Born at home on 11-10-09 at 10:25am.

6 pounds, 10 ounces.

19.5 inches.

He was the same exact size at birth as my first.

We are so thankful for this perfect little guy, he is everything I prayed for and more.  The birth was wonderful and peaceful, and his disposition is peaceful, just like I prayed for. Chad and I made a great team during labor, my back labor was really bad and his hands were big and warm and we got into this groove where he squeezed a certain spot on my hip and it relieved a lot of the back labor pain. Everytime I had a contraction I would call for him "Chad, help!" or "Chad, squeeze me please!" and he would come running over to squeeze my hip. The midwives tried to take his place, but their hands just weren't big or warm enough.  They said I was a woman who definitely knew what I needed.

This birth was so different from a hospital birth. First of all, we didn't have to rush around to leave and go to the hospital, which was great. Second, nobody ordered me around. I just did what I felt like. I wasn't sure I'd be able to birth without being ordered around since I always depended so much on my hospital midwives and what they told me to do during my past births, but it was nice to do whatever I felt like. They didn't take him away from me or traumatize him right after the birth by poking and prodding and suctioning him. Everything was much more peaceful and calm, and I am very thankful.

Lots of pictures!

This is Audri's little hand on my forehead....isn't that the sweetest thing?! She came in a couple of minutes after he was born.

Does she look excited to have a baby brother or what?? She was soooooo excited for him to be born and loves him so much. She's an awesome big sister.

My lovely midwives...

Weighing him...

He looked so tiny to me, I kept asking if he was especially tiny and they told me no, that I had just forgotten how tiny newborns are (not sure how since it's only been 16 months, lol) but we were all surprised that he weighed 6.10, one of the midwives guessed just under 6 pounds at first.

In this one you can see the molding around the base of his skull because he came out with his head straight on instead of curved down, which normally causes the "cone shaped" head newborns usually have. The midwives said he didn't make things easy on me, and his head placement was most likely what caused my back labor. He also came out with his hand by his face,  just like Carter did.

He looks a lot like Chad.

Here he is today at 4 days old...

And lastly, my little baby and my humungo baby...

I'm still here and still pregnant! I was shocked to find out at my appointment yesterday that I am already 4cm with a VERY low baby since the week before he was still high and I wasn't dilated at all. I haven't had many contractions the past week (which is why I was so surprised), although they have increased in the last couple days. I guess this is par for the course for me as I get towards the end. Then once I go, I usually go fast and furious. Chad is being so protective of me and barely letting me move at all so I can make it until Monday. That is when I will be 37 weeks and able to deliver at home! I'm thinking Tuesday would be a really neat day to deliver so his birthday would be 11-10-09  

My birth kit was delivered in the mail today and we're really excited. I think Chad's even more on board for the home birth than I am!  We're both really looking forward to the birth, and so excited to meet this little guy.

Here I am with my babies the other night...

Eli has really been acting up lately, the little stinker. He's almost 3 and this is getting into my not-so-favorite age.  Life is full, that's for sure!

Here are 2 of my sweeties cuddling this morning...

And a very porcelain-skinned baby as daddy chased him up the stairs before bath the other night...I think he definitely has his daddy's coloring!

That's all for now, time to get back home!

I was inspired to do this by an article I read in an old Above Rubies magazine.

I love being a "homemaker" because...

I get to snuggle with warm little bodies in my bed first thing in the morning for as long as we want. There is no rush to get everyone ready and out the door so I can get to work and drop them off at daycare, etc.

I get to be there to notice every, single cute thing my children do throughout the day, and teach them and train them when they do the not-so-cute things.

I know my children have the security and comfort that many children don't have, because they know what to expect from each day, that our home is a peaceful place where we are all together and they can learn and play and relax in their safest haven with their mother watching over them. I know that brings them tremendous comfort.

I love working hard to turn a messy room into something clean and uncluttered. The reward is immediate.

I love scrubbing the kitchen floor on my hands and knees and making it sparkle.

I love vacuuming.

I love doing all of these necessary tasks on my own time and with my own motivation, and not because a boss is forcing me to do them or putting me on a timetable.

I love not being on someone else's timetable.

I love the freedom of being the one to decide what we will do each day, and when.

I love smelling the head and neck of a freshly bathed little one.

I love being the one to bathe my little ones, and make them all clean and happy.

I love burning candles, and the way they make a room smell.

I love teaching my children much of what they need to know, that is the most awesome responsibility I have ever had and I take it very seriously.

I love learning alongside my children all day.

