My Sunday was sweet.  I got up and got ready for church.  My husband and children buzzed around the house getting ready as well.  The boys let their poor sister sleep in....didn't bother to wake her up...and I didn't realize that she was still in bed.  Groan...she had 10 minutes to scramble, and was she upset.  I would be too, but I just naturally thought that she was up, everyone was.  She usually is. 

We drove in the cold to church, and discovered that we were to listen to a guest speaker.   A small church in our town had been invited to join our congregation and their Pastor would be speaking.   Just before the message, I had prayed that the Lord would help me.  I have been struggling with several things this summer.  One has been my walk with Christ.  I don't know why....I think it is mostly discipline.  I have not and would not ever turn my back on Jesus....I haven't been feeling well for a long time.  My brain has been in a fog....my body constantly in aches and pains....and everytime I ate something I would blow up like a balloon.  I was tired and had no energy.  And no I don't think I was depressed....not at first.  But after visiting different doctors and no one believing me....with them constantly suggesting that I had to be depressed, that I must have some sort of anxiety problem.  I know I was stressed out....I wasn't feeling well.  Doesn't anyone get stressed out after they don't feel good....for a long period of time?  Over the last few years I had gained so much weight as well.  But this summer I found out what my problem was.  I finally got up the nerve to visit a naturalpath doctor, I learned that I had a candida problem in my stomach.  So after going on a very strict diet....no wheat, no yeast, no dairy, no sugars....including fruit.  And some natural minerals and vitamins....I slowly began to come out of this fog and I started feeling so alive.  I prayed so much during this time that the Lord would help me.  Today I have lost just over 20 something pounds...and I am alert and my memory is getting better and I don't feel like sleeping all the time.  The aches and pains are almost all gone as well.  Though I still have a problem with some weird issues....I will just keep focusing on Jesus who is the healer.   He has brought me this far.  I have to keep going. 

I know it looks like I have gone off topic.  But I wanted to share what I was feeling like before....now that I am coming out of this fog and I am feeling more awake and alert.  I am realizing that I hadn't been paying alot of attention to things around me.  Including my walk with Jesus.  I hadn't gotten off the path, but rather dozed off.  That sounds really stupid I know.  But I just can't explain it.  So. there I was in church on Sunday morning.  I suddenly got a cramp in my knee and had to sit down...so I started to praying.  I wanted to experience that freedom again.  To be at complete peace and just lean on Jesus....to not worry and fret. 

The guest Pastor got up and he started speaking about what I had felt I was praying and just asking Jesus to help me with.  I took afew notes and mostly sat with my gaze just fixed on him, and listened.  He was such a powerful speaker.  I wished we had visited their church before we had chosen the church that we are now attending....we do like our church very much.  He had really spoke up about Revelations, and how important it was for us to be right with God.....we need a relationship with Him...today!!  Even some Christians, he said no everything they are to do...they walk the walk, and talk the talk, but don't know God.  I think I am like that.  I haven't been close to God since my middle child was a small baby....he is now almost 11.  I so miss being involved and actively seeking Him through more than just attending church on Sundays.  My problem for this is fear.  I can drive a car....but I can't.  If I can conquer my fear of driving...I could be so much more involved, I could help with the Youth group that my daughter attends, and volunteer in the kitchen, and attend Bible studies....spiritually I am needing a boost.  I have a flat tire....I am not trusting God with much.  I need to get free....I need to let go of what is binding me.  I need to also find more freedom in just being myself, expressing my belief's....sharing God's Word. 

God wants to do something within us, through us.....not just for us.  Like His disciples....I need to just walk forward and trust in Him.  It is same with discipline I think....Obedience is better than sacrifice.  Meaning I should want to obey Him first rather than sacrifice my faith and question HIs plans for me.  I was once told just after accepting Jesus into my heart...that once saved always saved.  I don't think this can be true.  I could be wrong.  But the parable about the seeds makes me think other wise....if anyone has any word for me, I would love to hear it.   Thankyou

Blessings acraisydaisy