves busy.  We are so behind in our homeschooling.  But that was first due to my middle child's illness.  I am so happy to say that the Lord has blessed him with good health again.  Oh I am so praising God!!!  It was so difficult watching him struggle to breathe.  Whooping cough and asthma just don't go together....then add in broncitis.  Yuck.  So what have been doing to keep ourselves busy...you all might wonder?!!  Well we are helping a lady that we met at the church we are attending, to pack up her home.  She sold it and has had a big yard sale that we helped her set up for.  Now we are going to help her with her home and getting things sorted and ready for the packers and then help clean it with her.  Her husband passed away 2.5 years ago and all her children are grown and gone.  It has been such a blessing for me and my children to go and help her.  She has been so good to them :)  Today she gave them all the loose change that her husband had kept in containers - they rolled them up and split it evenly three ways....and each was blessed with $42!!!!!  They were so surprized lol.  Then she made dinner.  Her and I have had some good talks too - it has been very nice. 

Well I should run.

Blessings from acraisydaisy

Ok....this might be the wrong place to do this.  But I need to just vent some of my feelings that I kept under my cap.  I am really dealing with some very heavy stuff.  I have posted in the past about marriage problems that my husband and I are having, and then removed them.   I haven't really blasted my husband in the past, but there is a temptation to do just that now.   I am tired of trying to reinvent myself - and I am tried of watching my children try to gain his attention too.  

 This last Sunday, I listened to a great message, and yes I felt convicted.  I know I could be doing better to set a better example for my children, as they have witnessed me being angry and upset.  The example is that I should be more positive and praising the Lord even during my time of trial.  Instead I am angry and stressed out - to where I have made myself sick.  How is it that others can approach me and correct me, and yet think so well of my husband?  Why can't I just blab the awful truth of what it has been like in our home??  I am tired of living such a lie.  My son was very sick this spring.  The doctors couldn't diagnose what was wrong with him.  He already has a problem with asthma and allergies....nothing to serious for allergies - dairy and environmental ones.  But on top of his asthma out of control we discovered after we came to the coast, that he actually had the whooping cough....he did have two chest infections previous to that as well.  What more could drag him down?  He lost about 20lbs and was looking like a walking skeleton, and he was shaking from always using a puffer and a nebulizer.  I got tired of the endless prescriptions which amounted to several hundred dollars....I was tired of nothing making him better....not the spending of the money.  My husband was getting upset and didn't believe that our son was really ill.  I even had to call an ambulance to come and take us to the hospital....by this time I was staying in town with a friend.  He was upset and told me not call them again because it was too expensive.  What do you do?  He was waking up at night gasping to breathe...and even on the one occasion turned blue.  I was staying with a friend so that he didn't have to leave work himself.  He doesn't like to be disturbed alot from his job.  It has always been like that with him.  He is tied to his job..  I guess I am blasting him.  He works Monday to Friday from 8am to 5pm and then stays every evening until about 11pm and then goes back Saturdays all day until late and then drives us to church on Sundays - drops us off and goes home.  There he sleeps all day and then gets us and takes us back home and continues to sleep all day, then returns to work.  Meanwhile, the kids are growing deeply unhappy and miserable.  They fight over their dad if he has even 5 minutes to include them in going to the garbage dump with him.  And only involves himself in the older son's Cadets for Christ group if they are doing fun activities that he likes, other wise forget it, it is uninteresting.  And he is uninvolved.  He does drive him and his sister to their groups...so they have 15km in the car to group and and 15km in the car back home.  Does anyone know how much time that takes?  No one realizes that that is the only real time they get with him.  Our youngest is 7 years old and  has never been alone with him.  He can't manage our finances and had the opportunity to put a large payment on our health care bill that he has never paid....but instead bought something unnecessary.  A lawn sweeper.  It is more important to have a nice looking yard then paying bills.  

 I think I have already mentioned  the new church tback home hat I had been attending, the messages I have listened to has helped me to see things differently.  Not with my relationship with my husband, but my relationship with the Lord.....one message was on wasting our lives holding on the anger and hurts.  I was really convicted over this.

And now this new church here that I am attending.....The messages bring tears to my eyes and I cry alot. the messages that I loved was last week at church.  The Pastor spoke about Moses and how he was successful and yet how he too failed at home with his family.  He even sent Zipporah away back to her father with his sons.  So he couldn't of had much of a relationship with is children.  Yet the Lord worked in his life and he did wonderful things.  I am aware that the Lord can heal this marriage.  But we each have our own selfish wills to do as we want.  I try to please the Lord and I try to always lay my problems at HIS feet.  And I know all happens in HIS timing.  But I am weary.  I am mad.  Why doesn't my husband at least call us?  He needs to  make an effort too.   I learned also that alot of men who don't spend any quality time with their children, eventually don't understand their families dynamics or how they function.  They eventually quit trying to figure their family out....because they spend so little time with their family, when they find it too difficult to understand them they quit.   They find other things that do interest them....and then build their own little kingdoms.  And fill their own lives with the things that make them happy.  This is where we feel that we are at.  I know my faults are many.......yet if you never watered your house plants and ignored them....won't they eventally turn all brown and wilt?  It takes two to waltz, two to tango.  What is that parable of the weeds among the wheat?  I need to go and find it.  I don't know if it has anything to do with this....but it just popped into my mind.   Satan comes and he tries to destroy everything if you give him ground. 

I am tired.  I have tried alot of things.  I have read marriage books, one I tried to get into was called The Excellent Wife.  But you know what?  I had nothing in common with that book.  I am a good wife.  I cook and clean and I raise my children.  I also have another book written by Debi Pearl....Created to be a Helpmeet.....more like a door mat.  Because when I started to follow that....that is what I felt like. 

I have vented....and no I don't feel better.  Forgiveness....I need to work on that.  Let go of my anger and hurt before it swallows me whole and I grow completely hard hearted.

Blessings from acraisydaisy

Our time here has so far been so nice.  Well not the weather all the time lol.  And I haven't seen all my friends yet.  But I am taking my time and just relaxing.  It is unbelievable what stress can do to a person's entire system.  And I am now just beginning to see how much stress my children have been under as well.  I am very thankful for my friend who has opened her home up to us.  She has been very gracious and understanding and she has encouraged us all.  She has also helped me get both of my boys to see the allergy specialist.  And that appointment has been so helpful.  The allergy specialist heard and saw my son having one of his coughing spells.  And he really thinks that my son Mr.Magoo had Whooping Cough!!!!  That is on top of a very bad case of broncitis where he was also placed on orders to stay in bed...no activity whatsoever.  That was really hard for my 11 year old son to do.  He wanted to ride his bike and run and play.  The allergy specialist also showed me that his asthma is bad again....which wasn't any surprize to me after he was so ill.  He also retested his allergies for me and we now get to removed eggs again, and now some new ones....wheat, soya, fish!!  He is still dairy intolerant to all dairy products.  Then we have his other new allergies to dust and dust mites...and his same environmental allergies to pollens from trees, weeds and grasses.  So it was abit of a blow to have to remove wheat from his diet.  He loves wheat!  But...we are on the wet coast and we can find easily enough different foods to feed him and his little brother as well...though the youngest has the same allergies - I need to also take away rice from him.  Where we live...I can't find very much at all that we can eat...and I say we, because there is me too. 