I love the things my children teach me in the difficult times that often come during our days together.

I love knowing they are eating healthy, well balanced foods that help their bodies.

I love taking pictures of them.

I love reading stories to my children.

I love watching them work on a picture, or a letter, or a little project that they come up with.

I love going for walks in the middle of the day with my 2 olders walking alongside of me and my little ones happily tucked into the stroller.

I love deciding at the last minute to go to the park, and just being able to get everyone ready and go, just because.

I love giving my children the peace, safety and security that only this life could give them.

I love that my husband is so supportive of me staying at home and homeschooling. I love that he believes in it even more than I do at times.

I love that I get to be there when my husband comes home after work, and that we get relaxed evenings and weekends together.

I just love being with my family and on that note, it's time to get back home to them!

Well, fall fun is in full swing around here.  We carved our pumpkin the other day and tomorrow we are planning on going to our church's Harvest Party.

Eli was completely disgusted and didn't know what to think...LOL

Meanwhile Audri dove elbow-deep into the pumpkin and was so proud of herself for actually touching it this year. This girl doesn't do things halfway!

She tried to convince Carter to touch the pumpkin guts, but he wasn't falling for it...

Getting past tomorrow pregnancy-wise will be another milestone because I did not want to have a baby on Halloween, ick. As of now it still seems like he's perfectly comfy in there and won't be coming anytime soon, so we'll see.

We have a family tradition of going to this adorable little orchard here in town each year to pick out our pumpkins. They have a tractor, a hay maze, and all kinds of fun stuff but it's up on the side of a mountain and not many people seem to know about it.  We've gone the last 3 years and it's so fun to see how the children have grown each year.

2007-

2008-

2009-

Sniff. They all grow so fast!

We had so much fun there, we always do. It's become one of our favorite fall traditions, I think. The kids loved running through the hay maze about 10 times. Then they found a "butt" pumpkin, which we all thought was pretty funny.

Hahaha.

It's getting chilly though, so I'm glad we went this weekend! When I looked back at the pictures from last year, I realized we went there almost the same exact day last year- on the 25th instead of the 24th.

In pregnancy news, I will be 35 weeks on Monday (the 26th) and I am officially very uncomfortable. Still not having many contractions, but I'm really hoping baby doesn't get too comfortable in there. Sitting hurts, walking hurts, laying down hurts. Thankfully it's not excruciating yet, and I hope it doesn't get to that point this time. Chad really wants me to make it to the 9th so we can have our homebirth (I'll be 37 weeks then and it looked like we might not be able to have the homebirth afterall because of insurance stuff that just came up with the midwives, but they agreed to do it anyway if I make it to the 9th) but at this point, as long as I make it past Halloween, baby can come anytime as far as I'm concerned.  Having a homebirth would still be preferable, but I'm at peace either way. I'm just getting really anxious/excited to get through the birth and meet this new little one!

Audri is such a good big sister.  She loves Nathan so much and carries him around and plays with him without me even asking. As I've progressed in the pregnancy I ask her to get him out of his bed in their room when he wakes up from his nap because it's so much easier on me than having to lug myself and him around, lol. She happily skips up there, and they come sliding down on the stairs together, sometimes she plays with him on her bed for a little while.

I believe children in bigger families are extra blessed. They have so many playmates and so many people who love them. It's so much fun to watch my children develop such close relationships with eachother.

Carter and Eli have been getting closer lately now too, they crack eachother up all day long. Carter just has to look at Eli and he starts laughing. They also wrestle like maniacs but Chad says that's normal for brothers.  Eli and Nathan will often hold hands in their carseats whenever we're in the car. It's the sweetest thing.

We have a lot of construction going on right outside of our house right now. They're completely tearing out and redoing the entire road in front of our street. I'm hoping it's done by the time the baby gets here! The children have enjoyed watching all of the trucks and interesting machines do their different jobs.

I'm 34 weeks, 1 day today and so far I have had ZERO episodes of preterm labor. Normally by now, it's all I can do just to keep myself from going into labor. So baby seems perfectly happy and content in there. Must be all the Chinese take-out I've been eating, haha. I'm actually getting nervous about going full term, I've only done that once and while I am enjoying these last few weeks of pregnancy, going another 6 weeks seems like too long!

This was taken when I was 32.6 weeks...

Baby is getting bigger! Eli was born at the gestational age this baby will be tomorrow, and he was just shy of 6 pounds! This little guy likes to roll around, he's gotten more active in there although he's never been a forceful kicker.

