I didn't really have time to write normal stuff, so here's something funny instead.                              

                                              Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 
                                                                           No, really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
'good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!


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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!


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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think Forest?


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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!


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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!


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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
Oklahoma's new construction program!


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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!


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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks  (not sure about meaning on this one!)  -S_
Do they taste like chicken?


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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!


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And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?