Oh...we did get to attend something very neat last week.  We joined our friends here and went to their Young Naturalists Club, they met together at one of the local beaches.  We watched as the leaders threw a net out into the ocean and pull it slowly back up onto the beach to see what sort of critters they could find.   It was just so very cool.  We saw pipefish, rock cod, flounder, and the usual crabs and clams.  We also saw afew things that I can't recall their names of lol.  Then my children each dug in designated areas to do a critter count of critters they find in the sand.  All three of my children just loved it and had a blast!!!  Thank you anerez!!!  It was so much fun, we can't wait to go back.  :)

Blessings from acraisydaisy

I have deleted some of my posts again.  I want to present a more positive attitude.  As we are going through several changes.  I have found a new church and it has been very uplifting and very encouraging.  They are so positive and on fire!!  They  have been praying over my oldest son and he is recovering nicely so far from his illness.  We never did find out what was causing him to wake up in the nights struggling to breathe.  We had tried all kinds of medicines and treatments....but nothing was helping and he was only experiencing other side effects that made him feel worse.  So with trusting God, I took him off everything and just continued praying.  And he is feeling better. 

Another change is that we are on vacation again - out on the west coast.  And it has helped my son as well.  The dampness has been good for him, though it has been windy and alittle chilly here yet.  The nice part is that the grass is green and lhe trees are green and the flowers are blooming!!  So nice. 

The other change is that I am still trying to sort out my marriage.  I had posted that we were having problems, and sadly nothing is changing.  I am on my trip to just rest and renew myself and also for our children to rest and renew.  Looking forward to just spending time with the Lord to learn what path I follow.  I want to follow the Lord's word, and not alot of religion.  I find that religion is mostly made up by man's thoughts and it misses alot of important parts that makes Jesus so sweet and gentle...loving and forgiving and kindness.....oh to clothe myself as such. 

Blessings from acraisydaisy

I can't believe I ate it and liked it....lol.  I bought some veggie dogs and actually liked it.  And I didn't have any problems.  I think alot of my stresses have been also related to health issues.  I am really excited when I find a food that doesn't make me ill.  I have developed alot of food sensitivities due to....candida. 

I have been reading a really good and most education book over the last few weeks.  I found it listed in a homeschool catalogue, and decided to see if the local library had it.  And they did.  It has been a real eye opener!!!  The book is called "The Crazy Makers" it is all about how the food industry is destroying our brains and harming our children.  It is written by Carol Simontacchi.  And I have found it most informative.  I now understand what has been making me ill.  And I am relieved to know that I am not losing my mind.  lol.   I had no idea of all the junk that is in our foods that we eat every day!!!   And it isn't just food, as I don't think of beverages as food.  Alot of our children's learning delays, and autism and ADD and ADHD - can be the results of what we don't know about that is in our food! 

So check it out! 

Blessings from acraisydaisy

When my children were really young, we allowed them to address their elders as "Auntie" and "Uncle".  It was something that my husband did as a child when he lived in Germany.  As our children grew older and started entering school (this is before we homeschooled), we then taught them to address their elders as "Mrs", "Mr" and "Ms."  -  since we started on this route of teaching our children to show respect, we have had several adults who have expressed their wishes to not be addressed properly.  This has really been difficult for my children, because their father and I have raised them to show their respect.  My parents as well were strict on this issue when I was growing up as well.  They are too old now to be calling everyone "Auntie" and "Uncle" and I just don't feel that this is right.  I can understand the other adults understand at not liking to be addressed properly....because even I feel weird to be called "Mrs"....but it is what I am.  We have tried the "Ma'am" and the "Sir" too when someone doesn't like the other way....but it gets confusing.  So I am curious what others do?!!  I now find that when a child calls me by my first name I feel irritated lol..in some small way.  I am, I guess, quite old fashioned. 

Blessings from acraisydaisy

Today was a GREAT day for me!!  I got up feeling terrible...sore achy body.  Word of advice...if you are out of shape and approching closer to middle age and are just not used to alot of activity lol...don't join in on your teenagers youth sports games.  We played dodge ball...I love to play and get involved at times, but my body doesn't lately lol. 

About the message though....the Pastor asked us, "What would you do, if you knew that you could not fail?  What would you set out to accomplish?  What fear would you conquer?"  He spoke at length on this today and it really made me think.  He said as well, that if we do not plan to change or at least set some goals to work towards that we would never change.   If our lives are the same boring day in to day out...year after year...what are we accomplishing?  Are we pleasing the Lord?  Jesus desires a life for us!!  How does God want to use us?  Have we asked?  Are we too afraid to ask, or are we just too busy?

I have to admit...that when I first accepted Christ into my heart, I wasn't taught alot.  I was given a Bible and pushed along.  I felt like I had went through a drive-thru.  Trying to sort out the Bible has been a very long walk for me....I have tripped and fallen and recently almost quit.  You see, I haven't really been giving my heart and all my problems to the Lord.  I have been holding onto them.  When the Pastor asked that question this morning, it really made me think.  Here I have sat feeling sorry for myself.  I asked my husband to move me closer to home, to be closer to my family and now I am here...and guess what!!?  There is no difference in communication, it is still like I live a two day trip away from them instead of 4 hours lol.  We don't call anymore or see each other anymore.  So self pity was setting in because I am now mad at myself for leaving behind all my friends from back home.  And it did become back home...this is no longer my home.  And now I have to remake it my home.  It is all so confusing.  The community is not that accepting of homeschooling and they can be distant, it gets awful lonely.  If I say anything, I am opening the door for them to suggest putting my children into public school.  So I have realized that God hasn't left me....I am alone yes....but it is because I came very close to leaving God.  If I fail it isn't because of God or because of where I live.  It is because I felt sorry for myself and wanted to give up because I was having a fit and wasn't getting what I wanted.  What do I want?  I do not know.  I am like a child who needs guidance yet.  If you are not daily reading God's Word and daily regiving your heart felt problems and frustrations to him....then you get nothing. 

We need to ask ourselves again...What would we do, if we knew we would not fail.  I would give up my fears.  The fear of driving and the fear of succeeding!  Hard to believe that some don't succeed at their goals and plans because they fear success.  But it is true.  If we succeed, then their goes our comfort zone and it can draw attention to yourself...what else?!  Lots.  I didn't want to go to college, because I was afraid.  And because I believed I couldn't succeed, because my father always told me that I couldn't.  Well...my Godly Father tells me that "I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength!" Philippians 4:13   And I have forgiven my earthly father ages ago.  Because how could of I have gone to college and had my children only to decide to homeschool in afew short years...pay off the debt of education and suffer through financial disasters that I stomp my feet through today? lol.  I wish my husband were in Church with me today....he too has this button that shuts off and doesn't allow him to succeed.  The lies we believe and the fears we have are enormious and have a tremendous effect on our lives!!!!  My husband can't budget to save his life.  He has admitted that too me, so I can say it and not slam him by saying it.  But the wrong part is that he hasn't done anything to fix that.  Why?  Because he has set a limit on his life and hasn't been able to live beyond that limit.  It is like a cage.  Things are so bad right now, that only God can get us out of it.  And I think my Pastor gave me a great idea today....though he doesn't know it lol.  God has given us gifts to use, and we are to use them.  They can be anything.  So I am going to spend sometime with God in prayer..and pray over some talents I know I have...and maybe I can grow deeper in my faith if I use them.  More of that later.....