These pictures were all taken yesterday. Chad and I are having fun with our new camera.  When I came downstairs yesterday from resting, Laurene- the wonderful angel sent from God who I will be eternally grateful to- had the children lined up on the floor like this.

It has been such a blessing to have some help during the days. She has been so giving and selfless in helping me the past couple of weeks, and she's committed to helping through when the baby is born. I am so thankful.

Nathan LOVES playing with the big crayon box and he decided to suck on a marker.

I turned around and he didn't like that. Stinker.

Here he is getting into the crayon box again later last night...

he makes the BIGGEST messes!

The other day I was sitting on the floor cleaning up one of Nathan's messes and he crawled over and sat down on my lap. Then Eli came over and sat down. Pretty soon Carter noticed and sat down by me and when Daddy got the camera out, Audri ran over.

Look at Nathan's shirt, he drools constantly!! Ick! But I sure do love my babies.

I was 32.4 weeks when these pictures were taken (yesterday) and I'm closing in on my goal of 37 weeks. I really hope I make it this time, so I can have my homebirth. 4 weeks seems so short in the larger span of things, but the last few weeks are really difficult because I'm anticipating the birth and so excited to meet the baby, everyday seems to drag on as I wait.

I feel huge, my appetite has increased and I'm just going with it since my midwives told me I need to eat more.  But I'm at the point where I can't bend over and breathing is difficult, I've already gained around 28 pounds, I just feel like a cow. Blah. But it's all worth it, I can't wait to meet this little guy.

Today we went to Seattle to pick up our fixed laptop, which is why I'm able to blog and post pictures again. We still don't have the internet at home and probably never will, but my once a week visits to Starbucks to get online are nice. Things are going well and I'm actually feeling pretty good. My pelvic bones are more sore, but still very tolerable so I am thankful for that. Audri and I have 3 more weeks of school until we are taking our baby break. We've completed 7 weeks of this year so far (2nd grade) and things are going very well. We've stayed on or ahead of task the entire time, so I'm very happy for that. I think we will both welcome the break when it comes though.

Carter has even been working on some things, like getting better at reading and learning how to write his name. See?

On Thursday I took the kiddos to the park to burn off some energy and have some fun, since the weather is quickly becoming very chilly! I'm not anticipating that we have many more nice days until winter is here in full force. Nathan LOVED the slide, and I got so many silly pictures of him.

Nice and calm before the slide...

Whhheeeeeeee......

This is what he would do when he got to the bottom if I didn't immediately put him right back up at the top...

He definitely keeps me hoppin'.

Well that's all the news I have time for! Hope everyone else is enjoying October.

I'm doing better today.  When I got back from the library yesterday I had a good cry, Chad gave me some comforting words, and the world was right again. I'm so glad it's the weekend. I was able to get out for a little while again this afternooon since Chad is home, and now my laptop is working at Starbucks! So I get a little longer online here than at the library.

I'm not sure what happens but it seems I always have some sort of mental crisis in the third trimester, and when I am newly postpartum. I start questioning everything and wondering if I'm doing enough, or if I should be doing something completely different with my life. Like go back to school, or get a job, or all of the other things that have gone unfinished in my life. Which is so ridiculous, especially at this point in life when I am about to have a new baby, or do have a new baby. Chad gets used to me crying on a weekly basis, when I usually don't cry at all. I'm sure it's just a temporary break in sanity because I always regain myself and realize that being at home with my children is what I should be doing, and what God wants me to be doing. It's what I've always wanted to do. But sometimes it's hard not to question things.

I watched a reality show this past week called "Raising Sextuplets". It follows a family where the parents are a young-ish couple with 18 month old sextuplets. The mom is very glamourous and went back to school right after the babies were born. She got her nursing degree (something I haven't been able to do in 8 years of trying on and off, having only one baby at a time........) and she now works full time as a nurse. Did I mention she also has 18 month old sextuplets? She also runs marathons and instead of sleeping when she gets off from working the night shift, she goes running with her friend. Did I mention she also has sextuplets? She laughs and says that she can sleep when she's 100. And she has time to dye her hair and blow dry it each day, and put on make-up? Oh, she also has a really laidback attitude and laughs or smiles all the time.

This is them:

Hmmm. Probably not the best show for me to be watching right now. But I admit I was fascinated. Of course I immediately compared myself to her and wondered why (and how) she's able to accomplish all she does and at the very least fake a good attitude through it all. I was flabbergasted. How do the simple logistics of going back to school with newborn sextuplets even work out? How does someone do that? And then to work full time and take care of six babies and run marathons and keep up with a marriage.......surely something has got to give, right?

