I am reading a certain marriage book right now. You know that one about being a helpmeet. It has been very interesting and enlightening in a few ways. But before I started reading it I had this idea mulling around in my head. I think the book just confirmed it.

I think that we women forget that our marriages are not just about us and dear hubby. I think that when we try to change our husband, wish that he would grow up, pray that he will wake up, or whatever the case may be, we are forgetting one very important thing. We are not in this alone. Have you ever heard the analogy of the triangle? God is at the top point and husband and wife are the bottom points. As they grow closer to God they grow closer to each other. It's a cute little picture isn't it?

The thing that I like the best is that there are 3 of us in it! I think it is so easy to get caught up in trying to do everything ourselves (we are women after all).

I have to help my husband see that I am right.

I have to show him that he can parent better.

I have to subtly let him know that my way is best.

I have to make him read his bible and lead the family.

It should be more like this.

I need to show my husband that he is special.

I need to fulfill his physical needs.

I need to think of him more and me less.

I need to honor him and love him.

I need to accept him right where he is (stop trying to change him).

You see, in that second list God is present. He is there because self-sacrifice and service are there. That was the epitome of Jesus here on earth. If we were to go through our day thinking of what kind of spouse Jesus would be, things would go better. When we focus on what we need, we want, we deserve, we will always lose.

No man could ever live up to a womans standards. I think they are all too high. Unless that woman loved her husband the way Jesus loved people. Jesus loves us now right where we are. While we are still sinners. He never said we had to change first and then he would be a sacrifice.

Another thought. When we serve our husbands and familys and when we love them in a Christ-like way (not in a martyr/victim way) then we are truly serving Jesus and bringing him glory. He will never be glorified by our judgments, nagging, wishing, praying for our husbands to change. We have to change first. We have to serve first.  We have to put others first (somehow our husbands get left out of this mix). I am pretty sure in the history of the world, no man has ever become the wonderful God-fearing man that his wife wanted him to be because she nagged and prayed and railed on him. God will not honor a woman who is trying to do the job of the Holy Spirit.

If you are thinking that I don't know what a jerk your husband is then you might be right. But God didn't say in all those verses about honoring your husband that you were the exception because he is a jerk. You are really not doing it for him anyway. You are doing it out of obedience to God. Cheerful, happy, joyful obedience. That is what is rewarded in heaven and maybe even here on earth.

That third person in your marriage also happens to be the one that can truly bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. Your sweet human sinning husband will always fall short of that. And so will you!