How do we set limits for ourselves?  We set them all the time.  When we apply for a master card, we have limits....we just can't do what we want with it.  If we do, the bill haunts us until it is paid off.  Another limit is a library card, we can't keep those books, we have three weeks to return them.  How about when we become parents?  Do we have limits there?  Yes!!  We can not do what we want with our children.  We will be held accountable to God for everything we do or do not do.  The Bible tells us to train them up in the way that they should go.....that tells me that I can't let them raise themselves....I can't ignore my child and expect him and her to know what to do.  I can dicipline them when they need it....but even dicipline isn't training them....I just learned a new idea....not new to most of the Christian ladies here.  But it is new to me.  When I am trying to train my children....I need to think of it as discipleship.  Follow Jesus's examples.  He told lots of stories, and he didn't punish, he forgave and loved His people...ALL people.   Another limitation we have is an important one for ourselves....when we become Christians....we can't continue to do as we please either.  The Bible sets out clear no no's.  And very easy to follow instructions of things to do.  Such as love your neighbour as yourself.  Ok that isn't always easy to do.  I know this....because I haven't given a great example here.  And that is not good either.  Because we are too be examples of Christ.  If I don't live a lifestyle that shows I am a follower of Jesus, that gives a bad testimony of who I am. 

I know that I have over the years limited myself from doing things that the Lord has wanted me to do.  When He set before me to homeschool my children....I grabbed onto it.  But - there again....we have limits of what we can do and not do.  Just this week I read a news report on line that my friend sent to me about a mother of four daughters who took them out of public school to educate them at home....instead they were abused and murdered in their home.  We can't homeschool to injure our children.  They need us to love and protect them....and we are answerable to God for all things we do.  They are innocents and even though we are their parents....God is their parent too....all of us are children of God.  We were bought and paid for with the blood of Jesus...we are very valuable and very loved. 

We need to make ourselves available to God...so He can work through us.  I mentioned that some of us are afraid or too busy....there is a huge difference between limitations and excuses!!

These excuses he called Moses' excuses....simple ones really and we all do them, because we are human and humans all have faults....if we look at Exodus

1.  The excuse of *insecurity*....moses asked "who am I to do that?*(3:11)

2.  The excuse of *authority*....The Bible tells us that Jesus taught with authority and transfered his authority to His followers.  (3:14)

3.  The excuse of *believeability*.....we sometimes worry about "what if people don't believe?"  Well....lots of people won't believe...and it is going to get worse as the tribulation period comes closer.  Best to practice now!!  Plus our actions speak louder than words!  You know the Pharaoh didn't believe Moses either...right, so Moses threw his staff down, and it changed into a snake....and the Eygptian magicians threw down their staff's and they too changed into snakes....but Moses' staff ATE their snakes.  God always wins!! (4:1)...can read all of chapter 4!

4.  The excuse of *ability*....Moses said he didn't know how to talk the right words to lead all those people.  The Lord had an answer for all his reasons and excuses.  God gave Moses abilities to do His work.  And God gives us abilities as well...some of us don't use them.  And we are wasting them.  The Lord will equip each of us with everything we need to do His work...even homeschool our children.  Just ask if you need help and He will provide....though not what we want, but what He is willing to give us.  He has a master plan after all!! (4;10)

The last excuse....5.  The excuse of *availability*.....Moses asked God to send someone else and not him.  I can believe that Moses must of been alittle afraid.  God's chosen people were many and they had been in slavery for along long time.  But we need to trust God.  He will see us through everything we find ourselves in.  (4:13)

My revelation from this was....I need to wake up.  I need to get knowledge and wisdom.  Our Pastor said that the word *Christian* has been used so much over the years....that we don't really know what a Christian really means anymore.  Many look on Christians with deep hatred.  Some have left a negative example of what a Christian should be or act or look like.  I am a struggling follower of Jesus Christ....thinking of myself as a follower, made me feel compared to His disciples....and I am lacking much!.  And studying the Book of Revelations tells me that I need to be prepared.  Times are going to get harder....I need to help equip my children....draw our battle lines......guard my gate - my home.  This is going to be difficult, because of the battle that goes on within my home.  My husband is not on the same page as me.  He has shown no desire to guard his gate.   And this was my other realization today.  I need to rid myself of any anger I have towards him and work on forgiveness.  I need to pray more diligently for him.  I need to school myself to watch my reactions and be a living example even to him.  And I need to retrain my children as we have fallen like trees against a harsh wind.   They have seen us argue and felt his regections to join us.  Love is a choice not a feeling.  I need to choose wisely and carefully how I am going to act, especially around my children.  For I am their sole role model.   So today after Church, when my husband picked us up...I swallowed my anger....which is very hard for me to do.  I then admitted my sin of anger that I have towards him.  He of course didn't answer or say anything.  I don't expect alot right now.  I just need to pray that I can hold up and not fall down on my face and rip him  into wee shreds.  The tongue is like a sword and rip it does...right to the heart.  And the damage it gives is hard to repair then a kick in the butt. 

Blessings from acraisydaisy....I apologize for being SO long.  But it was something I really felt led to share.  I pray that it will bless someone!!  God Bless

This morning, I got up for church with my family.  We headed out the door and arrived on time.  Since our Pastor is gone with our Youth Group on a wilderness adventure weekend, we had another person speak today.  He spoke about Who Are You?...or....Who Am I?   It was very interesting really.  Our identity isn't me being a daughter, sister, mother, or wife or a homeschool teacher, or even how I worship my Lord Jesus.  My identity is found in the Lord.  He then at the end of the service, had everyone stand up and dedicate ourselves to God.  I feel abit renewed today.  I feel that I have hopes.  Though in the car coming home, something nasty crawled out of me and I was horrible.  I think that I am finding my mind is a battle field, though sometimes I don't think....I just act or react.  Sort of like a wild animal.  One very interesting thing did happen to me at church this morning though.  A lady stopped and introduced herself to me.  She is new to the church by about 3 months, I have been there now just over a year.  She is a councellor, a Christian councellor.  She happened to mention what she does and I was so taken by surprize, and I told her this.  I said this is the hand of God, because I needed to find someone to talk to.  She is taking new patients still and invited me to come in and see her.  She is the only Christian councellor so I must act quickly.  I am filled with new hope.  I told this to my husband and I am praying that he can and will pick us up to take us into town so that I can make my appointments.  I am happier today, thank you Jesus. 