I don't know. It's easy to feel insecure when you compare yourself to other people. People often ask me how I "do it", meaning homeschooling and having more than 2 or 3 children, I guess. But then I see a show like that and realize what a wimp I really am.  I would be a basketcase trying to keep up with what that woman does. It makes me feel very insecure to know that all of that is even humanly possible. What excuse do I have for not accomplishing more?

See what I mean about the third trimester mental crisis?

However, I did notice there were some very distinct differences between her life and mine though. She didn't have her children until she was in her early 30's, as opposed to being 19 like I was. So I'm guessing she had time to accomplish some of her life goals regarding school and work before then. She also has family around that is constantly involved and volunteering to help with the children. I'd imagine that would make a difference in the freedom and capabilities a mother would have, but I wouldn't know from experience.  Since we are spread out from family because this is where God has each of us, there is no one to watch our children, so it is logistically impossible for me to leave them and go to school, or go anywhere for that matter. It's taken 4 years just to find a decent babysitter that I trust to watch my children. A pregnancy carrying 6 babies at once has got to be extremely taxxing on a woman. But I know from experience that multiple pregnancies and multiple births and multiple recoveries are also very hard on a woman. I'm almost positive my pelvic bones would shatter into a million tiny shards if I so much as jog, let alone run marathons, LOL! That's how it feels at this point anyway.  Her marriage may be able to withstand both partners working fulltime jobs and caring for 6 babies, but I'm not sure every marriage could withstand that.

Those are the big differences I have noticed. I hope that didn't seem like I was complaining, I wouldn't want anything in my life to be different than the way it is right now, truly. I love that I started having my children at a younger age, I love being a mother to soon-to-be 5 children, I love where we live, and I love the way our life is structured. I'm not sure why I'm going on and on about all of this. I guess that show really made an impression on me, and it's been on my mind a lot this past week. I've been searching for God's guidance on why different people are able to accomplish such different things. I'm realizing that each of our lives, and abilities, and resources are so very different. That gives me more compassion for other people, and for myself.

As I'm writing this all out, I'm realizing what a waste it is to ever compare my life to someone else's. Why care about the details of what someone else is able to accomplish? Does any of it matter in light of eternity, since we're all headed to the same place anyway? I'm beginning to realize that the important thing is being content with what God has given me, and He has surely given me more than enough, more than I deserve. I am so thankful.

I only have 5 more minutes on my reservation here on the library computer. They give you 30 minutes at a time. How I miss the days when I could do what I needed to do online without time limits, but this is the way things are for now, and it's better for the family so it's okay. I do get very annoyed with it at times though.

Things have been pretty chaotic. I'm working hard with Audri to get the schoolwork done that we need to so we can start on our "baby break" at the end of October. Of course I set all of our own goals for the work we need to do, and I have it divided up really well, I just hope we're able to get everything done that we need to before baby comes.

Eli has really been acting up, or maybe I'm just noticing it more. My tolerance level seems to have taken a nosedive since I entered the third trimester. He screams and demands things all day. It's really tough and I'm having a hard time coping. Hopefully the woman who can help is able to start coming more now that she's phasing out of her other job.

Please just pray for us. This life is wonderful, but it's really kicking my butt right now.

YAY, my laptop is working at the coffee shop down the road so I can post some pictures.

The above pictures are from a craft/experiment we did when we were studying ancient writing in our history (you may recognize this, Miranda!). We did a cuneiform craft where daddy and the older 2 carved with a screwdriver the cuneiform version of the children's names onto a clay tablet. Then we baked it and put it outside along with a paper version to see which would hold up better to the elements. We left it outside for many days and sure enough, clay held up better.

This is what the younger 2 did for part of the time while the older ones worked with daddy:

Hehe.

Things have been going well and I'm staying really busy. Chad called me a ton from work today because he wasn't busy and they had nothing to do all day. He quickly realized that I don't have the time to sit and chat throughout the day that he does on his less busy days!  I am thankful for the breaks the Lord provides though, He always provides care for me. Things are hurting more as baby gets bigger, but that's all a part of this miraculous adventure called pregnancy! I'm hoping my weekly visits to the chiropractor keep the pain from getting as bad as it did last time. So far, so good. The Lord sent us a wonderful, godly young woman who is going to be coming weekly to help me get through the rest of the pregnancy. She's just a couple years younger than I am, and said that until God brings her the right man she sees it as her mission field to serve and help mothers as they take care of their families and homes. She just came from living with and helping another family for 6 months while the mother was on bedrest. It's miraculous the way this came about really, but I am so thankful to have an extra set of hands to rely on. She was over 3 times this week for a couple hours in the afternoon and it's amazing how differently I felt after a 2 hour nap! It is rare for me to sleep 2 hour stretches at night, so any sleep I can get is great!

