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Hard to find the words...
11:16 PM, Mar. 31, 2008
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Jan 28th 2008My mom took her last breath here on earth and woke up in the arms of Jesus, forgiven... redeemed, renewed and alive! I imagine her there, in Heaven, she's beautiful and she is happy. She is no longer afraid or lost, no longer bitter, jealous or filled with anger. She is free... free from the guilt and the shame, the pain and anguish. She is singing, I'm sure of it. Her voice restored. She always had a beautiful singing voice, I remember hearing her sing when I was a young child... I would hide just beyond the kitchen wall and listen to her sing while she was cooking... she would stop if she knew I was listening... it was the only time I truly thought she was happy...when she was singing. Christmas was the best time to hear her sing, she did not seem to mind if we heard her then... she would turn up the stereo extra loud -- and we would all croon to Bing Crosby, Burl Ives and Elvis! Silver Bells was the best song... that was a good memory for us all... The smoking destroyed her voice, she could barely talk near the end of her life. I pray she is singing glorious songs to the Lord - praising Him with her angelic voice - songs she couldn't sing on earth... now in Heaven - proclaiming His Majesty for all to hear! I am still numb, the grief overwhelms me some days, other days I remember something, like her singing... things I have forgotten about. This process of saying goodbye is different than I thought it would be. Perhaps being in the play has delayed some if the greiving... I'm not sure what to think... I can only press in and pray that He is there if and when I fall into a puddle of tears... this past week has been a tough one... I have been alone in my grief - it is so hard to let others in, they don't understand... God knows my heart and He is here for me... Leave a Comment { Last Page } { Page 9 of 139 } { Next Page } |
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