Blessings by acraisydaisy

I have sat here and in deep thought wondered what I should write.  I posted before Christmas how miserable I was, and after Christmas how blessed we were.  And now I sit in silence.  How I would love to be content.  I see in my mind the ideal life that I would love to live.  A life with my children with me and they are!  Where they are happy and full of joy and endless laughter...they sometimes seem to be.  Alot of the times they aren't.  Since the snows blew in, it has been alot of bickering and complaining.  I ask one child to do something - and that child has a reason to argue or complain...or an excuse to be tardy and unwilling to comply.  I then tend to begin to lack patience and well......I tend to lose it.  I feel like I am lacking in faith.  I wonder if the winter is getting to me now too.  It can definitely get boring around here.  We need more things to do.  A lack of finances makes that very minimal indeed....and sometimes it brings on more complaining.  What am I saying?  It brings on alot of complaining.  Not to mention anger and blame.  I am not a spoiled needy person.  I like a quiet and simple life.  I wish it could be alot more simple than it is.  My husband and I are so different - he claims to others that I would be happiest spending money and buying myself all sorts of things.  But yet, the person who hasn't learned to manage money has been him.  I am angry at him.....and I am trying hard to be a proper wife who quietly lets him manage everything.  I have tried to suggest things in the past on ways things could be done differently, but I am ignored completely.  There are 4 vehicles in our yard.....did I mention that I don't drive?  There is another two in the yard where he works....one he claims is for parts for the other that he wants to work on.  We can't manage even paycheque to paycheque anymore....his favorite place has become a money lenders - to borrow what he owed them the time before.  I might not have any internet by the end of this month if he doesn't pay the bill.  He hasn't been paying the health care and they are going to start sending hate mail....and he has two loans already to cover his spending habits already.  I am at my wits end.  My children better not get sick, because there have been times we can't afford the prescriptions.  They know what is going on, can't hide it when you live in a tiny trailer and the walls are so thin.  They apologize to me when they get sick!!!   I have no one that I can talk to here.  We are new to the area....moved here a year ago.  And have been miserable ever since.  I went to the church to talk to the Pastor and he hasn't been able to help us sort anything out.  He did cover the costs for us to attend a marriage course by Alpha.  But what good is that going to do....is what I want to ask him?!!  The church just covered the fees so our oldest could go on a youth group trip....I felt like screaming when the Pastor asked us if we were having financial difficulties.  I said yes we were.  I felt like saying that we still are since the last time that I tried to talk to you!!!  But felt that I would be rude and disrespectful.  I wanted to keep my daughter home because I don't want outsiders peeking in.  I am tired of options and questions.  I am tired of this life here.  Life is what?  That is what I want to ask.  I am not depressed...just unloading.  I am not weeping or bemoaning my terrible lot in life.  Just wanting to dump some things off my shoulders and maybe someone will find it and pray for us on this particular issue.  I do love my husband, but I am tired of this.  I have told him finally that I feel he is going to get himself into trouble that he can't get out if he doesn't find some help.  It is an addiction, like crack and booze.  I grew up in an alcoholic household as a child.  I was verbally abused and watched my parents scratch out a living for the family.  They worked hard and many times blood was spilled.  My dad almost cut his leg off with his chainsaw once....he was a farmer.  Many time he almost lost fingers too.  Chainsaws don't have alot to do with farming...but he was always busy, keeping the farm clean of debree.  We always cleaned out the tree lines and had a brush fire if things got too ugly looking...always have to be careful of fires.  We always had plenty of food and our needs were met.  I appreciate everything my parents did for me today.  I didn't back then.  Now I am married and my husband is the complete opposite of my dad...not that I am trying to compare them.  But it drives me crazy how he can procrastinate.  Things don't get right away as they should.  I have picked up alot of the slack, but I am growing tired.  Did I mention bitterness is creeping in?  And disrespect.  I have to be honest....I lack so much.  I am not meek or quiet and gentle.  I am like the clang of pots and pans when I get upset.  I am tired of making up reasons for our children.  Someone once said that this was like abuse.  I wouldn't know.  But I do know that I don't like it.  And I also know that he tries what he thinks is his best.  He works at a good job.  I have heard afew complaints by others at work about him...I was shocked.  But I don't work with him there...I just know what he is like at home.  At home he is so glued to the couch and tv, and eats.  Ok...this does sound like I am slamming him.  I do pray that the Lord will forgive me.  We all fall short, we are all sinners.  It is better that I post my frustrations here, rather than let my children listen to me.  My blog is called My Way or Yehweh.  I am forever in a battle for what is right and what I do - for I do what I do not want to do....I want to do what is right.   My idea of life would be living in a community where I am welcome and accepted....for who I am and what I believe in and what I do.  I am a struggling Christian, who believes in Jesus Christ and that He saves and lives....that miracles still happen today.  I am homeschooling my three children....which is not very popular here.  lol.  I have a neighbour very near by who works for the public school board....so I used to hear alot of options.  At church I am often questioned about homeschooling.  I don't think I am going to answer anymore in any sort of details.  One or two words...well afew more....like we are doing fine.  Thank you.  One lady asked me why I wasnt' in the Christmas spirit....at church.  I didn't want to tell her that I found out that my husband wasn't telling me the truth that we couldn't visit family because we had no money for gas...never mind about presents.  I had used my last few dollars to by hotdogs and buns for Christmas dinner.  I should of been rejoicing really...but I wasn't.  The answer I gave her was simple, we couldnt' afford to have Christmas this year.  She said oh and walked away.  I guess I am mad at her alittle.  When we first came to the church last year, her house flooded and she cried at the front of the church and asked for prayers because it was so expensive and they were finding it hard.  I mean she looks perfect.....clothes, hair and manicured nails and all.  I was confused and couldn't relate.  Here we go without alot of basic and essential things.  I mentioned that I am experiencing bitterness right? 

I was reading alittle in my Bible tonight.  Romans 8:8 -10 - Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.  you, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.  And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 

I am really not very knowledgeable of my Bible - I do know that even with faith as small as a mustard seed is good.  And right now, my faith is small.  I feel dried up, chewed up and spit out.  There are alot of others that are so much more worse off than me too.  I tell myself that alot.  I have a dear friend who has family that would starve in Africa if she didn't work hard so she could send them money.  I have an old school friend who is confinded to a wheelchair for his entire life since grad night years ago.  A girl I went to school with recently lost her son in a tragic accident inside their home. 

I have been reading an old book about the early fathers of the church in ancient days.  I am not Catholic, but I see wisdom in what I have read.  Saint Jerome once said "we have gold gleaming walls and delicately painted pillars, but when we allow our poor to die, Christ too, dies naked and hungry before our doors".....I am not thinking of myself being poor.  Because I know that I am no where near poor.  I am only feeling sorry for myself and with prayer and much work, things will get better.  And yes, I will be praising the Lord....because only He can fix this for us.  We don't have any control in anything.  He will someday change my husbands heart.  I believe in miracles!!  We see one everyday....when our eyes open to another glorious day.  There is no guarantee that we will awake in the morning - and when we do, well....then it is thank you Lord.  I am without any money today, thank you Lord!!  I think if I had all the comforts of this world, then I would be lost in the world.   I have food in my cubboards, thank you Lord!!  It always gets us to the next paycheque too...another thank you Lord!!  Makes me think of that story of the prophet who stayed a widows house and her oil and flour (?) never ceased.  I don't know for sure if I have that correct.  I only need to tell myself another thing as well...that I am in the refiner's fire.  God is with me and I am not alone.  Funny how I can talk around myself and problems lol....and suddenly the sun is back out shining.  I need to let more Sonshine in my eyes...I only need to look up more!! 

This babbling nut is going to go get some sleep.  It is 2am

Blessings from acraisydaisy....thank you to those who find this and pray.  The power of prayer is so amazing!! 

Well...things sure went different for the holidays.  I cried and wept for what seemed like hours.  And suddenly an idea formed.  My husband agreed and he went to the bank and asked them to help him cover a payment so that we could go home for Christmas!!  We had no money to spare for anything.  We put some gas in the tank and up we went.  It was only a 4 hour drive, so that wasn't so bad.  The Good Lord had His hand on us the whole way!!!  Because we barely burned a half a tank on gas....it was the best mileage we have made in that thing in ages lol!! 

We arrived at my sisters house in the afternoon.  To learn that my dear grandmother who just turned 85 afew days before Christmas, had caught the flu bug from my parents...they had it before she flew up from where she lives.  Poor Grandmother...she was doing fairly well though, she sat in the livingroom at my parents house on Boxing day and we visited with her and she was able to see my children.  Her husband just died afew months ago, so she was so happy to beable to see my family, and my sister and brothers families.  She also was able to see most of her other grandchildren as well.   We arrived home late last night, the roads were so good and the drive was nice - once the children relaxed.  lol - it was hard to leave.  I don't get to see my family very often.  I think we are going to plan a trip up for Easter.  My family is not saved...and my parents are going to be moving several hours more away in the spring or summer.  Please if I could ask that anyone who reads this....please pray for my family to accept Jesus into their hearts.  And especially my grandmother.  She really looked rough and so tiny under the big quilt.  It is always hard to say goodbye.  I am worried that this was my last time to see her. 