I am so thankful for my children and how God uses them to stretch and grow me. This is the hardest thing I've ever done...being a wife and mom, but there is truly nothing else I'd rather be doing. Each day at home with my children is a blessed gift.

Checking in really quickly from the library...

We've completed our 3rd week of school and we're right on track, things are going really well. We're learning tons already (it's amazing how much you re-learn when you teach your children!!). Chad advised that I should cut down some on history since there just aren't enough hours in the day for everything, so I started doing history only 1-2 days per week now, instead of most days. I think that will help bring more balance.

The weeks have been flying by, we're busy pretty much all day long now. We average about 4 hours of school + reading each day, and I'm feeling really good about our daily "schedule"-- really it's just a loose structure. I am never bored, that's for sure! I think my days of boredom ended when I had Nathan, haha. No time to be bored anymore!!

We've made many trips to the library and gotten some great books. I'm realizing what a valuable resource the library really is.  The children have listened to a different book on CD every week during their rest time. Their most recent favorites have been the story of Moses, Peter Pan and Little House in the Big Woods. It's neat that our library has a good selection of these unabridged versions and that they can hear some great reading during their rest time (that I don't have to do, haha).

That's about all the news for now! Wish I had pictures to post, but our laptop gave out and I can't upload pictures on the library computers.  Hopefully soon, we've done some fun crafts and activities that I'd love to share. Can't believe September is almost halfway over!

Biased or not, I know I have the cutest children ever.

We've been taking more walks to the library, and as you can see above, going swimming and enjoying the park now that the weather is getting a little more tolerable.  It's too bad that right as summer is over, the weather is finally nice enough to actually be outside! I'm sure we'll still be enjoying summertime activities in the weeks to come.

We also started school this week. Audri is now officially in second grade, and at the last minute I decided to start Carter in kindergarten this year instead of waiting until next year. So far it's gone really well! Tiring and busy, but well. I can't imagine how boring and depressing my life would be if I didn't have children, thank God for them!  We got more done this week than I had scheduled, so that's always nice. I'm trying to go full steam ahead since I know we'll be taking a break in November or so.  

Carter is really taking off and begs to do school basically from the time he wakes up, until the time he goes to bed. His reading has improved so much and he's already reading the first Bob book and simple phonics books on his own. We've been getting a lot of phonics books from the library and readers like "Green Eggs and Ham". I need to go ahead and buy that one, it was a huge hit. I'd teach him a word and then everytime it would come up in the book I'd point to it and he would say it. Then the next time we'd do 2 words, and so forth. After a few days he was reading most of the book himself! I got him the Singapore Kindergarten math book and he loves that and begs to do it. I'm also going to order the Kindergarten Handwriting without Tears. We did that with Audri and I love the way it teaches writing. That's mainly all I will be doing with Carter this year- reading, math and handwriting. He usually listens in to our history lessons as well, and I print out extra history coloring pages for him.

Our history is the core of our curriculum this year, I'm using Story of the World. I have also based just about everything else we're doing off of the Well Trained Mind suggestions as well. It's very intensive and takes a ton of extra work on my part, so we'll see how it goes. I still think this is what will give them the best education possible, if we're able to swing it through the years.

Today Chad took Audri to the dentist. It's been about a year, and I always dread scheduling the appointment since I know how much she hates it. We scheduled the appointment last week, but we didn't tell her until this morning. I was worried she had a cavity behind her 2 bottom teeth, but it turned out fine and there were no cavities at all! She was really worried as we were getting ready this morning, but when they came back home she was all smiles with a dental treat bag in hand (filled with floss and a toothbrush, of course!)

Something really cute that Eli has been doing is saying to each one of us several times throughout the day "Mommy, I love you with all of my hearts" or "Audri, I love you with all of my hearts" When we answer back that we love him with all of our heart too, he says "no, 2 hearts" Somehow he understands that putting the "S" on the end of a word makes it plural, and he's convinced we each have 2 hearts out of which to love. So he continues saying "no, 2 hearts" until we answer back that we love him with all of our hearts too. I don't mind playing along, but Daddy thinks we need to start teaching him the realities of life, that we all have only one heart for instance. Personally, I think it's adorable.

