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Jul. 13, 2005
It's been a while...
I have been waiting for inspiration. I am not sure this is it, but...
Chloe (5) spent two weeks at Pony camp and loved it. She won
first place in their little show, which made her extremely happy,
as she views her whole life as an Olympic stadium. She is
such a perfectionist and for the longest time I could not imagine where
she gets this from.
Can you guess? It finally occurred to me. After two years
of pondering. I am a perfectionist in a different way.
I want to be perfect on the inside. I stuggled for so long in the
dark, trying not to harm anyone or anything around me. Trying not
to hurt anyone's feelings. Trying not to make any mistakes of any
kind. Trying to be the perfect mom and never yell. I didn't
want my kids to have those memories of their mom screaming about
their rooms looking like a tornado hit or that there was mud on the
carpet. I tried to be the perfect wife, daughter and sister. I
said yes to everyone who needed something from me. But I was
alone in this mission of mine to be perfect. All I ever saw was
my failure.
Things are different now. God is with me and I am no longer alone! I only needed to say that one big yes
to Jesus and everything changed! (Okay, it did take a bit of time and
faith on my part). My goals as a mother have changed. I want to
be present with my children. Availible and loving. I want them to
know how truly loved they are by God. It is His job to love them
perfectly. I can try to follow His example, and my endless effort
will be equally important for them to see as will the love they recieve
from me.
I still have the urge to be perfect. I want a perfect
heart. I don't ever want to repeat the mistakes I made in the
past. I pray for guidance daily, that I may follow His will for
me and not my own. Why on Earth would I want to follow my own
will anyway? It only leads me into pain! I am so relieved
that I don't have to worry anymore about figuring out where I am
going in life. I have a beautiful map and a patient guide to lead
me!
I also pray for my little girl, who thinks she needs to be perfect at everything. I pray she will feel how deeply loved and treasured she is.
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Jul. 13, 2005 - what a great gift you are giving your child