My children had a good holiday.  We were not able to give them much, but they were happy.  I am so glad that my children are not spoiled rotten, they loved what we gave them and appreciated everything.  My youngest son wanted some hockey things, so we gave him a new hockey stick, and some camoflagued hockey tape, a cartoon, and a new devotional.  My middle child, also a boy, loves birds.  So we gave him a bird house that he has to build and a pair of camoflagued binoculars...thank goodness for last minute super sales!!  We also gave him the same kind of hockey tape as his little brother, and a cartoon book on the Book of Acts.  Our daughter, we found her a new cd of Relient K, and tiny teapot with matching mug...she loves tea!  I found her some new earrings and an inexpensive brush for her fluffy kitten...who was an early Christmas gift to catch the mouse that surprized us lol. 

Today I had my daughter take our little fake Christmas tree down.  Abit early....I know!  lol.  The kitten, whom I should of named retard or something along that line....is such a terror.  We arrived home last night...the tree was in good shape.  She spazzed completely after we arrived and everyone else went to bed...but me....and completely tore the tree apart.  Most of the branches were knocked out and the decorations were scattered.  Grrrr.  She almost became a decoration herself!!!  lol.  You know those wind up toys you can find?  And they spin and flip and go nuts across your floors?  Well picture a kitten doing that!  She is just a blur when she goes....I just shake my head.  I am so glad that I do not have nice furniture.  Because she would be in alot of trouble lol. 

Also today....I am sick.  I have a nasty head cold.  I have actually been sick for several days now.  I am the worst at night and in the mornings.  The afternoons I am fine...just sniffles.  I made homemade turkey soup tonight....as I snagged the turkey carcass from my sister....who was going to toss it!!!  We also had turkey buns today too for lunch....there was alot of turkey there. 

Well I should run.  I pray that everyone at homeschoolblogger are blessed this season.  My favorite line to say is "Jesus is the reason for the season" - I dislike Happy Christmas...it is Merry Christmas....because I am merry with my family....and family all together is what makes my holidays so rich and blessed.  Even with good friends.  I pray that the new season that is fastly approaching us is filled with many blessings for one and all.  God Bless!!!

Blessings from acraisydaisy

I have a huge confession.  I am having problems with my marriage, and it is affecting my whole family...to my children, to my parents to my siblings.  I am 38 years old...shouldn't I have my head together yet?  I am a Christian...I am a struggling Christian.  I keep wanting to take over my troubles and deal with things myself....rather than allow God to work.  I open my mouth when I should not.  I react when I should not.  I have even taken again to strong language when frustrated around my children and husband.  *My friend is going to be laughing as she reads this...she is not a Christian and finds me funny and entertaining....I am just saying that is ok z enjoy this one too lol*  Though she knows my problems here in my home and she hasn't really laughed at them.  She opened her home to me and my children this summer and we spent afew months with them.  Like she said, it was not always easy.  And I know that it was ackward at times - I think....when I would try to follow the Lord's word.  Sometimes I fell flat on my face and didn't look very Christian.  It was ackward.  But we grew from our experiences and learned many things.   I do pray that we didn't leave any lasting bad impressions on them.  lol. 

As I was saying.  My life is in a constant termoil.  Some days I am ready to walk out.  I have come to question my husbands salvation.  I do not know if he has any faith in God.  He won't pray with us and refuses to, and doesn't support me in homeschooling.  So it makes it hard somedays.  He has approached our children with the idea of public school when I am not there.  So.....what am I to do?  I am unable to consider public school again.  I have done that, and with that even he was not involved.  Is there nothing that he will support us with???  Does it get better???  God can move mountians....why is He not moving this one?  Is my faith so small?  I am thinking that I don't have a real relationship with Christ.  I am not in the Word every day, because I find it hard to do...so many distractions.  Kids constantly bickering and complaining....I am slowly watching my family rot - we are not rooting in good soil.  We moved to the countryside a year ago....left all we knew behind - all our homeschool contacts and supports....where we were accepted.  And came here where we are.  Homeschool isn't very tolerated....it isn't held in contempt.  I haven't much for support here.  We are not coping with settling into the countryside either anymore.  It is like we hit a brick wall.  I don't drive, I always relied on city transit.  We are so financially stressed.....there is no money for anything extra.  And two vehicles on the road is unlikely to happen as me finding gold in my back yard.  lol.  We have to be responsible with what money we do have and use it carefully.  God I think wants me at home with my children.  Not flying all over the place and running to a full time job.  So living on one income is very hard indeed.  If we could figure it out, I would look at some ideas for working out of my home.  Daycare is out....my patience is now bare thin.  And fixing our home up to be child safe is something we can't afford.  I have asked my husband to move us into town and renting there, then out here.  Then I could work afew night shifts.  Maybe we could even figure something out for the farmers market?  My daughter is a natural entreprenure...ok so I can't spell that word.  But she loves to be creative... something like this would be good for her.  We did something like that for afew weeks while visiting our friend.  My daughter made earrings with my friends daughter and they sold them in the village market.  They had alot of fun. 

I don't see myself anywhere positive in 5 years if my life keeps going like this.  My kids are all going to have relationship problems and trouble in their walks with Jesus.  My oldest son talks alot about working for God.  A Pastor or youth leader...something.  I don't want to ruin his life with garbage like this.  I want a Christ filled home and a Godly husband leading us daily with prayers and devotions.  I want him to be a good steward with our money.  I want him to pay our bills on time and save money for a rainy day.  I know I need to rejoice even in the worst of times.  Rejoice in God, because He has a plan.  I must sit still and wait...and shut my mouth.  I need to let the Holy Spirit work rather than handcuff it.  I am so set on complaining that I am not taking in account the blessings.  I am miserable.  My husband has started tithing!!  Rejoice!!  We were given $200 so we could buy our children Christmas gifts when we couldnt'....Rejoice!!!!  We have been given ground beef that isn't polluted with whatever it is all beef is shot with in order to make the cow grow faster....Rejoice!!!!  We just may yet beable to find enough gas to take us home for the holidays to be with my parents and my grandmother for our last Christmas all together....trying hard to Rejoice!!!  Can I be rejoicing if we don't?  Today I cried and ranted.  Can I do better with it later if we can't?  I am praying that I can.  I so badly want God as the center of my life.  To let Him lead and be just go where He directs me too.  Tonight I posted a message an old friend sent to me.  She is so happy with her life....very content.  I want to be content....I want more in my life...not things - not items.....but more of something.  I am tired of sticking my head in the sand.  I want to live!!!  I want freedom.  I want to be on FIRE!!!  I want just to live and be happy living and be content.  I sound like the story book about "If you give a mouse a cookie".....I have made a full circle of what I wants....and came back to the first I wants.  I want my children to be on fire for God too....that isn't being repeated lol.  I don't know what I want for my husband yet.  But I am praying that God breathes life into him.  I guess I want to be a tight knitted Godly family.  yup....

Please pray for me.  Thank you. 

Merry Christmas and blessings to all this New Year!!!  May your days be filled with joy.....

blessings from acraisydaisy

I have recently found a old and dear friend...we haven't talked yet, just been reading each others web page at another place online.  I have recieved a group email of their holiday plans...and wish to share.  She is a dear friend who I met as a teenager, living with my aunt while I was deeply troubled....and didn't know who Jesus was.  I didn't get led to know Christ then, but her and her family were a very important cornerstone in my life.  Below is her plans as she shared in her own words.  Please pray with me for them....thank you:  God Bless and Merry Christmas....acraisydaisy

We are completely in shock that the holidays are here already.  Wow,
where did the time go.  We are counting down the sleeps not just for
Christmas but we are off to the Dominican Republic on the 26th which  we
drive to Calgary and fly to Punta Cana for 2 weeks!  YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
For you that haven't heard, Daniel and I and the kids are heading South
to work for up to a week and relax for a week.  It's a working
holiday. 