So things are going really well and we're staying very busy during our days at home. My pregnancy is going well, I will be 27 weeks on Monday. 10 more weeks until I can have my homebirth! Still hoping for that. However, if this baby comes when Eli did, that's only another 7 weeks!! I hope he isn't born early, but it's good to know that in just 7 weeks he'd have a good chance of being healthy if he is born.

I decided to take the children on a walk over to our local library this afternoon. We have about 90 minutes in between lunch and naptime, and sometimes it can get dicey in there, so since the weather was nice I thought a little trip would be great, and it was.

It's been SO hot here of course, but we've had rain the past couple days and today it was only 85 or so. I have so missed being outside with the children, but we've mainly stayed indoors (except for our backyard) because of the heat and the sheer number of people I have to lug around anywhere.  So our walk and library trip was great. We are blessed to live only 2 blocks from the library! We live in a small town so our library is very tiny, but it's so great! They have a pet lizard that the children stared and stared at for about 20 minutes while I was finding some books. They also have frogs and snakes in aquariums and lots of little children's areas.

I checked out 10 books, and have about 10 more on Inter Library Loan request or requested from another local library. I've been reading The Well Trained Mind and getting really passionate about starting the children on a Classical path of education, so we checked out several "living" books, including Bruce Coville's version of Hamlet and Rosemary Sutcliff's version of the Iliad, both came highly recommended to start children into some of the "Great Books." It will be fun to try this on for size and I just love reading with the children.

Right now the older 2 are listening to the classic, unabridged Winnie the Pooh, and I also checked out the unabridged The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I'm planning on having them listen to the Bible or unabridged classics on CD during rest time, and doing lots of read alouds throughout the day to fill them up with lots of good literature. I have always subscribed to the Living Books theory of education and I'm excited to have more of a guide in that with Charlotte Mason's resources, the Well Trained Mind, and the Bluedorn's resources on Teaching the Trivium. These are the educational philosophies that have stood out to me the most over the years and I'm excited to delve more deeply into this as the children get older.

Sleepy guys...

I love my boys so much. Of course I adore my only girl, but right now I'm writing about the boys, and there is an abundance around here.  It's amazing how differently God makes each child. I know I've posted about their differences before so I won't wax poetic about it all again right now, lol. It's just so neat to me to observe and appreciate their differences throughout the days.

Take Eli, for one.

This is so typical of him. This morning he looked at me and growled, pulled his shirt above his head, and went racing around the house. He is my busiest child by far and keeps me hopping all day long, but he is also the child who is the most naturally joyful. His "default" is joy and exuberance, and what a blessing that is to me. He can get in trouble for something and be crying and upset, and then right away he mentally dusts himself off and bounces right back to being playful and fun. I love that!

Carter has always been a blessing because of how easygoing he is, just like his daddy.  He also feels things very deeply, and we are working with helping him cope through that. When he gets upset, he gets REALLLLLLY upset and lets out this scream and immediately hunches over and bawls. His whole body gets rigid and his shoulders curl over into this tight hunchback. You can imagine how scary that would be in a full grown man, especially since he will most likely be over 6' tall, so we are working through this now.  Just now I had to stop and take a break to help him through this. Eli threw away the cards he had been working so hard on. He pulled them right out of the trash and they were fine, but he was REALLY upset. He did his rigid hunchback scream thing so I leaned down and told him to pull his shoulders back. I rubbed his back and told him to take a deep breath and relax. I showed him how his papers were just fine, I kept reminding him to pull his shoulders back and take deep breaths. Pretty soon his back had relaxed and he stopped crying. He just needed a little help, and I need to be better about this. So often it's easy to get angry and tell him to calm down, which he does pretty quickly on his own, but it doesn't help anything if he just stuffs all of that and doesn't learn how to deal with these things when they come up.

Then we have Nathan. I was surprised to see how red his hair looked in these pictures. It doesn't look this red in real life. Chad has a lot of red in his beard and I have red highlights in my hair, but I'm thinking this is as much of a red head as we'll get.  

(it really doesn't look red at all in real life, although I guess he obviously has some red undertones!)

He's getting to be so much fun. He snorts a lot and has always made funny sounds with his breath, even as a newborn. The other night he was fussy so we gave him a pot and wooden spoon and he banged away.

Well it's time to change yet another poopy diaper, so that's all for now.

