Mar. 6, 2007 - The Musical Expression of the Graceful Cow-Like Mammal
The following, presented for your literary enjoyment and cerebral development (it's educational!!!!(get your mom to take a picture--you can put in your portfolio!!!)) is ABSOLUTELY, NO ARGUMENT, the most masterful, beautiful, touching, gut-wrenchingly MOVING bit of prose put to music my eardrums have ever experienced. NO-- make that the most beautiful, touching, gut-wrenchingly MOVING bit of prose put to music that HUMANITY'S collective eardrums have ever experienced. For a fuller appreciation of this composition's beauty and wit, visit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZsltdm97vE
(Darn Grammy judges don't know real talent when it hits 'em in the face...)
THE SONG OF THE CEBU
By: Larry and the VeggieTales people
Narrator:
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Larry the Cucumber
presents, in a sequential image, stereophonic, multimedia event, The
Song of the Cebu!
Larry:
Cebu! This is a song about a boy...a song about a little boy
and his Cebus...a song about a little boy and his 3 Cebus... the little
boy who had a sick Cebu, a sad Cebu, and a mute Cebu. and also a
hippo. um, um... this is a picture of me at the airport. this is my aunt Ruth. this
is me at a bullfight. This is me fighting the bull.
Jimmy, Johnny, & Junior:
Ooooh!
Larry:
this is me and the bull.
Jimmy, Johnny, & Junior:
Aaaah!
Larry:
This is me and the bull and... i think that's the bull's cousin.
he's a Cebu.
Archibald:
Hold it! You call this a multimedia event? This is a slide
projector and a bed sheet! And what on Earth is a Cebu, anyway?
Larry:
It's kind of like a cow. See?
Archibald:
Yes. Well, very good. This could be interesting. Carry on!
Larry:
Cebu! Sing it with me! Cebu!
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Cebu!
Larry:
Boy is riding with Cebu
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Boy is riding with Cebu
Larry:
Into town in his canoe
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Into town in his canoe
Larry:
Sick Cebu is rowing and sneezing. Achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo,
achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo moo moo
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo,
achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo moo moo
Larry:
Hippo chewing on bamboo
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Hippo chewing on bamboo
Larry:
Can't see boy and three Cebus
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Can't see boy and three Cebus
Larry:
Sad Cebu is rowing and crying. Boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo,
boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo moo moo
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo
moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo moo moo
Larry:
Cebu!
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Cebu!
Larry:
Cebu!
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Cebu!
All:
Achoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo,
boo-hoo moo moo, achoo moo moo,
achoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, Cebu!
Larry:
Hippo seen by mute Cebu
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Hippo seen by mute Cebu
Larry:
Tries to tell the other two
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Tries to tell the other two
Larry:
Mute Cebu is waving and grunting.
Mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm,
mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm,
mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Larry:
Uh-oh.
Archibald:
Wait! What happens next?
Larry:
Um ...
Archibald:
Does the hippo see them? Is the poor mute Cebu successful in
communicating the imminent danger to the other passengers? Is the boy
injured? Why is the sad Cebu sad? Is the canoe wood or aluminum?
Larry:
Oh look! There's me and Bob at Sea World! Oh, wow. Forgot about
that one. There's me and that bull again.
Archibald:
You can't just start a song and leave it hanging like that!
You know, I've come to expect a lot more from you. This is quite
disappointing! I'm going to have to speak to Bob about this.
Larry:
Oh look, a Cebu! Cebu!
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
Cebu!
Larry:
No, wait ... that's a water buffalo.
Jimmy, Johnny & Junior:
No more song about Cebu! Need another verse or
two! Audience is standing and leaving, bye-bye moo, bye-bye moo, bye-bye
moo, bye-bye moo moo moo moo
Jimmy:
I want my money back!
Johnny:
Yeah, that'd be ... that'd be good.
• 4 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 20, 2007 - The Microwave Diet OR How to Cure Eating Addictions through Microwave Oven Smell Therapy
Science has recently discovered (last night) that if a hypothetical person has, say, a previously-thought-to-be-incurable addiction to, say, graham crackers with melted semi-sweet chocolate chips, the subject can be cured for weeks at a time by periodically heating up the food in question in a microwave oven for 20:00 minutes rather than the specified 2:00 minutes. The resulting odor effectively creates a negative olfactory-sensory connection in the part of the brain that controls the liking of graham crackers with melted semi-sweet chocolate chips, causing a gag response whenever the subject even THINKS about graham crackers with melted chocolate chips in the future.
Also effective is the Burnt Sponge technique, in which the subject microwaves a germy sponge (in order to kill all the germies), for 20:00 minutes instead of the specified 2:00 minutes, causing all food thereafter microwaved to smell like roasted bacteria a la plastique. After such an exposure, the subject will subconsciously begin to develop a repulsion to all microwaved foods (such as graham crackers with melted semi-sweet chocolate chips).
• 3 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 3, 2007 - I Think...
I don't think this site is really homeschooled. I think it's probably a public-schooled site in disguise. I think it must be because it's really slow.
• 9 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 2, 2007 - All You Ever Wanted and Will Ever Want to Know About Me
Once upon a time the toenail on my thumb-toe on my right foot fell completely off (well, it was ripped off when I climbed on top of my dresser to open a window) so I hid it on top of the fridge with the intent of later using it to torment my husband. It stayed up there for one year until I found the crispy little piece of DNA and, after briefly considering selling it on e-bay, mournfully threw it away. The end.