We were there this last March and our hearts were touched by seeing the
need of helping and reaching out the lost and needy.  Witnessing 2
little boys on a dirt hill playing with 2 rocks making car sounds broke my
heart and made us realize what we all take for granted.  I told the
mother that in some ways it looks like they have nothing but in many ways
they have everything.  She had 2 boys with an imagination. 
We knew right then that we would be back with our children and helping
out wherever we can.
We made some contacts there and have now received a complete Itinary
including working in three schools handing out supplies, doing 3
different concerts, working in the nearby villages driving back and forth each
day from the resort. 

We start our mission trip off by driving to Santa Domingo (the capital
city) for supplies which is 3 hours away and then continuing on towards
Haiti for another 5 hrs.  This area is where the hurricanes hit hard
and is desperate for relief.  We are there for 2 days and then we head
back to Santa Domingo, supply up and then back to our resort where we
will go to nearby villages and work from, for the rest of the remaining
days.
We've made amazing contacts and are working with people from a Baptist
church and a local Catholic church.  The people heading up our trip is
a married couple that are both teachers in a very elite International
school in Punta Cana. This has stirred up many of the local people that
are wanting to help us out getting all the supplies to where they are
needed.  They are pitching in as well which is great!
Daniel and I are starting out by plowing a way and scouting out the
land.  Our vision is to take our construction company "Exterior
Connections" and put together a team of construction workers, people to hand out
supplies, spread the word and love etc....   This last week another
connection happened.  God is sooo good.  I met a Doctor that him and his
wife (which is a dentist) wants to go with us next time and offer their
services too.  He says he knows a couple more Doctors that would help
out as well.  We see an "Exterior Connections Team" in the near future.
This is the kids first trip, so they are blown away with excitement!
  The Christmas hustle and bustle has taken a backseat compared to this
trip and just being a blessing.  They are excited about even their first
airplane flight.
This Christmas, you may not be traveling far like us making a
difference giving gifts of love, supplies, other gifts and time.  But, you can
still make a difference everywhere you are this season.  When you are
with your families, friends, co-workers, etc...  give your gifts, spend
some time cherishing memories and making new ones.  Help out a stranger
or someone in need this holiday season and make that difference.
Please keep us in your prayers while we are away, we would so
appreciate that.  We fly out the 27th and return Jan 11th.  Pray that we are
safe on the resort and in the villages. That we are all free from disease
and sickness.  Pray for safe travel in the air and on the land and
water.  Pray for more devine connections and that we come in contact with
the right people and opportunites.  Finally, pray that we touch many
lives!
I could go on and on about our vision and mission for this but just
stay tuned for when we get home!

This Christmas season make sure you take more than just a couple
minutes to focus on the real meaning,  Jesus deserves more than that!
Enjoy your time with friends and family and we look forward to talking
and keeping in touch with you all in the New Year!




Be blessed
Candace, Daniel, Madison and Nathaniel

Ok....we have now lived in our new home for a whole year and this is our second winter here.  Are we used to being snowed in?  Nope.  Are we enjoying living in the countryside now?  Nope.  Do I appreciate the home that the Lord has provided for us?  Yes, but boy it is hard to keep reminding myself to not complain and murmur.  I moved from a more milder region to this!!  lol.  We are used to snow lasting for maybe 2 weeks at the longest...and now it can last for 6 months at the shortest.  The kids are really finding it hard and have suggested that they would like to return to public school because they just can't handle this any longer.   I feel horrible...what have I done?  I wanted this.  I wanted to leave the busy life and just rest in peace and quiet.  But I don't really have much of that.  Not with 3 children constantly complaining and fighting.  We are starting to develope "Cabin fever"....and it isn't really understood by most of our neighbours.  They believe that I should do my children a favor and put them back into school and get a fulltime job.  I think I will choose to keep cabin fever!!  Who wants to get up before 7am and get kids dressed and out to the end of the drive way?  Not me!!  Who wants to deal with different teachers for each child?  Not me!!  Do I want to be scrambling with ideas for lunches that are healthy and tasty?  The last school actually investigated my children's lunches and sent things home that weren't deemed good enough.  lol.  Do I want to commit myself to swallowing my anger again at thinking that if I gave birth to my own children...then I can dress them myself, make their lunch choices myself....and train them to believe what is the truth and how to deal with bullies our way - once their way hasn't worked and my child comes home crying and weeping.....I need to get a t-shirt that has a very strong arguement for why I choose to homeschool....why I choose to stay home and not work a fulltime job.  I have a fulltime job and this is what the Lord has brought me to do.  It is hard my task.  I took a huge pay cut.....lol, oops I don't get paid in the same standards as the world.  I get paid by hugs and kisses all day long.  I get told I am loved and that is my almost 11 year old son.  Most boys have stopped hugging and kissing their moms...it isn't cool anymore to some.  My daughter is 13...she hugs me and kisses me and she smiles alot....that there must mean something is wrong with her lol.  I have seen so many girls her age that just mope and frown and watch everyone else with their arms crossed.  And my 7 year old son is still cuddly.  They all are cuddly.  I love that.  Do I really want to trade that all in?  No.  But we do need to find some fun activities. 

This past week we have colored and cut out paper dolls, we have been cross stitching, and sewing items for others for wee gifts to give away for the holidays.  We adopted a new kitten....because apparently we had adopted a mouse and didn't know it.  Yuck lol.  The kitten will hopefully keep other little stow-aways out.  So we are discussing pets again.  Reading about how to take care of pets that we have and the ones that others here would like to have.  We have gone outside on warmer days and played and gone for walks.  The hard part is that we are going through some really bad financial burdens right now and we just can't afford the extras.  I have found an outdoor skating rink in town that costs nothing to go and skate on...I just need to find afew more pairs of skates.  And Sunday evenings is free in the big indoor arena.  I need to find other ideas though...something that will keep us entertained.  Time to pull out afew of our board games I think.  I really wished that we had dress up clothes.  My daughter would love something from the era that we are studying.  But finding a pattern that she likes that would not be too difficult hasn't been really easy.  We are studying the Middle Ages and she loves the dresses that have the higher waistlines from the later dates....around Jane Austen's time...which is aways off yet of what I am still trying to work us through.  We are really enjoying the CD's that Diana Waring has made, they are entertaining on their own!!! 

Well....I have babbled long enough.  Time to go and watch my borrowed movie from the library and do some cross stitching....and then some Bible time to myself.  I am finding that burn out comes in the winter here....and I am now praying that I might rather live in town.  Until I think of all the concerns there as well.  Sigh.  God will lead and I will stand still and listen :)

Blessings from acraisydaisy

My Sunday was sweet.  I got up and got ready for church.  My husband and children buzzed around the house getting ready as well.  The boys let their poor sister sleep in....didn't bother to wake her up...and I didn't realize that she was still in bed.  Groan...she had 10 minutes to scramble, and was she upset.  I would be too, but I just naturally thought that she was up, everyone was.  She usually is. 