On my way back from the store this afternoon I was thinking about the children. Specifically, the kinds of extra curricular activities we want them in, and how to handle that. I realized as I was pondering these things, that I am always thinking about the children. Everywhere I go online, it is either a parenting or homeschooling board (well, except for facebook I guess but usually even there I only post things about the children ). Or I'm scrapbooking pictures of the children when I have the time, which isn't often anymore. Every book or article I read is about mothering or parenting or homeschooling. During our days, we are always together. I keep them close to me, almost always within 3 feet of me all day unless they are having rest time or sleeping. We talk and play and interact and teach all. day. long. They teach me just as much as I teach them.

They are my everything. God is my purpose, Chad is my best friend and what keeps me going, but the children are my everything.

Most of my thoughts center around the children- what fun things to do, how to be a better mom, what to teach them, how each one needs to improve in certain areas, how to better encourage them, how they're feeling and what they're thinking. Throughout all of those thoughts, I'm praying for wisdom and God's help in this colossal task of raising these little people. I definitely have a direct line to God through my children, because I am so desperate for His help to do the right thing. Mothering can be a very spiritual experience.

I truly believe that I have waited my entire life for this. From the time I was very young, there has been nothing more I've wanted than to be around babies and children. Mothering is so much more intense and so much more...fulfilling than I could have ever dreamed.

I am going to say some things that are not politically corrrect but since this is my space to write and share, I can do that here.  Most of the time I am treated like a freak for having "so many" children, and for homeschooling, as every mother in my situation can identify with. People don't understand and can be downright hateful towards somebody who chooses to accept children, or who chooses to homeschool. Those are the 2 biggies, but of course there are smaller issues within that lifestyle that are also judged and ridiculed, but that is a post for another day. People think we're irresponsible, or lazy (I guess they assume we're too lazy to figure out birth control, or to drive our children to school...?), or mentally unstable, or just plain stupid. We have had family members and friends shun contact with us and completely cut us off because they're so angry and cannot understand why we make the decisions we do. There have been times when I, too, don't understand why we do this. I've thought about going back to work, and I have worked in the traditional sense since having children. I often wonder what it would be like to have a fulfilling outside career. I am sure it would be easier in many ways to be gone from the children each day.

But then I look around, and remember that this is the life God has given me. And these little people will greatly suffer if my attentions and energies are elsewhere. I am not confident in many of my abilities as a mother, but I do know that children desperately need their mother's vigilance and protection. I don't understand how most mothers seem to completely ignore that. That may sound like a loaded and judgmental comment, but it honestly blows my mind how parents can virtually abandon their children, just because that is the social and cultural thing to do. If the children are not in school, they're in extracurricular activities. If they're not in extracurricular activities they're in their room alone or at a friend's house. This is the way most of us were raised, and how many of my peers are raising their children.

Many parents are able to send their children to school in a good conscience, Chad and I are not. Knowing what we do about our school experiences as children and what we learned and didn't learn in all aspects of life through our 12+ years in traditional schooling, we cannot send our children there. That doesn't mean we don't have breakdowns like at the beginning of last fall and question it, and try it out again, but it always comes back to realizing our goals for this family.

All of that to say, God is bringing me to a point of realizing just what this verse means...

But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.  -1 Timothy 2:15

and I'm realizing how true it is for me. I am saved from the anger that I am prone to, because these little faces around me all day are crushed when I take on an angry tone or manner. I am saved from boredom. I am saved from a life with no true purpose. I am saved from a hard heart because my children keep me so tender. I am saved from worldly pursuits because my children need me here protecting them. I am saved from bitterness and profanity and obscenity because I don't want my children following in those footsteps. This is all a process and I certainly have not arrived, but I see myself being saved from all of these things.

I wonder how different the world would look if every mother took her role seriously and decided to devote her life to protecting, sheltering, teaching, and loving her children with a godly love. Being at home with them, not sending them off, not abusing them with her anger or abandoning them for her own outside fulfillment. I wonder if it would make a difference.

Chad took these pictures today. On Monday I will be 24 weeks! 13 weeks to go...

The past couple of days the children have enjoyed pretending that they are married (Audri and Carter) with a son (Eli) and dressing up in our clothes. Audri was pregnant earlier today, but she had her baby Natalie this morning. Eli's pretend name is baby Max.

Audri wanted me to be sure and record this and post these pictures (my blog is important to them too, I'm discovering! Audri wants to read every entry and is always asking me to post things on the blog ) so here you go! Just another morning of playing and pretending.

