Mar. 16, 2008 - Ridgecrest
It was alright, Seesalt is better, Chillipepper is better, Look Up Lodge is better, Camp Awanta is better, oh that would mean this one is the worst retreat I've been too, however the speaker was great, and the worship times were great, everything else was pretty bad.
I wasn't doing too well with Tori being there, I'll say it, it hurt, just to look at her it would hurt, oh well, after much much prayer throughout the day I kinda got over it and on the way back we even sat next to each other, contrary to what my mind tries to tell me she doesn't hate me. Although when we did talk it was about us, and I know I go back to it, but to me I don't know, here always saying maybe or not really talking about it just doesn't help. However I would prefer a maybe to an outright no (well depends on what it is..) I guess I press it too much, but I don't have much else to talk about, I won't get half the things that involve school, cause I don't go to school, I could talk about family...idk, friends sure, I don't think she can talk to me about how she feels though, maybe she doesn't really know what she feels, and that's alright I'm trying to give her time, I'm trying to just be friends, but you know, when I'm within ten feet of her...I want to hug her or hold her hand so badly it's insane, and much of why I secluded myself from the group was because of that. It was torture half the time. It's like making an addict look at some cocaine that if he took he'd be killed. If I had done something I probably would have made her more distant I would have once again screwed up something with our relationship.
I want to get back together with her...is that going to happen? Most likely no. I have maybe a 3% chance. at least currently, things can change, but it won't happen for awhile.
On the plus side I've grown much closer to God over all this. I pray almost every time I think about her (which is a lot) it's usually for her happiness, protection, and for us to at least be friends. I prayed about a lot of things, but what surprised even me was that I thanked God for it all and I said over and over BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD. It reminded me of Job through all his things (loosing his family, herds, house, servants, friends, basically everything) He praised God through it all, and so did I. I felt consumed by God while I prayed like he was blessing me, like he was there for me, like I was the only one he was listening to. It was so Amazing!
Whatever happens with this I'll be alright, yes it will probably take me a long time, but I'll be alright in the end. God has been helping me and he will keep helping me.
|
|
Post A Comment!
|
|
About Me
It's some of my life, mixed with my opinions on various subjects.
Links
• Home
• View my profile
• Archives
• Email Me
|