We drove in the cold to church, and discovered that we were to listen to a guest speaker.   A small church in our town had been invited to join our congregation and their Pastor would be speaking.   Just before the message, I had prayed that the Lord would help me.  I have been struggling with several things this summer.  One has been my walk with Christ.  I don't know why....I think it is mostly discipline.  I have not and would not ever turn my back on Jesus....I haven't been feeling well for a long time.  My brain has been in a fog....my body constantly in aches and pains....and everytime I ate something I would blow up like a balloon.  I was tired and had no energy.  And no I don't think I was depressed....not at first.  But after visiting different doctors and no one believing me....with them constantly suggesting that I had to be depressed, that I must have some sort of anxiety problem.  I know I was stressed out....I wasn't feeling well.  Doesn't anyone get stressed out after they don't feel good....for a long period of time?  Over the last few years I had gained so much weight as well.  But this summer I found out what my problem was.  I finally got up the nerve to visit a naturalpath doctor, I learned that I had a candida problem in my stomach.  So after going on a very strict diet....no wheat, no yeast, no dairy, no sugars....including fruit.  And some natural minerals and vitamins....I slowly began to come out of this fog and I started feeling so alive.  I prayed so much during this time that the Lord would help me.  Today I have lost just over 20 something pounds...and I am alert and my memory is getting better and I don't feel like sleeping all the time.  The aches and pains are almost all gone as well.  Though I still have a problem with some weird issues....I will just keep focusing on Jesus who is the healer.   He has brought me this far.  I have to keep going. 

I know it looks like I have gone off topic.  But I wanted to share what I was feeling like before....now that I am coming out of this fog and I am feeling more awake and alert.  I am realizing that I hadn't been paying alot of attention to things around me.  Including my walk with Jesus.  I hadn't gotten off the path, but rather dozed off.  That sounds really stupid I know.  But I just can't explain it.  So. there I was in church on Sunday morning.  I suddenly got a cramp in my knee and had to sit down...so I started to praying.  I wanted to experience that freedom again.  To be at complete peace and just lean on Jesus....to not worry and fret. 

The guest Pastor got up and he started speaking about what I had felt I was praying and just asking Jesus to help me with.  I took afew notes and mostly sat with my gaze just fixed on him, and listened.  He was such a powerful speaker.  I wished we had visited their church before we had chosen the church that we are now attending....we do like our church very much.  He had really spoke up about Revelations, and how important it was for us to be right with God.....we need a relationship with Him...today!!  Even some Christians, he said no everything they are to do...they walk the walk, and talk the talk, but don't know God.  I think I am like that.  I haven't been close to God since my middle child was a small baby....he is now almost 11.  I so miss being involved and actively seeking Him through more than just attending church on Sundays.  My problem for this is fear.  I can drive a car....but I can't.  If I can conquer my fear of driving...I could be so much more involved, I could help with the Youth group that my daughter attends, and volunteer in the kitchen, and attend Bible studies....spiritually I am needing a boost.  I have a flat tire....I am not trusting God with much.  I need to get free....I need to let go of what is binding me.  I need to also find more freedom in just being myself, expressing my belief's....sharing God's Word. 

God wants to do something within us, through us.....not just for us.  Like His disciples....I need to just walk forward and trust in Him.  It is same with discipline I think....Obedience is better than sacrifice.  Meaning I should want to obey Him first rather than sacrifice my faith and question HIs plans for me.  I was once told just after accepting Jesus into my heart...that once saved always saved.  I don't think this can be true.  I could be wrong.  But the parable about the seeds makes me think other wise....if anyone has any word for me, I would love to hear it.   Thankyou

Blessings acraisydaisy

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

This verse has been on my heart for some time now.  It is the one that encourages me to homeschool my children and to raise them to love the Lord.  It means many things to me....so many things have been on my heart this year.   I have chosen this year to work on character with myself and my children.  I can not expect them to learn this by themselves.  I have also decided that I must teach them to want to gain wisdom and knowledge.  To some, wisdom and knowledge means applying one's self to their books and drill, drill, drill.  I want my children to understand how to balance their bank accounts, to plan ahead for their futures, to understand math and language arts and history....I want many things for my children.  But I am realizing that the greatest knowledge we can get is from God.  I have been reading "When You Rise Up" by R.C. Sproul.  His book is really interesting.  It is helping me to understand afew things that were on my mind.  I worry about my children's futures.  But I need not really!  I am realizing that I do not want my children to be something great without knowledge of Jesus.  To have a life without Jesus, is an empty life.  We have been reading together the Book of Proverbs.  We just started actually.  It really brought up alot of questions from my children...it was exciting to see them thinking and asking questions.  Reading the Book of Proverbs has shown me that attaining a great job isn't the only focus we should have.  If we put our trust in Jesus, then doesn't He provide for us?  Getting knowledge though is going to require more time studying God's word.  I don't know it very well and so it isn't easy to always explain things to my children.  It is interesting though some of the things we have learned together so far.  For an example, there was a verse that we read in our devotionals the other week....it told us basically that if we see our neighbours animal stranded that we need to return it, if we kill it accidentally - replace it, we have struggled a situation here where we live...all the neighbour's dogs have been in our yard...and leaving things behind *yuck*.  And we don't have any pets.  So this has really been upsetting us.  We have chased the dogs home, we have walked the dogs home, we have thrown rocks at the dogs we don't know if we can trust.  But now we know that we can not cause injury to them by throwing rocks....lol.  I have two boys, and one has a sling shot....so really this was a big issue here.  lol.  A chance to shoot the sling shot was pretty exciting for my older son.  He does love animals....but hates stepping in their little bombs. 

The other very hard lesson for us to learn, that will take us some time.  Is going to be "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  This should be interesting.  As I have a quick temper sometimes and so does my older son....my daughter who is the oldest gets upset easy too...and lately my youngest has taken to hitting others...and sometimes with something in his hand.   We all have our tendencies to do something wrong.  But we should try to curve that desire to want to hurt someone back.  It is wrong.  My son is a very sensitive boy, and he usually reacts first without thinking of any consequences.  His feelings get hurt, so he does back unto others as they have done unto him.   I know that he isn't perfect, for none of us are.  We all fall short of reaching perfection...it is unattainable.  So I know my son has his faults.  One though he doesn't have is lying...if he does fib, then he squirms with his guilt and finds me and confesses his sins.  The other day he confessed something from over a year ago that he did.  Oh how he cried.  My poor boy, he is getting to be such a big guy now.  This year he will be 11.  My daughter and my youngest son don't have this quality....they are usually told on if caught.  But when confronted, they do confess.  I hope that with time, that they too will seek me out and confess.  The Bible is a wonderful tool for training....as I am only just learning.  I did always know I think, just never attempted it because I didn't feel that I knew my Bible well enough.  Now I am seeing that I need to just jump in and allow the Holy Spirit to just guide me.  Because my children won't wait for me to gain knowledge...they are growing up.  They need this information now.  Just like we need food for our bodies to be healthy and live.  This knowledge is food for our souls.  And this food gives us ever lasting life.  I love my Lord...and I just pray that my children will too. 

Just thoughts from my heart.....

Blessings from acraisydaisy

Even after four years of homeschooling, I am unsure what method or style is ours.  I have spent sometime...maybe not enough, just looking through different books to see where we fit best.  I think I still like Charlotte Mason the best, and Teaching the Trivium a very close second.  For me, they have so many beautiful qualities that I like.  I like Charlotte Mason's gentle approach, and I love how Teaching the Trivium is so Christ centered.  They both could keep me rooted....it I just learn to stay rooted.  I keep getting side tracked by colorful books that look so interesting lol.  There are alot of good ideas out there.  If you aren't careful, you get swamped. 

For me, I think some of the reasons that I get swamped, is because :

1. I tend to worry too much about what other people say or do.  I worry that they say we aren't doing enough....so I try to do more to balance it out, but it doesn't balance me out.  It unbalances me.  And if it unbalances me, then it is going to effect my children. 

2. I try to cover too many bases.  Reality is.....I can't do everything.  So I really should make a list and then choose from that list what is the most important.

3.  I can't keep up with what someone else does.  What works for someone else, just might not work for me lol.  I need to leave it there. 

4.  And this is the big one....I need to stop looking at all those curriculum catalogues lol. 

Blessings from acraisydaisy

Society is so different today.  I am constantly being shown and reminded about this. 

