Oct. 8, 2008 - Been mulling this over in my mind ...

since yesterday morning.

I was struck by the Truth of the following passage by good 'ole Oswald:

Sin is a fundamental relationship; it is not wrong doing, it is wrong being, deliberate and emphatic independence of God.

The entire reading went on to delineate the notion that we come to God with a laundry list of sins we've committed. Everyday, everyday ... lining them out for us and for HIm - when in reality it was the sinfulness, the innate, unavoidable sinfulness of each of us that is at the root of our separation from a Holy God. He notes the use of the word SIN vs. SINS, using that as a way to differentiate between Christianity and other religions which focus on individual sins instead of a sinful nature.

And while it was a topic worth pondering in and of itself, as the day went on, I had a sick feeling about my own condition ... the pride that was present when a good day had gone by and my end of the day prayers contained fewer confessions ... and the shame (which I'm coming to believe is just pride in a wrapper of self-hate ... that may be for another blog or may prove itself too personal) of the days that seemed like I couldn't even recall every single rotten thing I'd done in a day- and that Deeply Abiding Spirit called for something more than I was offering.

And it was- it was calling for a surrender of me. I think what the Apostle Paul called "dying daily" ...

but how often do I really do that. I'm reading a book called No Other Gods by Kelly Mintor (I know,everyone else in the whole world read it with Beth Moore this summer ... I was waiting on my small group ... another story) ... and I've been trying to look at what the modern day idols are in my life ... since I don't have a golden calf in my backyard (funny, I feel like if you called, Randy would have stored about everything else in the world somewhere in our backyard, but I digress) ... one of the things that I'm discovering about myself is that my "To Do List" with God is one of my idols. I give my service to a list of 'gotta get it done's - especially in my relationship with the Lord. And it becomes ritualistic- not unlike bring a sacrifice before a false god ...

Doesn't that scream a reliance on works/legalism ... therefore, myself ....

gack! Rely on me??? What foolishness.

So there's the problem/idol/god ... pride.

And I'm left to re-examine my heart in relationship to everything that I do. What is the posture of my heart when I approach an activity ... is it God-honoring, or merely good. If I'm do do every good work as unto the Lord ... then don't I need to be focused on the God-honoring activity instead of what we would deem 'the good stuff' of life? And how does one decide the difference?