In real life news, I've been working on teaching them more skills this summer like chores and personal hygiene. Up until now I was doing everything for everyone, but there are too many of them and too few of me!  We've already made a lot of progress and I'm hoping to fine tune it a little more before the baby comes.

So far they've taken over folding and putting away all the laundry.

Audri can empty the dishwasher.

Audri can now bathe herself.

I am working on teaching Audri to pick up the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom.

They are both very good at picking up a room (stray toys, books, clothes) but we will work on improving in this area.

I'm working on teaching Carter how to wipe down the bathrooms upstairs (counters, floors).

The folding/putting away laundry is a big help. I taught Audri how to do laundry when she was 5 and she loved it, but I took it back over again. I'm not taking it over again this time.  I wash and change loads, they just fold and put away (my least favorite parts). I'm also requiring them to pick up after their own messes 90% of the time, which also takes a big load off me.

It's a blessing to see them getting older and able to help more. Especially now that the little ones are so close in age and totally dependant on me.

Well I feel badly for posting what I did earlier. Thankfully the day got better as time went on and people stopped pooping (well, most of them anyway). The children and I actually had a lovely evening together, and now they are tucked warm and safe in their beds. I certainly have no right to complain about anything.

This afternoon Eli said to me that he was happy. Sometimes he'll come up to me and tell me that. I said "oh, I'm glad you're happy!" and he held up his hand- "no, my hand is happy."

How can they be so infuriating and so adorable? Most of the time he's adorable even when he's infuriating. Most of the time.

I was reading something earlier by another mom who sent her oldest off to Kindergarten today. Her heart was so clearly broken and she posted a ton of pictures of the first few minutes when she was able to stay in class, and said how she (the mom) cried all the way home after dropping her daughter off.

I remember wondering how I would ever do that, when Audri was very young. I wondered how any parent could send their child off, but knew when the time came I would do it, since that's just what you do. Thankfully I discovered homeschooling and immediately knew in my heart that homeschooling was the right thing to do. It took awhile for Chad to get on board, but by the time she was old enough to start school he was a believer since she had been reading for a year already by the time she was to enter kindergarten. Now he is a huge supporter. He sees how beneficial it is, and how much she is learning even with our relaxed style.

Anyway, where I was going with that was how sad I feel when I watch other families go through the process of starting their children in school outside of the home. It is clearly unnatural. If they're blubbering and sobbing on the way home from dropping their child off (or if their child is as they watch their mom or dad walk away)... what drives that? I have never understood it, even as a child. Schooling outside of the home is relatively new in the span of history. I'm thankful that homeschooling is no longer some fringe, hippie freak thing to do. It is not an issue for homeschooled teens to be accepted into college, and from what I've heard Ivy League schools even give pause to homeschoolers. The proof is in the pudding, so to speak.

I didn't mean for this to turn into a praise of homeschooling. We've tried 'regular school' twice since making our initial decision to homeschool, even this past year. It never lasted longer than a month or two, for this is our path. And the school experience was always just as disappointing as I had expected. The bottom line is that I just can't bear to have my children gone all day, it is the most unnatural thing in the world to me. I truly don't believe it's good for them either. I know it wasn't good for me, or just about anyone I know. Even with piles of poop and screaming toddlers and teething babies and snarky olders, I want to be with them, and I know this is where they belong.

Today has not been very good, although it could be worse for sure. It is so hot in this house for some reason. Eli pooped allllllll over the garage when they were playing in there earlier and I lost it. There were seriously piles everywhere. I swear my children poop more than any other children, ever. I am sick of changing Eli's diapers. I change about 4-5 poops just on him each day. It's disgusting and I'm sick of it. He seriously needs to potty train.

I'm in a bad mood and notice Eli's badgering much more than when I am in a normal mood. He seriously badgers me ALL DAY LONG. I'm noticing it today and I'm amazed at how much he harrasses me. He follows me around yelling at me all day. "Momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma..." I have no tolerance for it today.

Nathan's teething so he's grumpier than usual, but he's nothing like Eli.

Is it bedtime yet?

Eli has the wildest hair I've ever seen. It's like a brillo pad and goes every which way.  I've been wanting to do a faux-hawk on him for awhile, but the hairdresser we were seeing was more conservative. However, today I think we got the look I was going for. It grows so fast and gets so bushy, the only more "tame" part is on the very top. So we left that long and shaved the rest. What do you think?

I think he rocks it.

I'm excited that it's a new month. This is the month we start our school year, and we're also one month closer to meeting our little Samuel!