Our children are always being exposed to so many things where ever we go.  I hate letting my children go into the gas station with me.  Some gas stations put their rude magazine's at eye level of younger ones....you think "I am so glad they can't read".....they don't need to read, they only need to look.  

Even socialization....it has been a hot topic for what now....ever!  lol.  I have really been wondering about it alot more lately.  What exactly was I worried about....did I have any real concerns.....what?  Recently one of my boys came up to me after our Bible time together and confessed something that a boy he knew from a year ago....before we moved out to the boonies, had told him.  I was completely floored, and I just wanted to yell at someone.  My son was laying there sobbing....because he repeated it recently to someone else's child in our church.   He was horrified, thinking everyone would hate him now....he was sick to his stomach with grief.  I was sick to my stomach too....in shock and yes grief.  I am mad.  Not at him.  But I am mad.  I know this other child has no idea what he could be saying.  His parents were decent folks....unbelievers....but good people.  Their son at time was only in grade one...what could he really know?  My son was older than him....yet age doesn't matter.  His innocence has been twisted and perverted. 

I have come to realize something....I really need to teach my children to guard their gates.  I told them the other day that their gates were their eyes, ears and mouth.....and their hearts.  There are somethings that our eyes have no business seeing, and our ears no bussiness seeing...and the same with the others.  What we see stays with us for along time and it can really affect our behavior and how we feel.  What we hear can really do alot of the same damage.  My son and I had a great talk about it first alone in private....I won't share with his sister and brother, why cause more injuries.  But I told them that if we choose to hang out with friends that don't value our feelings...then we need to choose new friends.  If they talk dirty to them, then they need to close their ears and tell that friend goodbye, and walk away.  It is so hard for my children to do this.  We are more isolated now where we live, and I don't drive....we can't afford for me to drive.....but in someways I am seeing that maybe we can't afford for me to not drive.  I need to be taking my children out and keeping them busy.  I think too if we are too idle, and our minds are not kept busy, then thoughts can play and rewind and replay.  I know on my stero I can set it to play the same song over and over and over.  It is one thing it if is uplifting and filled with living giving words.....but not words that violate ones innocence. 

I have this year chosen to begin on teaching my children...the boys and the daughter, about purity.   I finally got some of my books in, that I ordered.  Because I want to really make a statement on how important it is too keep ourselves pure and free from sin...and I am so not one too talk.  I am such a terrible sinner....I almost feel guilty teaching this to my children....I am not clean enough.  Ugh!   I am a sinner, but I can teach my children to recognize what is good and bad and flee from the bad.  I feel really strongly on this issue, and I would like to share some things as time goes on with what we discover. 

Blessings from acraisydaisy

Planning a school year is most of the times very difficult for me.  I enjoy looking around to see what is available.  And wow!!  There is alot that is available.  I live in the boonies, so checking things out are done online....and sigh...we have dial up lol.  So I do try to get companies to send their catalog's.  Well that gets overwhelming as well.  I have three children, and they are all so different.  lol.  I am often looking for things that are fun and interesting...that will keep their attention for at least long enough to get through their lessons each day without it getting dull.  Since this is only our fourth year, I am still learning to watch my children and learn what their interests are.....and what I think is the best for them.  It takes a real effort sometimes to not give up lol. 

This is what our new school year looks like: 

Ruth

Math - Saxon 6/7 and our goal is to get to 7/8, we would like to break it up with math literature....an idea I found at www.mathliterature.net  - I also found something called Math Mammoth, that can be found online as well.  I like Keys to Series, as well as a Business Math from www.simplycharlottemason.com - which I will not do all at once but over the year.  I should my daughter the Business Math and she was very excited about it :) gives me hope!

Language Arts - Our Mother Tongue, Jump In-Creative Writing (found at Apologia), and Vocabulary Bridges.  I want to get her to continue to work on her copywork, dictation, written narrations, and get her to continue with writing her own stories.  I also found a Create a Story writing game, that the older children can play. 

Second Language - Latina Christiana 1, we have slowly been working through.  I would like to maybe start some French in the middle of the school year.  See how things go. 

Science - I will find various books out of our local library, and I have plenty of Christian based science books at home.  We are going to look at the Human Body, Inventions, Medicine and Disease and renewable resources along with Simple Machines.  We are wanting science to tie in nicely with our history lessons this year.  I want to do less with workbooks and note taking - which she finds boring.  And just let her be creative, and make notebooks with what we learn....her art work and notes.

History - We are studying the Medieval Ages....which is why we chose some of those interesting and unnormal choices for science.  Ruth's favorite subject is the Bubonic Plague and she has talked about it for several years now....reading everything she can find.  For this subject we are going to use for the first time the materials that Diane Waring has made.  What in the World's Going on Here?, True Tales Complete, and afew others that she has.  I have heard that her work is really good.  She will also have a big reading list lol.  I went over to www.dianawaring.com and checked out her website.  She actually has a curriculum to go with her cd's.  I didn't know that before.  So now I am going to have to order the books.  I sort of wished that I knew before hand....lessons we learn.  Especially when I thought I had it all figured out.  I learned that I really don't lol.  Guess we can never be too careful.

Bible -We are going to read the Bible all together.  Last school year we read through most of the OT, so this year I am going to start with the NT and have discussions.  I would also like her to keep going through her Bible on her own as well....even keep a journal of her thoughts over what she has read.  I have a difficult time in this area, as I accepted Christ when she was almost a year old.  So the devil does try to get me believing that I don't have any knowledge in this area...how could I possibly teach my children about our Lord!!  Isn't he nasty?!  Two other things I would like to work on this year with her is these two really great looking books.  One is the Princess and the Kiss that has another book for Life Lessons....and also Raising Maidens of Virtue.  I am sure that it is similar in many ways...but I really want to reinforce something in her life....and in my own.  I wish that my parents were saved and that I could of done something like this with my mom.  I think we will even have tea parties!!!! 

 Moses

Math - Saxon 54, math literature, math mammoth, and math games.  He is good at catching on to concepts fairly well, so I would like to keep his similar to his sisters.

Language Arts - Our Mother Tongue, and try to use Jump In.  I am going to use ideas here from Charlotte Mason with written narrations, copywork and begin simple dictation.  I also want him to use Vocabulary from Classical Roots. 

Second Language - Latina Christiana 1 we are workiing slowly through.  Would like to try some French. 

Science - Since we study our subjects together, he will do the same work as his sister.  Though I am sure that he won't be as interested in diseases like she is.  So I won't go into that with him very much.  There are some interesting books that I want to look at called - Champions of Invention, and Champions of Science....there is also one for math.  My daughter will also read these with him of course.

History - Since we study our subjects together, he will do the same work has his sister.  I think using Diane Waring will make it easy and fun. 

Bible- We will continue with Bible stories and discussions.  I want him to continue to read his Bible on his own, and start journaling his thoughts from what he reads.  Then I want to start using Squire and the Scroll.  

 Samson

Math - Math Success grade 2, math literature, math games and manipulatives. 

Language Arts - Phonics Pathways, Pathway Readers, First Language Lessons, copywork and oral narrations. 

Second Language - Prima Latina

Science - Will use various books from the library learning about the Human Body, in a simpler fashion, electricity, and renewable resources and inventions.  Not at the same level as my older children.  Plus notebooking and work on him doing written work with my help.

History - I will just let him listen and draw what he likes to make a notebook with my help.  Lots of reading stories on history. 

Bible - Squire and the Scroll, Bible stories and devotions.

That is about it for us.  I hope we can stick to our plans and finish our work.  We tend to take our time and not rush things.  We dig and take our time reading novels and stories.

Blessings from acraisydaisy