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I'm not one to make New Year's Resolutions as I never keep them. They last for about 45 minutes. The longest was about three days. And it's not that I don't need improvement----I need LOTS.
However this year in an effort to grow closer to God and try to see and do His Will in everything in my life, I resoved to tithe and make a concentrated effort to 'pray continually'. By that I keeping my thoughts pure and 'holy' (how pompous does that sound?!). WIth my depression, it is easy for me to think 'bad' thoughts about people easily. Such as if someone cuts me off driving I would think 'drop dead' or "I hope you get a speeding ticket". VERY unChirstian. Very, very unChristian.
So, when someone 'does' something to me as last week at the laboratory when I was waiting to have a blood test for my cholesterol, when it was my turn a woman pushed her way infront of me and went ahead of me. I was disgruntled but tried to let go. I admit I was thinking unkind things about her and then grudgingly asked God to Bless her. As I was sitting there waiting I thought how familiar she looked. Then later that afternoon I saw her again. She is on the custodial staff at the High School and she walks infront of my bus everyday I am there to pick up the students in the afternoon. So everyday during the week I see this woman for about a minute and a half as she walks from her car to the front door of the school, and everyday the stirring in my chest of resentment is less as I ask God to Bless her. I hope to get to where I REALLY mean the Blessing I am asking for her with my whole heart. Satan makes it hard to let go of resentment over the silliest, small things doesn't he? It didn't change my life having to wait a few extra minutes but I was affronted that soemone would be so rude. Where is my humility?
Anyway, two years ago I took out a loan for my brother and his wife of $7000. WIth the understanding that they would pay if off in a few months as he was making $1000 a week at the time. Needless to say they made only about 8 payments in two years and I ahven't had any money from them since May '08 wehn they gave me $150 which wasn't even a full monthly payment. Then they would get mad at me if I asked for a monthly payment especially if Bun and I were going on a little trip that we take all the time. So, alot of resentment has been burnign in my chest over this. Since January whenever I would think about this I would consciencely let go of the resentment and ask God to Bless them. Do you have any idea how HARD this was? But I looked on it as a very valuable lesson that I learned. A very expensive lesson. However, a few nights ago my sisterinlaws dad phoned me asking me to stop by his home as he had a check for me for the balance of the loan. He is in very bad health and is trying to 'tie things up' as he wants my brother and his daughter to be debt free and he is getting them out of debt prior to them getting any inheritance. He told me he thinks they would just blow them money instead of paying debts off. He feels at least this way they may have a chance, but he highly doubts it. I hope that for thier sake they get on thier feet and stay there without running up debts over frivulous stuff.
So my sisterinlaws dad cleared up the loan, I will never lend/borrow money for my brother or sisterinalw again, and it is so easy to ask for Blessings for thier family again. And actually mean it from my heart. I also pray for my sil's dad. He needs heart surgery and his chances of survival aren't good. He is a very niceman and I think his only fault was spoiling his children to the point of their feeling they deserve everything handed to them.
Now I just have to work on forgiving and asking for Blessings for my other brother, Jack's widow. This I need lots of prayers for.
I read a book that the Amish wrote on forgiveness after the Nickels Mines school tragedy. The last line of the book was "When you forgive someone you set a sinner free, and that sinner is you". I wrote that out and it is over my computer and on my bathroom mirror. So I see it everyday, somedays it is easy to forgive and others pride gets in the way. |
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